I Have a 9 Year Old Daughter Who Isn't Treating One of Her Friends Very Nice...

Hi B.,

I would say that you need to nip this in the bud right away. Not only is this hurtful to your daughter's friend but also to your daughter.

It sounds like your daughter is embarrassed to be friends with this girl at school so this is more of a problem dealing with her other friends than it is dealing with this specific girl. Your daughter is probably trying to fit in with the more popular girls and is following their lead and for some reason they decided this other girl wasn't good enough for them.

This can lead to more problems that you probably would not want to face as a mom down the road if your daughter doesn't learn that she needs to love herself and be herself no matter what the "popular" girls do.

If this is the case,I would sit her down and ask her about her other friends and explain to her that she is a wonderful person and does need to do things to just fit in.

I could be way off and I am sorry if I said anything that might offend you. I don't know your daughter or the whole situation. I am only seeing it by what you wrote.

I commend you for trying to teach your daughter good morals. It is very hard to do today with all the worldly influences out there.

I hope this helped in some way,

L.

Hi B.,

I'm a teacher and I've seen situations similar to your daughter's. I would say that there is something going on in their class. There might be other little girls who may not be fond of the other child, and your daughter doesn't want to be made fun of for being nice to her and talking to her. This is just was I am asuming from what you said. If this happens to be the case I would first bring it up with the teacher. Most schools now have a bully free code. If the problem persists bring it to the principal. I don't think your daughter is a bully, just watching out for herself. Little girls can be horrible, if you can remember. I would try and see if this might be the problem.
C.

The kids go through phases. I have two daughters, 4 year old and 7 year old. The older one liked to play with one of her friends, but not all the time. I asked her questions such as...Did something happen at school? did she say something to you?..Even their teacher felt that there was somthing going on and she talk to them at school..Ask your daughter if the little girl upset her somehow, if she said something to her,or maybe she is embarrassed to be seen with her (kids this age do not really like to play with younger kids, at least not in public). If there is a difference between the girls (2-3 years), my guess would be that that is the reason why she acts this way. I am sure she will be fine and it is just a phase.

I don't think the behavior is appropiate and I wouldn't allow my child to think that I thought it was. I would tell my child if she isn't going to treat this girl well to stop being around her. My kids are younger so its hard to say what to do but you don't want her to grow up acting like a jerk to people ya know. Good luck!

Maybe your daughter is just going through a phase. I think that is normal for a child that age. Sometimes kids are just mean. I also know plenty adults like that.

The first rule I go by - especially when dealing with girls - is not to get involved in their petty little arguments. They won't speak to each other one day, say mean things, and the next day they're friends again. Please don't mistake this for getting involved when it is a serious situation.
I think your daughter needs some time away from this other little girl. It sounds to me like the other girl might be a little controlling. How do you know all this stuff about her not talking to her on the bus, etc? Has the other girl told you? How can you verify that is the case? Some children will say stuff like this to get the other's undivided attention. Beware taking second handed info. I've learned there are many sides to a situation.

Maybe this won't make much sense from me considering my children are 3 and almost 5 months but remembering from when I was a kid my parents talked to me first and then if that didn't work they diciplined me. I think that would be your best bet. That whole kids will be kids thing really bothers me because it seems to me when parents use that excuse that they don't really want to bother with the situation. I am sorry if that offends anyone but if parents did this we would have less bullying and such going on in schools and greater tolerance for people. Parents have to set the example including making the children accept the consequences of their actions. Hope this helps.

Kids need to learn that actions are followed by consequences. You have had other children tell you of her behavior. You've discussed the problem with her and she still does it. Give her one warning that if this behavior continues she will be punished. Then do not let her play with this or any other child for a week. Basically, she's grounded.

K. B
mom of 5 including triplets

Hi B.. Ask your daughter what the other kids at school say or think about her friend. There is a reason why she will be one way at home and another at school. Peer pressure starts for girls at a very very young age. This happened with one of my girls. I had a fit and told her that if the child was her friend at home then she was her friend at school...how would you feel if? I also started talking to them about all the gossip at school...he said she said garbage. You really need to be proactive at this age. Kids can be so hurtfull and it can come back to bite them on the behind once they get into middle school and high school. Good luck & best wishes.