Need Strict Discipline for Bedtime

Hello there! I feel your pain. I have a 5 and a 6 year old. And I made a similar mistake. But I've found a way to help. Every night we have a bath or shower, then brush their teeth brush their hair and climb into bed. They each get to choose what story book they would like to hear. Then they get their prayer, and to sleep you go! Now I also leave the hallway light on and I hang around in my bedroom (which is across the hall) till everyone is asleep (which is usually about 5-10 min). It took about a week to fully work but it's a dream come true now. Good luck!!!

At age 3 she's old enough to follow the rules even those she doesn't like. Get into a bedtime routine that works for your family and stick with it. You might want to get a couple books from the library that show the characters sleeping in their own beds. When your daughter decides she doesn't want to sleep in her bed explain calmly that it's her bed and she has to sleep there. When she gets up keep putting her back in. If she screams and cries just check on her every few minutes to make sure she's ok and put her back to bed. She'll figure it out.

Here's the key. DO NOT LET HER STAY UP AND WATCH TV OR A MOVIE. DO NOT LAY DOWN WITH HER UNTIL SHE GOES TO SLEEP. DO NOT CHANGE THINGS. It's not a matter of control over the nights it's a matter of having her get into a routine that will leave her well rested for a busy day.

Hi S.,
I see nothing wrong with the family bed. Wanting to stay up late and watch t.v. isn't related to cosleeping, it's a child pushing to stay up later. Many kids do this even if they've never slept in the room with their parents. I believe that laying down in your child's bed with them and making them dependent upon you to fall asleep is always a big mistake. I am not a fan of the cry it out sleep training, but your daughter is not a baby or toddler anymore. You can let her know what the bedtime routine will be, and give her some control over it - 1/2 hour of t.v. before bedtime, then 2 or 3 stories, and you'll stay in her room for 10 minutes (or something else reasonable) and then you will leave. Let her know that you will leave whether she is awake or asleep, don't lie down with her, sit on a chair beside the bed. Let her know that if she screams and cries, you will leave immediately and will no longer sit with her at all. If she is up until midnight, she is likely overtired at bedtime, I'd be sure to start the bedtime routine early. A 3 year old cannot have control, unless you allow it. Put a stop to it and let her know that once the bedtime routine is completed, you are done parenting for the evening. Do not interact with her (unless of course she is sick).
Good luck!!

I wouldn't consider co-sleeping a mistake. It makes life simpler and easier and the child will be happier and more content. Have you read the book The Family Bed? It's unnatural for a baby or small child to sleep alone. If you sleep with your husband in the same bed she will feel excluded and isolated. In the eyes of a 3 year old that's unfair but of course they can't explain that concept yet but they feel it.

As Mom of a teenager looking back, all I can say is enjoy your time, don't stress and they grow up really fast!

What age is your other child? Is he/she sleeping alone? Can they sleep together? Only you will know if it would be appropriate but it was pretty much the tradition for centuries in all cultures.

Of course if you really want her in her own bed and being pregnant, that's understandable, start a night time routine. Bath, snack, possibly a calcium supplement which can help with sleepiness, how about playing a CD? My daughter fell asleep listening to tapes of a man with a soothing voice reading a book.

All the best!

Never too late!!! Set up a bet time routine. Book, song, prayers, bet or whatever works for you. Then put her in HER bed and everytime she gets out put her back to bed. (I watched and tried SupperNanny's way and IT WORKS!!!) Once in a while if my daughter has a late nap it is rough but if I stick to it IT WORKS!!! A.

Hello S.!
Children are plyable. It's possible to re-structure her evenings with ROUTINE, ROUTINE, ROUTINE! Children love game-like atmospheres, so make it fun. For myself, when my 3 children were little, (I'm a grandma now) shortly after dinner, allowing plenty of time, it was first, bubble-bath time, then into their PJ's. Secondly, they each could choose their own favorite books for Mommy to read to them, during our 'Bedtime Storytime'. We would sit on the edge of their beds, which was also a confirmation that this was in preparation for sleep. The child whose book I read got to sit on Mommy's lap...a big treat! (Be prepared to read their favorite stories over and over!) The third transition was, separately, IN THEIR OWN BEDS, I laid down with each of them, for CUDDLES...and they fell asleep in my arms...then I got up and left. Sometimes, the other siblings drifted off to sleep, in their own beds, while awaiting their turns! This became a very successful ritual in our home to get the children asleep on time. Bedtime was actually fun time! Who doesn't love to have fun?! I hope you'll give it a try, and adapt it to your own specific needs with your daughter. Be patient, you'll be un-doing a bad habit, and re-establishing a good routine. I'll be thinking of you!

Hi S.,

It's never too late! My daughter hasn't slept in her bed since her sister started sharing a room with her in the spring. She sleeps on the sofa. Well, that wasn't going to work Christmas Eve...Santa wouldn't come if she was in the living room! So, I told her she would have to sleep in her bed Christmas Eve...she said ok and that was the end of the sofa sleeping.

Can you fabricate some reason why she needs to be in her bed...a reason that will give her a great incentive and a fabulous reward in the morning. Obviously Christmas is over, but maybe there is a special New Year's Fairy that wants to come but will only do so if she is in her bed. It is just a habit and it can be broken. After a couple of nights, I'm sure she'll be fine.

D.
35 year old mother of 5 with one more on the way

S.,

Gently keep telling her that the TV is done for the night.

Working in a daycare facility years ago, I often came across kids who would argue over the same toy. Thus the toy was no longer wanted, just the ability to 'have' it. I put the toy in 'time out' until such time as they could reasonably figure out who should have it. By the time they registered that they couldn't have the toy - and each other couldn't have the toy, they had moved on to find each separate items.

The TV is not really needed - she needs sleep. Put the TV in time out (not even sure if you have time out but at this point, its just an idea) for the evening. Don't get into 'it's the adults time to watch', or anything. Just keep it simple.

If you have not established a routine, start now, and incorporate as few or many elements that are reminders of sleep. You had her sleep with you - this is not a mistake - simply a different way of having a baby go to sleep.

Transition, while I am no expert, is going to be rough - a child likes things to stay the way they are. Little routine changes are going to work much better for you than cold turkey, I think. Distraction may be an added benefit, may not, depending on how up your baby is on your presence after you are gone.

I wish you good luck, and that you and your baby have a peaceful transition to her sleeping in her big girl's bed.

M.

PS: congratulations!

PPS: just thought of another idea that someone else once gave: have her mattress or a sleeping bag, next to your bed (but not in it), so that if she wakes in the night, she has somewhere to go without disturbing the new baby.

PPPS: you might also want to explain about the new little one due soon - kids understand more than you think.