One More Angel and Trying Again

Updated on January 31, 2012
A.B. asks from Pittsburgh, PA
8 answers

Moms, some of you know that my husband and I had a stillborn son in 2008. Since then, we have had an incredible little boy. In June, we decided to start trying again, On Dec 10th, it appeared we had been given an early Christmas present in the form of a positive pregnancy test.

Two weeks ago, I began to bleed, which is uncommon for my pregnancies. An U/S confirmed we were losing (or had already lost) the baby. It has been hard (especially when it appears that I have super-fertile friends) but I've been ok and pretty much ready to move on. The trouble is, my mind and emotions were ready to move on before my body. Two weeks later, I'm still bleeding and just really wanting it to be over.

The midwife said that the traditional wisdom said to wait 2-3 cycles before trying again, but there was little risk in moving forward whenever we feel ready. If you have experienced this, how soon were you able to successfully get pregnant again? Provided that the emotional aspects / grieving process has been addressed healthfully, do you think there's any harm in trying again soon?

Thanks for your thoughts.

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M.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. It was tough, but knowing that I already had a child and could be pregnant, we were ready to try again very soon. The doctor told us that there was no reason to wait at all even though most people are told 3 months. He did recommend waiting for one cycle though just so you had a date to go on, but it wasn't necessary. So, I waited one cycle and got pregnant straight away. Now we have a terrific 3 1/2 yr old! My advice would be to do what feels right to you.
good luck

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

The reason for waiting is that hormones being off balance from a miscarriage don't guarantee another miscarriage, but make it FAR more likely. You'll hear a lot about women who go into fertility specialists because they've miscarried 6 times in a year. The fertility specialists have them wait 3-12 mo, and they're pregnant no problem, no intervention needed.

If you were early enough along ... a chemical pregnancy... then the numbers don't change, and you can be pregnant the next month with no increased risk of miscarriage. But if you were late 1st trimester, or anywhere in your 2nd or 3rd... the numbers skyrocket and the risks for miscarrying the next get pretty high unless you wait.

There are 2 general schools of thought that are linked together:

1) Wait a few months so your hormones are evened out
2) Wait until you feel ready (which for many is a sign that hormones have evened out)

The downside to #2 is a) a lot of parents want a baby so badly that 'feeling ready' happens LONG before mom's body is ready, and b) that a series of miscarriages is hard not only mentally/emotionally... but a series of them can mean it can take your body up to an entire year to 'reset'. Impatience in the beginning, making things take a heckuva lot longer that waiting a couple months.

Is another miscarriage guaranteed if you don't wait? Nope. Of course not. :) LOTS of women miscarry, get pregnant immediately, and have babies. Is it more likely that you'll miscarry or have a chemical pregnancy if you don't wait for the chemicals to settle down? Yup.

3 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

Amy:

I'm truly sorry you are going through this. Give your body 3 to 6 months before trying again.

I've lost three babies - 12, 14 and 22 weeks. I feel your pain.

Please see your OB/GYN to ensure your uterus is cleaned out. You may be having complications. I don't know. But if you are still bleeding, that's not right. If you are going through more than one pad an hour, go to the emergency room. IMMEDIATELY!!

Again, i'm sssooo sorry!!!

3 moms found this helpful
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J.G.

answers from Alexandria on

im very sorry for your loss and have dear friend whose 2nd of four pregnancies was 9.5 stillborn and no words can express sadness. My story is i had mis and tubal within 5 months of eachother, 20 years after first two kids were born, told one had nothing to do w other and I was now 39 and feeling sad and frustrated and convinced it was me and I was too old and told to wait 3 cycles but I couldn't because I was not wasting 3 plus more months and I got pregnant month after mis w healthy baby girl and got pregnant 9 months later and had healthy and LAST baby boy Xmas day at 42 yrs old. So if you are mentally ready I agree w midwife, go for it

2 moms found this helpful

C.M.

answers from St. Louis on

I had a miscarriage (at four weeks along) and got pregnnat a month later. I was recommended to wait 2-3 cycles, too, but did not want to wait! My daughter is now 4.5 years old.

1 mom found this helpful

L.M.

answers from New York on

Amy, I have no good answer - do what you and your husband feel good with. I am so sorry for your loss, and so happy that you have an amazing little boy...

I don't really think there is a wrong/right answer to this. What you choose will be right, that's what I think.

You have my best wishes! Let us know :-)

1 mom found this helpful
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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

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M.G.

answers from Seattle on

The first time I miscarried I was pregnant within about 2 months after the miscarriage. That pregnancy gave me my now 8 year old. I say if you are ready and you do have your docs okay then go for it. :)

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