My Children Talk Back to Me

Thank god for that! Thank you for nor raising robots, but actual people with some self worth . Unlike so many parents these days :)

My kids talk back too, I laugh loudly if they are being ridiculous.

Always ask your self : Is it important ? Before you give them some instruction. works for me.

As for your young teen... give give her the chores and responsibilities expected of a 14 year old... you know, clean the car, wash the bathroom, cook dinner, baby sit, get her up extra early, to start a load of laundry. explain she acts like hana montana, but is not a millionaire.

happy mommy journey.

Hey S., I hate to have to tell you this (it is not like you don't already know) your children have know respect for you. It sounds like they just wait until you are so mad and start welling and then they know you are going to do what you want them to do, am I right? I have learned a great tool for this with my 3yold. He thought he did not have to listen and it made the other kids mad that he got away with it. It is called...First Time Obedience. You tell them one time and if they do not do it right a way that you let them know what is going to happen to them since they did not listen. For example. "Johnny, mommy wants you to put that toy away, please." To which little Johnny says no if he answers at all. Then you say, "Please pick up the toy. Since you didn't listen to mommy and do what you are told you are going to get a time out, spanking, sent to bed...ect." This is going to take prompt action on your part (the hard part!). Do not wait, first time obedience requires firt time dicsiplen!

As to the talking back do not alow it. And have your husband explain to the children that you are his wife first and that no one will talk to his wife like that not even the children. And then come up with an appropreate punishment for them, and make sure you follow through with it every time!

Kids are hard! I can relate I have 6 from 14-1. Hope this helps and give you a strategy!

Hi S.-
Are there any consequences when they act out like that? I am also a stay @ home mom, with 3 kids (6 1/2, 3 1/2, & 11 mo.) & if they don't listen (not the baby) I will enforce whatever it is that I said will happen. IE: go to your room, the tv goes off, toy gets put away, etc. I give them 2 tries to get it together. If it happens a third time I enforce the consequence. Consistancy is the key! Sometimes it's hard but it will be harder if you don't get them understanding that they must respect you and that your words have weight.

I hope that this helped!!

K. C.

I've struggled with this a lot in the past. The most frustrating thing for me to find out was how fabulous my children (I have four as well) were with other people, but how infuriating they could be with me.

One thing that I have learned that has changed EVERYTHING (from my ex-boyfriend, no less) is to FOLLOW-THROUGH. If you say you are going to do something, absolutely do it no matter how difficult it may be. That's the only way for them to ever take you serious and know—without a doubt—that you mean business. It also forces you to very carefully choose the type of discipline/punishment/consequences (whatever you want to call it) you're willing to enact for direct disobedience.

It will be painfully hard to do for a while; but once the kids finally begin to understand that you mean what you say, the frequency of how often you have to repeat yourself 50 million times will definitely drop amazingly.

I have to say, it's much nicer for me now that I don't feel like I'm beating my head against a wall (and trust me, there were times when I really wanted to do just that)

It takes time, but once you get there, it's amazing how much more you enjoy your time with the kids.

S.,
Setting boundries and following through is really,really important. Start taking things away that mean the most and give chores. Things can be given back when chores are completed. There is nothing wrong with washing the mouth out with soap with the little ones. Let them know that you are serious with out having a yelling match. And! follow through. Don't back down.
Good luck.

S.,
I have three of my own , and yes, it is tiring to be the constant nag, however there is an antisipated "low self controle at these ages of your children ,,, suggesting they not say anythng until it is nice and appropriate , is one way and the next is asking them how they feel?? what is going on behind the smart words.... fear, ? anger , or just outright lack of respect??? They listen to Dad cause,I am assuming you spend the majority of the waking hrs with your children, so they have learned to tune you out... pick your battles.... save your energy, and above all enjoy the independence.,because that is really what they are trying to exhert.... M

I've found that what the older one does so follow the rest. You are the adult and it's your job to set the boundaries and guidelines. Nagging never works and they'll just tune you out. I had an older daughter who tried that and this is how I handled it. First, I told her that it was not nice to talk to me that way and I wouldn't talk to her until she could be polite. Of course she still yelled thinking that it would work, I just ignored her and eventually she changed her tone. I also would talk to her the way I wanted her to talk to me. I asked politely, said thank you, gave lots of praise when she did things right. When she would speak to me respectfully I would reinforce the behavior by telling her how happy it made me when she did that. It's not easy changing a child's negative behavior. It takes time and patience. Use time outs, taking away the things that are important to them, such as tv time, favorite toys or privileges as discipline. Let them experience that there are consequences to unacceptable behavior. You have to teach your children to respect you. If they don't respect you at home, they won't respect other adults and will have a hard time in life. Remember, you are their mother not their best friend or equal. Your job is to raise productive members of society -- ones that respect others and play nice. Another piece of advice is to watch what they're watching on tv. If what they're watching is teaching them that its ok to talk that way, then stop the tv. Even Disney channel has some pretty awful stuff. My step daughter is Downs Syndrome and was watching alot of Raven. She started smacking her lips and rolling her eyes at us. I finally watched some of the show and realized that her snotty attitude was exactly as what she was watching on these shows. We monitored the amount she watched and saw her behavior start to change.
Hang in there! Being a mom is the most important job, your children will grow up and thank you for teaching them these important lessons. The day will come that they will tell you so. Take a look around at other parents whose parenting skills you admire, ask them what works for them.