My Son Doesn't Want Daddy:(

J. -

I had this problem with my son at 4 months old, too. He preferred his mom over his dad. I brought this issue up with my pediatrician. The doctor said that my son could sense his mother, the main caretaker. He can smell the food and is used to the holding positions. My son had to learn to be with his father. You can try to get him acquainted with daddy by having daddy hold and play with the baby when the baby is in a good mood at small doses with mom present. Then slowly, increase the time and mom can slowly be absent. Hope this helps!

Good luck!
K

How old is your baby? This happened with my sister-in-law and her own baby. The problem was she was not used to being around babies and had anxiety. The other part was that babies have excellent noses and she was the food source. So each time I would be holding JJ and he was asleep, the moment she walked into the room, he would bawl. He associated her with food and if she wasn't feeding him, he was upset!

I am no expert, but you might just try having your husband sit and relax, then give him the baby. Tell him to just wait and hold the little one that you will be in the next room. Give it at least 15 minutes. Of course make sure the baby is fed and has had a recent diaper change. This might work best at a time when the baby would normally sleep.

New babies don't really understand the concept of love. They just know food, pee or poop, and comfort. So it has nothing to do with the individual as much as it does with one of those things.

I hope this helps. I am not a therapist, so it may not be the answer. But, it will get better...

Good luck,

Jodi

Hi J.

We went through the same thing with our 3 year old daughter.
She always wants to be with me only. I try to give dad time alone
by going to the store for an hour or so. After a while he will
learn that dad is just as great as mom.Also letting dad go to
him first when he wakes up in the morning if possible or after
naps would probably help.

My daughter goes through this off and on. The only solution seems to be, spend more time with daddy. Once they develop their own relationship and rituals and interactions, everything's fine. We've also noticed that daughter will 'punish' daddy (be afraid of him, cry for mommy, not want to be held or play, etc.) sometimes after he goes out of town for a few days on business. It's like she misses him and wants to make sure he knows it! But that goes away too after a couple days. Just encourage you husband that it happens to every daddy and it won't be like that forever.

not sure how old your baby is...if you're still breastfeeding -- try pumping a bottle a time or two so that Daddy can be the one to feed him sometimes.
Have Daddy lay on the floor when the baby is having tummy time or playing with baby toys....the more time Daddy interacts...the more baby will respond with positive feedback. I think this should start with you being there next to Daddy in the same room...so he does not associate Daddy with Mommy's absence (a negative thing in baby's eyes).
I've seen with my son, (even now at 3 yrs old), that time=love in his eyes....the long weekend that Daddy has at home to interact with him...the more attached he gets to Daddy and is best buds with him. But on the weeks that he goes out of town on a business trip (not often) ... my son walks right past Daddy when he gets home.
It should be baby steps (no pun intended:-)) ....first let Daddy spend some quality play time with baby -- with giggle fests (my husband would hold my son on his tummy and then do silly situps and count off each time he came up ...and made a silly face at my son 'one, two, three," etc...and my son thought that was the most hilarious thing ever! Daddy and son need some kind of "inside joke" all to themselves...I never did that situp joke with him because I knew that was Daddy's thing. He also would say a silly word like "pickles" in a silly voice and my son would crack up --- that became their "inside joke" too --i never attempted to use that material on my son. And that allowed them to bond more. So i hope this gives you some ideas.
As he gets more secure...you should go out for a girls night out or something (or shopping, gym, bookstore) and let Daddy and son bond without your presence there. Do this regularly -- like at least once a month or every other week.

And I always reassure my husband that there'll be a time when my son grows up a little more that Dad will be my son's ultimate superhero -- and he'll come to worship him because Dad will be the one that'll take him fishing, take him to sporting events, etc. And Mom will just be a girl in his eyes. There comes a time in most kids' lives where they have a big attachment to the same sex parent.
anyways...good luck!

We went through this too. It's normal and Daddy shouldn't take it personally, though it's hard. Just encourage Dad to hang in there and be a part of the baby's life. It's very easy to withdraw and that will make things worse. Kids swing back and forth and it's a normal part of their development. Your son is already forming relationships with you and his daddy. His daddy is very important but right now Mommy is the most important (food). Daddy can help with the comforting and caring part. See if your husband will do the diaper changes or have him do bathtime. Several dads I know do the baths so that they have a special time with the kids, give mom a break and help in the caretaking. Have you read 'What to Expect The First Year"? That may answer your questions and make your husband feel less hurt when he realizes his son is perfectly normal and before he knows it his son will be his best buddy.

Hi J.,
I did not catch how old your lil' one is, but he sounds very young. If that is the case...this is very normal. My daughter did the same thing for a period of time...it seemed to come and go a few times within the first two years of life. He will probably do just fine once he has some one on one time with daddy. Tell daddy to be patient and very nurturing...talk about mommy, look at pictures, and try to develop their on 'fun' rituals. Babies prefer mommy, irregardless how wonderful daddy is. It is not personal. Hang in there. You can help by handing baby to daddy for a few minutes at a time, just hand him off, and go on...don't hesitate or give any reason why he is not safe with daddy. After a few minutes return. Make the time longer gradually. Once he knows you do come back, some of this will ease up.

K.

Babies often just react to a feeling they are picking up from the person holding him/her. If your husband is uptight/nervous when holding the baby, the baby will probably cry. If the baby cries, the person holding him/her can easily get uptight/nervous. -> vicious circle. I've seen new moms add to the problem by constantly telling dad how to do it, how to hold the baby, what to say, blah, blah,...that only makes poor dad get more insecure about his own abilities. If you've been involving yourself in their deal, I'd say back up and smile/gleam at your husband (how cute they are together), act as if life is normal and let them sort it out. That'll relax your husband more than anything you could ever say about it.

Congrats on your new addition,
A.

my son's father and I were off and on alot during his first yr in this world. And he wanted nothing to do with him. he was very attached to me or my mother who babysat him. his father and i eventually worked out our problems and have been living together for approx 1 yr now. but for a long time i had to help my son get over his fear of daddy. luckily he has the greatest dad in the world and he was very patient with him. but i found that letting him make the decision to go to him was the best. b/c it was his idea. It took a while for my son to even want his dad to touch me in front of him b/c he was not used to seeing us close or hugging and kissing. so I would show him that it was okay to hug daddy and kiss daddy and love him. he eventually would hug daddy when mommy would hug daddy and so on. now they are great together. if daddy is going to work...my son will hold on to his leg and say "no" daddy "don't go" which my husband thinks is amazing. time is the best cure for this. try sitting really close to your husband when you are holding the baby and cuddle together as a group...this helps also. But also realize...he is your first son...you are his first mommy and he will always be really attached to you. my sons father says when he is home all day with him he is fine and never whines. but the second i walk through the door...my son becomes whiney...needy...and bratty. I dont know why but both of my children do it. children are just a bit more attached to mommys in the beginning stages of life.

this is so normal. hang in there and wait until your son is walking and can run after daddy and things like that. It'll change where YOU are the one he doesn't want to go to. It swings back and forth throughout their life.