Hello,
Not so much a question persay but I guess I'd like to know what other Moms might think. My daughter is FIERCELY independent. Has been since she was 2. Lately, with her older age she has gotten sassy. She talks back alot. I am constantly reprimanding her for it and she knows better. She's constantly, "in a minute", "one sec", "ok hold on" when I ask / tell her to do something. Sometimes I feel like she's a teenager already! Anyway, through all that I still feel like we have a very good, close relationship. She tells me alot of things. Things that I would have never told MY mother when I was in the 3rd grade! For example - she told me out of the blue one day last week.. "I'm not going to prom" (again, she's 8 and in the 3rd grade...) and I said "ok why?" ... She said because Prom stands for "Penises Rubbing On Me" (!!!!) I have NO idea where she got that, I'm assuming from school. I do remember 3rd grade being when I started hearing stupid things like that. So through all the back talk and sassiness I feel that she still knows she can come to me and tell me things, ask questions, etc.
So, the "problem/question". She still wants me to lay down with her every night to sleep. I don't mind (I guess) but some days we argue and are doing the back and forth thing and then she gets all sweet and loving when she wants me to lay with her. Why does she want me to lay with her if she's been back talking me all day? lol Is this normal? Like I said I don't CARE about lying with her... I am a single mom, I like the closeness....I think I will lay with her until she doesn't want me to anymore.... I just don't remember wanting my mom to lay with me when I was that age.
Thanks Moms!!
I'm almost 32yrs old and will still lay my head in my mom's lap because I love her playing with my hair. We still fight all the time.
Sounds like a normal mom/daughter relationship you have there. Just because she's bickering and mouthy, doesn't mean she doesn't love you and the time you share together.
8 year olds are starting to want to separate themselves from their parent - they are their own person - (grin). Seems pretty normal to me. But the "hold on" "just a minute" stuff makes me crazy. Could be she hears you and your husband saying the same to eachother? Explain why parents may say this to eachother (we're in the middle of another chore, etc.) but that when you need her to do something unless she's in the middle of something you need her to respond now.
As for the laying down with her at n ight - I did that with my now 14 yr old daugher until only a year or 2 ago. I found it was such a special time to hear about her day, when I could instill our values in to her life, etc. WE're in the midst of teenage stuff now but I think deep down she has a decent set of values based on all those hours over the prior 14 years that we'd talk in the dark about her day, her friends, stuff that's going on in the family, etc. funny that's when I was also able to begin our talks about sex. She didnt' have to feel embaressed, I knew sex-ed was coming in health class in the next couple of months and I wanted her to hear it first from me withour values. I wouldn't stop the bed time cuddling until she's ready to bring ti to an end. Think of the sweet memories she'll have of your talks and how secure she must feel. Regardles of what's gone on during he day she knows you love her and always will.
You know, when I was a teenager my mom worked midnights to support our family. (My grandmother lived with us and was home with us) I would wake her up at 9:30 to get ready for work. There were times when I knew she was really tired (becuase she was doing stuff for us kids when she needed to sleep) and I'll lay down in bed next to her to wake her up gently. Now that she's in her 80's and is dying on cancer I sometimes go in to her part of the house and lay down next to her and it brings back those sweet times when she sacrificed so much for us.
You can never spend too much time with your kids - especially at this age - this is when she's still listening to you and wants your opinion. The time will come when she won't ask your opinion and if you've already shared your values with her you can feel a little bit better that she's got your ideas in her heart & mind. Kids spell love as T-I-M-E.
Hi L., I think it's awesome she still wants you to lay with her. I also think it's (and other things like it) why she 'fiercely independent'. It builds trust. Clearly she trusts you enough to share with you 'risque' things she learns in school. It's excellent your lines of communication are open! I wouldn't be surprised if the laying with you days are numbered, so enjoy it. And I agree with another poster you might use that closeness to say honestly and gently how it makes you feel when she blows you off.
The back talking will be brief and mild if you don't put up with it. You're a wonderful mom and deserve a little respect.
In short, sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your daughter and are doing everything right! Keep her close and enjoy! :)
Awwww....cute that she still wants you to cuddle. My 7 yo son would rather chew off his own arm and beat himself with it than cuddle! lol
I think this age is a transition from dependence to independence.
As for the PROM acronym.....that's a new O. to me! I just heard that SCHOOL is Seven Crappy Hours of Our Lives. My son has heard the "f" bomb and the "rhymes-with-witch" word on the elementary bus. Geeez.
Sounds like my 9-year old SD! She will be a bear all day, and then wants daddy to lie down with her or sleep in our bed. I think they are starting their tween years and there are lots of conflicting emotions. One minute they want to hold your hand in public, the next minute you're embarrassing them and they don't want to be seen with you!
We can't have her in our bed every night nor does daddy have the time to lie down with her all the time. Usually he will tell her that he will read her a story and then he will leave. Other times we tell her she can fall asleep in our bed but then we will move her to her own bed. I think sometimes they feel bad for how they've been all day. We don't tell her that she can't cuddle because of her behavior (although we want to sometimes!) because we don't want her to think we only love her when she's good. Instead we save the special cuddle time for the weekends and we let her know that we love her, and that we can do a special sleepover when the weekend comes.
Good luck! Hard years ahead!
I was a single mom of a daughter and I think "I hate you - don't leave me" is a typical trap of the 'single mother - only daughter relationship' and she's at about the age where that starts. She is so dependent on your love that it actually gets scary for her sometimes. During the next talking back episode, I would ask her what are you feeling right now? Then I'd acknowledge the feeling, whatever it was, like I can see why you would want to keep playing - it looks fun. How about you leave that toy right where it is so you can start that same game again when we get home? Now we have to go to the store. I would also talk to her during quiet times about how it makes you feel when she talks back but I would be very careful to validate her feelings a lot. Doesn't mean give in to her, just validate why she might be upset and than move on. Good luck!
L.,
My daughter is 9 and she is the youngest of 3 (I have two older boys) still wants me to lay down with her or wants to lay down with me :)
If it was up to her, she would still sleep with me :)
It is normal at that age. Nothing for you to worry about, even though she is sassy, she still needs and wants her mom :) that's a good thing ;)
If you don't mind then take advangate of it and keep growing your bond with her. Let her feel that no matter how ugly she can get with you, and you may not like her and her attitude at times, you still love her :)
Enjoy these years, soon enough she might not want to lay down with you any more.
Blessings
Aaahhhh 8 year old...arnt they great. When my son (who is now 8) was little he was having a fit of temper rolling around on the floor and what not kicking at me. I knew what real love was then because has he was trying to hurt me all I could think was how much I loved him....I am sure its a mommy thing!!
Whill I dont have an answer for you out of exp I can onley tell you what I would do. Whill laying with here whne things are nice and calm tell her how sass makes you feel. that it hurts your feeling...its ot how you talk to here...things like that.
If that didnt work I would then move on to when she dose back talk you remind her that you are the mom and she is the child. I will also say thinng like "In this family we help eachother out, so when I ask you to do something its becuase I need your help" Not in a meen up tone of voice but very calm and looking at here face to face.
Like I said these are things I would try and I hope somone has a better answer for you. Just hang in the mama!!
My son just turned 8 on Saturday, and I think that if he could he would sleep in my bed every night. He still wants a book read to him every night, and most nights he'll ask to sleep in my bed or if i'll lay with him for a little while.
What a beautiful response you received from Susan T!
Just remember, kids are little for such a short time - as hard as it is some days, when they are sassy or backtalking or ignoring you, they still need that feeling of security that you are there for them no matter what. I think your situation falls under the "I may not always like what you do, but I will always love you" umbrella. Make it clear to her that you expect her to always be respectful to you, but do not withhold physical affection at the end of the day. Make it a special time for the two of you, something you BOTH look forward to, as long as you can!
Awwwe! This is probably her way of calming the anger and frustration of the day and to re-connect with you. I'd take it as a good thing.
My daughter is 8.
She sounds like your daughter.
We are close as well.
And she likes to cuddle. Which for me, I still value because one day soon... she will not even want me to hug her... in front of others especially. That "Mommy ick!" view point teens get.
I have heard/read that 8 years old is a hard age... because it is in-between ages of being an actual "Tween" but yet they are not yet. Only almost there.
Tweens, are from the ages of 9-12. If you do a Google Search on "tween development" many good articles will come up... that will prep you for girls in their Tween.... ages. Yippee, right?
Also, the "American Girl" book series is good, for the girl and parent.
I got my daughter those already.
When/if my daughter back-talks... I put on my hard-liner voice... and my daughter will usually back down. She knows... me... very well, and my limits.... very well. And she will stop.
I also tell her... it is a CHOICE that she makes... to either be yucky or pleasant and respectful. But if she will not cooperate/show respect/be nice/be a family team-member... then "I" will NOT.... cooperate with her either. I tell her, SHE "chooses".... the response she gets, and the consequences.
And that she better think real hard and long... about what she wants.
all the best,
Susan
