Introducing 2Yr Old to New Baby

My twins were born when my oldest was 21 months. My pediatrician told me to spend time with her any time I had help with the babies. I took her advice and I never had any problems. I don't know if its the reason why, but I thought it was good advice.

The best advice I got was to include the 2 yr old in "fun"things with the baby, try not to compare as they grow up (at least when they can hear you) and have someone other than the mom carry the new baby in the house. Bring a special present for the 2 year old from baby 2. My son was 26 months when his brother came home. At first things were great. But two weeks into it, oldest asked when the Tylers family was coming to get him. So, my advice is to remember it is a process. It is almost 2 years later for us and we set up special times for each boy with each of us, so they get one on one time. They are great together; we have very little squabbling. Just remember it will be a process. Congratulations! K.

I'm a Big Brother by Joanna Cole
http://www.amazon.com/Im-Big-Brother-Joanna-Cole/dp/06881...

There was a huge list of other ones on amazon when I looked that up, but that's the only one I used.

You could also buy a baby doll to show him how to handle the baby, to be quiet around the baby, and to be gentle with the baby.

Hi C.,
I recommend you do a social story with your little boy. What this consists of is you taking some pictures and putting a small book together of this experience. I just did one for a woman I nanny for and her son loved it. Some ideas include
My momma's having another baby! (picture of momma, pregnant) I grew like this in my momma's tummy, too!
I had the mom hold a doll for the next picture which said something along the lines of 'It makes me jealous when momma holds the baby, I don't like sharing my momma'. (it is important to label the emotions that your son is bound to feel- this will allow him to later verbalize his emotions when he starts speaking more).
The third picture was of the pregnant mom, her son and the doll- they were mock changing the baby- the caption said something like "I am very helpful helping mom change the new baby."
Then after the baby comes, you can add a picture of your son- a happy sort of 'horray' picture that says-"I'm a big brother!"
The next picture of the whole new family with a caption that says something like 'this is my family, I'm so proud to be a big brother. Babies are very fragile, so I will ask mom to hold or touch the baby and I will do my best to use my quiet inside voice when the baby is sleeping.'
Then a final picture of maybe just you, dad and him- saying something like, "I love being a big brother, but I also like time I spend alone with mom and dad". Cause as I'm sure you know, its important for you to set alone time- with just him after the baby comes so that he doesn't get to feeling he's been replaced.... all of the pictures were mounted on colored construction paper and then lamenated so as to make them a bit more durable. I like this idea because it makes the whole new baby situation more intimate for your child. I mean buying a book is nice too, but here are pictures of your own child and you and dad, etc. This technique of the social story I learned from Tuesday's Child. They have been a great asset for me as far as setting my son up for success. I hope this helps, happy birthing and transitioning!
Blessings,
J.

C.,

I have three girls (4, 2 1/2, and 5 months). The first two are 20 months apart and the second two are 24 months apart. Both times when we brought home "the new baby," she gave a gift to her big sister/sisters. The first time it was a little chair for her big sister's bedroom and the third one brought home 2 bikes. It may sound a little extravagant, but it really made an impact and the older girls still talk about it. Also, the more you can make your older child feel important in helping out with HIS new sister, the better! Good luck!

I have two boys and they are exactly 3yrs apart. Keep talking to your 2 year old son about his sister coming home soon. Have him help you feed, change( bring diapers and wipes to you)and hold his sister. These are the things I had M. oldest son do. At this level, children want to help mom/dad. I remember and have a pic of M. oldest son getting up in the morning to climb into his brother's crib and lay next too him. He would just stare at him. So don't be stressed, it'll work out just fine.
I hope this helps. Let me know.

Take care

M.

I'm sure you've talked to your son about what it will be like to have a new baby in the house, but don't forget to talk about what will happen when you go into the hospital for delivery. If he'll be going to someone else's house for a few hours or days, talk about all the fun he'll have there & who will come pick him up, & that after that he'll get to meet the baby, etc. Every part of the plan that he knows in advance will help. Good luck!

Hi C.,
When I was pregnant with my second baby, my oldest son was not even three yet. (their birth dates are actually 3 wks apart). I heard somewhere to have them carry a baby doll around. I would tell him he was going to be my big helper and when the baby comes, the baby would be his baby too. He carried the baby everywhere and treated the baby very carefully. When David was born, Will was great with him.

We read Little Critter's and the New Baby and I am sure we read other books too. When David was born we got Will a tee that said "I'm the Big Brother". He always wanted to help hold and feed, not so much change a diaper. lol

I think our transition went well. Good luck

Hi C.,

Just make sure you always let your son know what is going on, maybe even take him to one of your doctors appointments so he can hear the baby's heart beat :). Also, when you and baby come home make sure you tell visitors to always acknowledge your son first and to not let the first thing out of their mouth be, 'how do your like the new baby'. Inform them to interact with your son without mentioning the new baby (at least for the first few weeks), this will let your son know that he is still very special in everyones eyes and that the new baby did not "steal" his spotlight. Also, have a very special gift to your son from the baby. We went to Build a Bear and had a very special bear made to big sister from baby brother.
Don't underestimate your son, 2 year olds understand way more than we give them credit for. As long as you continue to let him know he is special and make sure you set special time aside each day just for him, the transition should go smooth.
But a word of warning. Do not be alarmed if your son says he doesn't like the new baby or asks you to send her back. That is a normal reaction when there is a new addition. After the newness wore off, I was told 'I don't like it anymore, can you take it back?'

Hope this helps

Congratulations on your new addition :)

I just want to give you a head up that it may be difficult for your 2 year old to understand. My son was 20 months when his brother was born and he struck out quite a few times. his little brother still has a scar from a scratch he was given at just several weeks of age. my husband didnt realize never leave baby alone with a 2 year old- while he did dishes. my girlfriends son just ignored his brother for quite awhile. people would ask him if he was a big brother or if there was a little baby in his house and he would say "no" and he was 3.

Good luck and congrats!!

Start a special routine with your son -now - that you can maintain when the new baby comes. Special time that you know he enjoys - and after the new baby is there - and everything in your house is crazy - find the time - to spend time doing this special activity with your son. You can admit to him that the baby does cry alot and needs to be held alot and isn't big enough to play yet - maybe help him verbalize some observations about this little baby. But he also needs to feel special - and kids don't value dinner on the table - or mortgage payments - they value your time. Of course - you may not be able to do the same activity all the time - and you may have to modify your plans - but he needs to know that every day - he will get his turn for a little special attention.

Hi, C.,

My #1 granddaughter was 26 months old when #2 granddaughter was born. My daughter had talked alot about the baby in the couple of months before the birth. Big Sister hugged and kissed and talked to Mommy's tummy alot. When the baby was born, I was the one that got to tell Big Sister that she has a little sister, and I was the one that took her to see baby at the hospital. From the very beginning, Big Sister was an awesome big sister. She really looked out for her little sister, and she still does today (4 1/2 and 2 1/3 yrs old). They are best of friends.

I'll tell you a little thing we did when we brought home each new baby to our home. I can't remember where we heard this idea but it really worked for us. When we brought home the baby we already had a special new toy for each of our children at home. We told them that it was a gift for them from the baby. So here comes this little intruder and the baby has brought them a really cool toy. It's great because they are excited to have the new toy and it is also something they can play with while mom and dad are tending to the baby. I remember my 2nd son was only 20 months old when I brought home my 3rd son, but he just thanked the baby over and over for his new toy. He was so cute.

On another note. I think the more you can involve the child in helping with the baby he will feel a part of all that is going on in the home and not feel pushed aside. I always stressed how they were the big brother and needed to help teach the baby everything, like talking, walking, basically I tried to make them feel real important in the baby's life.

At the hospital, give your son a gift from the baby. Something really special that he'll enjoy. Make his first interaction with your new daughter a positive one. When you're ready to come home from the hospital, if your son is waiting at the house with relatives, make sure you enter first and have your husband following with the baby. If everyone comes home from the hospital together, I would try to let your son sit on your lap when they wheel you to the door (have hubby carry baby). It's a small sign that he's not being "replaced" by the baby.
With some extra attention, praise and positive reinforcement (wow, you're holding your sisters hand so gently, or touching her softly, etc...), the transition should be an easy one. Good Luck.

Chances are, your 2 year old WILL become jealous at some point. Who wouldn't be jealous if he was suddenly forced to share his parents with another kid? But it's a great opportunity to start teaching about sharing and taking turns. You just need to continually remind him that you have plenty of hugs and love for both of them. I'm not sure how effective it was but I tried to implement some things I had read, including a suggestion from another response that you NOT be holding the baby when big brother comes into the hospital room. That way your arms are open for him. Another thing is to, at least some of the time, make point to let the baby cry for a minute or two to finish things you are doing with big brother. You can say something dramatic like "Baby will have to wait just a minute, it's your turn now." Big brother will definitely be hearing that alot, so it will be nice for him to know that he still comes first sometimes.

Good luck!

When our then 18 mos old daughter Morgan came to see her new baby sister at the hospital, we had our newborn, Jordyn, in the nursery so Morgan could get used to the room and me in the bed. I had a CSection so I couldn't move much and she definately noticed things were "different" about me. After five mins or so, my husband told her he was going to get her new baby sister. He returned w/ the baby in the bassinet and Morgan was very interested at this person that came into HER life...Morgan didn't walk into the room seeing me in a bed w/ an IV holding this new baby girl.

Also, at the hospital and after we got home, we never pushed Morgan to hold or pay attn to the baby. If she wanted to touch her, we let her. If she wanted to hold her, we let her. But we never pushed her to pose for pictures with the baby or give her new little sister toys or anything. We let the transition be more about HER needs than us trying to push her to pay attn to the baby. She transitioned beautifully and she never gave us an ounce of trouble about it. It could also be Morgan's personality b/c she is very "go with the flow". But, mom friends of mine who pushed their kids to pay attn to the new baby or be "helpers" a little more found the older child started to act out and regress.

Really, you just need to go with your instinct, feel your son out and let him take the lead. You know your son's personality better than anyone! :)

GOOD LUCK and CONGRATULATIONS!!

Hi there...my 2nd daughter was born exactly 1 week after my first daughter turned two. It was an adjustment for my 2 year old. First of all, make your 2 year old very involved when it's time to go to the hospital. Let him help you pick the baby's take home outfit. Get him an "I'm the Big Brother" tee-shirt to wear. Allow him to be there waiting with grandparents so he's involved. I also had a couple of gifts wrapped for my 2 year old to open when people brought gifts in for the baby.
Once you're home, just try to make him as involved as possible. Let your husband or someone else hold the baby so you can hold him. As long as he's secure that you still love him, and that he hasn't been forgotton, he'll be fine. There will be bumps in the road. At one point, my 2 year old told me to take my new baby back to the hospital. That's when I realized she needed some mommy time. It'll work out fine! Congrats on the new baby!

I don't understand all the concern people seem to have over what is a normal, natural part of life we have all experienced. All that talk and gifts are not necessary. Kids are generally delighted with babies, then surprised they are so boring at first. Just make sure the older child does not feel you have abandoned him for someone more important. And yes, don't leave them alone - not because the older child will be aggressive, because he might not, but because he won't know what is appropriate and what's not and may try to wake up the baby etc. to get it to play with him.

If you make too big a fuss over being worried about it, the older child could pick up on that and make it an issue, so don't worry.

Our daughter was about the same age when #2 came along. We talked about babies and we even bought her a baby doll that she could take care of just like mommy will with the new baby. I don't know your personal opinion on boys playing with a baby doll, but my sister in law did it with her son and he thought it was fun! We also explained that we would really need a good big helper to help get diapers and wipes when it's time to change the baby. After the first few weeks we transitioned to formula feeding and our daughter was the "shaker". She shook the bottles and brought it to whoever was feeding the baby. My daughter loved to hear stories too so I found this cute book- it's a Berenstein Bear book about a new sister. I can't remember the title off the top of my head but it talked about how brother was going to get a new bed and his little bed was going to be for the new baby. It's cute and got her talking about a new baby coming. Good luck!!!

My son was just 2 when my daughter was born and my daughter will be not quite two when our next is born in a couple of months. My son understood exactly what was going on. We talked to him about the good and the bad aspects of having a baby "come live with us" and I've been doing the same with my daughter. We talked about how babies sometimes cry and that mommy and daddy will need help to take care of the baby. From day one my son helped bring me diapers and other small tasks he could handle. He is absolutely incredible with his little sister.

One of the things that I will be doing again at the hospital is purchasing a Fisher Price (or other brand) Kiddie Digital Camera for my daughter. We gave my son was as a present and made him the 'official' photographer for the first couple of days. He actually took some good pictures and was so proud to have a special job. He also picked out a gift for his sister to bring to the hospital that was just like his favorite blankie/stuffed animal.

The anticipation of having another child after spending all your time with one can be overwhelming. I didn't know how I could possibly give as much to my son as I had before the baby and felt horrible about it. There's plenty of love and time to go around and before you know it your oldest won't remember what it was like before baby. You're giving them the gift of a sibling they will have forever. Good luck!

I posted this back in March for someone else:

A couple of suggestions we got that we tried and found helpful:

1. Talk about the baby, and allow the older child to say "I love you" and/or kiss your belly before the baby's born. It seemed natural to us until we realized some people didn't even TALK about the baby until s/he was born!

2. When the older child comes to visit you at the hospital, DEFINITELY have a gift for her from the baby. We got my son a little dump truck from the baby, and he told EVERYONE that "fani" (stefanie) got it for him. Something small that you know she'll like.

3. When she comes to visit you, try to not be holding the baby when you welcome her in the room. this way you can hold the older child and introduce her to the baby.

4. Encourage friends and family to greet the older child first (instead of the baby) when they come to visit you at home.

5. Try to keep the older child's schedule as regular as possible (especially naps!) during those first weeks.

6. Having another doll that the older child can "take care of" whiel you are taking care of the baby is fun too! My son changes a baby doll while I change the baby, etc.

7. Get a few books about bringing a new baby home. My son enjoyed reading them for a few months after the baby was born -- he recognized things that were going on, and he could "tell" me that yes, the baby cries, or "yes" they have stinky diapers.

8. Help the BABY sleep AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. You are probably a pro at reading sleep cues now that your'e on number two. The less crying that the baby does, the better the older one will adjust/not feel jealous or frustrated. The *first* sign of fussiness tend to the baby's needs -- even if company is over. A happy baby makes for a happy household.

Enjoy! Two is a blessing!

T.

ps - I guess that's more than "a couple"! I hope it's helpful though!

C.,

My son was 13 months when I delivered his baby sister. I was really concerned he would want to drag her across the floor, throw toys on her, hit her, etc. but I was given the surprise of my life when I saw him interacting with her. I don't know if it's just his temperment, but he is SO nice... he's gentle, he kisses her and says 'awwww', he brings her a pacifier when she's crying, he pets her hair softly. All we did was tell him 'gentle' and guide him in doing things softly. At 13 months, I really thought he wouldn't understand... but I grossly underestimated his brain. He does get it, and now his babysister is almost 4 months and he is still wonderful to her.

We did make sure to not let him feel neglected, and I still make it a point to get down on the floor and interact with him while baby sister sleeps, instead of doing dishes, picking up, etc.

I think that your son will take your cue...if you're excited, he probably will be and he probably understands way more than you think :) In my case I found I was worrying about nothing. Now, that being said, I would still never trust him interacting with her out of my sight... :)

Good luck and congrats on your upcoming arrival!

Hey,

I run a home daycare in Berwyn and have dealt with childrn for 26 years. I find the best way to introduce your new born to your first child is to give the older child a gift from the new child as a thank you for welcoming them into the family. And also reinforce the role of the "big helper" with the little one. Include the toddler in the everyday care of the baby so that he/she is a partner in the raising of the baby (ie., get a diaper from the bag, tell the baby a story while I change him, etc)

I wish you well.

www.cindycare.net

Hi C.,
Just make sure you still give your son one on one time with you once the baby is born. Also have some wrapped gifts set aside so when you a get a gift for the baby there is one for him to.

I was just as worried when my second was born when my first was 18 months old. But it went very well after all. I just made sure my first got just as much love as the second. I had him a basket full of treats (from the dollar rack at Target) in the front closet so when friends brought baby gifts, he'd get one too. I made sure he was included in coversations, hugs, special time and made him a helper. He'd retrieve diapers for me or the phone. I'd let him hold his new sister (with my help of course). I let him stay up a half hour later at night for one on one. As far as I know, he was fine. Now, they are best friends @ 3 & 4 years. Don't stress about it - just love them both the same.

My daughter was 22 months when her little brother was born. I just kept her really involved with everything letting her help get things for me and throwing the diaper in the garbage. I also made sure that if she wanted mom for something and I was holding the baby that I would hand him to my husband to attented to her and vice versa so that she didn't think that she was second string. It has worked wonders, my son is now 5 months old and my daughter is so good to him with giving him his pacifier and she gives him hugs and kisses all the time. Hope this helps.

D. K.

Sorry if someone mentioned this but there were a lot of responses to read through. My girlfriend had a gift waiting in her hospital room for her toddler. They explained that the gift was from the new baby to her. Hey it is hard to be jealous when someone buys you something ;) I think we will be doing this as well in August when our #2 is due!! I am sure things will be just fine.

I was in the same situation just 22 months ago. About a month before I had my second son I gave the older son a doll and pretended the doll was a baby. I let my son hold the doll and explained that this is what his new brother will be like, I let him pretend to give the baby a bottle, change the dolls diapers and put the doll to sleep. Still when I brought the baby home my son became a different child in a bad way. He would throw tantrums, act out-do whatever he could do to get attention. He was so extremely jealous. Even though I tried to spend extra time with him he just did not like the baby. It took almost 3 months for him to adjust. Today he loves his brother but the intial coming home with a new baby was tough. Congrats on the new addition to your family.

Hi C.,

I just wanted to share my personal experience with you as my son was 25 months when my daughter was born. I did not think he understood what was happening at all. He "knew" there was a baby in my tummy, and we talked about having a new baby in the house soon, but I didn't think he got it.

As soon as my in-laws brought him to the hospital, I realized I was wrong. He hopped right up on the bed to meet her, and acted like this was completely normal, and of course, here was the baby we had been talking about for months! We chose to bring her home the night we left the hospital, and then our son came home the next day so we were a little more adjusted before we had to jump in with both feet as parents of two. Everything went really smoothly for at least the first six weeks. Sometimes he needed Mommy more, since I was nursing the new baby a whole lot. But he really was sweet - he loved her and was really gentle and LOVED giving her kisses.

Now, he did start going through a jealous phase later, when she was 6 or 8 weeks. But it was easier to deal with that then - the initial transition went really smooth. I know every child is different, but don't underestimate the ability of your little guy to comprehend this stuff! I did, but mine proved me wrong! :o)

I wish you the best of luck and many blessings on your little family!

My best advice is to get your little boy a small doll and let it be his baby. He can feed, attempt diapering, rock etc when you are doing these things with your new little one. I hope daddy is modern enough not to resent his little man from playing with dolls. It will only make him more affectionate. Good luck and happy parenting. From a great grandmother.

I have two girls that are almost 20 months apart. Our transition was very easy, I must admit. The key for us was making our older child feel just as important as the new baby and still giving her lots of individual attention. That included a night out with mommy after the little one went to bed. We used to go to the mall and ride the carousel several times on a Friday night. Good luck. It is wonderful having them so close together, but it will definitely keep you very busy!

When I had our second we had my first shop with daddy to pick her out a gift to give the new baby and then had a gift from new baby to her.
As some aside advice, my pediatrician did mention that we should not do the obligatory older kid holding the baby picture as that sends to message that it is OK for him to hold the baby, and may do this when you have to step away for a second. We of course had already done this, as most of my friends have also, but with you older one so young, there is more risk in him accidently hurting the new one. So many new things to think of with 2. Have fun, it's a hard but wonderful life change.

Our son was 27 months when his sister was born and I was nervous too. We had a lot of kids books on the subject, and my favorite was Hello Baby! by Lizzy Rockwell. I also liked The New Baby by Mercer Mayor. I guess my advice would be to make it as much about him as possible. We always called her HIS sister and told him he was her big brother. At the hospital, he would get so excited when people visited and he'd say "come see my new baby" (we had been saying his new baby sister). He was sweet as he could be to her, and just amazed us. We did get him a new toy for at the hospital. It was mostly to keep him busy spending so much time there (I had a c-section so he spent a good part of 3 days there). He figured out that babies don't buy gifts, so I must have bought it. Little stinker!
The new baby typically sleeps a lot in the beginning, so that allows a more gradual adjustment. He was (is) a great helper, and would get diapers for us, or bring us her paci. He really liked being able to help and be involved. It got harder when she started crawling. Then he stopped napping, and started having a lot of accidents after being potty trained for 6 months. We're still working on that.
Oh- another thing that helped with the toy sharing is that she got some toys for Christmas that he liked to play with. She was too little to play with them then, but when he played with them we always reminded him it was her toy and she was sharing. That helped when she started trying to play with his toys. Then we could say, she shares her toys with you, so you need to share yours with her.
Everyone I know says the older child adjusts better than they expected. I think it's a tougher adjustment for us! Good luck!!