Mother's Day

I think hubby might be going through something too. I say this because my mom died on Oct. 27, 1992 and on Oct.27 every year I go through this crazy depression and I'm mean to everyone! I have almost lost boyfriends this way. I had to explain after the fact. I think you guys need counseling soon! I got nowhere before counseling. It helps to talk to someone who's not biased.

I don't have any advice, although I understand the pain of losing your mom. My mom passed 7 years ago, when I was only 23. We were extremely close. It was very hard then, and holidays/birthdays without her can be hard still sometimes. She will have never known her grandson (my 5 yr old) or my beautiful 3 month old niece. I take comfort in the fact that she is with God now, and watching over us. I wish the best for you and your family, and although you will never "get over" your mother passing, the pain eases over time.

Hi D. F,

I too have a hard time with Mother's Day and my mom has been gone for over 12 years. She was my best friend too. So, I feel your pain. The best thing to do is remember the good times and cherish those memories. While I cannot explain your husband's behavior toward you, it could just be that he is hurting too. Was he close to your mom? I know my hubby was really closer to both of my parents than he was his. I believe that it hurt him more to lose them than he own. Men grieve differently and if this is the case and he was close to your mom then, he may just be angry that she is gone and as always he will hurt the one that he loves the most.

I want to wish you a Happy Mother's Day and Special Memories of your mom.

J.

Hi D.,
I'm right there with you. My mom passed away last October after a year long battle with cancer and living with us the final year of her life. Her birthday is two days after Mother's Day, double whammy.
I had originally planned to spend the better part of the day driving to the cemetery and staying in my home town for a few days, just to be able to lay flowers on her grave. However, good sense intervened and I felt it would just be more than I could bear. So, my plan is to just remember the great times we had and how blessed I am to have had a good relationship with my mom. So many women do not.

If your kids are small and miss grandma, one of the things I've done is write messages on balloons, go up to a high point , Flag Pole Hill or someplace like that, say a prayer with the kids and release the balloons "to heaven". That simple act has helped a lot.

My husband acts the same in difficult circumstances, and after 20 years of marriage. Men have a hard time with these things, well a lot of them do, and often do the exact opposite of what we need at these times.

So, surround yourself with friends, or go out and do something special with your kids. Make this a great day for them. When you are busy things are easier to handle. Remember how fortunate you are to have had the relationship you did and draw strength from that memory. You are not alone, you never will be, your mom is always "right there" beside you.
Happy Mothers Day

When the people around us know our weaknesses they tend to use them against us. Through it right back and try to concentrate on how wonderful it was with you and your mom, rise above the petty attitutde that your not so loving husband is giving you.

D.,

Let me just say that I know how you feel. I lost my mom last July. I am an only child also and we were best friends. I just can't imagine living my life without her. Yesterday was hard but I wouldn't have gotten through it without my 2 boys. See we have to be blessed that we can be mothers like ours and just know that they are watching over us. My moms birthday is coming up and the anniversary of her death. I just need to get through those days. I hear it gets easier. I hope you had a great Mothers day.

C.

As Moms and as a wife we are the pillar of our family. Your hubby might not know how to comfort you. He might be getting mad because he doesnt know how to help you. Yes this is hard for you and your family. I just wanted to give you another perspective.
He might just not know how to feel or what he can do to help you.
DONT STOP TALKING TO HIM.
If you dread something he will dread it too. Think of the possibilities. And then think would my mom really want me to be so miserable? OR would she want you living your life to the fullest.
I will be praying for you.

Hello. My name is D.. I completely understand your pain surrounding mothers day. I lost my mom in a horrible car accident 4 years ago. I quickly learned you are never old enough to be without your mom. Like you & your mom, we were also very close. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her & think about her. I don't want to deny my kids (15 & 23)celebrating mothers day, but if it was up to me, I'd just ignore it (or try to). To make that time worse, my mother's birthday is close to that day & sometimes falls on mothers day (as it is this year). I'm sorry to hear that your main support isn't supporting you through this hard time. Just remember your kids & let them have that day to be thankful for you. You also have all the wonderful memories you & your mom created. Nothing can ever take that from you.

A little about me. I'm a single mom of 2 great kids. My son is 15 & my daughter 23. I also now have a wonderful son in law who is 26.

D.

Dear D.,
I hope that you ended up having a really special Mother's Day. I can not even imagine how hard it must be to lose a child. That just isn't the way we feel things should work out. I have someone very close to me who lost one of their daughters. After many miscarriages this daughter came to full term and was born. About 17 days later she passed away and the tragedy and pain were nearly unbearable. This mother and father only made it through because of their faith and the knowledge that they would see their little girl again and that she would be healthy and happy and that they would be afforded every opportunity with her that they missed in this life. You can have this as well. I know this to be true, D.. You will be with your sweet child again.

I know things can be hard when you don't feel the relationship with your hubby is pleasant. Don't give up. I can tell that you love him and it is so important to nourish that. Has work been a big stresser for him or has he been ill (physically or mentally?). These things can play a big part in how he treats his family, whether they should or not. Sometimes one spouse has to be the bigger person at times even if it isn't fair. That can be really hard and can sometimes feel like it is all just too much. But it is not. I am a firm believer in that we are not given more than we can handle. This means that you are a strong person and that you supposed to be the mother for your girls and that YOU CAN DO IT. Give to your hubby with no expectation of receiving anything back. Don't be a doormat but I mean this in the sense that you always know how special and of divine worth you are even if he doesn't treat you that way. You may have to hold your tongue more often than not and let things roll off your back knowing that life is not just what we see before us. If you do feel the need to say something in your defense, try doing so with a soft voice and a purpose of expressing your thoughts and healing the situation not of getting vengeance.

My husband and I have also known one another for a long time, since we were about 12. This makes for a close relationship but also, because we know one another so well we have to be careful not to get too "comfortable". Have you ever noticed that we treat the "guests" in our lives better than we treat the people we love the most? Try experimenting with the notion that your husband is someone you have just met. Be cordial and kind, thinking of him and less of how you are feeling at that moment. It is kind of fun sometimes and can be just the boost needed to nourish a marriage.

Thank you for caring so much about your family and for your endurance. I promise the rewards are greater than any of us can imagine.

Best Regards,
A.

Hi D.,

Your strength amazes me. I cant imagine going through what you have. I dont know why your husband is acting this way but I wanted to quote a few of your words "He is usually the one person I can turn on and lean on" this tells me your husband loves you and you both have a great history together of love and respect. We all go through hard times, and we all have bad days. As Sunday approaches remember how blessed you are to have 2 healthy girls that love you and a husband you have spent your life with. Find comfort in knowing that God knew you could handle these hard times, and always turn to people who are going through what you have and help. This can be your greatest achievement and a huge reason for the past. God Bless you.

Here's a hug for you. I can't imagine how you must feel. It's perfectly understandable that you feel so bad at this time. Cindy is right-men have such a hard time when the people they care about are in pain. Also, not surprisingly, you are extra sensitive at this time and the things he does/says will hurt much more than they would at another time. Don't draw away or hide your pain from your girls or your husband.

Is there any way that you can create a memory book of your first child and your mom - all the things that make you feel warm and loved and joyful (even if there's a little sadness)? Maybe that will help things hurt a little less.

Take care and be kind to yourself!

D.,

Happy Mother's Day weekend! May God richly bless you with joy and peace in your heart. You've gotten some incredible responses from all the wonderful mamas here - God bless them, too. I think they have each said something that came to my mind, so all I will add is to consider taking time on Sunday to remember two very special people in your life - your mom and your child who has passed - and take time to remember/honor your husband's mom, also - and perhaps that will give you some comfort as you recognize the losses of your mom and first child, but you are also remembering the joy and happy memories, as well. That way, they don't seem "lost" to you, and it teaches your children to remember and honor those persons in our lives who are no longer with us but who are still so important to us. Don't be scared of the pain and grief. It's okay to feel it fully. You won't get lost in it. You will be able to move back out of it into the present happiness, but it is very real that a part of you will always feel those losses.

Meanwhile, also remember to give a little honor to your husband and children for making you the mom you are today, in this moment. Let them know the gratitude and appreciation you have for them, as well - no matter what their current behavior is! :) Much love to you today and tomorrow.

Dear D.,
First I want to wish you a Happy Mother's Day. Have you ever tryed to set down and talk to your husband and ask his why he is treating you this way.I know what you mean about Mother's day being hard.My daughter died 11 years ago ahe always made a big deal for me on Mother's Day. My mother isn't living either but we were never that close ,she lived in Florida.
My birthday is also Mother's Day but my wonderful husband now of nearly 5 years always makes it so special. My childrens father of 46 years is no longer living . I now have this wonderful husband who treats me like a queen.
Hope this will help you
Let me hear from you
God Bless
J. G

Happy Mother's Day!

A problem among humans is a tendency to expect every holiday to be wonderfully the same every year if we perform the same family rituals every year with precision. That expectation is just not realistic. Life happens and we learn as we age to bend and adapt to the seasons of our lives.

Sometimes it's helpful to buck up and get ourselves in a celebratory mood and other times it's just as helpful to let a holiday pass with little fanfare. Every person is different.

My husband and I are about to be married 30 years and we've been together almost 32. That's a lot of water under the bridge. We've been through some pretty traumatic times during those years. Some we've healed from together and others we are still working on.

My husband lost his mother last May 1 and was devastated. She had been ill, but her death was unexpected. He doesn't "do" feelings. I grew up in a family that did. It's painful to have him shut down from me emotionally and retreat into himself, but that is his style. That doesn't mean that I don't call him out on occasion when enough is enough. There are times when we all need professional help to get us through the really bad times either from a spiritual leader, a pharmaceutical or a therapist. That's why they exist.

I lost my father to cancer in 1995 two days before Thanksgiving. My mother's health has been especially poor this last year, and I don't look forward to her passing. For me right now, the issue aside from not having her around is acknowledging that my time will some day run out, too. I guess that's part and parcel of what we call a "mid-life crisis".

I have a cache of dreams and plans that I've built over the years and not acted upon or fulfilled. Time will run out, and I had better revise that list and get started on "doing" instead of "fixing to do". Death and serious illness can serve as a big wake-up call.

But life is what happens when you're busy making plans. You'll find the comfort that you need with time and grace. Listen to your soul and give yourself permission to do what you need to do. For me, that includes crying in front of the children and telling my husband what I think of his inappropriate behavior (even if "sometimes" I'm the one behaving inappropriately). Hey! We're human. We have feelings. We make mistakes. We forgive each other and make allowances for each other's good and bad behavior.

Above all: Celebrate life and acknowledge life's passages. Birth and death are part of the circle of life. I found as I mature I've come to a much richer understanding of that cycle, but the ultimate understanding will not come until I, too, have made that passage.

I'm not in a hurry to get there. I've still got too much to learn and to do right here.

D., I have not lost my mother, but I have lost a child. It has been 24 yrs. I don't know if you believe in God, but I know the only way my husband and I survived is by trusting in the Lord. No it wasn't easy it never is! There are times that I wonder what he would have grown up to be. He would have been 32 this Nov. It makes me sad at times to not get to see that. Do you have someone you are close to that is a second mon to you that you could do things for? Your husband may also be going through the same feelings you are going through. I know from experince that men and boys don't show their sadness the same way that we as women do. It could be that he's angry because he feels helpless. Men are also fixers. They want to fix and get frustrated when they can't make you feel better. Try sitting down with him and discuss how he's feeling about the deaths. I just prayed for you that God would bring you and your family peace and joy.

Hi D.,

{{HUGS}} to you...

I lost my oldest son about 2 years ago when he was 8 so I can relate to part of your post. I am grateful that my mom is still with me. I can't explain what's going on with your hubby. I suspect he's got something on his mind and choosing a really bad time to vent it unintentionally since he is usually a sweetheart.

My advice for Sunday is to have a plan so that your day is structured and doesn't allow you too much time to think about your loved ones in heaven...just focus on the ones you still have here on earth who need you.

God bless you,

M.

I realize how hard a Mothers Day may be after losing someone, but you are going to have to try and embrase the joy and enjoyment you have with your two girls this Mother's day and be thankful for them. As for your husband, sometimes they don't know how to deal with comforting someone, or maybe he tried and (thinks it didn't work) not realizing it takes some time to heal. Also he may have something going on in his life that he hates to share with you, so you won't worry since you are already greiving and upset. Communication is the great healer. In a non threat way, say to him you miss the closeness of a best friend you feel like he is , to be able to share, and maybe have been crying on his shoulder too much , but with Mothers day coming & this being the first one with out yours that you are having a rough time, & hope he understands, & you would like his help making this a special time for your two children. Sometimes talking grief issues over with others who have been through it, or going to grief support groups is better than too much talk to others, as they don't know what to do to help sometimes.

oh my gosh bless your heart! I will be praying for you. Take Care of yourself!

Hi D.,
I am so sorry to hear about you losing your mom. I too lost my mom over 9 years ago and the pain never goes away though the first year is so hard because it puts a "date" on all your memories.
And you can remember all the times that you had with her and when she was here.
Grief is an overwhelming process to watch someone go through when there is NOTHING you can do to stop it. It can make a person feel helpless/frustrated/resentful that all they can do is watch you change/hurt through the process. I don't know you husband but I'll bet that he doesn't like the fact of how much his life has changed because of your loss. A loss this big in your life effects who you are and in a way changes the "roles" in a family. Maybe your not as comforting as you once where, maybe you just can't handle life as you once was depended too.
It puts a strain in your family whether you know it or not. Nothing to feel guilty about, it's just apart of life and growing up. But it hard just the same.
I would try and talk openly and honestly about the way that your mothers passing has affected everyone else in you family. Keep in ming that it might be really hard for someone to be totally honest with you since they don't want to hurt you anymore than you already are. So sometimes the frustrations just come out in different ways like about bills and such.
I think that as a family you all just need to know that it's ok to feel all the things that you are feeling (all the bad feelings). I know for myself my husband was really mad because he felt like his life was robbed of alot of joy it once had and life just kind of stopped as he once knew it.
I would really suggest finding someone not close to your family to talk to. I spent two years having someone come over to my house from church to just listen to me and let me work through it all and it really helped so much. I don't know what your relationship is with God but my faith in Christ is the only way that I got through it all. We talked alot. I told him everything. My anger,tears and fears about it all and he showed me grace. :)
Best Regards,
C.

Hi D.,

I can imagine how hard this holiday must be for you.

The one thing I can share is that I think husbands get scared when their wives are hurting. Men like to jump in and fix things - but when it comes to feelings (especially pain) they don't really know what to do, so even though they are scared - it comes out as anger.

I have told my husband many times that he just needs to listen - he doesn't have to 'do' anything.

Your feelings are very valid and I pray that you receive comfort and find joy tomorrow in knowing that you are a mom to 2 beautiful girls.

Hugs and blessings to you,
L.

Hi D. I lost my mother in 1999 and since have gathered a few favorite pictures and angel statues and candles on a small buffet in my dining room.Then on special occations,her birthdays,holidays and Mother's Day,I light a candle say a little prayer and talk to my mom.Some times I don't need a holiday just a day where I'm really missing her.There are days where I find I talk to her on more days than others,but that's ok too.I have found small things make me remember her so I just walk by my little memorial and close my eyes a second {nobody has to know}and say hi to her.I know she's here in spritand always in my heart. Try a little ritual it is very comforting.God bless you and our mothers.

Dear D.,

I have also lost a child and my mother is in a nursing home where she has forgotten most of her life, including me in it.
Even though she knows me, the mother I knew is gone.

I know that grief is a normal thing and we grieve in different ways, but also know that it will get better. Ask yourself, would your Mom want you to be so sad on Mother's Day?

I would suggest that you see you Dr. and ask him about depression and treatment. It has helped me.

You have 2 more beautiful children, you are blessed to be a great mother to them, enjoy them and let them see the loving mother you are. Mother's Day is every day and the future is a better place than the past. There is nothing to be done about the past, thank God you are a mother and a wife. God will not give you more than you can handle and He is with you all the way. Trust in Him and you will find peace and a loving, happy heart.
May He bless you and your family.

B.

Maybe your husband knows how difficult this is for you, but doesn't know how to express it and that maybe he is feeling your pain, but doesn't know how to express, so it comes out in a negative way. Try talking to him about it. Let him know how hard a time you are having this Mother's day. Try to remember all the good times you had with your Mom and the joy she brought to your life. Cry if you have to. Sometimes we all need to shed a few tears. And remember every tear that falls, falls for a reason. I'll be praying for you.

Dear D. F,

Do you think it is possible that your husband is also grieving the loss of your daughter? Maybe both of you are more "on edge" at this time of year. Why don't yall visit a counselor and talk about it. You might only have to go a few times. I bet it would be good for both of you. If this isn't something yall want to do or can afford to do, maybe you should just try to talk to your husband about it.

I said a prayer for you and your hubby (and your girls).

Deb D

D.,
This is just a reminder that God is always there to hold you. He will carry you through anything. This is one of those times that He just wants you to lean on Him. He is the one person that will be there for you in good times and in rocky times. Your mother was very special to you and that is a wonderful thing. Why don't you take the time to journal about her? It will help you remember all of the good times and you can refer back to it when you are feeling low. The best gift you could give your mom is to be happy because of how close your were and not sad because she is not physically here. She is still in your heart and always will be. Your husband could have had a really bad day and it just happened that you were the one to take the brunt of it. You can always sit down and talk with him about it too. Let him know that this is a difficult time for you and you would like to know if he was just having a bad day or what. It is always best to talk about it. He has probably forgotten what he did already. If he really loves you the way you think he does, he should be willing to listen to your hurts. Have a Happy Mother's Day and remember that you have two little ones that want to see their mom happy. God bless!

I am so sorry you're going through this. I understand a lot of people get depressed at holidays and you are feeling the losses so much more profoundly at this time. Maybe your husband is having some of the same feelings you are and doesn't realize he is lashing out at you because of it. Remember your daughters still have a mom and you still have them. Maybe do something special with them Sunday to make it a special Mother's Day for the three of you. (Maybe plant a special flower in your Mother's honor) Your hubby may have just had a moment of frustration that will pass before tomorrow. I'll keep you in my prayers.
K.

D.,
I'm just so sorry about your mom and so very sorry about your child. I can only imagine the pain of losing a child. I just want to hug you. I also lost my mom - almost 10 years ago - she was 48 and I was 24. I don't exactly enjoy mother's day. I have two young children myself - and I do enjoy them.
I also think Mother's Day would be easier if my husband worked a little harder to make it fun.
I'm going to give you the same advice I'm going to give myself this year. Let's focus on our kids. Let's make it about them this year. I haven't come up with any ideas just yet, but my son just loves going places to get a treat - like Chick fil a or to get ice cream. I think I'll take them to do something like that. I'm still debating church. I love our church, but sometimes mother's day is just the worst day to go....we'll see.
I'm just so sorry that you are going through this and that you are in pain. I'll be praying for you for the next few days for sure. Again, just wish I could hug you....

I wish I had the answer to make all your pain fade, but I can tell you that your letter helped me. My mom is still with me and I love her dearly. She is the most trusted person I have in my life. I am so thankful to God that he gave me to her. My mom has lost her two oldest children because of terrible accidents and her mom is now gone, too. I never stopped to think how Mother's Day may make her feel. I just assumed it was a happy day for her, but now that I've read your letter I have realized I should be more sensitive to her feelings. So, D., thank you for helping me to see that Mother's Day is a joyous day for some and a time for rememberance for others. God bless you and your family and I pray something wonderful will happen for you tomorrow. Happy Mother's Day!

D., All I know to tell you is, there is comfort in the Lord. I went through Menopause early in life (according to my gynocologist). Through those years I had many times when I felt that same way. My husband and I have been together 28 years and during those years I would just ball at the least thing that went wrong. I want you to know that I will pray for you because I know what a close relationship with MOM is. My mom and I are really close and I dread the day when I am in your shoes and lose her, yet I know that we will be together someday even after our passing. I also know what it is to have that type of relationship with a husband because as you say after so many years together each one gets better. But there are some times that you feel like why am I letting this happen to me. Well with God's help I made it through and I also want to recommend that You do as I did and purchase a Book :THE POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE" BY Stormie Omartian. You can purchase the book which is 30 days of study and an accomaning book which is the same title. It is a study and prayer guide. It was suggested to me and I went through that study and still to this day go back through the pages as a reminder. Things are so much better in our marriage than before. Not to say it ever was bad.
Also just think about your mom and your child that has passed as being together and waiting for you. I have had 2 miscarriages in the past and what keeps me going with those is I know that God was ready for them and they are watching over me from Heaven.
May God bless and keep you and your family.

You have had a lot happen to you. I would try a support group for Grieving. A hospice would have grief support groups or churches would have a grief support group.

A good Mom's group might help to be around other Mom's. Or being active in church, a women's group would help get you more support.

If the support group isn't for you, you could always try counseling.

I'm sorry to hear about your losses, those are big ones.
If you are a reader, you could read some books on Grieving/Loss.

Take care

Maybe he is mourning the loss of your first child also and is unable to cope with his own feelings so it turns into anger or just being short tempered. I do not know how he deals with things normally, but guys sometimes are like that and we forget that they hurt, too. Try just asking him if he is OK and when he asks why you can tell him that he has been a little short with you and you were just checking. At least it will open a dialogue. I am sorry for your loss. I hope this helps.

You know how men are when they start feeling inadequate....they get cranky. Your husband may be feeling the pain of the loss of your child as well as inadequate in meeting your needs regarding the loss of your mother. Rather than spending too much time grieving the loss of your mother, perhaps you could have a celebration of her life ceremony. Take your children, your husband, flowers, balloons and some bubbles to blow at her grave site and celebrate the years that you had with her. It will give your children a joyful prospective AND let your husband off the hook. You will still miss your mother, of course, but spending the day in tears will not accomplish much for you or your family.

I’m so sorry for your losses. I can’t imagine how difficult this time of year must be for you. I know how hard Father’s Day is for me with my daddy gone.

One thing you might consider (that I’ve found to be true in my life) is that I am hyper-sensitive at certain times for various reasons and my husband is just not aware of what I’m feeling inside. He just goes about his normal rants, raves, and gripes but they hit me so much harder as I don’t have anything left (emotionally) to deal with what he’s going through because what I’m going through internally. What I see as him being the “anti-husband” is really more of how I’m reacting to the situation.

What I’ve learned to do when I feel that my husband is giving me too much emotional baggage to deal with is to tell him what I’m going through just by saying, even out of the blue, “You know it’s only a week away from the anniversary of when Daddy died. It’s really hitting me hard this year.” My husband, who is NOT Mr. Sensitive, usually picks up on what I mean and keeps his complaints about whatever to himself.

Regardless of what you do, like one of the other ladies said, DO NOT STOP TALKING. You need him to get through this, and who knows, something major may be going on in his mind that he’s not shared with you yet either.

Best of luck. I hope that maybe you can find something special to do in memory of your mom or just let your girls take care of you! Don’t forget this is YOUR day, too!

God Bless.

This will be my 3rd mother's Day without my mother. It is still hard, but we do get through it. It is ok to miss your mother, but don't let the sadness keep you from enjoying the day. I know it is easy to focus on the loss, but try switch your focus to doing things that help continue the legacy of her love. My way to get through times like this is to keep busy and spend quality time with my kids, doing something that creates a good memory for them. I try to make it something I know my mother would have ejoyed doing as a tribute to her. Go to a park with the kids, have a picknic and blow bubbles. Not sure what state of remebering hter Grandmother is, but if they also need time for thinking about Grandma you can tell them... Each bubble you blow is a hug floating up to heaven for Grandma. Another Idea... Together with the kids, spend some time cooking something special you used to cook with your mother. For you, maybe write a letter to your mother, just like you would have when she was alive. In the letter, tell her your thoughts, feelings, and what you have been up to. She can't respond the same way she did when she was alive, but you can feel her respond in your heart. It seems like a cliche', but it is true.. Just because someone passes away, it doesn't mean their love for you does too. The love goes on forever. It is not the same as being able to reach out and getting a physical hug from her, but in your heart you can find your mother giving you all the words of wisdom and all the hugs you need. A special delivery of sorts, straight from heaven just for you.

D., There is probably nothing that I could say that would help you to feel better, but I wanted you to know that you have our support and we feel right along with you. Thanks for sharing this with us. Your husband may be feeling the same kind of thing at this time, and probably not really knowing what to do to help you through this. Men feel like they should know how to make you better and they react in very bad ways if they have not had good models to follow when they grew up. All this to say that I am sure he is just feeling helpless at this time. It doesn't help the way you feel, and there is no way of going around grief in order to get better, so just know that you have a group of moms who are supporting you in their empathy and prayers. Hugs!

Oh D.! My heart aches for you. There is nothing worse than feeling alone in this kind of grief! I too lost my mom a year and a half ago. She was my best friend. There are so many times when something happens now that I actually pick up the phone thinking I need to call Mom and tell her about it, then it hits me all over again. My first child passed away too. It has been almost 18 years ago now but, as you know, the pain is still there. Especially after experiencing another loss. It brings back a lot of the feelings from when I lost her.

I am telling you all of this to let you know that I know that feeling of losing so much! I know our experiences aren't exactly the same so I would never assume that I know exactly what you are feeling, but I do empathize. And I WILL be praying for you to get through this with His comfort and peace.

As for your husband. I don't know enough about your relationship to offer a bunch of advice. But from the tone of your email it sounds as if this is unusual behavior for him. How close was he to your mom? Could he be grieving as well? He may be grieving and not want to burden you by talking to you about it and instead it is coming out in this way. I don't know if this is it or not. I'm really just guessing but if they were close, you may want to consider that.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you lost your mom. I'm sorry that you lost your child and that your heart still aches for them. I'm sorry that you feel so alone. I know you don't know me but I really feel your pain and will be praying. You are not alone. There are those who know what you are going through who care! And the Lord cares! His heart hurts when yours does. Let Him help you heal.

Praying for peace and comfort,
S.

D.,
I cannot imagine the heartache! I am so sorry. I wish I had some magical words for you but I can pray that God will touch your heart in a very special way this Mother's Day.

I, obviously, don't know your husband; however, I'm wondering if he is heart sick too and just isn't sure how to help you and he may be anticipating the emotional stress for you on Mother's Day as well as the emotion of his own with Father's day just around the corner and the anniversary of your child's passing. I know that sometimes men respond more "aggressively" when emotions are running high just because they don't know how to express them. It maybe helpful to just simply state to him your observations of how he is responding to you (try not to accuse) and then just tell him how it would be most helpful for him to respond to you right now. I know with my own husband, when I am having an emotional situation, I often need to tell him, "I am having a hard time with _______, and it would really be helpful and feel supportive if you would ____________ ." This usually helps him understand what I need and he can then react accordingly. It saves a lot of hurt and helps us deal with whatever is going on.

Nonetheless, I will be saying special prayers for you and your family. God bless!

I can relate to mothers day being hard. I lost my daught in 04. I know this may not help but mabey your husband doesn't know how or what to say. Sit down with him and let him know how you are feeling. Losing your Mother has to be so hard. On top of that a child would make it even harder. Just keep thinking God will not give us more than we can handle. Just think you have two wonderful daughters to spend tomorrow with. You are so Blessed. If you husband start off not being nice pack your two daughters in the car and have a Girls day take you three to lunch and a movie. Give your husband time to his slef but with out fussing at him let him know how you fill and why you three are leaving and if he would like to think about his attitude he can join you at such and such at this time if not then you will still have a perfect Mothers day because you will be with your children. have a Blessed day and I will be Praying for you and your family. G.

I am sorry for your losses and that you are having to deal with this. Maybe your husband just doesn't know how to deal with how you are feeling, he knows he can't make the pain go away and possible it's making him turn to anger rather then comfort. Last year on Mother's Day I woke up to find an email that the woman I carried her children for had died the previous evening at the age of 31. My 6yr old cousing was killed on Mothers Day 10yrs ago so I too know how it is to dread this holiday. I'd just assume pass right over it, it just doesn't have the meaning it should for me anymore.

Ah, D., I am so sorry. Reading your story, makes me so sad. Who knows why men act the way they do. They are so different than we are. When you said the closer it gets to mother's day, I'm assuming you just meant this mothers day and not every mothers day. Perhaps he was just feeling under the gun, about the bill, and perhaps the whole mother's day thing, what to get you, how to make the day special, etc. etc. And you I am sure with all the emotions you are having to deal with just magnifies anything that is negative or abrupt. I'm so sorry you lost your Mom and your first child, I will send up a prayer for you and your husband.
God bless you and comfort you.

Happy Mother's Day D..

I can almost feel your pain and grief. I am sure your Husband does too. Anyone who loves you is probably feeling very helpless knowing how the loss has affected you. Most men don't know how to respond in helpless situations. Hang in here D. and don't let your grief paralyze your life! Hold on to the precious memories and truly Thank God for the time that you had with those that are now gone. Make the most of the time you have with those you love that are still here.

God Bless You.