Hi fellow moms! I am pregnant with my third son due in July. I am desperately trying to potty train my 6 1/2 yr old son, who has Autism, before the baby gets here.
The problem I seem to be running into is not in getting him to understand it, it's getting him to break from habit and use the potty instead of his pull-ups. I'm pretty sure he understands the whole concept. However, when I put him on the potty, he yells and screams and trys to get up. Devin yells many things like "I don't want to use the potty!" or "You're fired!" or "I don't care!". Most of the things he yells come from something he heard on tv..... He's so strong willed that it is getting a little dangerous for me to try to keep him on the potty long enough for something to happen. I am 6 months pregnant and trying not to accidently get head-butted in the belly!
I am a stay at home mom. My husband commutes an hour one way to work so he is gone early and gets home around 6 so I feel like I'm the main one who needs to make this happen.
I've tried putting things in the potty for him to aim at but that puts him into a frenzy because he doesn't think it should be in the potty. I tried letting him watch his big brother pee. I tried a Cars themed baby seat on the potty but he didn't like that. I tried pouring warm water over his privates to give him the urge while also offering him all the juice boxes he could possibly drink. I also tried letting him play in a warm bath for a minute or two and then putting him on the potty. That just makes him mad because he wants to stay in the bath and play. I don't know how to reason with him or bribe him because he doesn't seem to get the concept of "If you do this for me, I'll do that for you". Also, he will sit in a messy diaper forever. It doesn't bother him. He often leaks on our couch because he has peed in the pull up and we don't know it until he gets up and the couch is wet!!!
What should I do?! Is he simply not ready or just stubborn???
(I don't think it's me because I potty trained my older son by the time he was 3 1/2 just fine.)
Thanks so much,
C.
Hi C.,
I have a 4year old daughter who also has autism and is not potty trained. It is a challenge. I suggest you take out books regarding the issue or google "potty training and autism" as I did. I got a lot of information and examples on how to potty train a child with autism. I am at the beginning stage of the process but am very hopeful. Good luck.
I agree with Victoria, I too have an autistic child 8 years old. He learned potty during the day, but started going on the bed. First, it is very important that he sees his dad going. Just relax and let him watch, do not try to push him, I don't think they understand that.
My son stop going on the bed after my husband promised to get a tent and sleeping bag to camp out (he was about 5). His dad told him, if he could go one week dry at night, then we would buy the tent/sleeping bag. We do not want to have a wet sleeping bag or tent?? I had placed a plastic cover on his bed, but after that week he did stop.
I hope this helps, remember, you need to keep relax for you, for your pregnancy and for the autistic child too.
Like some of the others, I don't have direct info about dealing with pt and autism but one thing that did work with my son who didn't mind sitting a mess was to completely lose the pull-ups. He equated them with a diaper. We went bare bottom around the house. Yes that first week there were messes but it made him much more aware of his body. My other suggestion would be to check out some message boards for autism. Surely you will find lots of moms who have been right where you are now and made it thru and have really great tips and tricks that worked for them but also with the insight of a mom with an autistic child.
C., my 13 month old and I are going to take a Baby Sign Language class this week to learn how to use the Potty. It is supposed to be fun for him and very effective. They teach it at Boca Raton Community Hospital but the instructor is from Jupiter. Let me know if you need her number. Your child does not have to know sign language to be able to do it or take the class.
K.
hi, it really doesn't sound like it's something that he wants to do right now. if he's feeling overwhelmed, then maybe hold off on it for a while and not push so hard. also you say that a lot of the stuff he says is from tv. why not get a video of something that he likes about them usign the potty. like elmo or something like that, so he can watch his favorite character using the potty. that might help also.
My 3 yo is like your son. A pull up is a diaper to him. I had to put my son in underware before anything would happen. Make it possitive with books and movies. Find a favorite book of his so when it's time to sit on the potty he can look at it. Oh there's another thing. My son would sit on the potty either, I had to have Daddy show him how to stand and pee. A little soap in the toilet so he can make bubbles is a good way to go.
Kitchen timer set for 30 min at a time can help you out too. When the timer went off my son would jump up or run out of the room saying time to potty.
*Don't force him too much since you are expecting a new baby too. My son was force to train in daycare so he could move up to the 3 yo room and it so back fired on us. Make it possitive as much as you can and don't be surprised if when the baby comes he's still not trained yet.
Hi C..
I do not have any first hand experience with autism, but as I understand it, there can be communication problems and an inability to understand social cues, together with other symptoms. So, forgive me if I say anything that does not fit with your son's abilities. You must have quite a time handling everything at home, so may God bless you for all you do!
I don't think that at age 6 1/2 it's that he just isn't ready, unless it is a direct result of his autism. Have you spoken with his doctor about it? He/She may have some helpful suggestions, and I definitely would use their wealth of knowledge on the subject.
Since you said he understands the process, but seems unwilling or perhaps just unconcerned about the habit of using the pull-up instead of the potty, I would simply suggest offering him an incentive to comply. Perhaps, he doesn't realize that soiling his pull-up and its leaking onto the furniture disturbs others. Have you made him aware of this? (I don't mean by criticizing him, I mean just by factually explaining to him that you find it offensive/yucky).
If you haven't yet, I would try a chart for him. For each day that he uses the potty instead of his pullup, he earns a sticker/checkmark on the chart. Figure out something he can work towards and when he earns 10 checks/stickers, he earns the reward. Or make it 7 days in a row, or whatever you think works best. It might be that seeing the stickers/marks laid out uniformly on a chart will appeal to his sense of orderliness... he won't want to have a square mid-week missing its sticker... Does he understand the game of checkers? You could be really creative! For every day he stays dry/clean, he gets a gamepiece for the checkerboard. When he has all the pieces, you get to play! (or some variation)
I wish I had more ideas. Best wishes to you and your family
Is there a school or other facility where they could teach him? You don't have to be the only one working at this. Ask your pediatrician.
I have assisted in an Autism class and I sometimes substitute in Autism classes, and a lot of the children have trouble with using the potty. Many of them are not potty trained even in the upper grades. Don't get me wrong, some of them are potty trained but it can be a big chore getting them to that point. I also have an Autistic brother who was not fully trained until long after 7 yrs old, and he never got fully trained to poop in the toilet. Don't feel too bad about him sitting in his messy pull-up. Many autistic kids don't sense things the way we do, so things that may seem really gross to us don't bother them, while some things seem terrible to them yet are fine for us. There seems to be sensory issues for a lot of Autistic children.
I do not recommend forcing him to sit on the toilet. That will get him frustrated, and the more frustrated he is the harder it will be to get him back down. If you can find something that doesn't get him upset, try that. In general you want to avoid things that set him off if it can be done reasonably. If they are things he needs to get used to then you expose him in small increments, then gradually increase exposure as he does better in that situation.
With the potty, I would try starting with having him go regularly (every hour or so) and sit him down just for the time he is willing to sit. Don't push the issue, even if he will only sit for half a minute. You don't want to make it into something negative for him. Just keep trying and encourage him to potty, and each time he sits for even a short time congratulate him for sitting on the potty. After a while he should get used to sitting for longer spans of time and hopefully will, at some point, use the potty. When he does use it, even if it's just a bit let him know what a great job he did. Make sure he knows that it is awesome that he went potty in the toilet like a big boy!
It is also probably a really good idea to follow the other recommendations given buy several people to let him see daddy use the potty. The more he sees daddy do this, and understands its fine, the more likely he will be encouraged to try also. I really liked the idea of siting on the potty while reading. I think giving him something like that, that can distract him for a while, may get him to stay on the toilet longer.
What area do you live in? I'm in Palm Bay and one of my friends who has a son with Autism has recently started an Autism support group here. I help out, and attend the meetings. It has been very informative and helpful so far. She has childcare during the meetings so the kids are taken care of, and they all seem to enjoy it. She is also putting together other activities in the community, to get the families out to have fun with the kids. Anyway, if you are in the area, I think it's a great resource. If you or anyone else wants more information, you can post a message to me and I will pass the information along.
Hi C., I am in the Orlando area and a lot of families with children who have autism get great support and education from UCF-CARD (Center for Autism and Related Disorders at UCF) The web site shows that CARD services are available throughout FL. You might want to check out this web site for a location closer to you: http://www.ucf-card.org/florida.php I think they provide classes or information on potty training or may be able to refer you to a class or training near you. Good luck!
mY HUSBAND WOULD SIT ON THJE POT AND READ MAGAZINES; ONE DAY MY SON WAS DOING IT TOO hE WAS POTTY TRAINED. tRY MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO, LET HIM WATCH DAD,MOM AND SIBLING EVEN IF IT IS JUST SITTING ON THE POT WITH A MAGAZINE
I have a grandson (now 15) who is autistic so I have some idea what you're up against. One thing that might work is to use something he truly enjoys as a reward, whether it's watching a certain TV show, playing a Playstation game, or whatever. Make it a rule, you can't do that if you've wet your pull-up, and then stick to it! You want to play your game? Well then you'll have to pee in the potty first. What, you wet your pants? Well, then you can't watch your show. If you stick to it (and I know it's not easy!) he will get the idea.
Trying to physically force him, especially in your condition, is not a good idea. He can, and will, pick up on cause and affect although it may take a little time. He'll get tired of not being able to play his game anymore and eventually use the potty, being sure to let you know he did! You just have to keep reminding him that this is what's stopping him from playing his game.
Do you have any help with him? There are many groups and programs available, and even respite care, that will do you both a lot of good!
I hope things go well for you.
God bless you,
~ M. ~
I apologize up front, but I didn't get to read your whole post due to work constraints right now. But as soon as I saw autism and potty training, I remembered this lady:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25057503/
HTH and God bless,
T.
