I don't know how to start this, but here goes...
Last weekend my daughter and I were out shopping and she was looking through a clearnce rack and she found a bra and panty set, size 7/8 witch is almost her size 7/8 are still a little big the child is sooo thin lol but that is another topic any way she really wanted it and it was only $2.50, so I let her get it and now I don't know what to tell her, she doesn't need it yet she will be 9 in a week and she is in 3rd grade I told her she could ware it at home and on the weekends and stuff but not to school just yet, I told my sister that about buying it for her she has a little girl about a year younger than mine and she like fliped out on me saying that she was too young to have one and what not. so now i'm thinking that maybe I made a huge mistake in letting her get it, I want my daughter to feel like she is able to ask me for stuff like that and to be able to talk to me about all the stuff that happans when you start to "grow up". I remeber some friends way back whenlol and they really needed one and would not ware it at all, I don't want her to be like that I want her to be ok with all the womanly things, but I aslo don't want her to ware it to school just yet because she doesn't need it and that could be a problem with other girls picking on her for it. I geuss I just need some advice from other moms, have I handled this the right way? I have talked to hubby about it but he kinda looked at me like what are talking about and he so didn't get it lol. I know my sisters point but I don't want my daughter growing up thinking something is worng with it either and that is kinda what I got from her. I would talk to a few friends but they all have either boys or really little girls. Let me know your thoughts on the subject, thanks.
thanks everyone for the great support!!!! I really should not let it bother me if my sister doesn't think I'm raising my daughter right, she is mine and I know her better than anyone ( atleast till she turns all teen on me lol ). I'm so glad that there are other moms out there who think the way I do about this. I'm so glad I didn't go off right away and tell my daughter that no you can't ware it now after I already told her she could, It really might have damaged her comming to me in the long run about other things, I'm can't belive how fast I got responds to my ?. thanks again every one you made my month lol
you know, L., i wouldn't get too worried about it if i were you. my girls are much much to young for this, but i remember when i was in 3rd grade every wednesday was "bra day", and all the girls wore bras! none of us had anything to fit in to them, and i was so skinny i didn't get boobs until 9th grade!! but i still wanted to wear a bra. one of my friends in 3rd grade gave me one of her bras cause she had a lot, and my mom found it and took it away from me. i was so dissappointed, and really felt left out at school. she's going to need a bra eventually, so i don't see any problem with having one this early for her to play with. good luck!!
I personally believe that if a child wants a bra that she feels she needs one for one reason or another. Maybe try asking her why she wants it. It could be other girls at school have one. Could be she watches you and she wants one because you have one. Or could be she is wanting to grow up a little early.
I started to wear a training bra in third grade and probabaly didn't need to, but all the other girls were starting to. I think you are right to downplay it though, because if you make it a BIG deal, then she will really want to wear it! She'll probabaly forget all about it or lose interest on her own. Sometimes sports-bras are a good place to start too. My older sister called me bra baby and teased me relentlesly about it! I'm 25 now and she still calls me that sometimes!
I probably wouldn't worry too much about it. What is is hurting? She probably just wants to be like mommy. I remember my mom dragging me kicking and screaming to buy my first bra in 7th grade... I was a tomboy and so embarrassed to have to buy a bra LOL!!
Your lucky that at 9 she doesnt need one i have a 10 yr old how has to wear one is already a b cup i also have one 8 yr old that has to wear one as well but another 8 yr old that i dont think she will ever have to have one lol. I feel let them wear them now and gets them into a habit of knowing it has to be on is my thought. My one 8 yr old that doesnt have to wear does have a few that we got her and she wears them with certain shirts but doesnt always wear them . I really think its 1 mom to another on how early you want them to grow up there going to do it if we allow to or not.
hi there sounds like u had to make a tough desion here lol! its ok really my daughter was in the same boat and i see nothing wrong with it she has to learn some time even if u start her out wwith the training bras come on get her started now and use to them she will wear them like everyday with out haveing to be told. and my daughter started to wear ladies underwear when she was in 3rd grade there is nothing wrong with it . sounds like ur sister is a little too drama about something so small and innocent . it just means that ur little girl isnt so little any more i have 2 boys ages 13,11 and my daughter is 12 and she is in 6th grade now and she has worn one since 3rd grade. no one made fun of her or nothing. its part of growing up. she has had thongs as well to wear she likes them its called showing there style and taste in clothes if she will wear it why hesitate in letting her do so? she is matureing so and there isnt nothing that u can do about that u cant stop her from doing that that is normal u are doing just fine wiht her. let her exsperience new things and if she likes it let her try it. soon she will start to develope mom then what are u going to do? let her try it . good luck!
Mom of four girls here...You're doing fine! All my girls started wearing bra and pantie sets at age eight or before. Makes them feel important and helps them feel like they can come to you with questions. My girls started out wearing them around home and (believe it or not!) at bedtime. The novelty does wear off when reality sets in and they realize that this is something that will go on forever. LOL!!! It's typical girlie stuff and as long as it doesn't hurt anybody, who cares?? She is a girl, after all....Just wait til she gets into painting her nails!!! LOL!!
Hi I just joined this group so I may be late with this advice but I thought I would got for it anyway. I have two daughters one 15 and one 18 and my oldest was the same way as yours at that age. I bought her a set of bra panty set that has the little mermaid on them and it really is no big deal. Its just kind of a phase shes in at the moment. There will be many more coming lol. Just hang in there and go with your gut. I hope it helped a little
Girls are so much fun. Two of my three nieces had to wear bras by the time they were 9. the youngest is now 13 and wears a 36D.( and has since she was 11) Your lucky they also started their periods at 9. Poor kids. lol My mom had to force me to wear a bra when I was 10/11 years old. I still hate them.lol Anyway nobody sees any thing wrong with girls playing dress-up whats the difference in a bra they will have to wear and party dress and heels that if their lucky they will never have to wear. Live is to short to sweat the petty stuff.
Hi L.! I think you handled the situation just fine. The days when she really will need a bra are just around the corner and why not let her familiarize herself with one? She is obviously curious about it, let her put her curiosities to rest, and like you said, feel safe exploring these sort of things with you, not with friends who might not have all the info just right. It will set a precedent for future, more intense topics that are coming up in the future! So as long as she is complying with your expectations that she not wear it to school, no worries!
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with her wanting the bra, Mom wears them and she see's that, She some day will have breasts, and why not let her start wearing them now, as a practice . I have a daughter 9 going to be 10 next month, and she has breast buds, and is wearing them, and besides that , our little girl's our developing at a much younger age these days, so wether she has no breasts , it is ok to let her wear them, keep that line of communication open with you daughter, that is the greatest thing you could have.
I say that you did the right thing. I think letting her wear it at home is a good way to get her used to one for when she will need it. She may need one sooner than you think or would like to think. I personally think you handled it very well and opened a path for you and your daughter for the future. She knows that you understand and will understand that she is growing up and her need for things like that.
I have the opposite problem....I have a 10 year old stepdaughter who needs a bra (you can tell she does), but I can't get her one because I'm not her Mom mom, only stepmom. My DH (her dad) doesn't want to 'hear' about it because it is embarassing to him. He said I should get her one, but I know her mom would have a FIT! I am hoping that we can have the same kind of relationship that you and your daughter have.
Good luck and rest assured that you did a good thing!
My girl was 8 when she got her first bra but it was because she is developing rather quickly. The first ones we got her were the sports bra looking ones. They come with cute little designs and some with the matching panties. My daughter was somewhat the opposite of yours tho. She didn't want to wear anything. However, she is 9 now and in a regular bra already due to her developement. Most of the girls in her 4th grade class wear the sports bra type bras now. Last year she was the only one. Under most shirts the sports bra type ones don't show through like a normal bra. Best of luck to you.
My daughter is now 12 years old, but she has been wearing a bra for quite some time. Even though she didn't need one until recently. But, it got her used to wearing one. There are friends of hers that need to wear one, but don't. I am glad that my daughter isn't one of those. It really isn't a big deal. She probably has friends that wear bras already. You would be surprised at how fast kids are growing up these days....
My niece is at the same stage. She mostly needs one when she is wearing a thin shirt or a white shirt. When she first got it she wouldn't take it off even to be washed. YUCK! Now she is getting more mature about it. It certainly is not going to HURT her to wear it. If anything she'll get use to wearing one before she HAS to!
My daughter is 8 and in 3rd grade and she wears camisole type bras all the time - NOT because she "needs" them but because she likes to! Girls her age are obsessed with growing up and I think it's wonderful that your communication lines are open and she feels free to ask you for these things. This will be incredibly important in upcoming years. On weekends, my daughter loves to dress up in my clothes/heels and experiment with make up. Not something I'd ever allow outside of the house but a great time for her to have some fun and the two of us to connect! I think in the big scope of things, your relationship with your daughter is the important thing and it appears that you have a good one! :)
They use to sell garments for young ladies to wear. It wasn't a bra but did basically the same thing. Of course that was about 35 years ago. Now they call them Sports Bra's. She could even wear them to school. If anyone asks it's part of a slip set.
It is known that girls are maturing at an earlier age all the time.
Have you asked her why she wanted it? Say, "Do you know why girls and women wear bras?" My daughter, who is ten started asking about it sometime last year. She is budding and has had some soreness, but still isn't wearing a bra. I think it is a good idea (when they want to but maybe don't need one yet) to let them wear either the camis or sport bras that aren't really giving that much support, but they make them feel more comfortable about wearing something over their budding breasts and get used to wearing something under their shirt. I don't think you made a huge mistake. Hey, we're all learning as we go, right? It's great that you are listening to your little girl. Keep talking to her and providing the answers she needs to make choices about these things. Who knows, she may wear it a little bit and get tired of the way it feels and leave it alone for a while. Don't let your sister put you down for parenting...it's not her job to raise your daughter. Hope that provides some encouragement!
Oh gosh I am really hoping that you aren't being to hard on yourself. I really think that this is nothin to big!! You are completely right better to have your daughter ready and willing to wear on when she needs it. When I was in 4th grade was when my mom made me wear one...And I really did need to...BUt she had never talked to me about it one day she just told me we were going shopping and we brought them home!! You are right to be open with your daughter!!
I also think that you are right to not let her wear it to school! I think that the girls will not make fun of her thought. I think that they will think that it is cool. Anymore our kids grow up too fast.
I have a 3 1/2 and a 2 year old so I am not yet to this fun stuff, but I fear that it will all come too soon for me!
Take it from me from a daughter that had no communication with her mother...Keep the lines of communication open as long as possible.
I honestly don't see a problem with it. When my daughter was 10, she asked me for her first bra. I sat her down and asked her why she thought she needed one. She told me that she saw a lot of young women at school with bras, and that she thought she needed one too. It's very understandable. Kids now of days are very mean and hurtful when it comes to things like this. Long story short, I took her to wal-mart the next day after school and bought her a few cheap bras, no padding or anything. They were just plain white bras. Nothing special. I noticed that after a few days of her wearing them, she got bored of the idea and stopped wearing them. Kids tend to get curious around that age, and let them be that way : ) If she didn't already, she will eventually see that wearing a bra is just something that is part of life, and that it's nothing special. : ) Hope I helped!
I really don't see a problem in this. I would'nt let her wear it to school but i see no problem in letting her on the weekends and around the house. I think people are making a big deal out of nothing really..
this story kind of hit me a little funny only because from where i'm sitting at my computer i can see a picture of me at about that age with a training bra on (over my top) that i got as a birthday gift. put right on over my top at the party and a picture taken..hahaha,,,
with that being said,, that was 30 years ago..haha.. i'm sure the way girls treat other girls are way different now and it's awesome that you are caring to figure this out.
i personally don't see anything wrong with it.
my daughter is only 2, but when she feels she wants a training bra etc, i don't see any reason not to. it's a part of life.
you say she doesn't need it.. i take it she's not filling out yet(as most girls that age aren't), but i wasn't sure if what she picked up was something too big for her? was it a B cup or something where it would look ridiculous on?
or rather just look like an under tank or sports bra?
i'm not sure what size 7-8 bra looks like. sorry:-)
your sisters point was only because of her age? did you ask her at what age she felt it was appropriate?
my sister and i have totally different views on raising kids, it's ok if you don't agree on this..it doesn't mean you are wrong. or are harming your daughter in anyway.
or maybe your sister is jealous that your daughter is doing these things now and her daughter isn't yet(?).. i get told my sister reacts the way she does b/c she's jealous,,but i don't get it..so i doubt that is your sister motive either..haha..
My daughter is 9 and she also wanted one.I've read things from other moms whose girls need them but won't wear them, so I figured if I let my girl get one now, she'll be used to them by the time she really needs it. It does help that most of her friends are also getting them, so she won't feel like an oddball.I am just glad that she is letting me in on private parts of her life and still asks for my advice and help, so many girls are growing up too fast these days and figure they don't need mom anymore.
For 2.50, not a huge deal to get it for her. could she have seen you getting dressed and she's thinking, "mommy wears that, I want to wear it too." Really the only thing that's really new is the bra part. I assume she's already wearing panties. Just now she has a matching set. I don't really think it's any different from wearing a bikini top around the house in the summer. As long as you help her understand how they are used appropriately, and when/if there are times they are not appropriate to wear, then don't sweat it. You don't want her sneaking off and buying "contraband clothes" because she's afraid of your reaction or because everyone else has them and you won't let her.
Did you play dress up as a child? maybe you wore your mom's bra. I know I did, and I would play with her makeup too. Its all apart of growing up. So she wants a bra, no big deal if you ask me. There is no real right age for all that, but at least she is interested and when she starts to develop, she will be some what prepared. My sister has a daughter who is only 12 but has had to wear a bra now for a couple of years, maybe longer, because she started getting hers. I wouldnt worry too much about, let her try new things when she is ready, odds are, she will get bored with it and not look at it again until she needs one. Good Luck!
My neice is the same age and I think it is great that she wears a "sports bra". I developed early and had to ask my mother to get me a bra because some of the boys were giving me a hard time at school. You should feel great about having raised a daughter that will come to you with her ideas. You handled it very well and you shouldn't worry about a thing!
Hello I have a 10 year old girl and she is starting to form and wears a bra. She also wanted one early and I got it I don't think its a big deal. If she wants to feel grow up and see how it feels to wear one she should. I am very hard on my kids and sometimes I feel bad but the bra thing should not be a big deal. The kids should not make front of her how will they know shes wearing on. Well they will cuz girls will be girls my daughter was excited to wear one and told her friends lol. With your sister I would handle it as the bra is no big deal but if she wants to wear makeup then I myself would not let that happen. I feel 9 and 10 are to young. Good luck!!!
My daughter is 10 and very petite and not at all developed yet. I went through this with her last year also. Some of her little friends were starting to get breasts and they had training bras so she wanted one too. I bought her one and she was thrilled. Girls are wearing them now even if they are flat as boards. Anyhow my daughter wore it to school all day one day and when she got home the first thing she did was take it off. She later told me mom I don't know how you wear that thing all day that was the most uncomfortable thing that I have ever worn. I laughed and laughed! That was the last time she wore it since then. Maybe this will happen with your daughter. If not if I were you I would just let her wear it I don't really see any harm in it.
Also: I wanted to mention to anyone that is interested I bought my daughter a great book by American Girl called The Body Book and it is a great books for girls that explains everything that is going on with their bodies. Good for girls 9+
I have to laugh when I read your message. I went throughthe exact thing last year with my daughter who will be 10 in june. Truly there is nothing wrong with a young lady wanting to wear a bra, as a matter of fact it is way better then one who doesnthave any interst in it at all, why dont you buy her sports bra's or just under shirts and explain to her that this is the first step to wearing a bra then we get to get bigger sizes when needed. see if that helps...
I feel that you are lucky she waited this long. My daughter who is now eighteen wanted her first bra and panties set at four years old. I went everywhere looking for something that fit her, ecause I didn't want her to think that there was something wrong with wanting to cover herself up more. She wanted to be nacked for the first three years of life lol. I was in fifth grade and was developing and my mother didn't take the issue upon herself to handle, so at a slumber party one night the girls at the party made the suggestion to me. I was mortified. Trust me, it is much better to keep the lines of communication open, ecspecially with the girls. Being a mother of three boys and one girl, I found the girl needed more communication regarding "personnal" subjects than the boys have.
I think I would encourage her to wear the cute tankies and pantie sets for now if she really doesn't need a bra and then she could get use to wearing them all the time.
I have three sisters and all of us have had diffrent veiws on just about every issue we have faced in raising our children. Try not to take offense to her comments and let her know that you feel secure in the decisions you are making about your children. If you ever show doubt, she may begin to doubt you even more and that's when things get really sticky!!
Best of luck with your daughter, mine is the hardest child I have raised but also one of the biggest blessing God ever gave me.
I agree with everyone else. Having your girl wear a bra now is better than not liking to wear one at all, when she really needs one. I think the sports bras now a days is a great alternative to the traditional bra. More comfortable to, lol. I had to wear a bra by the time I was 10 and a half. I hate them. I don't think she will be teased. I wasn't. In fact, the other girls were jealous of me, a little. LoL. I feel that it's really nice that your daughter can talk to you about these kind of things and I hope my boys will be as open with me about their changing bodies. Good Job!!!!
From where I stand, having 2 daughters of my own, now 21 and 17, I remember the first time they wanted their very own bra "just like mommy wears." I didn't see anything wrong with it and they were around 9/10 years of age. I would much rather of had them learn about bras and other personal issues from me than hearing about it in school or being pressured into things from their classmates. Girls are just wanting to mark their own space in this crazy world and a bra at 9/10 years of age is nothing earth shattering. Your lucky it wasn't something else much more serious.