Need Help with Toddler Sleep Issue

I was in a similar situation with my 3 yr old. She is real independent and like to make her own choices and decisions. For example, I pick out 3 outfits and she chooses from them. I give her 3 choices for breakfast and she picks etc... So, I told her that bedtime was bedtime. Everyone sleeps in their own bed and in their own room. If she doesn't choose to follow those rules, then I choose to not let her pick out her clothes, breakfast etc.. She tested me that night and acted up, but I had a real idea she wasn't really scared, just trying to not go to bed and wanted to stay up. I told her she doesn't have to sleep, but she has to go to bed. So, the next morning we had temper tantrums all morning because I followed through and didn't let her pick and make choices like a big girl and that night she went to bed willingly and without any balking. so maybe this type of thing can work for you too, Good luck.

C.,

From a very young age children express the same motives that drive us throughout our lives; and, as we grow older, we typically develop increased finesse in expressing these motives. Sounds like your son is beginning to experiment with manipulating you to get what he wants - MORE of your time. As another respondent observed, this may be due to the time required by your special needs daughter; but that may not be a large factor. Most first-borns (or older children) who have younger siblings enter the scene do manifest some behaviors that are aimed at refocusing their parent's attention on solely upon them.

It is important to show you son "singular" affection and attention at times, to minimize his feelings of competition with his younger sister. And K. B's advice is wonderful: (1) make the behavior that you expect clear to him; and (2) lovingly enforce your expectations.

Caring parents develop their behavioral expectations based upon the physical health and safety of their children - as well as intellectual, emotional and spiritual development. You are just at the beginning of having your child (children) experiment with getting his way. The sooner that you develop the art of clearly stating and lovingly enforcing your parental expectations, the less time the kids will have to hone their manipulation skills.

It is also GREAT that you have realized that you put "words in his mouth" when he adopted the term "the octopus lady." It is a constant challenge to "listen for understanding" and not to contribute entirely different concepts to another's perceptions (this even happens when interacting with our spouses, not just the kids.) By focussing on our own listening skills, we can get to the real issues without contributing to them.

Perhaps these Bible verses will encourage you (especially the first one, since you really need some sleep! lol):

Proverbs 29:17 - "Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul."

Colossians 3:22 - "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."

Ephesians 6:2-3 - "Honor your father and mother—which is the first commandment with a promise—that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

God Bless You All,
K.

Hi C.-

We went through this with both my son and daughter when they were about that age. With my children we were never under the impression that they were afraid of anything they were just avoiding going to sleep. If I had thought that they were actually afraid I probably would not have gone with this approach but, we bought one of those plastic childproof doorknob covers that prevents children from opening doors and put it on the inside of their door so that they could not get out. I know it sounds awful, but we showed them that they could not open the door with it on and told them that we would leave it off the doorknob as long as they agreed to stay in their room all night (if he's potty trained, he has permission to use the bathroom but then must go immediately back to bed). If they came out for another reason we would close the door and place the lock on it. With my son, we never had to use the lock...my daughter had it on maybe 3 or 4 times. Once they were asleep we would remove the lock before we went to bed so that in the middle of the night if they needed to they could come out. The first night that they stayed in bed without any whining or without needing the lock we had a small surprise waiting for them on their dresser in the morning (a new book or stuffed animal). Also, once they started staying in bed regularly, my husband or I would occasionally go into their room after about 15 minutes or so and snuggle with them and remind them of how much we appreciate them staying in bed like a big boy/girl.

Good Luck!
K.

We had the same problem with our 2 1/2 year old. After we moved her from the crib to the big girl bed, she began getting out of bed and calling for mommy or daddy 3 or 4 times a night. We had a baby gate across the doorway, so she could open the door and call for us but not get out. We were at our wits end! My husband or I would continuously get up and go there, put her back in her bed, and leave closing the door behind us... like Super Nanny said to do! Then we thought maybe she is nervous without the crib rails so we got a bedrail for the twin bed and that didn't slow her down. Well, after several months of this every single night I finally called our pediatrician and she said we need to stop going to her! We were very resistant to this idea at first, partly because we didn't want her to be scared and alone, but also because she shares a bedroom with her older (4 yrs) sister and we felt it wasn't fair to her to have to endure the screaming and crying. Well, we didn't know what else to do so we tried it and fortunately her big sister was a good sport. The first couple nights were rough, but gradually she would cry at the door for shorter and shorter times. Finally she made it all the way through the night! I knew she could, since she was always a wonderful, sound sleeper when we had her in the crib. She was just playing us, trying to get attention.

Good luck C., with whatever solution you choose! Give me a call if you want to know more about this or what else we tried.

C.
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www.livetotalwellness.com/carolyns

Hi C.,
I myself believe that children do have a sixth sence that we can just dismiss as adults ,and they cant ,there may well be a spirit or something in his room that scares him.Also you have a special needs child and 2 yr olds like to have lots of attion ,they are learning lots of new things at this age and they need to share them with you ,,they need special attion and time with with just you or daddy everyday without the oter sibbling maybe bed time would be a good time for that let them yalk and tell what they have done and seen ,then read them a story kiss them lots of love and kiss good night tell him he's safe and good night sweet dreams 1 more thing you might do is get a piece of quartz but it by his bed tell him its a magic crysral to keep him safe it really is too
good luck L.

I am right there with you...My little boy is 27 months and he is trying to avoid bed too. We take a bath, read a book or watch a little T.V.(telletubbies are hi thing just latetly) I am using the corner as my weapon of choice. I put him in bed and he tends to get up and play with his toys until he makes a sound and I go in the room. I ask him if he wants to go to bed or go to the corner. He always says bed and so he will lay down until I leave the room. After a little while I go his room and he is up again. I tell him to go sit in the corner and he walks over there and does for about 30 seconds and then turns around and says bed. We usually have to do it about 3 times, but it seems to work..good luck!

Hi, C.!

My daughter is now 3 1/2, but around the 3 yr mark we had the same problem with her...all of a sudden she didn't want to go to sleep by herself!

What we did that has been a great success is we let her choose her bedtime routine. We let her choose which order she wanted to get a bath, put on pjs, brush teeth, read a story, etc. she chooses a different pattern almost every night still, but she knows that getting in the bed and going to sleep by herself is part of the routine that she has to follow (and always the last step, of course!) While she is in bed my husband will sing her a lullaby while I tickle her back. This works very well to calm her down and get her ready for a good night's sleep. Then, it's lights out and night night time!

If she gets out of bed after we have said good night and turned off the light she gets her favorite blankie taken away from her until she can lie in bed for a little while and be quiet. (she has other blankets in the bed...lol) This pretty much always works as a last resort method. Hope this helps :)

Okay, I've been having this same issue with my 27 month old daughter- she would come out and we would put her back in and this would go on until finnally one of us would sit on the floor by her bed and rub her hair until she fell asleep and then she would get up in the middle of the night- this has been going on for over a week. Before that she was a great sleeper. So after I read the post yesterday from the Mom that gave the choice of corner or bed- a light came on. In all that bringing her back and soothing- we never really never let her know that this was something we didn't want her doing. Kids are so much smarter than we give them credit for. So last night I sat by her bed at bed time and rubbed her hair while I told her how she had to stay in her bed/room like a big girl and that if she didn't she'd have to go to time-out. I didn't say it harshly- I just explained it very matter of fact. The first time she came out- I asked her "Time-out or night-night?" She said "night-night" and went back in her room and closed the door. She did this 3-4 times never crying just coming out and when I would remind her gently of her choices she would go back in. After the last time she went back in and didn't even cry and stayed ALL night. It was amazing- all this time it was that easy. So thanks to that Mom for making me realize- our kids understand a lot better than we think! Good luck to the rest of you! Hopefully tonight is like last night and it wasn't a fluke!