Toddler Sleep Issues - Rochester,NY

We never co-slept but to get my daughter, 6 months, into bed time state of mind we have a whole routine. We have "dinner" (formula & some solid food), then a bath, then a book and then we turn out her light together and lay her down awake but tired. She usually goes down without a fight. There are nights where she will cry for a few minutes but then settles herself down. It took multiple times and days of putting her in her bed for naps and bedtime with her crying to get her to this point. I don't think it was easy but definitely worth it in the end. There is a great book that we used called The Baby Whisperer solves all your problems. It gave great techniques to use for independent sleeping.

We also co-sleep. Our daughter is 20 months and we have also had some bedtime struggles, but we are not yet ready to transition her out of our bed. I say this to let you know that I have no direct experience to offer you. However, I bet if you got a hold of the No Cry Toddler Sleep Solution (or something like that) by Elizabeth Pantley, you would find some good ideas. She also wrote the No Cry Sleep Solution, which I found helpful at one point. I think both books would have advice for you about transitioning her out of your bed. I also really recommend reading the collected comments on the Berkeley Parents Network on transitioning -- you can find it on line if you google 'co-sleep transition'. Great collected wisdom of a community with a lot of co-sleepers.

Some things that have helped prevent my daughter from getting riled up around bedtime, or defused it (to a point) whene she does are: having a nice, long bedtime routine that starts well in advance of bedtime (when we shorten it by skipping the bath, we are more likely to have trouble), talking to her throughout the routine about what is going to happen next, keeping the routine confined to the bedroom, and being as mellow and relaxed as possible ourselves.

I read somewhere that one thing to do is to bore your kids to sleep. This has sometimes worked -- if she just isn't ready to lie down, I lie down myself and let her bounce around the room herself for a while. She tries to engage me in conversation or activity but I just tell her that I'm tired and resting and to come lie down. Often after 10 minutes of this, she gets into the bed of her own accord and settles in. I do think that getting scold-y and stern turns the whole thing into a power struggle -- although I have definitely gone there myself and it is so hard to avoid when you are in the thick of things.

Finally, as with all things, it will change with time -- at least, that is what I have found again and again. Remembering this has helped me stay calm and patient.

Hope this helps and congratulations on your pregnancy!

We just went through a similar phase with my just-turned 2 yr old, but we seem to be finally out of it. We don't co sleep, but otherwise, it sounds like our bedtime battles were similar to yours. He cried, threw all his animals out, begged to "cuddle in big bed" instead of be in his crib, got manic and started pulling out all sorts of books to read... Sadly, I don't have any great advice because we haven't gone through the co-sleeping transition like you will, but I think this is an age where a lot of kids start pushing the limits at bedtime. They realize there is so much fun stuff going on, they don't want to miss a minute of it.
I think the main thing that happened with us is that throughout all the hysterics and us trying to appease our son, his bedtime got later and later (moved from about 8 to 9:15 over our 6 week ordeal), and he got overtired. One night we just had had enough and we put him in the crib at 8:15, and he just settled down and slept 12 hrs. Things have been better, although not perfect, since we got a bit stricter about bedtime.

Hi J.,

My recommendation would be to try to get her excited about sleeping in a big girl bed. Have her pick the bed out or if you have the bed already have her pick out the bedding. Start a new bedtime routine and stick to it. We transitioned my daughter last year and we co-slept up to then, she was a little over one year. She got Dora bedding for Christmas. Each night we read her 2 books that she gets to pick out then turn on some music and say goodnight. Expect some resistance and crying with whatever you do, but stick to it. I think the sooner the better since you have another on the way to prevent the feeling of being replaced.
Also do a lot of prep for being a big sister after the sleeping situation has settled down a bit. My second is 5 weeks old now and sleeps in our room. My oldest went to all my sonograms and we read her a "big sister" book often. She adores her new sister and doesn't express any jealousy.

Hope this helps. Good Luck.

You are right to get your toddler sleeping independently before the baby is born. I also have children that are 2 years apart, the youngest is 2. Recently, I got my 2 year old to stop crying when I left the room by telling him I would take something away that he sleeps with if he didn't stop crying (he likes to sleep with washcloths). That was a couple weeks ago and he is going to sleep w/o crying and w/o me in the room without any fuss now (if he calls me, it's usually just for water, and usually only once). Don't know if this would work in your situation. The other thing I did is leave the room, and just check in every few minutes, so he knows crying is not going to keep me in the room.

With my 4 year old, I tell her I will close her door if she doesn't settle down in bed and be quiet (she sleeps with the door open and hall light on). I always anticipate it will be harder to resolve a sleep problem than it actually ends up being. What it takes is being firmer than I would be naturally.

Your husband should continue to put her to bed, esp as it gets closer to your due date, since you won't be able to after the baby is born.

I would also encourage you to do fun things one on one with your 2 year old now (to the extent you're up to it), before the bsby is born. I really missed that one on one time with my daughter after my 2nd was born.

We have some of those same bedtime battles. We haven't co-slept since he was about a year old, for the same reasons (kicks the heck out of us!). But he does usually end up in our bed for part of the night. The only thing that seems to help is trying to keep things really positive. Last night I told him, "I know you can stay in your bed all night. You're a big boy. There's nothing to be scared of, etc." He stayed all night and didn't end up in our bed until 5am. To help him get to bed in the first place, I gave him a flashlight. I lay down with him for a few minutes, but then give him a book and tell him to read. He loves that, and it almost always works--I check back and he is asleep with the flashlight on next to him. (I know Dr. Sears is a big advocate of staying until they are asleep, but my son will just talk and move around if I'm in there--I don't want to lay there for 1/2 an hour.) I saw another suggestion somewhere else--asking your child at bedtime what his/her favorite thing was that day. This way, it gets them in a postivie state of mind before sleep (many nights my son wakes us up from yelling at the dog in his sleep, or whoever else offended him that day, lol). Good luck. When all else fails, I keep telling myself it's just a phase!

We never co-slept. That said, we had our share of problems when we transitioned our twins from cribs to toddler beds. So we just made that night extra special (girls were 27 months at that time). We took them out and let them choose a stuffed animal which was supposed to become their protector, something they would go to bed with each night. I also got wind-up lanterns. Showed them how to use it. They thought it was the most awesome thing ever. We made it a happy occasion, extra special with the new stuffed toy, and there were never any problems. 3 years later, our kids know the routine, and yes they still have the lanterns and their sleep toys.
Just make it special. The problem I see for you in the future is when the baby comes you're going to have to go through this again because the toddler will get jealous of all the attention the baby is getting. So when that happens, if i were you, I'd make another special trip with her to treat her for becoming a big sister.

Hey J., Hang in there and know you and your husband have done a really great thing for your daughter by cosleeping. I am 9 months pregnant with an almost 19 month old and very similar to what you have done, we started the immediate bedtime routine with Dada as the norm a few months ago so that once the new baby arrives, it won't seem so strange that Mama is not as involved in bed time. I am still around for the majority of our bedtime routine; bath, books, story time and the like, but I sort of duck out around toothbrush time. Sometimes this works great, sometimes it is a total disaster, but no matter what, we have found that staying calm, positive and maintaining patience allows for the optimal situation and prevents any really negative, punitive or harmful things from going down that might just make bed time a power struggle. Like others who have responded, we also have a mini-bed on the floor and Dada lays down with her until she falls asleep. Once shew is fully asleep, he picks her up and puts her in her crib for the night. And although it may be time consuming on some nights, learning to sleep is something that we have to do and this stuff it seems to be one of those passing, fleeting phases that we have to go through with her. I am confident that patience, empathy and compassion in this process will pay off in the end with a well attached and confident little girl. The other comment that I have seen from other Mamas who have responded that we have tried and found success with is the bore them method. No fuss, no stern words, we just lay down with her and close our eyes, feigning sleep. If she gets up or is talking and trying to engage we quietly whisper that it's time for bed or we're sleeping. Within 10 mins or so, she catches the drift and is laying down next to us. Let 20 mins pass this way and we usually we have a sleeping babe. Some nights this can take up to 40 or 50 mins, but it will pass and once she falls asleep in this manner we usually get a full night's rest from her and for us! Just hang in there, especially through that first tri crappy feeling (I just went through that myself!) and try to stay positive! Good luck!

I am sure you have tried having her pick 2 or 3 of her favorite books for her and daddy to read together at bedtime. Sometimes having her choose will give her some control of the situation. Choosing her own stuffed animal and/or doll may be soothing enough to help her fall asleep. Dont give up... she will enventually fall into the routine!

Hi J.,
We did some modified cosleeping when the kids were babies. My question is, what would happen if you just left her alone? Would she settle down after a little bit? I'm wondering why your husband needs to scold her to the point that she is crying. Would she scootch around in her bed for 10=15 minutes and then settle down to fall asleep on her own? If so, let her. Ignore her. She may be doing it for attention. I don't know if that would help at all, but I don't claim to be an expert, my kids never cried at bedtime. Good luck!

Hi J.,
I almost have the same situation as you. My daughter is 16 months now and have been sleeping with mostly me, sometimes me and my husband since she was a couple of months old.
The main reason for that was that she was not nursing and the lactation consultant suggested co-sleeping which worked out great. Now I am pregnant and have hard time sleeping since I am in my last trimester and she also started to kick and move around a lot. I am afraid that she can roll out of bed while I am asleep.
We have been transitioning her to her bed slowly. We would rock her in a rocking chair and cuddle in our bed till she fell asleep and then put her in her crib. If she wakes up, pick her up and rock/cuddle again and then put in the crib.
Try that and see if it works out for you.
We also read books before bed and may be 15 min video - baby einstein.

Ok, I bought a twin bed w a bed rail for my girl. We ordered sheets in her fave color, got princess bed pillows..etc anyway, I also bought her (from toys r us) a small sleeping bag that folds into a couch. She absolutely loved sleeping in it w a cute blanket and a stuffed toy. We always played same lullaby music each night, cuddled and told her a story. She got used to her room. Also, u or husband can sleep in her room w her so she's not alone at first....good luck and congratulations!