Needing Advice on Sleeping Issues with 16 Moths Old Twins!!!

You MUST stop taking him out of his bed and putting him in with you; that's where you stop. The other twin will get use to his sibling crying and end up slping through it. The twin you're removing will continue to carry on until you pick him up because that's what he wants and his crying provides it. You have to outlast him. Be strong mom and dad. He must learn now, later is too late. Try watching "Supernanny" on Friday night on A.B.C. I've learned so much. Remember you're not alone with these kinds of problems; somehow that thought makes us all feel a little better. Happy holidays

Letting the one who is a bad sleeper cry it out for a few nights is really the only effective way for him to learn to go back to sleep. It will likely wake the other up some of those nights but then you will all sleep better once he has learned this very important skill. Everyone will be better off in a few days. Good Luck.

When I had this problem with my twins (they're only 10 months old, but same situation) I refused to believe one could sleep through the other's loud and continual crying - I certainly couldn't. But when my wonderful but very stubborn daughter was pulling up and didn't want to lay back down to sleep, we finally just gave in and let her cry while son was sleeping. He woke up the first night and started wailing and I rammed my head into the wall in frustration (kidding of course). I said to myself, "See? These twin parents on mamasource don't know what they are talking about!" We persisted, and on night two, daughter woke son up, but after 5 minutes of him crying, he fell back asleep (she, however, continued crying for 45 minutes). Night three, son never woke up through daughter's 1 hour of crying. Then, magically, she started to cry less and less and now she sleeps beautifully through the night.

Wouldn't you know it, now my son is going through the same thing. However, this time we are wiser and let the crying happen, and now my daughter sleeps through it (last night he cried for maybe 10 minutes, then fell asleep). I can't believe it, but it is true! I guess those mamasource parents really do know what they are talking about!

So, long story short, my suggestion is to try it for at least three nights, resist the urge to remove either child from the room (don't even go in there to pat his back, replace pacifier until 1 hour, then go in quickly and quietly, replace paci and leave immediately). Be prepared for a couple of cranky days (your kids may be a bit cranky too) and wait for the magic to happen!

Best wishes, this is such a frustrating and tiring experience, but the sooner you do the hard part, the sooner it will get monumentally better!

Our twins have always shared a room and if one was crying, the other usually slept through it or woke up and cried a little too, but after a few days, everyone was sleeping and it was wonderful!

Our twins got used to the other's crying and didn't seems to be very affected by it. We actually found that when we had another baby a year later, that his crying was more bothersome for the twins than each others had ever been.

Hi Maggi,

I'm sure you've heard it all by now. I have two boys, age 51/2 and 2. My younger, well if he had been the first, he'd have been the last! As I'm sure you know, babies go through developmental phases and it's around this age that they wake up and work things out. Both of them did the same thing around this time. It seems that their baby clock is set to go off, regardless of what you plan or do and you're not alone. It's a phase that all babies go through and unfortunately your need for sleep makes you compromise. I did too.

I'm not an expert so I won't preach. But that said, you need to be willing (on a weekend--start Friday night) to let him learn how to settle himself down.

Try this,once the sleeping twin is asleep, is it possible to move him into big brothers room? Turn on a fan for background noise so if he hears his brother he'll stay asleep. If possible keep him in his own crib.

Now "wake-up" baby won't bother his brothers. Hopefully.

What's important to remember, he's safe in his crib and tears/tantrums do give way to sleep/exhaustion. He's flexing his "mommy" muscle and you need to be strong. Every mom and dad goes through this test, it's a learning phase and babies are good at guilt!

Be warned! He will not be happy, but if you let him go through is emotions and settle himself down by Sunday night, you should have a better handle on this. What's happening is he's getting into a routine and your his 2am playmate.

Hear me when I say, YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM/DAD, if he cries. I know it's tough and it's hard work, but you are the parent and your other children need you too. Stand tough, both of you and you'll see results quickly. If it gets too much turn off the monitor. He's safe, you know that. Don't put your emotions in his place. Step back and you'll see a little genius at work. don't be fooled. You can do this!

Best of luck- kate

move the good sleeper somewhere else for a week or two. In with brother, in your room, in another room, the corner of the dining room, whereever - just out of the ear shot of poor sleeper.

Then you have to get tough. It will take a few days of you NOT going in to him in hte middle of the night and breaking this habit. Since your fear of him waking the other one will be gone you can be tough and get him sleeping through the night in no time. I personally like the quick and done cry it out, but you can do more gradual methods as well.

After poor sleeper is sleeping well, you can put the other twin back in the room with him.
N.

I also have 3 boys, an older and a set of twins nearly four years apart. We struggled with one good sleeper and one not so good. Ultimately, we put a crib in another room (that wasn't really a room...it was pretty pathetic). We put them together at about 2 years and they don't bother each other anymore. I was afraid that by separating them, they'd never learn to sleep in the same room, but my exhaustion overruled any such concerns. Now, even though one of them still is more likely to get up than the other, he rarely wakes his brother up. I have friends who weren't able to separate their twins and had to just let them both sort it out (and they all did, after about 1 week of miserably sleepless nights.) Good luck!

WOW!! I also have 16 month old (boy/girl) twins, and a 3 year old (girl). Our twin girl is a light sleeper.... brother is a great sleeper!! Last night, my husband went into the twins bedroom just to switch on the heater... you barely have to breathe, and the girl will wake!! My hubby gave her a bottle and put her to bed, back in her cot. Of course, she woke her brother.... I then got up, bottle-fed him.... and they both went back to sleep in their cots. Little girl always protests loudly... usually within 5 - 10 mins, she self-settles herself back to sleep. It is hard to ignore her cries, but 5 - 10 mins of crying/self-settling is less exhausting than bringing her into bed with us!! Hard work; totally understand where you are at. Especially too, with hoping Miss 3 won't wake up either! Lucky for us, she is a great sleeper. I hope it gets better for you and that this has helped!

I am also a mom of twins. We had a similar problem back when they were about 9 months. We really REALLY wanted to teach them to self-soothe and become good sleepers. At night we were rushing in to quiet the one and creating a bad pattern. So we split them up - 2 separate rooms — let the 'problem sleeper' cry it out, just a little. And she learned very quickly to sleep through the night. I realize you might not have the room -- neither did we. We set up a crib in our office/guest room. She slept there until we felt we could put them back together again.
Now they are almost 5 and terrific sleepers -- it was so worth it.

I have twins boys, 22 months. Same situation as well. Even though they are in the same room, we sometimes just have the one cry and eventually he will fall asleep. Luckily the other one is a really good sleeper. If it is not working, we have a pack and play in another bed room and that is where he goes. Is your son waking up at the same time every night? Ours was at a point and our doctor said to let me cry. The more you get him, it will become a routine. Good Luck. I hope you can figure something out.

Thank you for posting this! I wish I had advice for you, but I am in a similiar situation. I have 21 month old twins, and we have a good sleeper, and one that ends up in our bed almost every night... so if you can put an end to it now, do it! I don't mind him in our room, but I feel a little bad that he's getting extra attention, while his sister, the good sleeper, is left alone in her room.
Good luck!
H.

Hi M.,
I do not have twins, but boys that are 19mos apart. Until recently we lived in a two bedroom apartment and they were forced to share a room. We ran into problems at naptime, and I ended up buying an extra crib and putting it in our room for naps. But when the younger was 4mos old we had him sleep at night in his bro's room. It rarely presented a problem. There were times when the older sib would cry for an hour (no more paci) or got sick and the younger kept sleeping. The few times it did wake him, we left there and he eventually fell back asleep. Only once or twice did we have to take him out of the room. Those few times the older one cried we were really tense, but believe it or not the younger one just tuned him out and kept sleeping. GOOD luck!! hope this was helpful!

M., This is a tricky one. Could you move the sleeping twin in the room with the 4yo? That way you can sleep train the twin who needs help with sleep without waking the whole house. If that is a possibility I would then work on getting this guy to sleep. Make it "striclty business" when he wakes. I used to put more than one pacifier in the bed if my son woke for the pacifier so he could find it. Then let him cry but only for five minutes. Go in, no lights, no soothing sounds--but not anger, no rocking, no patting etc. Then lay him down and say "mommy is here, it is time to sleep" and leave. Wait five minutes and do the same thing. I did this with my son and it was five times the first night, then once the next night and then it was over. He will be very mad at first because you are not doing what you did before which he loved! But you are doing what is healthy for him that will help him have a good day the next day.

Good luck! I had two boys and I was tired all of the time. I can't imagine twins and a 4yo. You all need to sleep. I was very firm and unforgiving about sleep. I knew I needed to be rested the next day to be patient.

A.

I have 3 year old twins and they also share a room. We have never had a problem with one waking the other! You'd be very surprised with how used to hearing and ignoring each other they are. Have you ever taken a wait and see approach? Letting the one cry and seeing if the other wakes? If not you might be surprised to see that they will actually sleep through the noise.

L.

Hi M.,

I too went through this when my twins were around the age of yours, so I know what you are going through. (Mine will be 3 next month) When one of my twins would cry in the middle of the night at that age, we would do what you do, pat his back until he calmed down and fell asleep, but there was a point where we knew that either twin was crying in the middle of the night for the attention, so we stopped going in their room. Whichever twin was crying, the other twin did not wake up while he was crying, so it worked out okay. I guess the saying is true about "sleeping like a baby." I would give it a try. Just let your twin cry it out and you should be okay. Good luck.

Hi M.,
I am a mother of twins also. My twins are almost 8months old and I also have an 8year old. I have always had the twins sleep in the same room but seperate cribs. One is also a good sleeper while the other cries a bit before he falls asleep. I have found that if the other is truely asleep then he wont wake up when the other is wailing at the top of his lungs. My advice is if his diaper is dry then offer him a bit of water, if that just wont work give him a few ounces of milk but begin to ween him off of it untill hes down to one ounce at which point going in and giving him a pacifer is sufficient. Hope this works but it does take some time to break that habit of waking up every night.