hi moms. my husband is constantly underminding me when i disapline our 21 month old. i will warn her 2 times and then disapline her with a swat and putting her on her bed. he always tells me dont do that and i reply to him that no she got her warning now she has to see the consequences of her bad actions. like today she wa throwing her wood blocks and i told her not to throw them and she did i again i told her if you throw them one more time i will put them up. well needless to say she threw them again and i took them and put them up and my husband says im being mean that i need to just give them to her. he also started to give her blocks to play with after i told her no more. i will not reward her bad behavior in any way. he sees it as being mean. what do you think?
heres a little inside info - my husband and i dont live together. i moved out of my inlaws house because they constantly tried to over ride my authority with my daughter and treated me like a 14 year old and my husband would allow this. i moved back home with my daughter because of this. he does help finacially and sees her just about every day.
Sorry to say this but you are not married to a wounderful man. He shares the opinion of your inlaws and has no respect for you. I would not give your daughter the amount of chances you do, but you are correct in the seeing the consequences idea. Moving out was a good thing for you, getting on with your life will be another big step.
J.,
I think it's great that you are consistent with the discipline. It's really important to give toddlers structure and routine, but have you explained to her why it's wrong?
This was something that was pointed out to me by the therapist my ex and I were seeing...she explained that the word 'no' means nothing to a toddler without some kind of back-up. Her theory is that you can say 'no' and 'redirect' the behavior away from the 'bad' and then if they repeat it follow-up with punishment, but 'no' without some kind of reasoning is pointless. I can tell my son 'don't do that' but, there is no reason for him to stop. The example she gave us, was 'don't throw those blocks, you could hurt someone or yourself. let's play with them like this' and then show how to use them...if they behavior repeats, then take them away and explain why and what the consequence is...this has worked really well with my son.
Just a thought.
But, as for the hubby...he NEEDS to get with the program. If you are living seperatly you need to be on the same page, but disagreements need to be done away from your little one. Kids can sense dissention in the ranks, and this can create confusion and tension. Sit down with him and explain to him that you appreciate his input, but at this time this is the path you have chosen to take. But, understand that he should be allowed to give input on his daughter's discipline and care, and he will most likely voice his opinion. It is of course up to you how you handle it, but try to work these details out away from her.
With my ex, I would simply say to him something like 'your input his helpful but not right now' and continue with what I was doing at the time.
Be firm and clear with him...just like you are with your littl girl.
Good Luck.
I agree with you. If she is able to understand that she needs to learn. I think three warnings is good.
I will be doing the same thing with my little guy.
WOW, I think you are doing the right thing. We have a 3 year old and they are TESTING us, your daughter sounds like mine she is pushing you to see what she can get away with. I had to start taking things away and even putting her in a time out ( only for 2 min) but you have to follow through, I dont always and I wish I did. You are not being mean your teaching her how to deal with things and what is right and wrong. The books say the first 5 years are the most impressionable. Good luck.
