New Sibling

M.,
Wait until you get pregnant. Then tell her she is going to have a baby brother or baby sister. Let her be apart of the pregnancy. My daughter even had a dress picked out that she was going to wear to the hospital when she got to see her brother for the first time. My husband got her dressed in it and we took a picture of her holding her brother on her lap. She was so proud of being a big sister. I had trouble not being able to spend what I thought was enough time with her, because I was nursing her brother. She was fine, but my husband suggested that I take her out for a walk, just she and I, right after her brother nursed when my husband was home.

She and I went out to eat sometimes prior to her brother being born, so I made sure that her brother, her, and I went out to eat together. Often times, I tucked her in bed at night. We talked a bit, read a book, or said our prayers. This was a special time for us.

This way, if she ever shows jealously, you can remind her of your special times with her. Also let her know that her sibling is too little to take care of itself. Have your husband incorporated in the mix. My husband spent a lot of time with both of our children. My daughter and son have grown up to be very close to each other. They are both married, and still stay in contact, call each other, etc. My children are totally different from one another, but the bond is still there.

I also told my daughter she would always be my baby girl. Of course, that was after I had her brother.

Enjoy your expanding family.

E.:)

One thing I heard recently is about a mom who chose not to say anything to her toddler girl. A friend told me about it, when I questioned how the woman dealt with the growing belly, she said the woman just told her daughter that she was getting fat. When I asked how it turned out, she said the little girl was extremely jealous when the baby was born. I would say this is how not to deal with the situation.

I am still pregnant (35 wks), and told my son (2.5 year old now) the moment I got pregnant. He talks to the baby & kisses the baby in the belly, he even tells me sometimes to take him out. I know we'll have our issues when our second son is born, but I wouldn't change how I have dealt with the situation thus far.

I have 4 children and none of them had any jelousy issues. We told our kids as soon as we found out we were pregnant. (I do have to admit, when my oldest found out we were having a fourth he said "not again") All of the kids were very involved with the pregnancy, picking out the furniture, getting the clothes ready, We "practiced" on dolls to know how to hold the baby. I think the kids were always more ready then my husband and I. Never did they feel any jelousy. It was their baby comming, there first brother/sister. I worried with every child comming that there would be jelousy issues, never once did any of my kids feel out of place. I love them all equally. However in my quiet time alone that I have with each of them I tell them "your my favorite". Don't let my kids know that they all hear the same thing...its out secret.

Well, I am a chronic planner so I have pretty much raised my daughter to not rely on me as much, and I have her on a routine. Other than that, there isn't much you can do. Get her used to not getting your immediate attention every single time she needs it. Think "could she do this if there were a baby?" It's kind of abstract, I know, but I'm trying to think of a better way to explain it... basically, I encourage Izzy to do anything she is even kind of capable of doing by herself- she puts her own laundry in her hamper, gets her own towel at bathtime, gets her own silverware, etc. This makes kids feel important, and she will be used to doing things for herself. Make sure she is feeding herself (sounds dumb, but I know people who don't even start letting their kids TRY to feed themselves until they're two) and doing other developmentally appropriate self help tasks. Also, if I am doing something I don't immediately drop it unless she is hurt. I make her wait, and I make her wait without whining. It's hard because I want to pick her up or play with her or whatever, but I know it will make things easier for her later.

As far as the abstract concept of a new baby coming into the family, there isn't a whole lot you can do to prepare them for that at this age. Books are a great tool, though. I've been reading Izzy "Baby Mine" (over and over and over... it's one of her favorites. She, too, is really into "babies" right now). But there are lots out there- talk to your local children's librarian and they will either have specific suggestions or be able to show you how to search. And use your daughter's baby dolls- talk about how you act with babies and what babies do, etc. But other than the fact that I am chronically longsighted (and it's only because I've worked in childcare and have seen how hard it can be for a child to have a new sibling), I am in the same position. I am 5 months pregnant and have just now started to bring it up to her, now that my belly is getting bigger. Any earlier than that it is way too abstract for them to grasp.

I've also heard that, once you do have another baby, that mom shouldn't carry the baby the first time the older siblings see him or her- dad or someone else should be holding baby. But part of me thinks that was for pets, not older siblings:) I can't remember because my brain is also pregnant. But I do know that, if you do choose to have another, you have to make a concerted effort to spend one on one time daily with your older child while the baby is sleeping. Good luck on whatever you choose to do!

I had a similar worry when I got pregnant with my second child. I have the same worry now as we prepare our family for the third. All of my children are almost 3 years apart. When my oldest was just 2 and a few months, we got pregnant and then just explained to him that he was going to have a baby sibling. We let him feel involved in the process by taking him to see the ultrasounds and talking about what we would name the baby and talking about how he was going to be a big brother. We are doing similar things with our now 3 year old and 6 year old. They are about to have a little sister and both of them seem excited. We just try to make them as much a part of the pregnancy as we can. After the birth comes the time when you show by your actions and reactions that they are still loved and important members of your family. There may be times when your daughter has a hard time with having a younger sibling who takes up so much time and energy. Just make sure that you keep doing all those special things with her that you did before the baby. And while some things will have to change, make her feel as much a part of those changes as you can by including her as much as you can. Don't worry, it will work out fine. Just keep showing her the love you show her now.

Well said Ella! I second what she said.
I did the same with my girl... and she just loves her little brother to bits and is so proud of him. They both like each other which is a double blessing.

Yes though, wait until you are pregnant. For children, they have no idea of "time" and how "soon" soon is etc. Until you are pregnant, just wait. Then once you know for sure, and are "showing" physical changes, you and hubby can spend a nice celebratory time with her, so it's "special" for her too.

Get books, videos about being a "big sister" as these are always fun and age appropriate. My daughter loved to "help Mommy" when I was pregnant too... she'd make all kinds of things for me or make me sandwiches. It was so cute and made her feel quite proud. I also got her a little baby doll...to "practice" with and let her learn about babies.

It will be fine. Just be sure to spend quality time with her after the baby is here too. A child 'misses" their Mommy when she has another baby...but it's perfectly natural. And allow for your eldest child to be a "baby" too... they MAY regress or get a little more clingy. But it's natural. It's okay...it's all a big transition and life changing event for them too, so they must be "allowed" to adjust to it all, in their own way. They need security and more love at those times, from Mommy and Daddy.

All the best, and you'll be fine, your girl too.
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

Hey M., we didn't tell our kids until we were pregnant, and it was fine, our 3rd was a girl after to sons, and at 5 months pregnant we told our two sons that they were going to have a sister, so my kindergartener told our other son if mommy has a girl she will love her more than us,and my second son believed that up until our daughter was ready for middle school, we spent so much time with him and telling him we love all 3 of our kids the same, and on top of that he had middle child syndrum, but noq they are 24, 21 and 19 and as close as siblings could be. E-mail me I would like to hear more about your family. ____@____.com