In-Law Help and Leaving Kids in Carseats

First of all just because someone else is doing it does not make it safe. Lets say you do live in the perfect neighborhood and there is no chance someone is going to take you child. What about other safety issues. There has been the rare cases where cars have caught on fire while parked in the driveway. These parents thought it was ok to leave their child in the car for a few seconds also. What if someone crashes into your car if you do not have a driveway? There's more to worry about then if someone is going to take your child or not. As for the weight take your child out of the carseat if he's too heavy. My daughter was born at 10lbs. and I never felt she was too heavy to carry. By the way nobody lives in a perfect neighborhood!

First of all, congratulations on your new baby. You are obviously very upset by your extended family's reaction to your situation. It is hard as a new mom to figure out which end is up, constantly wondering "am I doing this right" and having others not being supportive does not help matters anyway. However, I do believe in this day and age, you do have to be extra viligant with leaving children unattended. I was unsure from your description if your car was parked on the street or not, but it sounded like that was the case. And I'm feeling you. We are in a third floor walk-up, with our car generally parked on fairly busy street. Dealing with getting my son up and down while managing the groceries has pretty much been the bane of my existence! That said, it is a risky thing, any time you let your children out of your reach in public. In fact, leaving chidren in cars unattended is technically illegal in Illinois...see safekids.org...details that Illinois law is that children under age 7 for 10+ minutes could leave the adult facing child endangerment charges. Yes, you said it was a 20 second trip, but why take the risk? All those parents who leave their kids in the car while they run into school (even if they are sleeping, strapped in, locked in, etc) are doing so at risk of their children's safety (what if there is some delay in the school and then 20 minutes later....) and ignoring the laws that are in place to protect children. I could *maybe* see if your neighborhood was very secluded/your child is in the car in your attached garage/or possibly in your own driveway...but not on a public street.
I would also argue that you had a baby 2 weeks ago and if your doc says you are not healing well, you still need to be taking it easy. Just because you are at home with the baby and your husband works does not mean he cannot do the grocery shopping. It was several months before I went to the grocery store with my baby. My husband usually stopped on his way home from work. If this is not an option, enlist your in-laws to pick up what you need from the store, or try Peapod.com delivery service while you get through these first few weeks.
Another tip for when the time comes - have the baggers package all perishables/frozen items together in your bags. So when you come home from store, you can grab baby just those couple of bags and head in easily. You can then go back and grab (or have your husband grab) the packaged goods later on! Reusable bags you can pile on your shoulders are helpful to carry more stuff in one trip.
Yes, this doesn't get any easier if you have multiple children.....as my mom said she always did, (and I am seeing the wisdom), go grocery shopping in the evening, after the kids are mostly in bed. The store is quiet, and you actually get a few peaceful moments to yourself!!

QUICK PS - I DID recently lock my 3 year old in the car! I tossed my keys into the front seat and did not hear that it beeped engaging the locks...after strapping my son in and shutting the door, then there was the "lock" sound! And of course, my car/house keys are all on the ring, and my cell phone was in my bag which I had also already put into the car. I was rather stuck! Fortunately a neighbor was home, I borrowed his phone, and my husband who had just left a few minutes prior in a different car was able to swing back to unlock us....but you see, in a split second, due to my casual carelessness, it could have gotten very ugly. Take care, everyone!

Congrats on being a new Mom and taking the daily chore in your hand with a 3 cm tear!! Its wonderful.

I go with most of other moms are saying dont ever leave the baby in the car unless it is attched garage with garge door closed. I used to live in apartment when my daughter was born adn I had 3 degree tear. My hubby was working so I had to do grocery from 1th day if I remmeber it right!! I used to get out the Baby and frozen item that needed refitgeration and then call up my hubby to get things from vehicle when he get home.

NOw I do leave her in van, as we have garage and I lock the vehicle so she cant wander about. But never in new place.

For IL, I think they are being careful and cautious, its their first grandchild too!! Be happy that they are concerned, but do let them know you care about your baby and will use your judgement so he is safe no matter what! You are new mom and are learning at each step of the way. You and your baby are learning together and everything will be okey. Once my daughter was admitted to hospital due to Rota Virus..and my MIL said we are not worth being parents, none of us reacted and the matter ended there. ALL the BEST!!

Regards
V.

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but I'm not going to sugarcoat...leaving a child/baby in a car, locked or not, is very irresponsible. I realize baby carriers are heavy (both of my kids started out 9lbs in them) but like your in-laws said, last one in, first one out.

What if mommy brain gets a hold of you and you accidently lock your baby in the car? What if some creep seizes the opportunity to grab your child up, a lot can happen in 20 seconds.

Quick story...my parents left me at 4 years old in their running car for less than 1 minute in their driveway. Well, curiosity got the best of me and I switch the car into drive and the car coasted straight into the tree in their yard. Had it not been for that tree, myself and their car would have been in the pond right behind our house. Things happen at any age.

M. i dont think its a great idea to leave your child in the car alone but i have to admit i have done the same thing. I think everyone has. It was also just a quick few seconds,but even in a great neighborhood things can happen. We live in a really nice neighborhood and my car got stolen right out of our driveway! I didn't think until then that anything bad would happen. I would not take that chance now with my daughter. Please don't take this as a judgement on you, just a warning be careful would you really want to risk losing your son because the groceries were to heavy to carry him too? You would never be able to forgive yourself if something did happen. My suggestion would be take him in first every time then go get the items out of the car. If he is strapped in his carseat in the house he will be fine by himself for a minuet. I know its tough my daughter was born 10 pounds and i lived in a 3rd floor apartment at the time. Always keep your childs safety first in your mind. Good luck and enjoy they grow up way to fast.

I don't think you should ever leave your baby in the car, even for 20 seconds. The law in the city of Chicago states that you cannot leave a child unattended in a car for an unreasonable amount of time which is up to the discretion of the officer. We had a woman arrested in a south suburb for leaving her child in the car in a walmart parking lot to run a donation to the salvation army bucket which was 10 feet away from her car.
Regardless, your in-laws seem to be a bit carried away for being so angry, but I agree with the above poster, pick your battles.
As far as bringing in groceries, why not bring the baby in first, then bring in the groceries. I've forgotten things in the house before & after grunting in frustration, I do take the baby with me. As far as twins are concerned, I know women who do carry both in at the same time!
Best of luck with those in-laws!

Probably all of us have done it but it still doesn't make it right. I think, still parked in the driveway and to run into the house and come right out is an extreme. However, I have witnessed on several occasions, people leaving their kids in a parking lot for many minutes, even one was long enough that someone called the police (and another was soooo 30+ minutes long and 3 kids who were bouncing the car in the parking lot at 9:30 at night, that I went into the store and, furiously, located the mom!) For all the moaning that your in-laws are doing, should something happen to your child, who wins that argument???? NO ONE! The only difference is that they are pointing a finger at you. Point being...just be really careful. You don't need to justify all the rest. Carrying and hauling baby & gear is just heavy! I would eat a little crow with your in-laws, tell them that "you appreciate their concern and definitely will take it into consideration, next time" and call it a day. As a new mom...you will always be on guard. Trust me, there is so much that the outer world will believe you cannot do right...however, you are mom (and sounds like your husband makes a good teammate) ...please just hang in there. If we could buy the perfect manual for raising babies, the author would be rich! Write the book and you could be that person! Enjoy Oliver...he sounds like a joy! Advise: They REALLY do grow up fast!

I would never ever leave my kids in the car alone even for a minute. Not even a baby.

it all comes down to taking a risk. i work for 911 and i hear the most horrible things that happen to kids when parents look away for just a second. or they leave them alone for just a minute. the problem is you can't be there all the time for their entire lives. but you have to make that decision and use your best judgement.....but use your own judgement, don't just do it cuz you see other people doing it. chances are you will come right back out and every thing would be fine, but it's up to you if you want to take that chance or not. i personally would not leave a 2 week old alone anywhere outside the house. people out there a crazy and the baby is much too small to make a noise if it is being taken or is in trouble. when i had my kids they were 18 month apart and i hauled the carseat and a toddler everywhere i went even if it was just for a second. but i just didn't want to chance my going in the house and one of my kids not being there when i got back. the choice is completely yours, but the people who have had things done to their kids never meant for those things to happen, it was just a bad decision at the wrong time.

I have a 2 1/2 year old who I have left in the car PLENTY of times! I live in a nice neighborhood, and trust those around me. It is never for long, only when I have forgotten something in the house or am unloading groceries. I think you need to feel out your situation, and if you feel okay with it, then it probably is! Lugging the car seat is heavy & so is fighting a toddler who is unwilling to sit in his seat...we leave them in because we feel it's safe and easier! You are OBVIOUSLY not trying to put your child in danger, and if you thought you were, you wouldn't have done it!

As for your in laws, it is not your responsibility to make sure they understand. I mean, really! The fall out of them making you feel incompetent is that they will not see your son as much, so really they are just hurting that relationship. Just let them know you would never intentionally put him in harm's way, and your rules are your rules. That's it. No negotiation.

Hi M.. Don't leave your child in the car. That is just how I run things. My kids are older now 5 and 6 and I don't even leave them in the car alone. Something that may help is that if you do have to go inside for something you forgot, knock on the inlaws door and ask if they could watch him for a few minutes while you run upstairs to get something you forgot. This will not only engraciate them to you but also help you out. Hope this helps.

I have four kids 13, 10, 6 and 3. I will definitely leave my younger kids in the car with my 13 year old. sometimes with my 10 year old but only if it's something where i can see the car from the errand destination and it is really only a few minutes. other wise as much as i hate it i do bring the litte guys in. leaving them in the car for a few seconds nothing will happen in regards to heat or whatever but you can never be sure what other people will do. what if while you are inside a car hit your car and the baby was inside. things like that. i think if you are in your drive way and you have to run inside to get something you forgot no biggy, but i do have to side with your in laws on this one otherwise. i would go with better safe than sorry. and you did hear about the woman who was arrested for leaving her baby in the car to just put money into the salvation bucket outside the target and she was parked but a few feet away.

I love the name Oliver, if I would have had another baby I wanted to name him Oliver.
20 seconds is absolutely fine,and I was always very strict with never leaving my kids in the car.But yes ,sometimes you just need to go inside for 20 seconds.....
Wau, your inlaws are very extreme,so are mine,but I made it very clear early on,like 15 years ago,mind your own business!
Good luck with the extended family!!!

The Rule is not to harass brand new moms! Sheesh!

I also was one of those people who never left my babies alone for a minute, but I didn't have two at once or stairs to deal with. But in any case, you know what? I now leave them for a minute or two while I run in to get something I forgot in the house, and they're old enough so that they could run in the street or whatever. Which just means that people aren't logical when they weigh possible bad outcomes and different people have different fear levels.

If you were leaving your baby alone to go into a store, or if you weren't using a car seat, it would be grandma and grandpa's business. (plus, against the law.) But this is not that situation. If possible, you should screen their calls (let your husband answer them) and limit social interactions until you have a chance to get past the early postpartum period and are able to deal with them.

Congratulations! (love the name Oliver! So cute.)

Your in-laws seem VERY judgmental. Maybe your husband could enlist them to help you. If they are just sitting there watching your every move, perhaps they could step outside to help. He could nicely mention this to them. Sounds like they have a lot of time on their hands. If he doesn't mention this to them, then maybe you could, in a nice way. I'm sorry you have to deal with them, as they sound like pains in the butt.

This is just me...

I could live in the nicest neighborhood in the city of Chicago, but if I did not live in a house that had an attached garage (that could be closed off to the public) I would never leave my child in the car even for a short period of time. Even 'the crazies' roam the 'good neighborhoods'.

Is this the only criticism they have had of you thus far? I'd continue to have your spouse run interference, but you may need to be patient and ride it out. I'm not saying that you have to cave in to their every whim, but it is important that you have a relationship with the in-laws because they will be your child's grandparents. Grandparents are a wonderful family support system for children and despite how you may feel about them, you do not want to limit your son's access to them.

Just wait...pretty soon any and every mom, grandma, etc. will be more than happy to tell you "you're doing it wrong". Pick your battles and decide which ones will roll off your back and which ones deserve your attention.

Congrats on the new baby and I love the name, I have a 2 1/2 year old and there are times I leave her in the car to run in the house, I never do it at a store or anywhere just my house. I alos have two older boys 8 and 6 1/2 and I have left them in the car too. I always make sure its quick. Your inlaws are being judgmental, ask for them to help you watch the baby while you run in the house.

Good Luck I know how Inlaws can be
C.
AVON REP

WOW! First I am glad to see that moms on here are actually being HONEST about this type of scenario! We all know that we should NEVER leave are babies/kids alone in the car. However, we live in the real world and sometimes we have to weigh our options and deal with the consequences, if there are any.

In the future you could ask your spouse to ask the in-laws to help you in these situations.. Watch the car while you run upstairs etc. Seriously, of course you would put the baby in last but how many times do we remember EVERYTHING we need to bring?

When we were in the city (Albany Park) I had my son in his seat carried him out, had to go back to the condo on the way back I slipped on an ice patch and totally messed up my back...and he fell too. I ensured he did not fall so the car seat landed gently on me! So I can see why you would be scared if you are still recovering and shouldn't be lifting!!

Once we had 2 children 13 months apart I tried my best to carry them both, this totally messed up my back too!! I could not always do it One in the carrier and one on my hip. IT was VERY difficult when we had child care and lived int he city because in they city you don't always get a front row spot and I would take one to the sidewalk, leave him get back to the car to get no. 2 and try to walk them to the destination... it SUCKED!

I had a scenario in a bathroom at a rest area where they ran under the stall and I had to chase them in different directions. One child hid in another stall while the other ran out to the main area! There I was trying to pull up my pants...and get my kids I was terrified!!

So it isn't easy to do any errands with kids...do the best you can.

I always laugh hearing from our p's "well we were able to take care of our kids on our own" blah blah... Of course they DID leave their kids in the car and weren't nearly as criticized and ridiculed as we are now!!

I wanted to add that you if you are still recovering you do need to take care of yourself!! If that means no lifting don't lift... Enlist help wherever you can...Your baby needs YOU to be in good health!!

I hope this helps you... Good Luck

You've really got 2 issues here -- the baby in the car and the ILs bullying you.

Baby in the car -- when my son was born, we lived in a condo that was set back from the parking lot, so I couldn't see my son in the car if I left him to go inside. I never left him in the car. I did leave him in the carseat in the condo while I got groceries or whatever. If I got to the car and realized I forgot something, I lugged him and the carseat all the way back. I hated it, but I did it. I was not in a great neighborhood and lived on a very busy street. Now that I have a house with attached garage, I do leave the kids in the car while I run into the house for something. My son is 3.5, daughter is 18 mos. I strap them in and then will run in the get/do something. The door to the outside is closed, the keys are not in the car. Also, if they fall asleep I get them out of the car last. I have also left them in the car while I've run to drop videos in the return slot, pick up food at a restaurant, etc. as long as I can see them the entire time from where ever I have to walk. Just use your judgement. In a perfect world, you'd never have to leave them unattended for a second but being by yourself and having to deal with regular life, there's always an exception.

As for the ILs -- I understand that they are bothered by what they saw you do. However, they are reacting in a pretty extreme manner. It seems like they have some pent up hostility toward you. Maybe you and your husband or just your husband alone should try talking to them about their hostility outside of the car incident. You said your child wasn't planned, so maybe they have some residual issues relating to that. Whatever it is, they need to deal with it and let it go because as you said -- this is your child, your decision. If they feel entitled to refuse to speak to you and become furious with you for a small new mommy "mistake", how are they going to react to all the decisions you make from here on out? There are millions of little things you will have to decide for your child and your ILs will have an opinion about all of them. Respectful ILs might share their opinion, but won't be angry or judge. Yours don't sound respectful. Especially since there was no offer to help you out with the baby just this way over the top anger. Not a good sign.

I live in Jefferson Park too-

I will give you an example of today. My son napped in the car. After an hour and a half, I had to go to the bathroom REALLY bad. There was no way I was waking him up! I parked in front of my house, locked the car, and made a mad dash to my bathroom. I was gone 3 minutes.

Sometimes, it happens- but rarely- I don't think it is a big deal- sometimes, if I forget something in my house, I will run in and run back out with in 2 minutes.

I also leave him in the car when I carry in my groceries- I put the groceries in the foyer area (where I can see the car)- and I go get him out of the car- then when he is in the house, I carry the groceries back to the kitchen.

My house is so small, I can pretty much see the car whereever I am at.

I had a lot of anxiety about leaving my son in the car, and rarely did it. I'm kind of a nutter, though. My husband told me it is illegal in most municipalities to leave the baby in the car, but I imagine if you can see the baby, the car is locked, and it's no more than a minute or two, it's probably fine.

Your ILs need to get over themselves! I DO think you need to tell them this is YOUR baby, and while you respect their opinion, they need to respect your perogative, as well!!!

My son falls asleep in the car all the time. I've left him in the car for an hour in our attached garage while he sleeps.
I also usually put him in his car seat and then have to go back in to get something I forgot. I do live in a quiet countryish neighborhood.
Your in laws need to take a chill pill--unless your living in downtown chicago on a really busy street.
Please note--I would NEVER leave him in the car unattended anywhere else, not at a school, drycleaners etc. Only in my garage/driveway during the day.

Wow! Well I think you have a few distinct issues you are dealing with. Number one, you are that child's mother. YOU make the decisions (along with your husband) about your child's welfare and care. When my daughter was really little she would fall asleep in her carseat all the time. I would leave her in the car to run the groceries in (although I was parked in the garage and the temperature was mild). I think the bigger issue you have is your in-laws living too close! It is impossible she was up so quickly after a c-section. I had a level 3 tear, although very painful for 3 weeks, and not a c-section, but I couldn't even do the things she claims she did. Take it with a grain of salt. It seems like everyone needs to put their two cents in, especially when you really don't need or want it. I wish you the best of luck, I hope the "butting in" on your parenting doesn't continue. Congrats on the little miracle in your life.