I Feel This Is Wrong - If You Agree How Would You Handle This Situation?

Updated on February 18, 2013
C.R. asks from Olathe, KS
62 answers

Today my daughter who is 11 yrs old and in the 6th grade received a Valentine from a boy at school. This Valentine included a stuffed puppy and a card that I feel is inappropiate given their ages.

The front of the card has big pretty heart on it and it says, "Thinking of You on Valentine's Day" and the inside says, "I'm remembering all the good times we've shared...thinking of how much you mean...and hoping your Valentine's Day is as special as you are to me." Happy Valentine's Day!

In my opinion this is way too mature for sixth graders!! They have only ever seen eachother at school, so the card really makes no sense! I honestly did not expect this kind of stuff until high school. Is this the standard for middle school now? I guess things go way faster than they use to.

How would you handle this? Do I just let it go? Please do not jump down my throat for being overprotective.

Added - How am I overreacting when all I have done is ask a question. I have not said anything to my daughter except that she knows they can only be friends! If I were to overreact I would have made her give it back to the boy. I did no such thing!! Yes, the thought crossed my mind, but I knew it would hurt my daughter and this boy. The last thing I want to do is cause insecurites in my daughter or this boy. After reading the responses, I can see how it can be cute and sweet but at first shock it was not so much!!

Laurie A - Frantic No, Shocked YES. I asked this pretty much right after she showed me. It does not freak me out about you and your husband! Congrats on a strong relationship!

What can I do next?

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Featured Answers

K.I.

answers from Los Angeles on

You are overreacting.

1)V-day cards only come with so many saying. The one he picked out has nothing 'bad' in it.

2) He is a boy. He probably bought the 2nd one he touched...if that! Ha!

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K.A.

answers from Phoenix on

You're looking at it through the eyes of an adult with adult experiences, not through the eyes of an innocent 6th grader.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

Very cute. There are not many cards out there for that age group. Just very innocent. Let it go. So many crushes at that age.

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Okay so the poor kid likes your daughter and got a real card that kind of limits his selection. He gave it to her with all his 11 year old feelings. You have now decided to read it with adults feelings and condemn the child?

Let it go and let kids be kids! He will learn the adult meaning soon enough and be embarrassed when he realizes what he sent!

31 moms found this helpful

T.N.

answers from Albany on

Well, I think it's nice.

I suppose if he'd written "can't wait til the next time I sneak into your room with a 6 pack and a box of condoms" then I'd be concerned.

Until then, sounds like a nice boy.

:)

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

"I feel this is wrong "

"I feel is inappropiate given their ages. "

"In my opinion this is way too mature for sixth graders!! "

These 3 comments sound pretty frantic.

This is all very innocent. he likes your daughter. He has a crush.
He picked out a sweet card and a stuffed animal.
All of it is very innocent.

Good time to have a conversation with your daughter about how to handle crushes. When someone likes her, when she likes someone.. Teach her the proper etiquette.

Teach her the manners and let her know your beliefs about behaviors including the correct language to use when handling all of this.

If she likes this boy, let her be honest. Do not go overboard about not approving etc.

FYI, this will freak you out. My husband and I were, middle school "sweet hearts".1974? . No kissing, a little hand holding.. He was just so sweet. He still is. We have been married over 30 years.

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Sounds sweet. I think you're overreacting.

ETA: I mean "overreacting" as in you're thinking about this, wondering if its OK, etc. so, yes, even though you haven't said anything to her or told her to give it back, to ME it seems just asking this question is a sign that you're overreacting in that you're talking about it and asking about it. Reading too much into the gesture.

What would NOT overreacting look like to me?
"Mom, look what Jimmy gave me!"
"Awwwww....that's so cute, Sweetie. How thoughtful of him!"

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Last year, when my GD was in 4th grade, she got a big red heart valentine card, large box of chocolates and a snow globe from a little boy. The card was very sweet and said how much she meant to him; how her smile lights up the entire classroom, etc. I thought it was soooo sweet! We didn't give her a hard time about it; we know that she only sees/saw the boy at school and just let it go.

I have since learned (from the teacher) that that little boy has several "issues" due to "issues" at home and that due to those "issues" he is very angry. Teacher told me that for whatever reason, my GD seemed to be the ONLY person who could keep him calm or talk him down. I've taught her empathy so she is able to put herself in his shoes and treat him the way she would want to be treated.

No wonder he loved her. She was his life raft. I am very proud of her because none of the other kids even like this kid, and here she is being his advocate!

I say smile and let it go. There is nothing to worry about. I'm sure you have a handle on where your daughter is and who she is with at all times so there's really nothing to be concerned over. It's a first puppy love. I had my first love in 6th grade!

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T.F.

answers from Dallas on

I do believe you are overreacting. He probably has no clue about the verse when reading it from his point of view, yet from your point of view it is serious.

Don't overreact because you want to keep your daughter close to you and able to communicate everything. She is at the age if you go overboard, she might start hiding things and you don't want that. COMMUNICATE but mostly LISTEN.

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

Yep. It's normal. I taught 6th and 7th graders and you see this stuff a lot. You are looking at it from an adult perspective, he's looking at it from a kid's perspective. He's probably remembering a great joke during lunch, not some romantic interlude.

You can use this as an opportunity to talk about relationships with boys. But don't get upset or overly emotional. You want to open doors with your daughter, not close them.

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☼.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

I personally think it's sweet.

When I was in 6th grade, my boy crush gave me a costume jewelry ring out of his mother's jewelry box. She gave it to him to give to me. I went home and showed my parents, so excited, and they threw a fit. They made me give it back to the boy. I was absolutely mortified. He exclaimed, "But my mom said you could have it, really!" I had to explain that my parents wouldn't let me have it. I could have died. Was it really that big of a deal? No. Did it "mean" anything? Well, it meant that he liked me, but not much else. So, I'd just let it go.

Did your daughter like it?

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B..

answers from Dallas on

Oh good lord, let it go.

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J.K.

answers from Kalamazoo on

They dont make cards for valentines day that say 'we are only in 6th grade, lets be only friends until we turn 20', lol. He probably just picked that one because it was on sale or something. I wouldnt worry about it. If shes starting to like boys and/or they are starting to like her, might be time for a talk.

I also think its a good sign that she showed the card to you and let you read it. I would have hid it and never told my mom, even at 11.

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L.O.

answers from Detroit on

if the boy is like most boys/men.. he went to the store.. saw a cute picture on teh card and bought it without reading it.. or read it quickly said fine.. and was out of there...

women can spend 30 mintues picking out a card.. my husband could pick out 30 cards in one minute..

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A.F.

answers from Fargo on

Oh my goodness, I hope you are going to let this go! I am so sad that you think this was inappropriate.

I'm the mom of a very sensitive, innocent 9 year old boy. I could totally see him picking out a similar card for his best friend, who is a girl. If a mom made her daughter give back such a card to my son, I would definitely be giving that mom a call and a piece of my mind. It would absolutely break my heart to see my son's thoughtful gesture be tossed back or thought of as distasteful. Now you probably think *I'm* overreacting, but I hope you can see both sides to this.

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L.L.

answers from Rochester on

What I imagine is that the boy has an innocent crush on your daughter.

He went and picked out a gift he thought looked nice. As you say, there's a level of immaturity here...he just picked out something he thought looked nice.

I remember in fifth grade a boy gave me a stuffed bear and a card (yes, overly romantic) on the last day of school. Again, I imagine he went to the store and picked out what he thought looked nice, without giving it much thought.

Please cut this poor, smitten young man some slack!

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S.E.

answers from Wichita Falls on

Yes this is becoming more and more common in middle school. But there is nothing in the note or gift that speaks of more than puppy love. She needs to simply tell him that she is flattered, BUT cannot date or have more than just friends till age whenever you've decided she can date. It took a lot of courage for a boy to tell a girl he likes her and she needs to be kind about it.

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D..

answers from Miami on

The words on the valentine don't mean anything. That's the way valentines talk. He picked it out himself and the stuffed puppy too. He doesn't understand that it's too much for his age. You are assigning adult thought processes to an 11 or 12 year old and that's not what he has.

You might call his mother and tell her that you were surprised that he got your daughter such an expensive gift. You need to kind of laugh about it with her - don't be too serious - and ask her to explain to him that he and your daughter are only 11/12 and it's a little too early for him to be serious about her, that she is not allowed to have a boyfriend. Then she will talk to him.

Be nice to that mom. As a mom of boys, if a girl's mom called me and read me the riot act for something nice that my child did, I'd think you were a real beotch or a nut, AND I'd tell all my friends what you did. So make sure you don't come across that way. I would NOT use the word "protective" in your chat with her. You would make it sound like my son was someone your daughter needed to be protected FROM, and that would be inappropriate of you to say or infer.

If you go in with guns blazing, not only will it hurt this boy's feelings, but it might humiliate him and ruin their friendship. You might not care about that, but sometimes kids who have been embarrassed like this turn coat and then they are mean. Your daughter shouldn't have to go through THAT just because her mother was upset about a valentine gift.

If it were me, I'd just talk to your daughter and tell her that she is too young for a boyfriend. Listen to what she says and then make a decision whether or not to approach the mother.

Dawn

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

Really look again at the wording of the card.

It could be given by a mom to a daughter! A sister to a sister - or brother. Friend to friend.

There is nothing romantic about it, really. "All the good times we've shared....thinking how much you mean" and "you're special to me." These are totally bland, and somewhat impersonal sentiments that are nothing to do with love or passion. I think the boy was trying to pick out a grown-up looking and sounding card and did a lovely job - considering how risque and sexy so many Valentines seem to be. At least he had the taste and dignity not to get her a saucy or sexy one. How about giving him credit for that and for choosing a card sweet enough to give to a Grandma with whom one had shared good times and who was special?

If you look at it like that, does it help?

I saw Valentines just today that had half-naked people plastered on them. Others with fart jokes. Seems to me he did very well indeed for a sixth grade boy.

Perhaps the real shock or you here is the idea of your little girl (and I too have a sixth grade girl) receiving a Valentine individuallly picked out for her by a boy, rather than a Valentine that's one of dozens the boy handed out to everyone. The shock may be more about the idea of a boy finding your girl interesting in "that way" than about the content of the card itself.

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K.L.

answers from Washington DC on

Don't sweat it. I also have an 11 year old 6th grade daughter. If she came home with a card like that my first thought would be "how nice, a boy has a crush on her." I think it's cute when that first happens. I'm assuming she's not creeped out by it? Even if she is, I'm sure the boy is pretty innocent and just really likes her! When you began describing the card I was seriously waiting for something sexual. After I read what the card said I actually thought "that's it?!" and reread it. He's probably referring to all the good times in the cafeteria, making fun of the lunch ladies or something.

And Theresa, you are laugh out loud funny!!!

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Sorry mom but your little girl is growing up. A boy gave me a pretty little (fake) gold bracelet for V day with a note that said "I love your golden hair" when I was in the 5th grade and I was over the moon (this was 1979 by the way.) We barely spoke to each other but we certainly LIKED each other, a lot.
Kids don't just go from childhood to adulthood there is a whole messy, confusing period in between, and your daughter is already in the shallow end.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

It sounds like a crush/puppy love. It's very basic. Don't freak out. Breathe. Then talk to your daughter. It doesn't sound mature at all. It just sounds like a valentines card. They're in classes together (all the good times :) etc.

Your daughter is in 6th grade. Puberty is around the corner if it hasn't arrived yet. She is thinking about boys, even if you aren't ready for it. Don't let it go, but don't freak out. If you haven't started, it's time to have relaxed conversations about relationships, respect, her body, etc.

Freaking out will only make her NOT want to talk to you which is the exact opposite of what you want her to do. She's not a baby anymore - it's tough, but you have to teach her how to become a confident young woman.

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M.W.

answers from San Francisco on

I am reading it through the eyes of a 6th grader...not a mature adult that has a sexual relationship with my husband. This sounds very mild compared to what could be happening at her age. Hormones are starting to gear up...just wait!!

Maybe the boy's only friend is your daughter...or maybe she has helped him at school with difficult schoolwork since that is the only place he sees her, or maybe she is his first little innocent crush.

Yes...kids have crushes on each other this early and even earlier. Maybe he is just a hopeless romantic like my 7th grade son. He loves girls and can't wait to get married someday and have a family. He does not talk in a suggestive sexual tone about girls. He has a deep respect for them...and is annoyed by the girls that are flaunting their bodies and chasing after him. He goes after the quiet, brainy girls. He writes poems about them...songs about them. Ya...some are just very sensitive,emotional and passionate when it comes to lovey dovey stuff. My son is artsy....a passionate musician.

Don't assume this card/stuffed animal is more than I think it really is. Like I mentioned, I have a 7th grade son..he would do something like this to a couple girls he knows and is close to.

Breathe.... and then talk to your daughter about her feelings about this boy. Don't do anything to overreact with her. Don't drive her away due to your own shock or feelings that this was inappropriate.

Your daughter is entering a very awkward phase in her life...you need to keep your relationship strong. She needs to feel safe talking to you. Today it is a sweet card..in a couple years it will be her talking about the kids she knows having sex..or oral sex in the school bathroom. (yes..it is happening.)

This little gift made your daughter feel special. That means a lot to a 6th grade girl!!

Good luck and best wishes!!

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J.O.

answers from Boise on

Awe momma, the little one is growing up (no dating till 16 though ;) ). Honestly as someone said there aren't a lot of cards geared towards young kids, He saw the picture, thought it was cute and got that card. Kinda how I do it. lol

Take deep breaths, and relax. This isn't a lifetime commitment, it's a sweet little gesture, and that's all.

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L.U.

answers from Seattle on

Ummm...what? It's a kid! Maybe they DO spend good times together...on the playground.
What would I do? nothing.

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M.D.

answers from Dallas on

In the 6th grade I had a major crush on Kirk Cameron, HUGE, for his birthday I sent a card to him with money in it. I doubt he ever received it, but I thought he was so cute. This guy is just crushing on your daughter, it's cute.

Do you think he spent hours picking out the card, saw one that was okay and picked it. Don't make too much out of it. She's getting towards the trouble age for girls. If you make a big deal out of it, it might turn into something ugly and doesn't need to go there.

Hugs going out to you!

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S.N.

answers from Chicago on

It sounds very sweet to me and probably made your daughter feel very special. I remember having crushes in 6th grade and I think that's what you're seeing. Ask your daughter about it in a casual way to learn more. Keep communication open so she will share with you.

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T.W.

answers from Syracuse on

If my daughter brought home a card like this, I would roll my eyes and then assume it was innocent. He probably just went to the store and picked out the card he thought he should buy. You know how those store bought cards are, it always takes me forever to find one that says the right thing without sounding cheesy. That's all it is I'm sure, just a cheesy valentine card.

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I.X.

answers from Los Angeles on

You've said nothing about how your daughter feels about it only how you feel about it. Did it make her uncomfortable or give her the heebe gebees? Then you may need to pep talk your daughter about how she can gently let him down.
Aside from that, Yes let it go.
He has a crush on her. Seems to me you'd be more concerned wither the feeling is reciprocated or not. Why not ask your daughter? Her answer will determine wither you help her deal with unwanted advances or what your rules are for dating. A learning opportunity either way.

As for the boy, just curious, what do you have in mind? Having a talk with the boy? Telling young men they are not allowed to have a crush on your daughter?

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

I wouldn't freak out.

It's very sweet of the boy to think of her. I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. At 11 - their "special times"??? walking to class together...having lunch together.

it's puppy love. the more you make out of it, the more she will question and wonder what's wrong - for her? It's entirely innocent. TALK with her. Ask her what they do together...as her what she feels their good times are...then you will know not to freak out.

Happy Valentine's day!!

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H.L.

answers from Portland on

The first thing I thought of when I read this is it sounds like it could be a card that Manny from Modern Family would give a girl. Mature and sweet and a tad nerdy. I wouldn't worry about it.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

You did not say, IF your daughter is even friends with this boy, or knows him.
- Even if they are friends, that does not mean this amounts to anything.
- Even if they are friends, this does not mean, your daughter is his puppet.
- Even if they are strangers and don't know each other, it does not mean this amounts to anything.

You... know your daughter. If she is a rational mature level headed kid, then fine. You can speak with her in a nice open way and trust her.
If there is a nice verbal rapport between the 2 of you, then in the FUTURE and as she gets older, when there really are "boy" issues... she will come to you and tell you, because she will feel... comfortable with you, in telling you. So think ahead...

Now- when I was in elementary school, I remember a boy (his name was Thomas. I STILL remember his name) that would give me "love" notes. This was in like 5th grade. Duh. I was not "dumb" about it. I didn't even take it seriously. In fact, it was funny. Not serious.
And in middle school and high school, boys/girls get crushes and may give notes to another, or cards. But so what. I didn't take it seriously and it didn't amount to anything.
Why? Because... I had my OWN mind. I had my own thoughts. I knew who I was. I did NOT get all wrapped up in it nor swept away by it. Its just a card. A note. I just ignored the boy. No biggie.
Whatever.

The point is: IF your daughter... can discuss things with you, and be open with you, and if she KNOWS herself and her own values/ideas etc., then she will be able to talk to you about it, and NOT be some guy's puppet.
AND also, she should be able to talk to her Dad too. Openly.
When I was a kid, I could talk to my Dad about anything... about boys too. It was nice. He trusted me. I trusted him. And that... laid the foundation, for me as a kid... being able to go to a parent for any reason, per my issues or worries or concerns.
I couldn't talk to my Mom. She was just too judgmental and nagging. My Dad, was not. He talked WITH me.

Now, going back to that boy who gave your daughter a card.
I would not worry... UNLESS, he encroaches on your daughter's boundaries and/or stalks her or anything else extreme.
And you teach her, how to, rebuff a boy, in a mature manner.
Teach her, the how's of things/boys/relationships as she gets... older.
How to speak up etc. and stand up for herself.
Basic stuff.
My Dad, taught me stuff like that. Yes, from when I was a Teenager. Not my Mom. Because as I said, she was just too judgmental and nagging.

I have a 10 year old daughter.
I talk to her and guide her on things, per her age etc.

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J.F.

answers from Las Vegas on

I haven't read the other responses and just wanted to share my first impression upon reading the words from the card.

At first glance, it just seems really innocent to me. Really sweet, this boy telling your daughter that he is fond of her and that she is special. It may not make sense to us as adults, but it was the best he could come up with and perhaps, it was the most appropriate he could find in a short amount of time. You know, it's not like he can drive himself to the store and spend 50 minutes looking for just the right card!

As you said, they don't see each other outside of school, so it's nothing to worry about. You asked how I would handle this? I'd tell my daughter that it was a sweet gesture and that I was proud of her for choosing respectful friends. And, I'd be sure to keep the line of communication open so that she always knows what your expectations are and that she feels she can come to you with relationship and all other concerns.

Best to you and your family,

J. F.

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I.G.

answers from Seattle on

Many adult men, let alone 11 year old boys are not known for their skills of saying just the right words at the right time, not even with a card.
I would suggest that this means NOTHING other that the boy not making the best pick when choosing a card...
Let it go!
Good luvk

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

a stuffed puppy!
and a card with a big heart!
heavens!
:O
khairete
S.

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L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Let it go.
Personally, I think it is sweet.
They probably do have fun - at the lunch table, in class, at their lockers.
The card makes no sense to you, but it's not about you. It's about her and her friend. You are reading way more into the card than what it says.
Relax.
Middle school is when these little relationships start. Friendships grow. Let her enjoy this time. Do not make this seem like any more than it is... It's a sweet gift from a friend.

LBC

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J.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

I know it's difficult to see your daughter gaining the attention of boys at such an early age. Seize this opportunity as a chance to talk to your daughter about appropriate relationships and behaviors at her age without making her feel awkward about receiving her first Valentine's Day card and gift. I think you have every right to feel shocked, but at the same time, try to keep in mind that it must have taken a lot of courage for that boy to give something to her and make his feelings known. I think we (myself included) are so afraid of inappropriate behavior sometimes, that we forget that maybe this was just a pure act of kindness of a sweet young boy.

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I.G.

answers from Austin on

she got more than I did ! haha

But yea, let it go. Its sweet. I wouldn't make it more than it is. :))

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J.C.

answers from Columbus on

Perhaps he just liked how pretty the card is and didn't really focus too much on the sentiment. I would really relax and ignore it. He sounds sweet.

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L.M.

answers from Cleveland on

The card i forgive be cause halmark doesn't make many that say, " Hey i think you are nice to me in social studies. and you are cute"

the stuffed animal i have trouble with because i try not to have my kids trade hotwheels or borrow barbies etc from kids at school so this is just extending the no giving your stuff away kind of idea to me, but as others have mentioned giving it back or making a big deal would hurt him.

I"m curious if other girls were showered this way??? because i wonder if dd and this boy wil be teased ?? just somethign to think about.

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R.A.

answers from Boston on

I'm pretty sure by 11 years old my son would pick out a card like that one. He has a sweet nature, and would probably at that age enjoy being nice to a girl. That's all this is about. He's sweet on her.

However, being a mom of a boy, I would make sure the feeling was reciprocated first. Wouldn't want his heart crushed. Especially at that age, where innocence is still predominant.

Let it go.

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I think it's sweet. Hey, school can be fun, so maybe they've shared lots of fun times at school!

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I would let it go unless you have reason to think your DD thinks this is serious business. And if that's the case, then you need to speak to her about it. Many friends of mine were "dating" or "liked" other kids in 6th grade and it largely meant holding hands before school and sitting together at lunch. Now, I'm not so stupid as to think more doesn't go on sometimes, but if you have no reason to think your daughter is one of them, then I'd chalk it up to an awkward preteen moment and not call the mom or anything. It's just a stuffed puppy, not a ring or something. Totally appropriate for kids.

My SS has been on the receiving end of irate and overreacting parents and it really hurt. Please don't go all riot act on the kid. And to clarify, I don't believe he was doing anything wrong, but the parents didn't want their daughter dating at 13 (or dating a white guy) and rather than speak to her about their rules, they decided to lash out at our kid instead.

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S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

Pretty normal at that age.

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E.F.

answers from Kalamazoo on

He was probably feeling a huge mix of bravery, embarrassment, pride and fear of rejection all once to be buying a card - he very likely grabbed the one with the big red heart on it and spent the night wide awake, unsure if he was going to go through with giving it to her. I bet it didn't even cross his mind to read the lacy print inside it, let alone think about what her mother might read into it. lol What matters is how your daughter feels about it. Is she flattered? Embarrassed? Does she know what to say (and know its okay to say it) if the attention is unwelcome?

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M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

I'm with the majority here. I even get nervous picking cards for my husband of 8 years. I want it to be perfect and have him read it the same way I do. I think it was an innocent and friendly gesture. I'd let my son bring in a stuffed animal for a friend if he wanted to.

So I'd let it go and chalk it up to the fact she is growing up. I'd also be glad she got a nice guy to chase after her instead of a punk.

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C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

Aw...I think it is cute. That boy has a HUGE crush on her. This is how my brother was when we were growing up. He would go way over the top. He had a job mowing grass for neighbors and he would save all his money for months and buy his crush expensive things. One time it was one of my friends and she had no interest in him at all. This is exactly the kind of thing he did at age 11. He'd write poems secretly in his room. Poor guy - had his heart crushed so many times. Just talk to your daughter about what is and is not appropriate. Find out how she feels about this boy. If she does not feel the same way tell her to be kind but distant to him...not to tease him or talk about him with her friends!

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C.M.

answers from St. Louis on

He probably told his mom he wanted to buy a girl a card - it was not sexual in nature. It simply meant he remembers all the good times they had at school. I got a card, candy and stuffed animals from my boyfriend around this age. I think you are making a bigger deal out of this than you should. I would not say anything to your daughter or anyone else and just let this go.

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S.A.

answers from Kansas City on

I really think the little boy chose the card and thought nothing of it. It's Valentine's Day. As long as you talk to her I wouldn't worry so much.
Chalk it up as a nice gesture!

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H.P.

answers from Houston on

I would think the same thing, that the card is intended for a more mature audience. I wouldn't say anything, though, because at this age, they don't have much sense of what's age-appropriate when it comes to their feelings. I would, however, keep my eyes and ears open and maintain an environment of open communication with my daughter.

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S.E.

answers from New York on

dont overthink it.. let it go.. if it really really bothers you, ask your daughter how she feels about it.. unless this kid is constantly bothering her at school or something like that, no big deal
and unfortunatley kids are "maturing" alot quicker these days, so yyeah id say its nothing out of the ordinary for 6th grade,, even though that does seem young

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K.O.

answers from Atlanta on

Sounds like the valentines I got in 5th/6th grade. So, completely norm. Now even things going faster than they used to.

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L.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think maybe the boy got to pick it out and just didn't know it was to grown up. Your fine to feel your way because its your daughter and you have be concerned about her and you just never know what other kids aare thinking about. I think you can let it go in a way so you don't do anythings about this card but if he does more at other times you can have a talk with the school.

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G.H.

answers from Chicago on

I'm with you about being shocked at such a loaded card. I am already telling my kids (boy 8 & girls 7 & 4) that they can't date til after college; I know that is not realistic, but I'm hoping if I say it often enough, they will agree, lol.

Just out of curiosity, did she show you the card & stuffed animal or did you 'find' it?

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M.K.

answers from Dallas on

I see your concern but I think it is innocent, really. My 11 year came home with a bear last year from a 'Valentine' pretty innocent. Of course I've got a 16 year old who also received those also .I would just monitor but I really think it is innocent! Coming from a 40 year old mom who got 2 carnations at the age of 12 from a boy name John who said happy valentines day LOVE John lol. Not with John.... More serious things in life to worry about. Kinda think it is cute. This is the age when they start 'going out'. I guess with my second girl I'm a bit laxed about it too. Again I do understand your concern but if you have good communication with your daughter as I have with both mine I think it will be just fine.

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L.K.

answers from St. Louis on

Oh goodness. My 9 yr old went to school yesterday with a rose for his "girlfriend." I know that the little girl also likes him, and both sets of us parents kinda chuckle at their little "romance." But I would like to think that her parents would look at his little token as the sweet gesture it was meant to be and not read into it something more, like I feel you are. My son carefully chose a Valentines card out of his box of 30 for her, and wrote a little message for her in it- and she hand made a special Valentine for him. I think it's adorable.

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L.B.

answers from New York on

My daughter is 11 and in 6th grade - I would be very surprised if she received a Valentine like the one your daughter received. At her age she seems to still enjoy giving and receiving the kind of Valentines that you get in a box with silly saying on them. The kind that you give to the entire class.

My daughter does not seem to be interested in boys she still says gross when she talks about them.

I am not sure what my reaction woud be, I don't think that I would make her give it back, but I might have a lot of questions about the boy and their friendship

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

I say let it go. Sounds like u already discussed it w daughter.

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A.K.

answers from Omaha on

Its tough seeing our kids grow up. Seems pretty innocent. Happy Valentines Day to her!

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V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

Wow. My daughter is 11 and in 6th grade also. I would be stunned if she came home with something like that. Well, I mean, she is a darned special girl and all... but....
I would say that he couldn't find anything that he felt wasn't too juvenile, so he took something in the other direction. If your daughter isn't creeped out, then just think of it as sweet. And as long as she knows the rules (no dating in 6th grade!) then I wouldn't worry about it.
I keep hearing about how quickly kids are growing up today... but honestly, I don't see it that much in my kids and their friends. I really don't. Maybe we are small town America or something, I don't know. Or maybe it is just who they choose as friends.
I SEE kids with the full makeup and dyed hair and developed and all that in 6/7th grade... but not among my daughter and her friends. I saw it when my son was in 6th grade. But he is in 9th now and only in the last year would I suspect he has much interest in girls. He would deny it now, if I were to ask, of course, though. But in 6th grade?! Oh geez... he couldn't have cared less. Unless they liked minecraft like him and it would have given him a new person to play it with or something. LOL

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A.S.

answers from Boca Raton on

It would have surprised me, too (and I have sons) but I'd probably let it go.

I can never imagine my sons even thinking to do that in 6th grade, much less garnering the nerve (and even less likely - the willingness to go into a store and buy a card AND a stuffed animal) to actually pull it off.

I do have nephews who "date" in 6th grade, which doesn't mean much (but still).

Wow!

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J.W.

answers from Chicago on

I certainly never got anything like that when I was in sixth grade. In fact, I never got much of anything on Valentine's Day when I was your daughter's age!

Celebrate your kiddo having friends and admirers. It beats the alternative.

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