Mom Tired of 14 y.old Lying Stealing Always in Trouble at School

So sorry to hear about what you are going through. A friend of mine had trouble with her son. He got into trouble for stealing a golf cart and went joy riding. She sent him to a youth facility in Christmas, FL. It is an all boy facility, they get an education, and they have to abide by the rules or they don't get to come home. It sounded like a good place for him....he's a sweet kid, just testing his limits. Here is the link to I think the facility her son is at....good luck
http://www.djj.state.fl.us/Residential/facilities/central...

The word is tough love. I have a 15 year old who was trying that same thing with me. I am a single mom and I quess he was trying to see what was the limit of pushing my buttons. Well, You know how they love to go to parties and not even come home after school. I gathered all the support of my family members. And we all take turns picking him up at various places so he won't have a minute to get in trouble. I have put a lock on my door so he wont have access. I have hired a tutor his own age, positive role model, of course to keep him busy with his school work in the afternoons. When he needs to go out I take him. Even if it's to the local 7-Eleven. Parties and outings are also done in a fashion that a family member or myself would be waiting outside when his curfew is up. It takes alot of time and energy. I also enlisted the help of one person who he is a little intimidated by. My brother who is 29 years old. He picks him up some days to do guy stuff. Look at football, and play basketball with. He respects him and is a little afraid of disappointing him. So it kind of keeps him on his P's and Q's. As far as lying. Well, that is a problem that might need to be adressed by a professional who can talk to him on a weekly basis and find out why he is lying. Hope I have giving you some ways to handle this. I also have a 11 year old and a two year old. Very stressfull at times, but we as moms have to give our 100% to our children who need our help. My sister was the same and she benefited very much from Job corp. My mom was at her wits end when she dropped out of school from all the lying and bad behavior.

Hey L.
sounds like you going through the wringer!!! adolescence is a seriously tough time for teenagers and extremely stressful time for parents, no doubt about it.... the problem is some of what your son is doing is normal...explosions of hormones at this point make teenagers very rebellious and vulnerable all at the same time.. they are easily influenced by others and they push everything to the limit especially when it comes to figures of authority SO what you son may be doing is understandable given this developmental stage, but his behaviour and the way he goes about dealing with this is unacceptable... this is a point you need to some how get across to him... it's understandable you are doing these things and freaking out, but not acceptable... here are some ideas of mine...
1)you need to stay strong and stand up to him and point out the consequences of this behaviour(note i say 'his behaviour', he's not a bad person, but what he's doing is bad) - use an 'I' statement....
ie when you steal from my room and lie to me about, I feel really angry and I have difficulty believing anything you say to me. I would like to feel like we have mutual trust and respect for each other. Do you know how we could go about getting that? (this opens communication)
2)Always follow through with discipline... never back down as the lines have to be clear... if there is another parental type in his life, make sure theres consistency
3)when he next gets in trouble at school or with the police, say that you know what the teachers/police have said about what happened but that you want to hear his side of the story...kids are often shocked by this sign of respect to them..
4)see if he will see a counsellor type person... it's hard for parents to help at this point as you are usually enemy number 1, but they'll sometimes listen to older siblings, cousins or counsellors etc...
5)check the way you're behaving with him...always lead by example... if you don't want him to yell at you, don't yell at him... don't fight fire with fire as teenagers are a raging inferno...let him know you love him (even if you feel like killing him), try and empathise, find some memory when you were this age and try and relate it to him now (they forget we were young once)
these are just my ideas L. so I hope they may open a few options for you... may the force be with you..A.

I have a son like that, I found that by taking him to a local church and finding him a youth mentor it helped a lot. You know that to our kids we dont know anything. They will listen to someone their own age. Get him involved in activities at the church it is free and it will keep him out of trouble. Good luck with your son If you would like to talk more email me at ____@____.com any time I know how you feel believe me your son is more normal than you think but you want to stop this behavior before he is an adult.

http://www.teenhelp.us/

http://helpmyteen.com/

http://www.boot-camp-boot-camps.com/

http://www.bootcampsforteens.com/

Well here's what we did. My oldest son is 18 now and survived it just fine.
We told him what was going to happen if he didn't change his behavior. And of course he didn't so this is what we did.
When he came home from school his room was cleaned out of everything except for 2 changes of clothes and his mattress. Not even his whole bed, just the mattress. And I mean everything was taken out of his room from tv to dresser to hangers EVERYTHING. It was put in storage and he was informed that he would not get any of it back until his behavior had changed for at least 1 week.
Next he was given a schedule. He had to get up at 5:00am and run a mile or 2 with his dad and then do situps, squat thrust, etc. they were back home by 5:45 and at which time he'd start on a list of chores that were given him. The list consisted of things the rest of the family didn't want to do.
After his chores were inspected, then he was allowed to shower, put on the clothes that we had picked out and given him, and get ready for school. He wasn't allowed to turn his light on or off we did that for him at a set time. He was given a set time every hour that he could go to the bathroom.
This continued for about a month or so of this extensive grounding. We also shaved his head down short, but not bald.
He hated life and I am sure hated us for that matter. But you know what, you sometimes have to make it that difficult for them in order to wake them up. Kids will push you as far as you will let them. IF you don't nip this in the bud or get ahold of this right now, you are going to have serious problems later on. And when he's an adult he'll have big issues.
My now 18 year old says that it was bad, but he knows we did it for a reason and is glad of that now. He knew he was going down a bad path and he was glad we were there to redirect him.
IT will be h*** o* everyone, and will require a lot of effort on your part. This however, is YOUR KID and YOU brought him into this world and it's YOUR responsibility as his parent to guide and direct them and teach them what is acceptable and what is not.
This will work, I promise you. You may have to do it for less time or more time or step it up or down a notch, but it will work.
Good luck and let us know how it turns out for you.
P.S. it's good for my 11 year daughter too because she saw him go through that and he remembers so vividly still that he can tell his little sister she better not go there.
T.

hi L. i think that i can tell you you are not the only one in this situation. i have 2 boys not as bad but i dealt with it with taking them to ruth copper center on ortiz ave.in fort myers it is a big help with behavior.some times our kids just need to talk to somebody but they dont want to talk to us.also i called the corection center and ask for a tour of the real bad said of the system so my boys could see what was going to happen if they stay on that road.hope this helps.let me know how it works out.

Check out the Florida Sheriff's Boy's Ranch.

https://www.youthranches.org/site/

I am going through the same issues with my 15 year old. I sat down and had a serious talk with him and I told him if he didn't make an effort to change his behavior, I was going to send him to this ranch and the minimum time would be one year. He has made a complete turn around and is trying to change his ways. I also typed up a list of rules and what was to be expected of him. I also tacked on a special reward for every rule he followed for a week such as if he cleaned up after himself, he would earn a free movie ticket. If he went a whole week with out one disrespectful remark, he would earn three hours at the mall. You know your own child so you will have to come up with rewards that will make it worth his while.

So far so good. If you need any help in putting together a plan I'd be glad to help.

____@____.com

Good luck.

Hi L.,
I'm so sorry that you're going throught this horrible period. I went through the same thing. My son got sent to an alternative school because he mooned someone, he stole, he lied... he did all those things... I sent him to counseling (one that specializes in teens), the right counselor is always important, don't be shy to try different ones until you get what looks like an improvement of some type. I think just talking about it helps them. All I can really do is assure you that it gets better. My son is 19 now and he is much much better, although there are many things that he can do better... he refuses to get a job, he missed this semester of college because he's a procrastinator... but ultimately he's improved 1,000%. The same will probably happen for you, hang in there and keep telling him that you love him no matter what he does...... unconditionally (I know that's hard to do when you're so angry). The best of luck to you.

Wow L..
I, too, have a 14 year old son, but haven't had to deal with the things you are going through. I'm not sure WHERE you should start, but you definitely need to do something to put a stop to this behaviour. Can you put him on restrictions whenever he is caught lying or taking things from your room? Maybe taking things away that he really enjoys will work....like video games, tv, ground him for a weekend at a time. If none of that kind of thing works, then I think you may have to go really hard core to scare him into changing his ways. Maybe take him down to a juvenile detention center and arrange for a tour and a good talking to by an officer there!

He's 14...it's not too late to turn him around. Good Luck! I'd love to hear what you end up doing and if it works!
~J.

I urge you to go with your son to Church in the Son on Wednesday at 7:00 P.M. They have a youth pastor there that is incredible. There is a special service this Wednesday. it is located at 4484 North John Young Pkwy. Orlando, FL 32804 4007-###-###-####. Please go, we can definetly help you & your son.

Being a single mom of a one year old boy, I haven't any experience as to what you are going through, but trust me, I put ALL my faith in God and so far, I've been truly blessed with an incredibly Great Son. You may just need to sit your son down and ask him Every Day what's going on in his life. Keep in touch with his needs and wants and let him know that you are There For Him.. Let your son know that it's not right to steal or lie and that things will be Easier On Him if he tells the truth. Tell him you will support his needs the Best You can. Tell him the path that he's on right now is Only Disruptive, he has nothing to gain from being a theif and a lier... Make him face the consequences of stealing from you. Discipline him, and be consistent about it. Talk to the counselors at his school to find guidance.. but most of all Pray to God about what to do. I wish there was more I could do to help you.

Hi L.
im sorry your going through all this, it can be tough , i went through it with my oldest son and now he is in a place where he has to behave, hes not a bad violent kid, he just made really bad choices, hes kind of an adrenaline junky
if your in brevard county call childrens home society, they can offer all kinds of support, theres also a weekend boot camp in sandford that costs 25.00 i think, and also theres a wilderness program in scottsmoore i cant recall the name of it, but its a lenghty program , i can look it up for you if you want to know more,

good luck with this if you ever need someonet o just talk to please feel free to email me, ive been through some rough hurdles with my boys over the years, i have one in a tough spot, one who worked through everything and got a clue before it was to late and one who just never seems to ever get in trouble, i have it on all levels here, im also a single parent but i have no support, no family at all and no friends who are really supportive and my resources are non existant

I don't know where you live, but here in Palm Beach County, they have free counseling and other free resources to help teens and their parents. I'm not sure about other areas, but if you live in PBC send me a PM and I'll get you all the info.

Good luck to you,
L.

hi my name is cori i have a 13 year old and i am going through some problems to some one said to me that you should get a family counselor and talk to them do you think that you have depression in your family you should find out well i live in the oviedo area where do you live maybe we can meet hope to hear from you soon.thanks cori