Playground Etiquette, So Confusing!!!

Updated on September 11, 2008
P.M. asks from Montvale, NJ
5 answers

OK, I'm really struggling with this one. I almost feel like a hippocrates with the advice I give my 2.5 yr old son. I tell him he has to share and take turns, specially on the play ground when other kids want the same thing. However, more and more I am noticing that many parents don't really intervene during sharing struggles at play grounds. I often find myself telling my son to go play with something else, even if he was there first and another kid comes around and takes whatever it is he is having. I feel, he shouldn't have to give it up, and I may be teaching him to be passive in the process. He also understands the difference, and started questioning my advice this past weekend. We were at Ikea, and he was playing in the cafe's play room. Another girl (5 or 6ish) was going for everything and anything he was touching. A few minutes before that while he was playing with a toy and a little boy came by, I told my son he had to share. This little girl however took over and would not let him play. I told him to play with something else. My son looked at me and said, No, everybody plays and she has to share! Now, how can I argue with that? It's the advice I gave him just a few minutes ago. The little girl's father was looking at the entire thing, and didn't say Boo. I tried talking to the girl, by saying he was having a turn and she should share. She wouldn't even look at me, as if she wasn't hearing anything. I find this very rude. So what is the playground rules, do I intervene, or let a screaming match go on? How do I teach my son to share, when he experiences other kids (specially older kids)lack of willingness to share. How do I/ or should I teach him to walk away from certain situations without teaching him to be passive?

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P.B.

answers from New York on

My son is always the nice kid. Always sharing, always moving out of the way, etc. Finally, I taught him to speak up. Congrats!!! Your son already does. Its so hard to teach such good manners to our kids and watch while other parents do nothing. Depending on the behavior of the other child, if its really abusive, I do say something to the child "excuse me, but I believe my son was playing with that toy first, and I'm sure when he's done, he'll be happy to give you a turn, right?"
My son is now 6 and there was a 3-yr-old at the park pushing him out of the way and throwing dirt at him. My son threw his hands up in the air...I went after the 3-yr-old, but he ran away because he knew he was being bad. I told my son, if that boy hits him, pushes him, or throws anymore sand at him, to tell him to stop it and feel free to defend himself. My son looked at me like I was crazy. =>

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C.P.

answers from Rochester on

This is a tough one that I've experienced to often. My latest experience was when my son laughed at something a little girl did at the park. Well, she didn't like it and she spit on him!!!! The mother saw the whole thing and did NOTHING! That made me so furious!!!!!! I told the little girl that it is not nice to spit on people and I told my child to go play on the other side of the play ground. I don't think it's right that my son is "punished" by having to remove himself, but sometimes there is no other choice. You don't want to step on other parents toes and reprimand their child. I find this especially hard being a teacher, it just comes naturally for me to discipline children. I try to bite my tongue, evaluate the situation, see how my son is handling it. Sometimes, I call him over and talk to him in private and tell him what he can tell the child who is not behaving right. But, in the end, sometimes you just have to leave the situation. We would do it as adults if we were out somewhere and didn't like how somebody was behaving.

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J.T.

answers from New York on

Hmm this is a difficult one and I don't know if my advice is useful.
I am a proponent of teaching children to share but there are certain instances where I believe they shouldn't. For instance, if my daughter was on the playground or in a playroom and began playing with another child I would expect her to share her toys with that child. However, if some random toddler walks up to my child and starts taking the toys she was playing with , I wouldn't expect my daughter to share with her at all. I think that's just bad behavior and shouldn't be affirmed. Also if I sense that my daughter doesn't want to play with that kid I would give her a time limit on that toy and when she was done with it, move on to another.
This might be tricky to teach to a toddler (I haven't come across this hurdle yet) but it doesn't make sense to have my child share toys that belong to her (not community toys) with kids she doesn't even know unless they seem to be interacting with each other.

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C.R.

answers from Syracuse on

My saying is "different strokes for different folks" a.k.a. as different families have different rules...you should tell your son he's right, he should share it's the right thing to do, and someone else isn't doing the right thing you should point that out too...and say, "you're right the nice thing to do is share, I'm so proud to have a little boy with such good manners, who makes such good choices!" and when you are driving home from wherever bring it up again and remind him how he felt when someone wouldn't share with him and that's why it's sooo important to share with others. My kids were at a store and my 3 year old pointed at a little girl and asked "mommy why isn't her mommy telling her to follow the ules?" I smiled and told him I didn't know but I was so proud he was...that mommy got the hint, but most won't and who cares...your son is the one you're in charge of!

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D.B.

answers from New York on

I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I bring my son to the park almost every day and almost every time something like this happens. I know it is normal for toddlers to not share, etc BUT when my son doesn't I notice and say something to him and if he doesn't listen I take him away. I've never had another parent do the same when they are trying to take over something my son is playing with. Half the time I don't even see a parent around paying attention. So sorry I have no advice but I can totally sympathize with you.

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