Need Advice on How to Get My 7 Month Old to Sleep Away from Mommy

We transitioned out daughter from our bed to a crib in her own room at 7 months. I started off putting her in there while I was folding laundry etc just so she could hang out in there and not have to go to sleep. Then I put her in there for naps and then finally bed. We still have out guest bed in her room so some nights if she was having a tough time I would sleep in there with her and put her in bed with me. I still nurse her before I put her down at 11 months and she is drowsy rather than asleep when I put her down. She has always done well at being put down and going to sleep however recently once she became more active she did not want to be left alone and go to sleep. I tried the letting her cry a bit and then going in and leaving again. Didn't work. I read the Healthy Child Healthy Sleep habits book someone referred to. The info on sleep patterns is very good but the advice to let a baby 4 months and older cry for an hour at nap time and indefinitely at bedtime was something I could not subscribe to. I did leave her one night walk out shut the door and leave her to it. She cried for 40 mins. Not a screaming I'm dying cry, more of a I don't want to be in here and I don't want to go to sleep cry.

I have found some middle ground which is I nurse her, put her in the crib and then sit on the floor with my back up against the crib. She cries and tosses and turns and puts her hand on my shoulder and I touch her hand back and I talk to her quietly telling her that i know she is upset but that it is bedtime and time to go to sleep. If she plays with my hair etc too much I move away so she can't touch me. The longest this has taken me is 30mins the first night about 15mins the next night with barely any crying. Last night she didn't cry and was asleep in 10mins and tonight I put her down walked out and haven't heard from her yet. I have also started putting her down a little earlier, she was going down at 7.30pm this week I have got her down at 7pm and that has also helped.

This is a great resource http://www.handinhandparenting.org/
they are in Palo Alto and their website has some great articles about crying and why babies cry and how to respect their need to cry but to hear them and to listen rather than shut them in a room and walk out.

Hope this helps. Be patient (which is hard at times I know!).

C.

M.- This may only work for trying to get him to sleep for the night and it will help if you are thinking of no longer breast feeding. Or at least....breast feeding him to sleep. I would give the last feeding and my baby would fall asleep in my arms. I would have a cradle ready in the living room and w/i 10 mins of keeping hhim upright in my arms to digest foof would transfer him to the cradle. The transfer is often difficult but I finally got it down. I keep the cradle in the living room while I watch TV. Then 3 hours later, right before we go to bed, I pick him up in his sleep gently and give him a small "dream feed" of approximately 2-5 oz of formula (or expressed milk). You keep the lights low, do not talk to him, do not rouse him. Then, at that time, while he is still asleep, you transfer him to his crib. So he doesn't fall asleep there but you put him there while he is "out". Hopefully, he doesn't scare when he awakes. Good luck!

M.,
What if you put one of your shirts that you wore the day before with him in the crib so that he can still smell mommy, and think you are there with him? For some reason when my kids would nurse to sleep if I laid them down they would wake up, if my husband laid them down they slept....go figure.
W. M.

Try reading Dr Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep habits Happy Child. He has lots of age approriate strategies that you can choose from (according to your style of parenting).

You might try starting with the crib in your room. And despite what some people say, nursing to sleep is fine. At this age, how ever you can get him to sleep is okay. Just put him down in his own bed. You may find that he wakes up a lot --when he makes noises wait to see if he goes back to sleep on his own. Not every noise is a "mommy I need you". Sometimes they are just little noises. And letting him learn how to settle himself is okay. Depending on his temperament you don't want to leave him to figure it out if he is getting upset. Some babies need help calming down.

"Cry it out" is really the only way to do it with most babies. But you can't "try it," and then give up and give in, because every time you do that you make it harder for yourself and for the baby. You just have to do it.

Greetings M.: Congradulations on being able to have your own place and esp for being able to stay in San Francisco(because of the expenseive rents).
Since there are so many changes taking place for your child as hard as it seems, Now is the best time to set the standard and get your privacy back and teach the little one it is safe to be alone. It may have to start with you just sitting and reading to him or talking softly about anything at all to relax. One of my sons finally took to sleeping on the floor of his daughters room so she saw him and then she played herself to sleep. Keep music, radio, fan for white noise, and yes accepting a few tears of fear to make it happen but if you can stick it out for a few weeks then it will be alright. The little one will notice other changes as well so while you are setting up house put him into his sleep area for naps. He is young and many little ones sleep with their parents (all 5 of mine did,But they also knew they had thier own bed as well).
Enjoy the adventure of parenthood it really is wonderful and exciting . I know that it is the best thing I have ever done & now I have my Grandchildren to love & help care for as well. Nana G

We started our son sleeping in his own bed in the first 3 weeks. I recommend you start this as soon as possible! I ask people who co-sleep how it works out in the long run. NOBODY sleeps through the night. Don't let that happen to you! Let them cry a bit. TALK to them about the situation. Daddy had a one-to-one that seemed to actually make a difference at one point. We had things good within a week.