My 4 Yrs Old Daughter Is Not Wanting to Listen or Behave

4 is a very hard age. Children are getting us to being away from mom and dad and it can really upset their world. When she was at home with you all day or dad she had the 2 of you as example, well now she has many other rowdy little 4 yr olds leading her. (No one was worse than my youngest I tell you). We solved the problem by pointing out things like "Oh Daniel did you see what that little boy did that was ugly wasn't it?, or Ohhh that was so ugly Momma and daddy are so happy you are not like that, then for every little happy face he brought home he got a quarter but........... (and here is the catch) if he was ugly in school he owed us a quarter. Start your little one off with say 10 quarters and this will show them and teach them that when they are good they are rewarded and when they are bad then they face not so good things. Good luck to you hope this helps in some little way. B., Mother of 3 Granmother of 10

It is normal for kids to act out like she sees other kids doing. But you have to let her know that even if other kids act that way it is not o.k. and she will be disciplined for it.
Don't discipline her at home for what happens at school becaus I am sure the teacher is discipling her at school when it happens.
You need to discipline her at home.Time outs usually work for a 4 year old. Put her in time out(we have a small childs stool that is used just for that purpose). Time out is one minute for how old they are (so she would get 4 min.)WE put the stool in my son's room and when he had to go to time out,that's where we sent hi.
Time out has to be in a place where ther is "no fun"
I have a friend who their time out place is the bottom step of her stairs.
That wouldn't work for me b/c ours is in the family room which is the center of activity for our house.
Good luck and remember be consistent.that is the key to discipline.
Feel free to contact me for more suggestions if needed.

Might sound strange but it could be brought on by something she is eating or not eating. If you can ask the teacher to do a 30 min assessment of hr through out the day. I had a step-son who acted out like what you are saying and I asked the teacher for help and we found out that he needed to eat ever two hours because his blood sugar would be off. Now my 6 yr old can not have any corn products if she does she is bouncing off the wall, and will not mind. I really watch her diet and she is reading at a third grade level and doing second grade math. If she has come thing with corn in it she can;t even sit long enough to finish her work. Hope this helps!

J....she probably is trying to see how far she can push you and others just to see what she can get away with. Just keep getting after her or use time outs. She will come to realize that her out breaks of bad behavior won't get her anywhere but in trouble. She will learn quick!

Kids go through phases, if nothing out of the ordinary has happened that is probably what it is. If you read the other postings lately, you'll see others commenting that age 4 is a time of testing and acting out as children become more independent. Just stay consistent, if she is responding quickly to you then that's good. Read the recent post for another 4 year old who has tantrums and you'll see lots of great ideas and advice on how to discipline for this age group. Be calm and consistent and she will eventually move on to the next phase.

If you suspect any problems at school, investigate that as well - let your conscience be your guide. Good luck!

It could just be a phase but dig deep and try to figure out if anything has changed in your life that could be causing this. A move, baby, death, are you working more, is there bully at school or is she being isolated, is she struggling with school, having separation anxiety out of the blue, lack of protein or anything strange with her diet, new fears. Hopefully it's just a phase but I would really pay attention. When my daughter was born, my 3 year old son started behaving terribly. I had always heard behavioral problems come with change but I NEVER expected the degree of problems we were having with him. He was always super sweet with her so I assumed he was okay with it. We had him seeing a behavioral therapist and he was evaluated for all kinds of things. I'm telling you this so you know how bad it really was. Eight months later, things have only recently settled down (in the last month). Looking back on it now, I KNOW it was the new baby that was causing all of this. He was just so unsure of his emotions, he couldn't communicate with us. Maybe it's just a phase but I would really dig deep and see if it could be a change in her life/anxiety causing this. Good luck.

J.,

Age four is a pretty whirlwind time for kids as they continue their process of individuation that began at age 2. However, if it seems like this came out of nowhere, you may want to consider counseling. Because four year olds cannot really communicate when something bad happens to them, it comes across as "acting up". Is there stress in your home such as family violence or financial difficulties? Could she possibly have been touched inappropriately, even if by a family member or trusted friend? Has she complained of stomach aches? Has her behavior regressed (is she doing things that you thought she had outgrown, such as thumbsucking, sleeping with a light on, crawling in your lap, etc.)?

Most public schools have a counselor or social worker, so you may want to set up a conference with them. If, however, they say that everything is fine but you still feel like it is not fine, trust your instincts. You are with your daughter 16 hours a day, while they may spend five minutes a week with her. Don't be afraid to seek outside help.

Good luck!
-C.

Hi J.,

This must be very disconcerting for you. My first thought is perhaps something is going on at school. Often children act out when something is amiss. I agree that observing her at school may provide some insight.

Another aspect to consider is a child's heart. Children can learn at an early age to act appropriately, but do parents want their child to merely learn an act, or to instill a loving attitude and the child's actions become a product of having a good heart? A book I found to be extremely helpful is called "Sheparding A Child's Heart" by Ted Tripp. He discusses Biblical methods of discipline and how to address a child's heart, which in turn affects how a child treats others. The book was such a blessing for us when we were having problems with our oldest son, a very strong-willed child, when he was a toddler. He is now five, and though he is not perfect, I am watching him become a loving, respectful, and considerate child who desires to do what is right to please God.

I hope you will be able to work through this rough patch with your daughter.