Pacifier Problems

It probably is releted to the new baby. I think that my dr. told me pacifiers were ok untl the age of 3. However, my daughters friend is 6 and she uses one and that is just weird to me. Give her the extra love and time (which time is hard with 2 little ones). Dont know if you can wait this long but we gave bottles to Santa and when the kids asked for them I didnt have them Santa did. We said Santa gave them to Mommies who didnt have enough money to buy them. You could try another version of this too but I cant think of any Holidays this would work for in the upcoming months.
All kids go through some level of this when new ones come home, we just have to be patient although its frustrating.
Good luck and congratulations on the baby.
C.

wait a sec. This is going to sound hard-a$$ but i have to be blunt. she is not doing it "for attention". holy cow. she is doing it because she just lost her place as sole center of attnetion in your family and she is STRESSED OUT! for heaven's sake, think of it from her point of view. she isn't old enough to comprehend what is going on. if returning to her pacifier is the only regressive behavior she is doing, consider yourself incredibly lucky! think about what the word "pacifier" means for a second and ask yourself how badly you want to deny her that, and why. on the other hand, if she is GETTING a lot of negative attention over it, she'll definitely notice and you will spiral into all kinds of negative attention seeking and control-battle behaviors because she will then feel that not only have you "replaced" her with a new baby but you now disapprove of everything she does.

PLEASE do not worry about this, it's temporary. and 2.5 is not uncommon for a kid to use a paci. she's looking for something to take away anxiety and she needs it right now.

i'm seriously not sure whay so many moms have so much anxiety abotu pacifiers, but it is YOUR anxiety that is the issue here, your daughter is handling hers very adaptively. i think you'd do well to sit with yourself and work out why the pacifier bothers you so much.it's not going to harm your toddler. let her use it for a while and do not let on that you have an issue with it or she will dig n and use it for much longer. in a few months she will put it away again. I apologize if i'm not putting this very gently but I am a tad unnerved by the number of posts on this board about paci angst and no one's really thinking about why the CHILD does the behavior, we're only thinking abotu how it makes mom feel and trying to come up with ways to stop it. a 2.5 year old is not developmentally capable of "bad habits" in the way we think of them as adults. she is clinging to the pacifier because she needs it.

I never used pacifiers but other mothers have suggested cutting the tips off to stop the problem. If it were me, I would go to her room and take them back. She is probably doing it for attention but it's hard to tell. It is normal for kids to regress. I had to potty train my son all over again when my daughter was born. Try to involve her more with caring for the baby. For example, when you change him, ask her if she can get you a clean diaper and stand by to hand you other things that you may need. 2 1/2 year olds love to help. She may be feeling left out. Are you breast feeding? If you are, maybe she can help you feed him some water. Just suggestions. I know what you are going through.

D.

Kayleigh is doing this for a at leasr 2 reasons: she's looking for attention AND comfort. She likely remembers, at least on a subconscious level, how much more attention she got when she used one and is re-realizing how soothing they are. My advice is to go buy her ONE 2 pack of pacifiers, JUST FOR HER, but set rules on their use. For example: Only while she’s on her bed going to sleep, and that if she takes one away from Blake, she can’t have hers next time she goes to bed. I can tell you from my own experience (though the baby that came to my house was only 9 hours a day, M-F) that once you stop telling her “No, that’s for babies”, she’ll stop caring about whether or not she has one. When I started baby-sitting, my son was ALWAYS trying to take the baby’s binki. I finally bought him a pair for himself, put told him he could only have them in the house or while we where driving. Once he had a pair he was allowed to use without getting in trouble, it only took about 2 weeks for him to stop caring about it again. It’s now been about 4 months, and when he asks, I give it to him, but then 5 minutes later I’ll find it on the floor next to some other thing that’s caught his interest. In all honesty, a pacifier will do much less damage (physically and mentally) than sucking her thumb or looking to other things for comfort. At least if she has her own, you don’t have to worry about them sharing germs with each other.

Hope it helps~ J.

I agree with the PP's,
Stop making a big deal about this and so will she.
One other thing, when baby/toddler/children are denied comer ting them selves orally, thay become smokers, nail bitters, and sometimes...over/compulsive eaters.
Take her some where let her pick a paci, "this is YOUR paci brother has HIS paci" then drop it.
This too will pass
Then some thing else will pop up.
E.

It is very common for children to regress. It sounds like she feels unsure since her position has been usurped and she's seeking comfort. When You see her with the pacifier I would gently but firmly state that she is a big girl now and does not need the pacifier. Give her a big hug for emotional support and praise her for being a big girl. Involve her in helping you with the baby. Have her wash the pacifier and give it back to the baby. Tell her how much the baby likes his pacifier and what a good big sister she is for knowing how to make the baby happy. Learning to be "the big sister" is as much of a process and learning to walk. It doesn't happen immediately, but with your love and support, it will! Good luck!

I think that you are worrying too much about this - it is perfectly normal for a child to react to the birth of a new sibling with behavior such as this, and it is actually still very common for children as old as 3 1/2 to still regularly use their pacifiers for comfort at naptime and nighttime. She is indeed doing this for attention - but instead of being upset or angry that she is reverting in this way, consider what a huge transition it is for her when you brought this new child into "her" home without even asking her permission! She has been an only child for 2 1/2 years now, and almost over night, she is no longer mommy and daddys one and only - and while I am sure you and your husband are making time to give extra attention and love to your little girl, her place has still been totally usurped in her own home.
You need to give her time to adjust, and she may need more time than you would like to give her - but pushing her to get rid of the pacifier or making a big deal out of it when she does hijack your sons binkies will only cause the behavior to be stronger, and to continue for a much longer period of time. She is old enough now to understand compromise, so this is what I suggest:
delegate a binky for her to use when she feels like she needs it (so she doesnt steal her brothers pacifiers) - she can use it in the house, but it is not allowed to take it out in public, have it at the dinner table, or whatever rules you want to attach to its use. When her limited use of the pacifier is no longer a criminal act, it will loose its appeal, and she'll soon give it up when she is feeling more comfortable with the situation at home. And if you feel like her use of the binky is going on for too long (like, shes still continuing to want it regularly for a period of longer than a month or two), cut the tip of the nipple off of her pacifier. She will pop it in her mouth, but it will no longer hold its appeal - however you will have to keep your sons pacifiers out of sight and mind apart from the one he currently has in his mouth so that she is not tempted to horde them!

All in all, the more you ignore the behavior and give it credence, the sooner it will go away. Its normal, healthy, and expected of a toddler her age.

Hi. I had a similar problem when my daughter was born and my 2 1/2 yo son regressed. I made a bigger deal out of it than I should have and I think I actually ended up prolonging this phase. My 2 children are now 8 and 10 and looking back I can see that with my son I always more neurotic. When my daughter was was his age I was much more relaxed and when she regressed a little when my sister's baby was born, I didn't make a big deal about it and it became a non-issue. It went on for a while, a bit longer that I would have liked, but she gave up the binky eventually--I didn't have to "force" her and make it a power struggle. The biggest thing I have learned over the years is that you need to pick your battles. If you start making issues out of the little things, then soon everything becomes an issue and your child won't know when something is a REAL issue for you because even the small stuff becomes big stuff, and then you as a mom become a stressed-out mess. 6 years ago I began living the "don't sweat the small stuff" life and I am telling you it changed the entire dynamic of the house. If my daughter wanted to wear polka dot shirt w/striped pants to school...who cares. If she wanted to go barefoot...well that isn't okay. It sounds silly but it makes a huge impact. You feel she's too old for a pacifier after being w/o one, but remember this isn't about you....clearly she feels she needs it, I say let her be able to comfort herself and give her the power to give it up when she's ready. Hang in there, Kayleigh is lucky to have such a concerned and loving mom. And don't worry, this too shall pass.

Honestly I would pick your battles. Surely she is doing it for attention. I'm sure she sees how you cuddle and love on the younger baby and maybe she feels left out. (I'm not saying you are ignoring her- kids just can't rationalize things like time spent and infant care) Every time you see her with it or find it hiden, I would just calmly say something like big girls don't need these and leave it at that. It's not going to harm her for life, so if she just won't stop I wouldn't worry.