My 18Mth Old Son Does Not Sleep Through the Night!!!

I've answered many questions about sleep issues here (I'm no expert, just had good luck and a really good book/technique) and recently I published an article about my sleep issues and how they were corrected. My girls (3 and 4) are the best sleepers now thanks to the Sleep Lady. Here's a link to read the article: http://hubpages.com/hub/sleep-training-good-night-sleep-t...

I hope this helps!

I have no solution for you, my daughter did the same thing. When I sold her crib it had only been slept in a few times when other children spent the night, she NEVER did. When she was two, I set up a portable crib/play yard for another visiting child, she crawled in and took a nap! If I had known, I would have just left her in her pack and play instead of spending all the money on a crib!

My first 2 kids are 16 months apart. As a first time mom, I made a lot of "mistakes" with my first born through trial and error as we all do, and one was not teaching him to sleep well at night. I, like you, was worried when the second child came, what I was going to do!!

First of all, you didn't say how your son GOES to sleep at night. Do you rock him to sleep or lay with him or offer him any other type of "crutch" involving you or your husband being there with him when he falls asleep? If so, no wonder he wakes up crying. If you fell asleep in one place and woke in another, wouldn't you freak out? Or if you fell asleep with someone there and you wake up and they are gone, that would understandably freak out anyone. So you need to start with a routine to get him to go to sleep on his own. That way, when he wakes in the middle of the night (like we all do, even adults), he will know that he can fall asleep on his own and just roll over and go back to sleep (like we all do.)

***By the way, if he is already falling asleep on his own, I will throw my hands up because I have no idea why else he would wake up crying hysterically in the middle of the night***

OK... here is what you need to do... Establish a bedtime routine. It can be ANYTHING as long as it is the same every night. Many people read to their kids at night, for example. I actually have never found night time reading to be enjoyable or comfortable, so it's not what my family does. For my preschooler, when I let him know it's time for bed, we begin his little evening rituals... I brush his teeth, then he goes around the house to give everyone else a hug (he has 2 older siblings), then he gets a sip of water, then he goes potty, then he climbs into bed and I sing a version of itsy-bitsy spider that we made up toegther that has 5 verses... THEN (and this is the part where you come in---- do whatever YOUR routine will be with your son... then do this...) I tell him I will be right back and I LEAVE THE ROOM. If your child isn't used to falling asleep on his own, he will cry-- possibly hysterically, That's OK. You are NOT, NOT, NOT going to abandon him and allow him to cry it out. You are not even going to be gone long enough for him to get so upset that he throws up. You leave the room and literally you can stand outside the door and count to 10 slowly, then go back in. You let him know that you said you would be right back so you came back. Calm him down. Try not to pick him up if you can calm him by patting him or singing to him or anything else, but if you MUST pick him up, the important thing is NOT to leave the room holding him, and NOT to allow him to fall asleep while you are holding him! Leave the room again while he is still awake and tell him you will be right back-- you can tell him you are going to do something boring like change into your PJs and be right back, or wash the dishes, or do some laundry or whatever. You don;t have to actually do those things-- but the idea is you are letting him know that there is something else you need to go do real quick but you WILL be back. Then be good on your promise and go back! Just keep making it longer and longer in between how long you leave him and when you go back in to check on him. For my son, he is 3.5 and I have been doing this for a really long time, so I usually only go back in once after 5 minutes or so. Sometimes he is already asleep. If he is still awake, sometimes he wants me to come "right back" again, but I usually just tell him I'm going to sleep, too, and I'm not coming back again tonight, so I make sure he has his covers on and he is cozy before I go. But for your son, you may need to go in and check on him over and over and over and over and over and over again for the first 3 nights or so. By the end of a full week of doing this, if you were consistant (NO taking him back to your bed, NO taking him out of his room, NO laying with him until he falls asleep)he will be sleeping MUCH better throughout the night.

No one had told me this method with my first born. I thought I needed to either let him cry it out or go in and pick him up and take him back to my bed. I had no idea what else to do. Well, here is your best method. I used it for my 3rd child and it changed my life!! You don't have to feel bad about him crying because you don't let him cry for very long, you go in and assure him that you have not abandoned him, you calm him down, but you do NOT allow him to use you as a crutch for falling asleep.

Good luck! You will be a sleepless zombie once the newbon comes like all new moms are, so nip this NOW! Start tomorrow!

S.,

I can soooo relate to your situation. But my recommendation will NOT be a quick fix (sorry). My daughter who is now 3 did not sleep through the night regular until she was 2 yr. Sometimes still doesn't. Initinally getting her down was the worst. She would cry to 2 hr & throw up too. (her dad was a softee as well)

Had it down pretty good by the age of 18 mo, moved her to a 'big girl bed" & had to start all over!!!

I would do the whole bed time routine, bath, teeth, jammies, story. I would have to sit with my daughter until she went to sleep. Eventually, I started moving myself away until now I can turn the light off, leave the door open, & often she will go to sleep. (sometimes she turns the light on, & plays, will fall asleep in bed, or later turn light off herself & go to sleep.) If she woke up during the night, bringing her bed with us was not an option. So I would/will sleep in her room. She sleeps on a twin size futon, up until recently would fit both of us. The I got a pad/sleeping bag thing to put on the floor.One will sleep on futon, the other on pad on floor. Ocassionally we go into the guest room with a full size futon.

She wakes about 4-5 am during the night. We get up between 6-7 am for work/school.

Now that new baby is coming, it might be time to think of a "big boy bed". Start before new baby comes.

You have lots of advice already, but I just wanted to say that with my first son, I would rock or walk him to sleep until he was too big for me to do so. He never came into our bed (because I read that you should never do that, not because I decided that in any real way).

I look back on those times of rocking him to sleep and I absolutely treasure those memories. He and I have a close bond and I would guess that those nightime rockings and soothings are a good part of that. He is a great sleeper now with no problems at all.

No child should be left crying for 2 hrs (another poster) or until he throws up. That's just sad. Try to be kind and think of things from his point of view. Use whatever combination of ideas from your responses that works for you AND for him, and use your own instincts and common sense vs. what you think you "should" do.

Having young children usually means getting very little sleep. It's just part of the deal. And I didn't believe it either back then, but it gets better with time.

hi S.,

It must be really draining your and your husband's energy of him waking you every night.
I have 2 boys on my own just a mo. or so closer in age( they are now 4 and 2 1/2) and I remember those tough nights, however mine two has never got so stubborn.
just wondered if you ever tried to stay in his room when waking( before starts the full blown screaming) and even if you take him out of his crib but staying in HIS room.(you might want to do some preparations like having a comfy chair or pillows and blanket on the floor( this was my version).Be willing to stay there for a while . First night until he goes back to sleep next day or so just BEFORE he is sleeping sneak out of his room and gradually let him know, that it's ok that he woke up, he will get comforted but he will have to stay and if his motive is to end up in YOUR bed will not happen ( but you and your hubby has to be consistent, he probably will give up his pointless show every night.
This will reqire quite a few nights to be willing to spend in his room or in and out but could be well worth it if you will get your uninterupted sleep afterwards.
Also having your second child soon doesn't necesseraly mean 2 kids in the parent's bed.My younger son wasn't even close to being as 'needy" sometimes I almost worried how easygoing he was as a baby.( I'm not worried now that he is in his terrible twos).You do need to nurse or feed him but after that do not keep him in the bed just because the older one is there.But hopefully he will cooperate a little bit better each day and by the time the baby is born you can focus on the baby's need and your sleep.
Best of luck, hope it's somewhat helpful.
B.

My son was the exact same way, he nursed and refused to go to sleep in his own bed (he still throws up if he crys too hard). You probably won't have it done before the new baby but you can start. I would recommend having your husband do it since you will have the new baby to care for soon. When he cries, don't take him out of bed. First, make sure nothing is wrong and make sure he knows you are there for him. Then, stay in his room and rub his back or sing to him. After about 15 minutes (even if he is crying) leave the room. If he continues to cry, let him cry for 15 minutes then go in and instead of talking or anything just tell him it is sleep time and to go to sleep, then sit next to his bed but don't touch him. Gradually do less and less and move farther away from his bed, eventually he will understand. It will be a rough first few nights but it will get much better after about a week. Good luck!

i'm sure this is not new to hear, but you hav to let him stay in bed, it is soo hard, but the only way. otherwise the crying and other behavior will just teach him thats all he has to do to get his way. it was not this bad with my kids, but i had to go through it also. the first night is always the hardest, but it will get better. good luck. btw, i had to literally sit on my husband to keep him from getting up the first night.

We used a book that was recommended to me by a coworker. For my coworker, it solved their problems with their child. For us, we have never had a problem with our son, who is now 28 months old. Our babysitter, who has grandchildren and exposure to many other kids, said our son is the only one she knows who goes to sleep like our son does without any problems. The book is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." We have followed most of the suggestions, and it has worked like a charm. I highly recommend it. Good luck.

Hi S.,

We have two babes in our bed on purpose. If you fight it, it's a battle. If you accept it, it becomes a treasured part of the day. We didn't know we'd have a family bed but learned it after baby #1 came home. She was in a co-sleeper for a few hours, and after that in the bed with us, happy as a clam.

It's apparently the norm in most of the world, FWIW. And yes, they will "move out" to their own rooms eventually!

I don't see stubborn; but do see lonely, afraid, wanting his parents to hold him. You are his safe zone. So many parents want to go back to being in their own bed, the baby in its' crib; but don't realize we just got cut off from the umbilical cord.
Also, at this age, teething, hormonal changes, fear of being alone...this world is scary!
It's not going to be easy if you continue to fret. It's not going to be romantic in your marriage bed...and a new baby arrives next month? (congratulations and best wishes for a safe and quick delivery and healthy baby...)
Hope you and your husband act as a team and realize these next few years are opportunities to learn about your bond as a family. And you WILL be sleep deprived...(and you will be in our prayers for a safe survival of these baby years)

Take lots of pictures and get a journal to write down your thoughts and observations. May the majority be kind and filled with happy memories.
Blessings, S.

This time passes so quickly.
Many ,many families have "family beds " on purpose.
It sounds like your son is craving to be held or just close to you and your husband.
As frustrating as it seems ( and it is only frustrating because we think it should be a different way or others have told us this) It will pass so quickly. Do you have a sling?
The ergo baby I found to be so amazing. Super comfortable and easy to use. this way you are hands free and still have your child close.
They separate when they are ready,but they will separate, and you will miss those special moments of closeness!Remember too, all children are different ,this next one may be independant from the start!
Congratulations on your beautiful family!
Hold them close to your heart.

Nutrition, it is almost always nutrition- See WestonPrice.com, and Dr. Bruce West- handle the nutrition and he'll sleep- he is missing something and this is the only way he has of telling you- please listen.

and my guess is you are missing something as well, and unless you have been working on your nutrition, you may have the same with #2. And less able to handle it because of all the nutrition you have used- if you haven't replaced it.

best,k

Sounds like you have your hands full! My advise would be to go with what feels right for you. He is obviously used to your bed so maybe just trying to wean him of this would be good before the baby comes. I know, easier said than done. I have 3 kids and the older two never slept through the night until between 1 and 2. My one year old has me up in the night as well now. Some moms are just lucky I guess. I was never one to let them cry it out for long periods of time. Just remember everything is a phase and will pass eventually. I tell myself this daily!!!!!
Good luck! Congratulations on your upcoming baby as well!

My second daughter did the same thing. She had surgery when she was 11 months old and was completely traumatized by it and was determined NOT to sleep in her crib. We are not the "Let her cry it out" kind of family and even if we wanted to be, we couldn't due to the fact that she also threw up if we let her cry. After looking through MANY books and then posting here, we cobbled together a plan of action which eventually worked, but it took a LONG time and I too had a baby along the way! This is what we did:

1. Took the crib out of the room and put the crib mattress on the floor where the crib was.

2. Put a single futon mattress (you can use an air mattress or whatever) next to hers and my husband (I was WAY to pregnant for this at the time!) slept next to her so that whenever she woke up and started crying he was there to comfort her and get her back to sleep.

3. Once she started sleeping better with this set-up, we put a barrier between the crib mattress and the futon mattress (some couch cushions, etc.) that prevented her from seeing my husband when she woke up, but allowed my husband to talk to her quietly to calm her down with less physical contact.

4. Once she started sleeping better with this set-up, we put the crib back, but my husband stayed on the futon mattress next to the crib. Again, this allowed my husband to soothe her when she woke up, but there was even less physical contact (he would rub her foot between the crib slats).

5. Once she started sleeping better with this set-up, my husband only stayed until she fell asleep, then he would come to bed (yippee!).

6. Finally he started just putting her down and walking out the door. If she started crying he would go back in and rub her back to quiet her down and then left again. Soon, she was able to go to sleep and stay asleep once this started.

This took a couple of months! Of course, my daughter was a special case due to the trauma of the surgery. Without that trauma, I am thinking this would have worked a lot quicker. Now at almost 2 she sleeps better than her almost four year old sister who has always been a good sleeper!

There is a lot of good advice here. It took us a while to figure out what would work for our situation. You will probably go through the same trial and error. The important thing is to do what is most comfortable for you and your family. My husband was a real trooper to go through all this, but we are all happy he did seeing how well she sleeps now and the fact it helped her get over her trauma.

Good luck!

The key words are "until we take him out" the only thing he has learned all this time is he has to cry for 1 hour or two hours until someone comes to take me out. He is willing to do that because that is the reward at the end. You both need to change your thinking and hold your ground. It will be a few nights of hardship but once he learns you are not bothered by his crying he will stop! If he vomits, go in clean it up and put him right back in without talking. You should not be under any stress during your pregnancy because it changes the brain chemistry of the developing baby. Do this quickly and get it over with. Establish bedtime routine, give an epsom salts bath, deep massage, hard swaddle with towel, jumping or crawling before your books, teeth and saying night night to all his toys etc. He then gets in his crib and lights go out. Tell him you will see him in the morn. Thats it. Do not come back in. He needs to find a way to self regulate and if left alone, he will. Give him a chance to get attached to a blanket or animal. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy but you will see how quickly he gets it. I have not seen a child yet in 30 yrs that does not get with the program once the parents change.

Have you tried gradually letting him cry it out. With my son, I would let him cry for a minute, then go in, calm him down, put him back in his bed, and leave. The next time he cried, I waited two minutes, then five, then seven, then ten, increasing the wait time by longer and longer times each time I left him. Eventually, he would just fall back asleep. It is a process, and can be exhausting, but my son eventually learned that way. The more you keep putting him in your bed, the worse it will be. It sounds like he has already learned that if he cries long enough, he will get what he wants and end up in your bed. You're going to have to retrain him to sleep in his own bed.