My Daughter Is Addicted to My Boob!!!

Try Dr. Sears book called "The baby sleep book". He gives all sorts of tips on how to get a baby to sleep w/o letting her cry it out. Studies have proven that the cry it out method slows development and teaches a baby not to trust. Good luck!

You can take my word or leave it but here's my take on breastfeeding and sleeping along with the whole crying it out thing...(I apologize in advance if I offend anyone or sound condescending. That is not my intention at all.) Babies are not naturally self soothers. We are a society that cheers heavily on independence from the minute we leave the womb. There are no other societies that live that way or mentally believe the way we do. Unfortunately we have this way of living where we are "forced" to work full time (or even part time) outside the home and need to juggle a billion loads. Because we are working we need a full night's sleep to function and the baby gets shafted. Babies are not meant to sleep through the night when they are newborns. They need their mommies and their mommies need them to be close by too. There is a certain bonding which takes place when we release ourselves from these impossible standards and let go a bit, to suddenly enjoy being mothers 100%. There is so much controversy over co sleeping and letting your baby cry. Since when is Ferber TRULY an expert?!? He is simply an individual like anyone else who has coined this concept of letting your baby cry until they are too exhausted and finally fall asleep. I don't see how that is self-soothing. Rather the opposite. It teaches children (or babies) that from the beginning they need to fend for themselves. Wow, what a great way of educating our kin (sarcasm). That is what this society teaches through all stages and that is why our children are ending up so screwed up. Because children do not receive the adequate love and nurturing because their parents are too busy thinking about themselves. Now this is not to say that mothers shouldn't work. Quite the contrary. If it is necessary, we do what we have to do. Life is very very difficult in our times financially and its hard to survive without 2 incomes at times. I myself work part-time out of home and am pursuing another degree soon purely out of financial necessity. But it does mean to keep things in prospective. Sometimes we lose sleep...a lot of it. But that's part of motherhood. Take it or leave it. Being a mother is the greatest gift G-d gave to humankind. We all were blessed to have this treasure. I hope I don't sound preachy - its just the way I see things. If your baby is crying and your gut reaction is to not let her cry, let her be close to you so you can sleep and she can be comforted by you and your husband. There is NOTHING as wonderful as waking up to see the two people you love most lying by your side. If we as adults would all have that too, there would be a heck of a lot less people in therapy these days. Unfortunately, many of us do not receive that love and nurturing unconditionally and we are emotionally lacking.

You are doing the right thing and do not question yourself. You are a great mother and most importantly you are trying very hard to do what's right. It sounds like you are making good choices for your child and be proud of them. It is not easy doing our job. Good luck on this sometimes bumpy road and just go along with it. It's great as it sounds like you already see! Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Lizzy,

As I'm sure you've seen there are 2 very different opinions on babies sleeping and letting them cry. I don't know much about the Ferber method, but I can tell you what has worked for us.

Not sure if you have heard of the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth, but you might be interested in reading it. Dr. Weissbluth is our daughter's Pediatrician and we think he's great. His main philosophy, as I interpret it, is sleep is the best gift you can give your child and sleep leads to sleep....in other words, the more they sleep, the more they will sleep. So he suggests no more than 2 hours of wakefulness at a time during the day, putting them to bed between 5:30 and 6:30 pm, and then not going to them at night until after 4 hours has passed. In other words, if they go to bed at 6:30, you can't go to them until after 10:30, then another 4 hours after that feeding. The "sleep training" takes a little while but the great thing is he has instructions for those parents who don't mind letting the babies fuss for a little bit, those who don't want them to cry at all; those who want babies to learn to soothe themselves, and those who want to soothe their babies to sleep. But the most important part, I think, is the no longer than 2 hours of wakefullness during the days because if they sleep better during the day, they won't become over-tired and fussy and will sleep better at night. There's a lot more too it, so take a look at the book.

Personally, I'm not one for pushing my method of parenting on other moms...as a first time mom myself I know how challenging and confusing it can be and the last thing you need is someone telling you you're doing something wrong based on their philosophies. All babies are different (and all moms are different) so you will know best what works for your baby and your family. I just wanted to let you know what has worked for us with very little "trauma" on our little one and on us :)

Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions. Oh...and I say "boob" too so don't worry :)

Good Luck,
C.

I would try and give her a few minutes to soothe herself before running in. Try letting her fuss for 3-5 minutes (yes, you'll have to look at the clock and it will seem like an eternity). Then send your husband in (he doesn't have boobs - this helps) to comfort her. He can sing her a song or whatever, but he should leave for another 5 minutes then. Basically this is a "nicer" version of Ferber. Believe me, it works, and she will figure it out so fast it won't be nearly as heartbreaking as you think right now. You'll find that she probably won't cut out all her night nursing (nor should she) but she shouldn't have any trouble cutting it down to 1-2 meals per night - which will make you much much happier. It's amazing how much better you will *all* feel if you only wake up for one night meal. If she's not eating for real then she is ready to drop that one.

If you pick her up right away she will still eventually learn this skill but it will take much longer. I'm not saying that you should just let her cry and cry, but give her a chance to figure it out before you go running in.

Hi there! I read somewhere that when a baby is given a lot of attention and love and cuddling throughout the day that they would not be so apt to be clingy at night. I dont know if that's true, but thought it was interesting.
Also, as heartbreaking as the cry is, you might find that you only have to listen to it one or maybe two nights before she is able to soothe herself to sleep.
One more piece of advice is that while ferberizing is a good method for some babies (and parents) it might not work for all. We did a modified method of it with our son and daughter. We would let them cry for a certain amount of time (started out 10 mins, then went to 20 mins, 30 mins). Each time that elapsed, we would go in and comfort them, but not pick them up, or pick them up if they were hysterical but not nurse them. It really depends on your comfort levels with this, and with the baby's comfort levels. It's hard to explain, but you'll know when your baby has had enough, and generally they are much more accepting of crying than their parents are! And when they wake up smiling the next morning, you'll know it's OK. My son sleeps from 7PM to 7:30AM and has since he was 10 weeks old. My daughter sleeps from 6:15PM to 7AM and has since she was 6 months old. So this method worked for us. I hope that makes sense and hope it helps.

E.,

I know you probably don't want to hear this, but infants need to feel the comfort of their mothers. I know your doctor is advocating for you to deny her during the evenings, but this is not good for your daughter's development.

Please read The Baby Book by Dr. Sears.

I'm with you...I have an 11 month old boob addict. Has your husband tried to get her back to sleep? I don't like to let my daughter cry it out either. Sometimes my husband can get her back to sleep easier than I can because there is no chance of nursing. My ped suggested trying a sippy cup of water when you go in but my daughter then relied on the cup so we stopped that. I really don't believe in crying it out, how is that self-soothing? They just learn to cry themselves to sleep, not put themselves to sleep. It may work, aka, they fall asleep, but I don't really like to cry myself to sleep so why would my little baby girl? SO don't feel bad about not letting her cry, I personally don't think that it's good for them. I wish I had better advice for you, If I did I'd be using it.....My daughter sometimes makes it til morning without waking but it is sporadic. I just keep telling myself that one day she will sleep. And then it will probably be a struggle to get her up in the morning. That's the real irony. In 15 years they'll want to sleep all day long...
Good luck and I hope that I've helped just a little bit.
M.

Naomi is RIGHT!! And you have breasts not boobs.

Hi Lizzy,

We have been following Dr. Marc Weissbluth's method of the "three B's" - bath, boob and bed, and it really works! It really relaxes our son and sends him right to sleep. We have also been able to make sure that our son feeds every three hours during the day, and then once he goes to sleep with his paci he will sleep for about 6hrs straight.

Good luck!
A.

I have "boobs" and my daughter (and husband) want them all the time too! :) Enjoy it and go with what your heart tells you. Trust your instincts.

Hi!
Do not let other people make you feel guilty for needing your sleep. I can not even imagine what a crab I would have been if my child did not sleep through the night after so long! I used the Babywise method and my son slept through the night at 7 weeks. I wasn't as strict as the book, but basically you make sure to feed them every 3 hours during the day--even wake them if they are nepping so that they eat a lot during the day and sleep better at night. I woke my son often(according to the schedule) to stay on the schedule which my mother-in-law hated, but it worked!!! We also never let him nap(to this day) after 5pm. We wake him at 5 so he is ready for bed and sleepy at 8. Also as others suggested I'd try a pacifier. We tried about 6 different kinds until we found one he liked and it worked fantastic for sleeping.
So, you are not a bad person for needing your sleep!! You may need to let her cry for a little while and just check on her every 10 minutes, but eventually she has to learn you are not an all night diner! Babies adjust and will NOT be scarred from having to learn to soothe themselves to sleep. Good Luck!

Try and give her a binky to satisfy her sucking need during the night. Good Luck!

I had this problem with my daughter and although we are not completely cured yet we are on our way. I am completely against the Ferber method. There are other ways. The book "The No Cry Sleep Solution, Gentle Ways to help your baby sleep through the night" by E. Pantley has helped me greatly. She had the same dilema. I would suggest reading it and trying some of the solutions before trying the Ferber Method again. All doctor's should know about and refer parents to this book. Good luck. It does get better.