Inspiration Needed

Don't give up, don't get too stressed out and enjoy the "trying"! My husband and I tried for 7 years to have children and were finaly told we could not. We adopted a terrific boy whom we love completely. Almost 5 years later I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.
My favorite quote is this: Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe, enthusiastically act upon....must inevitably come to pass.
I don't know who wrote it or where it came from, but I have made it part of my life. I have it in a frame by my front door and I read it every day! So keep believing and keep trying.

I am certain that you have gotten many replies. I just wanted to tell you about my girl friend. She and her husband had tried for over a year. Both healthy individuals. They made an appointment with the doctor and the next month they had to cancel the appointment because she was pregnant with twins. They now have 2 girls that are into everything and are the light of their lives.

I personally have not had this problem but two very close friends of mine has. One ended up adopting and also still trying with their doctor, but is very unwilling to try drugs that could give multiples. The other couldn't stay pregnant without being on folic acid, more than what is in the regular prenatal meds.

M.,
I can not say I know what you are going through but I was wondering if you have ever tried to chart your cycle and find out when you are most fertile? I know a girl who did this and she not only got pregnant but learned a ton about her body. You could maybe contact a planned parenthood group. I also believe the power of prayer is great so if you are just waiting for God to give you another baby try praying (you and your husband together) and asking God to bless you with a child.
Many Blessings
S.

Hi M.,

I'm in your boat! I have been trying for #2 for a year and 1/2. I have fertility issues, so it's no surprise for me, but I know how depressing it is.

Here is my advise. Don't wait to see a Dr.- go now. You'll feel a lot better knowing you are doing everything you can to conceive. It's amazing how much there is to learn about how to conceive and how your body works. 35 doesn't seem old to us, but from talking to fertility Dr.s for years, I know fertility drops every year after 25. On a positive note, the fact that you got pregnant easily with your first at least means you are fertile. My fertility Dr.s say that the average fertile person takes 9 months to conceive, so don't feel like a failure.

It will happen for you, just be patient.

Good Luck!
M.

My daughter and her man tried and tried. Spent good hard cash for a doctor and help he offered. Charted temp etc etc etc.
She had a miscarriage and they were devestated. Dr. encouraged keeping up the routine of charting and a couple of the hormones but stopped everything else and they quit "trying" and started enjoying each other just for the love. She was in the routine of the pee test and temp charting at bedtime, she did her thing and went to bed. One night he came in and said "We are Pregnant!!!" She had been too exhausted to wait and look at the pee test and left it on the bathroom counter. How many men get to tell their wives they are pregnant?!
The point is they were just enjoying each other and it happened. no pressure. no expectations.
Also, another way to get changes in your life is to just relax and be totally content with your life the way it is. Accept everything and be so thankful for what you have. Things always change when you can get to that point!!

Hi M. - Have you ever heard the term "A watched pot never boils"? To me, that's what trying to get pregnant was like. Although I had some other issues that were giving me trouble, lost one ovary due to a dermoid cyst. Scar tissue built up that blocked my fil. tube on the other side (had surgery to clear it), small cysts on the one ovary I had left. I was beginning to think that we were never going to be blesses with #2.

Also, don't feel like it's something that just you are responsible for - there are TONS of things that can effect the whole situation from the mans side too. For instance, at the time, my husband drove truck - not a plus according to my doctor. Wearing the tighty whiteys can effect it, my doctor recommended boxer briefs. Looser fit meant more circulation in "the boys". Temperature can effect it..lots of sitting means "the boys" are warmer - again, not good. Do some investigating to see if there are things that he can do too to help. It doesn't hurt to talk to your doctor either. There are things they can try first before any fertility drugs. My husband and I had agreed that if it didn't happen on it's own - it wasn't meant to be. But I did go in and have a test done where they pushed a dye through my filop. tube to make sure it wasn't blocked. Because I had had so many problems with scar tissue, they wanted to check that first. It was a very small outpatient surgery.

We tried for what seemed like forever. We started trying when my son was about 1 1/2. By the time he was 3 I had started to reconsider having another because I was really liking how he was getting more and more independent. No diapers, no binky, slept all night, he could tell me what was wrong (BONUS!). I wasn't sure if I wanted to start over with all that again. I was getting frustrated with trying, it was starting to feel more like a duty than a pleasure and it was beginning to be a big cause of stress between us. I too had tried the standing on my head thing - about the only thing it did was make me feel absolutely ridiculous. You'd be amazed at what you'll try to see if something will work! "No honey, my leg really doesn't bend that way!!" Finally I just said to heck with it. I told my husband "That's it - I'm done. I'm tired of trying and I'm tired of being depressed every month when my period starts" The speech went on - he got mad - we fought, it wasn't good. Come to find out I was already pregnant when I gave that little "I'm done trying" speech and I now have a beautiful 4 yr. old daughter and she has a very protective 8 yr. old older brother - I turn 39 in March. :) I guess my point to this is, just relax. Try not to get all worked up about the whole trying thing. Have FUN trying - laugh at each other when you can. It will happen when it's meant to happen. And trust me - I've decided having 4 yrs between them isn't so bad. He was a pretty big helper - which in turn made him feel more important.

Take care & best of luck to you!

I understand where you are at. It is by far the most flusterating and emotional thing that I have ever experienced. We were able to have our son with no problems and when he was 4 we decided it was time for #2. We tried on our own for a year and then asked the Dr. for help. It was one of the best things that I did for myself. He was able to help me to understand what was going on and gave me several options. We tried several different things and after a loooooong and emotional battle, with the help of some natural supplements we now have the greatest 5 year old in the world! She is worth everything that we went through! Please dont give up or feel down. I know it is a huge dissapointment but there are a lot of us out here who understand. Try to focus on the positive and enjoy life as it comes.

I have fertility issues, and I have two boys, both unplanned... in that they came when we weren't trying. I agree with an earlier response, to not wait to see a doctor. If they give you no help, go to another doctor. God is in control, but that doesn't mean you aren't supposed to do your part to accomplish your goals. Then leave it to Him. And take heart... you aren't alone in your heartache.

I went to an ovulation website that I found when I googled "ovulation predicting". I followed the directions and within 3 months we conceived our son. Stress may be playing a factor too. My friend had tried for a year and a half. She and her husband went to a specialist who said that they would not conceive without "help". They decided against it and thought about adoption.About a month later, surprise she was pregnant. She is now pregnant with her second, without any help that the specialist said they needed. Relax and let nature take its course. It will happen. Good luck

Put ovulation calculator in a search engine like yahoo. I think there is also one on ivillage.com. It will ask you a few questions, and bam-o! you have the days of the month that you are ovulating and the best days to concieve. It's great info. Also, the way we got pregnant with our son was I remembered the days that the doctor said we most likely concieved our daughter and made sure we "tried" on those days. It only took one day to get pregnant with him, and it was all because I knew the exact days I was ready. You might want to contact your OBGYN to have her/him look at your chart from your last pregnancy. They should be able to tell you your conception dates and I would "try" several times on that day. Another thing, I just saw a report that when trying to convieve women should not only not drink alcohol, but caffeine as well. Who knows, it might help, but I would think anything is worth a try. Good luck :)

i understand where you are getting frustrated with the "trying" aspect of wanting to get prego. seriously, u need to relax and not think so hard about it. the more u try the more u get frustrated and then the minute it seems like you've given up, BAM! u are prego!! Keep the FAITH hun it will happen.

Years ago, when I was trying to get pregnant, there wasn't much they could do. Now, there are miraculous things that can be done to bring babies into this world and I would urge you to get to a doctor and see if there is a problem that needs fixing. And don't let your husband get by without being tested, either!
You said you need to hear an inspiring story. Here is mine. We adopted 2 children and then, when I was 38 I found out I was pregnant. That little baby had 4 parents because his sister was 11 and his brother was 13! We waited a long time for him, but what a joy when we finally got him!

M.!

Be gentle with yourself. You are not a failure just because you are not pregnant. The medical field has only barely touched on the mind/body connection, but we do know some things. The harder you try, the less likely you are going to get pregnant. Stress plays a big part in whether or not you get pregnant. Your body cannot relax and do its thing if you are stressed out.

Here is my suggestion. Go on a few date nights and just enjoy each other. Make love to each other without any hope of pregnancy. Just get lost in each other's love. Once you both stop worrying about getting pregnant, I'll bet you will. Both my mom and I had that problem. Once we stopped thinking about having a baby, we got pregnant...with her it was me and with me it was my son!

L. :)

The best thing to do is to just tell God, "ok, I'm giving this situation to you!" I think sometimes when you think about it too much you are still feeling like YOU are in control but really God IS still in control. Your mom is right, He does know what is best and He is a God of timing. Don't sweat it... you know that you CAN get pregnant and what even more of a miracle it will be when you do. Your baby is definitely much wanted and loved already, what a great thing for a new one to come into!! I have a few friends who were having trouble conceiving with their second child. Just soak in the time w/your son right now and revel in the blessing that he is! I'm sure it will happen, it did for my friends to!

I was feeling quite similar except I was able to GET pregnant but not able to KEEP the pregnancy. I was getting really frustrated. However, after experiencing two failed pregnancies we finally got pregnant with our second. Against Doctor's orders of waiting two cycles before trying again, although we had the best intentions. :) He was recently born and of course, gorgeous. So our two kids are 3.5 years apart, it actually worked out good but I wouldn't have planned it that way. So ya, there is something to what your mom says but it's not all that comforting; that's what people kept telling me after I kept loosing pregnancies, while the other half kept asking when the next one was coming. :p Still there is something you can do that actually works, or at least helps you troubleshoot. Keep your apt with the fert doc but try this
http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Achiev...
It helps you understand the best times to try to get pregnant and troubleshoot issues on your own before going to a doctor. Besides it helps you know you are pregnant before anyone will see you. I have used this as a method of conception and birth control (between kids) and it works great. It can take a while to learn about 2 cycles probably but even if you go the less aggressive route and only chart temperatures you will learn a lot about yourself and your body. When I was having a miscarriage I knew it, when I had a tubal pregnancy I knew it and had to tell the doctor, who doubted I knew it. So there are other benefits to knowing about your cycles besides getting pregnant.

Best of Luck.

It took us almost 4 years to conceive our first child. I went through the same thing - thinking I was pregnant for 2 weeks and then not. It is absolutely gut wrenching sadness. I too experienced depression. People would tell me to not think about it and it would just happen - yeah right! Are you kidding?!

The way I got it off of my mind was to find something that I was really excited about - we started a home business. I was really focused on that and a couple months later, I was relaxed enough that my body was able to conceive. So, my advice would be to find something that interests you that has nothing to do with babies. My other thought is to check out zonehealinginternational.com and see if there is a Zone Doctor anywhere in your area. The website is down for about a week or so, but it would really be worth a shot. It's a non drug approach to helping your body to function the way it should. It has been amazing for my family.

J.

my sister and her husband tried for well over a year to conceive...they just got home from the hospital with thier gorgeous little girl yesterday. i agree with our mom. when its time, God will make it happen. the stress of trying can really mess ya up. just take it easy, relax, enjoy your intimate time together and when you least expect it...whamo.....impregnation!!! it will happen hunny, when God says its time that little bump will start to show and all of your prayers will be answered. until then tho, enjoy every moment with your first born because you won't get as much of it once baby number 2 finally arrives. i had my 2nd child when my first was only 22 months....its a stressful time, but i wouldn't trade it for any amount of money in the world!!! Godo Luck, i will Pray for you :)

I don't have any real words of wisdom, I get pregnant like a rabbit, all my husband does is look at me and.......

I guess I would ask are you trying to hard, I know that that can make it much more difficult, it's almost as if we sabotage ourselves sometimes, maybe take the mind set of not trying but just enjoying the momment, and whatever happens happens, My mom tried for years after my sister was born to have children (she is 7 years younger then me) and was even told she couldn't have kids. After years and years of trying she gave up her and my "dad" (they weren't married) broke up and she let it rest I was 18 at the time, she met another man and when I was 19 and pregnant with my own, she discovered she was pregnant, she thought it was a flook, a one in a million odds she was 38 at the time, 2 years later I have a brother she was 40 then, so I now have siblings the same age as a few of my kids, 16 and 14. Don't give up hope, there is always hope! You don't have to go as far as standing on your head, elevate the lower half of your body, a pillow is a good and gives just the right amount of elevation, during the "act" and stay that way for about 15-30 minutes. It helps the little swimmers find thier way. Good luck, I hope it happens for you but enjoy it above anything else!

I am the proud mom of 3 kids. It took me 4 years to get pregnant with #1. Then, I had a molar pregnancy 2 years later. Then I got pregnant with #2 another 2 years after that. And now, 4 years after #2 I just had #3. I have NEVER used any birth control and wonder why it seems I am only fertile every 4 years. Do not be discouraged. Keep trying. A good tip might be to do "things" at night (near ovulation time day 12-ish), lay on your stomach and have your husband try from that angle, entering the "normal" place. I hate to get too graphic, but I think my uterus was slightly tilted so this seemed to help perhaps. Also, do not use the bathroom or wipe off until the morning. After 4 years of trying with #1 I had gotten to the point of consulting with a doctor who was supposed to schedule a certain test for day 12, and for some odd reason that day never came and I was pregnant. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but if you kneel down in prayer and pour out your feelings to H.F. asking him to bless your family with another spirit, I know that he will comfort you and that "..whatsoever thing ye ask in <his> name, believing, the same shall be given him." I wish you all the luck, and will be praying for you.

Quit trying just enjoy being with your husband.And maybe stop thinking about IT so much and iam sure the stress dosent help.
Have you tried to do it like the book says one week before your period that we your the fertalist.I wish you luck and may god bless you .Also listen to your Ma (LOL)

The best advice I can give is to just give up for now and enjoy the one yuo have. I know that is easier said than done. I was told last June after what weemed to be a LONG time of trying that I would likely not be able to have more children, at least without some kind of intervention. I decided then that it just must not be in the stars for us to have two children. I decided to just enjoy every minute that I have with the beautiful little girl that we were blessed with. Low and behold after I made this difficult decision we found out we have baby number 2 on the way. Our daughter will be nearly 4 1/2 when this baby makes its arrival and we could not be more thrilled. My doctor did tell me that this was so much more common than we think. Sometimes just giving up takes the pressure off and things just happen. I wish you all this luck! Don't let yourself get too down. Just remember the great little boy that you do have and how lucky your are. I have a number of friends that will never have that and would give just about anything to just have one!

Hello M.,

I have two suggestion for you:

First, purchase an ovulation kit. You can purchase them from your local grocery store. I purchased mine from Meijer for $20.00. My OB doctor suggested using the kind that tests your urine. It's more accurate. It is very possible you and your husband have been intimate at the wrong time.

Secondly, see your OB doctor. Ask her about the HSG test. This procedure checks for blockages in your fallopian tubes. Your doctor will also ask for a specimen from your husband - to make sure he is healthy.

My husband and I just completed these tests. We found out my left tube is blocked. There was blockage on the right, but she was able to clear it. We have been trying to get pregrant with our 4th for the last 6 months. We're praying now we will be able.

A little about me:

Married, 38 and I have 3 children. 1 boy and 2 girls

I had this same problem. My gyne said that it was really common fr woman with 2 year olds to struggle to have a second child, she said it was stress and the job of raising active toddlers that can inhibit some womans ability to concieve. After all toddlers are a never ending run of activity and frustration on their part. The world is either wonderfully exhilarating or incredibly frustrating to them. At that rubs off onto us.

Turns ut my ovaries weren't making the right size eggs or something so I was not getting pregnant or if I was my body was not implanting properly. So after finding that out and knowing us, and our need for children not pregnancy and personally not wanting fertility treatments at that point in our lives we decided to adopt.

We have been lucky to have been blessed with two beautiful girls in consecutive years (11 months apart). Maybe in the future we will try again for another biological child, but for now we are far to busy!

I donn't have much insight on this but one thing I do know, if you want to have more kids (and by the way are in your 30's) why wait to see your Dr.? Go now, stop putting yourself through this every month. Good Luck.

I know what you are going thru, it took us 7 years and over $50,000 to get pregnant. I understand the "WHY CANT I" feeling, and the "look at that person, why did she get pregnant" I would make your appt with the doctor now, it may be March before you can get in. You can ask for Clomid, or there is a new alternitive called Luterzol (?sp) it's a brest cancer drug, and it really works, I used it and got pregnant with our baby (22 months) in 3 months.
Good Luck
J.
PS you can e-mail me privately

I highly recommend the Sympto-Thermal Method of Natural Family planning. With this method, you become familiar with your fertility signs & chart them, & thus can determine when is the best time to have intercourse. Your charting/signs can also give a knowledgable doctor clues as to what might be negatively impacting your fertility, so it would be very helpful for you to start using this method before you see a fertility doctor. For more information on this method & how to learn it, go to www.ccli.org. They also have 2 books available through their website that might be helpful. The first is "Fertility, Cycles, & Nutrition" by Marilyn Shannon. The other I can't remember the name of right now, but it is a book on helpful tips for achieving pregnancy. I wish you well.

M.:

Whatever the case you are not a failure! I asssume you have tried ovulation kits? If not a great way to start. You are very young still but the the older you get the longer it takes most of the time. But I suggest if you a very serious about getting pregnant try an OBGYN with a fertility specialty. They are less likely to try lots of unecessary drugs and to preform the necessary tests the first time around to help figure out whats going on instead of dragging out the process. You may just produce a low amount of progesterone(a hormone that helps implantation). I suffered from this when I was 29 w/ my first(now 5) and 33 with my 2nd(now 2). Meaning you may be getting pregnant but the fetus has trouble implanting in the womb, ending the pregnancy. It can be very hard and I have been in your shoes wanting so badly to be pregnant thinking I was then poof my period would come. I tried over a year and thought I am young I shouldn't need help but a friend who had been trying everything for ten years suggested I see a Dr. and within 11/2 monthes I was pregnant. I am not saying it will that easy. Everyone is different but I hate to think of another women and mother crying when there may be something you can do now, why wait until March. It may just put your mind at ease.

I wish you luck and happiness! I know from experience how hard it can.

From: Mom of kids that played hard to get and one miracle child on the way.

We tried for a year and a half for our second one as well. It seemed I could think of nothing else. I finally realized that maybe physically having another child was not the cards for us and so we seriously looked into adoption. We went through the whole process of physicals and paperwork and finally got everything submitted to begin the adoption process. I think at that point I was the happiest because I knew (even if it took a year or two) that one way or the other I would end up with a baby. The adoption papers had been in for only a month when we found out I was pregnant! My theory on that is because the pressure was off (by putting in papers) we weren't stressed out as much and it just happened. I really believe in the whole mind/body correlation thing. I have a friend who had a same experience. When they stopped "trying" so hard, they finally concieved as well. Goog luck!

As we age, our changes of pregnancy decrease. The doctors recommend a visit if you've been having unprotected sex for 6 months without conceiving when you're in your 30's. Get yourself to the doc right away and get checked out. It could be something as simple as a blocked fallopian tube or something that will require more invasive testing.

You don't say if you're doing natural family planning or anything to keep track of your cycles. If you're not, it's a really helpful tool. Check out www.fertilityfriend.com for more information. I also recommend a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Annive....

Good luck to you! And don't wait to see the doctor, you could be wasting some valuable fertile time.

I don't have much advice on HOW to get pregnant, but I have a story.

My husband and I tried to get pregnant the first time right after we got married. In 2 months we were pg and happy. Once she turned one, we started trying for number 2. We tried almost every month from the day after her first b-day until the week before she turned 3 (that was my fertile time). We had many false alarms and disappointments, but that last time worked and we had our son in October.

It took us 2 years, but we had no doctor intervention. I even went to a psychic (for fun) and my question for her was if and when I would get pregnant. She told me that it would be by the time my daughter was 5, unless we could "convince" the baby we had enough love and attention for him before. If we could, the baby would be born by the time our daughter was 4 (she also said it would be a stubborn boy). Well, my stubborn boy was born 4 months before his big sister's 4th b-day. Maybe you should see a psychic, if only for fun and to raise your hopes.

Good luck.

It just may be that you are trying to hard and stressing about it. That takes the joy and fun out of the relationship you and your husband share. Just relax and enjoy your husband and two year old. Things will happen in time if they are meant to be. Good Luck.

I have never personally experienced problems with getting pregnant, but know several people who have. It took one of my friends a year and a half to get pregnant. She finally decided to quit trying...and then got pregnant the next month. Another friend spent 2 and a half years trying. She made an appointment with a fertility doctor and found out the day of her appointment that she was pregnant. Both women were in their 30s. Maybe you are stressing yourself out? You might also look online to find ovulation charts and things to help with the planning. Good luck!

Hello M. B! I'm M.! I have a similar story to yours, and mine ended in success! Our 1st born was also a huge and welcome surprise and once he turned two we decided to try for a second baby. After 6 months of trying with no luck we saw a doctor and learned that I had PCOS, which causes me to be irregular and not ovulate. I was put on a mild fertility drug and we gave it another six months. Still no luck. At that point our love making became more of a chore that neither of us wanted to do so we decided to let fate take it's course, ditched the pills and became spontanious with our sex life again. Then a friend of mine sent me a link to an article about how chiropractic care can aide in getting couples pregnant. The theory being that the spinal column is directly connected to the reproductive organs so if everything is aligned then all will flow correctly. I figured what would it hurt to just go see a chiropractor and get an adjustment. So I went. And guess what? The next month, I was pregnant! I can't prove for sure it was exactly that that worked, but I think it was. I'm sure the fact that we also relaxed on trying so hard helped as well. We tried for a total of 19 months and even started looking in to adoption! SO I say, take a deep breath, enjoy your husband and son and make an appointment with a great chiropractor! Good Luck!
M. T

i'm so sorry for your frustration, and i totally understand. our first was also a pleasant surprise then when we started trying for #2 it took many months, they are 3 yrs apart. then we decided to go for 3. it took well over a year to get prego. it was so hard every month when i would start i was so disappointed and would cry all day. but i never gave up. i talked to a couple dr friends of mine and they said that a lot of woman are only truly fertile once or twice a year. and that proved to be the case for all of our kids. all of their birthdays are within 2 weeks of each other. don't give up. we'll pray for you. i hope this helped. good luck!
S.

I am a pediatric chiropractor and just was browsing this site. Do not get discouraged. Check at the stats on line for getting pregnant at your age, usually at least 1 year. You should talk to a doctor who can work with you. Your OB and a wellness care provider (like a chiropractor) can help you. There are many natural choices to help and there are medical choices as well. Hang in there, stop looking at all the pregnant people, and relax. It will happen.

Well your mother is right about God knowing what's best...Well I feel the same, God is in control, no matter what or how we think we are...did you and your husband even take it to God about having another baby? Meaning did you two tell him what you want? He can make it happen, don't even stress over this planned pregnancy you're trying to make happen, because stress could be another reason why you're not pregnant now. Try to be at peace about the whole matter if you do or don't get pregnant. Do talk to a doctor, to make sure that your body is safe and all to have another child, but definitely pray and give it to God...meaning ask, tell, and talk to him about what you want. He'll not only hear you, but give you an answer and make it happen, but you have to believe and step out on faith.

I agree about the book _Taking Charge of Your Fertility_. It is REALLY helpful and will teach you how to know when you're ovulating and such. I plan to read it with both of my daughters when they're older because there is so much in there about our bodies that nobody had ever told me. Good luck. :)

Hi M., I know you are going through a rough time emotionally and hormonally. I went through all of that when trying for our first child. I finally cut out all stresses and relaxed. If it didn't happen one month, I would shrug it off and look forward to trying again. It only took a few months of trying, and boy were those few months fun! We now have a 5 yr old boy and a 3 yr old girl. Also, think of it like this...you have a beautiful 2 year old boy that you are "Mom" enough to stay home with and raise. And if for some reason you don't have another child, you have that one who loves you and Dad more than anything. My best girlfriend and her husband have been trying for their first kid for about 4 years, and found out they can't conceive. Be overjoyed for the one you were blessed with.

I'm with you hun, I'm TTC #2 since the end of 2006, I was 34 when I started, I'm 35 (almost 36) now and its emotionally hard, I think especially for us women, I feel like such a failure too, I know we are not, but the feelings are there..
Some tips for anyone trying is learn your fertility signs, you can go to fertilityfriends.com and get a free membership, it has a charting course you can take to learn all about fertility signs including temping, the best time to have intercourse and a ton of other questions you never thought to ask. There is also a great support group there if you decide to pay for the VIP membership, other than that, it is free.
I'd say go to your Dr. ASAP, Tell him/her that you are trying to conceive and get a pre-conception check up, get put on some prenatal with folic acid and then your doctor will also have record of how long you've been trying, that way you don’t have to wait longer for them to realize your not getting pregnant.
I love the book TCOYF (Taking charge of your fertility) and one thing it says in there that makes me feel a bit better is "people so easily say relax and it will happen, that stress prevents you from getting pregnant - when in reality it's the other way around, Not getting pregnant causes stress " That statement helped me not to stress over being stressed.
A great site for support is WebMD. Go to the Getting pregnant boards and you'll have a bunch of chat boards to choose from, from TTCAS (trying to conceive a sibling) to Clomid support group, Infertility support group, TTC6mo+. TTCAL (trying to conceive after loss), check it out, you might find something that’s right for you. Most of the women there use fertility friends and can help you learn about charting, they post there blog address in there signatures too which is fun to read. Don’t be shy if you want to introduce your self, they are all there for the same reason and love to help new people.

Good luck to you (and me too) and PM me if you have any questions, I understand the pain and frustration of secondary infertility.

M., Dear!
Here are some words for You:
my uncle and his wife, they did not have children for 10 years, and visited all the doctors and all, and lost all the hope, when suddenly BAM!!! now their daughter is 16. All is well.
My very good friend had an abortion when she was 19, and ever since, no kids, for 20 years!!! and they knew they are one dedicated and very loving and happy LONELY couple, with no children to be coming, when suddenly WOW they have a son now, born this August.
When I already had two great sons, I could not rid of the wish to have a daughter. She is six and eight years younger than my boys. For about 2 years, I had this hope of finally getting her, and it happened only when it had to happen.
There is time for everything.
Why, I have no clue.
I'd suggest: quit worrying. Be happy, as this is what Your family needs, it is contagious, and you are the hearth-keeper, which includes the happy-being of all of your family.
Included to this happy mood, keep Your prayer about your dream of another baby, and it will happen exactly at the right time.
You do not know when it is supposed to be, but there is some Providence, or whatever you call it, and all will be right.

I do not know Your religious-traditional-beliefs' background, so it is hards to say more, but if you wish, write me a letter,
and we will talk more as I do have something more to say.

All the very best to you, KEEP YOUR SMILE!!!!!!!!

I completely know what you are feeling. We tried for 5 years before adopting and now have 2 beautiful daughters through adoption. We had all sorts of comments from "well intended" people about how to and why we weren't getting pregnant. We had one person tell us that we must not have enought "faith" and if we would trust in God more we would get pregnant. Looking back on those times, we were more "faithful" during those 5 years than we've ever been. However, adoption is where we were led and we are so grateful for that. Others told us the same thing your mother told you. And I guess in a sense it happened... adoption was what is best for us and He led us in that direction.

I have a friend who has been trying to get pregnant for four years now. We have cried and laughed together at all the "well intended" comments. She is now due in May. Her 5 year old daughter is so excited to have a sibling. My daughter was 4 when we adopted her sister and I remember how excited she was,too! Whether it is getting pregnant or adopting, these little ones are miracles and blessings in our lives. Just follow your instincts and hang in there.

I wouldn't wait to see a doctor, though. As a general guideline, they say if you have tried for a year without conception you should seek medical attention.

Ang

I had a hard time conceiving my second. It took me a year and a half once we decided we were ready (that took us 5 years). After a year we went to see a doctor. I was surprized to learn that many people have a difficult time concieving their second--and a difficult time understanding that because the first child didn't seem that hard to concieve. I learned that even though all the signs were there (including doing the basal body temp thing) I was not even ovulating (minor detail!). While we did try medication, in the end we conceived on an off month. I agree with your mom: God knows! But it would be nice if He could give you some hints. Good luck and I will be thinking about you!

About me: Mother of two(6 year old boy and 8 month old girl), full time employee, part time student.

I would say don't wait to talk to a doctor. They say after a year you should go in. It could be something simple like your thyroid is off. They can help you pinpoint when you are ovulating. Plus, you are stressed and depressed about it now, which won't help things. God does have a plan for us all. I would go get a physical just to rule that out and then try to get back into the "fun" of getting pregnant. You are not a failure! Please remember that. You are getting older, which makes it harder, and hearing about a few women in their 40s getting pregnant (with who knows what kind of medical intervention) doesn't put into perspective all of the other 30 and 40 year olds who can't conceive. Pray about it and ask God to lead you where he wants to. Don't wait to go to the doctor - why torture yourself any longer. Start on a new action plan now - you'll feel better.

Dear M.,
I know this is weird but try "not to try". The more pressure and stress you put on yourself and the situation the harder it will be for things to happen. My husband and I tried for 3 years ( 2 w/ fertility) before we got our first darling son. James is now 4. Because it took so long to conceive him we started "trying" for # 2 when he was just 7 weeks. It was very rough. Every month I got depressed and it affected what sort of mom I was being to James. In Oct. of 2006 I had ob/gyn surgery. After that surgery I was told that my best option would be a hysterectomy. I am only 32 and I was heartbroken. My husband and I spoke and realized that we had Jimmy and we would just adopt # 2. We had given it our best effort. (3 failed IVF's). I swallowed my heart and booked a hysterectomy for January 15th. We then stopped "trying". Just didn't take what we had for granted. Once we made that descion all this weight was lifted off of our shoulders and we finally relaxed. On December 15,2006 - one month to the day before my hysterectomy we found out that we were pregnant with Jack. Who is now 6 months and the happiest baby in the world. Please for your own sanity, just relax. Go out to dinner, watch movies, drink wine...lol, and enjoy each other. If it's meant to be it will happen. Stop any "trying". I.E testing your ovualtion days and surge levels. Just enjoy each other and there is hope. You will be in my prayers!
R., SAHM to Jimmy 4 and Jack 6 months.

Hi M.~

reading your story reminded me of us... with baby #1 was a suprise not planned at all! but absoutly wanted and excited. after about 1 1/2 years we started to try but no luck and then we had 2 miscarrages. with that i felt like we were not going to have baby #2. so i stopped thinking about it didnt take prenatals ate what i wanted even had a few drinks now and then....suprise #2 we now have 2 boys and are complete as a family. If we never had #2 we talked about it and were ok with adoption. Not everyone can have a baby and a healthy one so i was thankful for our first child and i think with that mind set it helped incase we never gave birth to #2.
i hope that my story helps for you to know that it will happen and if not be ok with the fact you have a healthy baby (toddler)
J.

God really does know whats best and He knows when the perfect time will be for you to get pregnant. We tried for consistantly after my daughter was born to get pg again, but it wasnt until 5 years later when I stopped stressing out about it and I gave it over to God that I finally got pregnant. Spend this time with your son as he's growing, give it over to God and you'll be happier in the long run:-) Don't get depressed. This is all part of the plan:-)

check out a site called babyfit.com and look up the secondary infertility mommyteam.
you can send me an email and I can get to the info.
It is a great group of women and have all been trying for #2 or more for over a year and are a great support group and great encouragement as a good portion have gotten pg lately.

Hi M.!

It's heartbreaking to "try" so hard every month...We tried for a year with our 2nd. My best friend had this happen, too (she tried for 2 yrs.). Apparantley it's something that happens sometimes with baby # 2. You can get pregnant easily the first time and really struggle getting pregnant the next time. When she finally went to her doctor, he put her on some medication to help her "drop" an egg. She got pregnant the next month! So maybe don't wait to go talk to your doctor. He can at least help you feel like it's not "your fault" and give some good medical advice. Hang in there! Best wishes. :) T.

You may not want to hear my opinion, but think of all the joy you may be missing in the life of your son, while worrying about a baby you don't even have yet. Maybe it's time to take a step back and re-evaluate. It's so easy to get caught up in what we don't have that we lose sight of what we HAVE been blessed with. Your mom is right...God does have it all figured out. Even with the best plans...they just may not be what He has in mind for your family. The greatest sense of peace sometimes comes with being able to trust Him and accept what might/might not be.
~L.

http://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com/article-index.html Try going to this site maybe it will have some advice. I hope it helps or at least maybe help with a direction. With love - M. Long