My Daughter Made Me Sad Tonight

That's one doggone hard thing to do...work everyday, send you child to daycare. My daughter was off from work one day last week and was there to be with her son and fix him breakfast and wait for the schoolbus to come(usually he is at daycare by 7am). Plus alittle time to hang out together. As the bus was coming, he said..."Mom this has been the best morning of my life!. Now doesn't that make ya feel guilty, but what's a mom to do?

I would not expect any man or woman to work three jobs so I could stay home. You have been on your own for a very long time and while I'm sure your daughter would rather spend more time with you, she's had a lot of time to adjust to the fact that you need to work.

I think you were right letting her stay in her own bed, so you will be well rested when you have to get up and go to work again.

I was a single mom too and one thing we did on Saturday morning when he was your daughter's age, was eat cereal in bed and watch cartoons and take naps if we wanted. We went to the park and for movies and pizza (when we could afford it). Go to church on Sunday.

When he was older, he was into sports, soccer, base ball, tennis and I never missed a game or match.

I didn't get any help from my former husband, but I never called him a loser in my son's presence. My son is grown now and has a good relationship with his father. However, my son knows who took care of him and why his mother needed to work. It does feel like they grow up over night, but you are doing the right thing by your child.

Blessings......

Please know you are not alone. We Mommas are here to listen and many of us have been there done that. Hugs to you and your little girl.

I think a lot of us know where you are coming from. DIfferent reasons but same idea in the end. I have to work as I am the primary breadwinner/health insurance carrier etc even though I have a husband who also works and my 3.5 year old says similar things. She always asks which day it is and if I can stay home with her today (since I thankfully have weekends off I always tell her I can stay with her ALL DAY on Sat and Sun). I agree, all you can do is spend what time you have with her and make sure she knows how much you love her. Best to you!!

Take her to bed with you, I did. I was in your shoes at one point, I was a single parent, hard working. Barely had time for my little girl, we sleep together, and she moved a lot too, she kick me and slap me, lol.
But it did got better, you can put some pillows, sleep on your back so she gives you a massage with her kicks, I am not joking, I didn't mind as much when she kick or sleep on top when I was sleeping on my back, sometimes even felt good the little foot massage.
I am so sorry, it felts horrible, I know.
My little one now is 13, I am a stay at home mom now, she has yet never told me nothing about when she was little, but I do talk to her about it, and tell her I would have love to stay with her too.
I hope your little one feels better when she goes to Kindergarden, do anybody on your family can help you, maybe she would feel a little different if she is with a close family?
Best wishes for you and your little princess.

I expect most all of us moms who have to/had to work feel this conflict at some time or other, especially if our kids express a need for more mothering than they are getting. It is sad – I recall a few events in my daughter's life that made me wish desperately I could stay home with her.

The good news is that any path through life requires adjustments and adaptations to frustrations and less-than-optimal circumstances, and kids are resilient and adaptable. There are so many examples of this in the extreme – children who have lost families to wars or natural disasters, and grown up to make a positive mark on the world, in many cases because of the losses they suffered. And it's actually a mark of good mental health when 'normal' challenges are met. It helps children become a bit more independent, which is what we want them to be by the time they are finishing high school.

I hope you find a bazillion ways to give your little beloved real, quality time as she grows up. My daughter and I were a real team and delighted in being with each other, and we have far more fond memories than sad ones. So sorry for the heartbreak.

Sometimes being a grown up stinks. I have done the drop off to daycare when all I wanted to do was take my kiddo home.

If your schedule allows, how about picking her up once a month right after school? Do something simple like go home and bake brownies and just hang.

I was largely raised by a single mom and I turned out okay. She will be alright, because you do love her and are trying to do your best by her. Give yourself a break and give her an extra hug.

I am sending big hugs your way. It is so hard. I was a single mom until my daughter was 4. I wanted to caution you on something though. Tell her you have to go to work its what moms and dads do.. But don't go into all the money stuff. It creates stress in them and fear that you will loose the house, food etc. Hug her and like the previous poster said don't tell her what you can't do but stress what you can. You CAN read her bedtime stories and give her a bath, you CAN eat supper with her tonight and listen to her read etc... you CAN tuck her into bed, you CAN spend the whole weekend with her etc. just keep her feeling secure. Your a good mom to worry. Hoping you feel better soon.

lots of Momma hugs being sent your way......be strong & be proud that you have fostered a close relationship with your daughter....so close that she can share her inner secrets/fears with you.....knowing/trusting that you are there for her. Kudos to you!

My recommendation: find a mother/daughter necklace.....like the friends necklaces that break in half....so each one wears 1/2 of the heart. OR !!! why don't the two of you make a necklace together!!!

OH your post made me cry.
My good friend is going through this right now. She has custody for 4 days, ex gets the child for 3. Every Wednesday the child is clingy and whiney, All the mom wants to do is hold her tight and tell her it'll be OK.
As adults we know they will survive but watching it breaks our hearts.

Big hugs to you and your little one.

Tell your daughter that each week we are going to set some time aside just for me and you to do what ever you want it doesnt have to be long just half an hour to an hour during those three hours take her for walk or to the zoo do something that makes her feel more closer too you in the morning before you go to work read a story or tell her one about when you where little

My daughter tells me she doesn't want to go to daycare and instead wants us both to stay home. I tell her how much I love her, so much that I want to go to work to earn money to keep her safe in our home, buy her books, toys, healthy food, etc... She got it that very minute she said, " I changed my mind Mommy I want to go to school so you can go to work" I gave her an even bigger hug. Good luck to you.

S., I know how your daughter feels. My parents were divorced when I was two and so grew up as an only child with my mom. My mom was a nurse and worked all kinds of crazy hours. I missed her terribley too. We could fortunately sleep together and did for many years. I can tell you that we are extremely close now that we are both adults. I'm very fortunate that I can stay home with my three kids. One year ago my mom was able to sell her home in Florida and now lives a mile from my home. She is over to help me with the kids almost every day. She feels like she is making up with them, the time that she never got with me.
The one thing I told her is that I wished that we didn't have a home when I was growing up if that meant she could of spent more time with me. If we lived in an apartment/duplex/townhouse she wouldn't of had to spend so much time cleaning and doing yardwork, etc.
It is no fun and my heart breaks for your daughter too. I can just tell you that you'll both make it through this. You'll both be stronger women and will probably have a very close relationship to eachother.

D.

You have gotten a lot of great answers. I am lucky enough to have been home with my kids for most of their lives, but did work for a brief stint, and heard the same things from my daughter. She still clings and whines about me leaving her at school (she is now 5 and in kindergarten) because she wants me to stay the whole day (at home its often a different story - she wants me to leave her alone!). My advice as a child and family therapist is set aside at least one hour a week when she gets to pick the activity, make the rules, and be in charge (within reason, of course). That will give her a sense of control over her time with you. One day a week, try to take her on a "date," like swimming, or to a movie, the park, American girl restaurant, whatever. This will reinforce that she is more important to you than your job. As other moms have suggested, keep the explanation about the job practical. Ultimately, she will grow up to admire you as a strong, independent woman who did what she had do to support her family.

I'm all for co-sleeping!! My 5 y/o still loves sleeping with me and until her baby brother is born, she's welcome in my bed.

I work the overnight shift as a Nurse, but before that I was a full time student and working part time. Even married couples need to have both parents working - tho we'd prefer otherwise.

For her first 3 years I was a single Mom and was a Nanny - - worked out great since it meant she came with me every day and it was wonderful (but hard - no break from her at all LOL).

aww so sad. I worked through my oldest child's first year after leaving his father when he was only 3 weeks old. I hated it. When I married my second (current) husband I was able to stay home with the kids. I waited until my youngest child was 5 years old before going back to school and it wasn't long before he got upset with having to go to sitters. He said "Work Work Work.. when's it all gonna quit!" If you had a choice, it would be different,, but you don't unless you find a good at home business. Hold her tight and let her know like you have been, that you don't like being away from her either. Cuddle extra time with her in the evenings and plan days off doing something fun like board games or trips to the park. If possible arrange your schedule to work during the times she is with her dad.. Wednesday through Sunday, if he has the kids for the weekends. Whatever you do, please remember that as parents we don't always get to do the popular things with the kids. We have the responsiblities to provide them a secure, healthy life and at times they won't like it, whether it is working or curfews when they get older. If you show guilt about having to work, it will give her the impression that work is a bad thing. I know my son use to tell his daughter "Baby, I have to go to work to make you some money" He did this to lighten up the situation and she being so young would smile and say "Ok" because she likes money. I worried that it would make her feel that she is the blame for his going to work but she never took it that way which is good since he was killed in an accident on his way home from work last summer. I would hate for her to think that it was her fault that he was on the road. The point I am trying to make is don't feel guilty over having to work. Just keep telling her that you work because you need to so you can pay for the house, food and other things. That is what grown ups have to do. and soon she will be in school full time and things will be better.

I know just how you feel. My husband and I decided that I'd be a stay at home mom after my daughter's birth. She's four now and when my husband lost his job back in August, I picked up a temporary seasonal position at a store that kept me away from home. She would clutch at me and beg me not to go and it just broke my heart to pieces. I tried to tell her that I had to go to work because we needed money to buy food and all the things she likes, which got us into a huge conversation about money, how to get it and what we do with it.

Later that night when I got home from work, my daughter had a huge pile of toys and some of her favorite lovies piled in a huge pile downstairs in the living room. Frustrated I asked her why she made such a big mess, but my husband touched my arm and shook his head at me, warning me not to get angry.

She then told me that she wanted to give back all the things we bought with money so that I can stay home with her again. Broke. My. Heart. Her beloved baby blanket was on the top of that pile, like it was the last thing she considered giving up, and then finally just tossed it in.

Oh that is sad. Maybe each day you can remind her of certain things that mommy's money pays for. Like tomm am you say that her breakfast is from mommy's paycheck. her friends at her daycare are b/c mommy can pay for her to go there. her having her own bdrm, her clothes, her toys, etc tell her how you wish you could stay at home with her and that you miss her so much when you are at work. I would also consider taking a day off if you could, keep her out of daycare, and take her on a mommy/daughter day and spend the entire day with her! Let her choose what you guys do. I would also make the most of the weekends so she feels special and gets her fill of mommy. I am sure she was having a sappy day and hopefully will feel better tomorrow. Is there anything you can do with your work, like work from home one day a week or two? can you work some nights and some days instead? Not sure what you do for a living but there might be a way to arrange a slightly different schedule to spend more time with her. Also, keep in mind that you are doing this for the both of you. don't be sad, you are taking care of this little girl the best way you can and that is more than enough love. She is just young and misses her mommy. find some time to spend with just her and make her feel more special. sorry you are sad, it must be really hard but you are doing the best thing for both of you.