6 Yr Old Crushes

My seven year old had a crush last year. Now a girl has a major crush on him. Her Mom said that she plans to marry him when they grow up. Funny. Cute. It's normal. They are all talking about crushes at this age. Maybe they'll like someone in a month. I think it's completely normal. Listen at the playground and you'll probably hear other kids who are the same way.

A boy had a crush on me when we were in kindergarten. He gave me a necklace for Christmas. It was such a nice necklace that my mom thought that he might have taken it from his mother. I had absolutley no interest in this boy. But, I actually still have the necklace (I'm 35)!! The behavior is perfectly normal. At around 4 or 5 they really start having an interest, or I should say curiousness in marriage and relationships. I suggest letting him tell you his feelings and keep the lines of communication open. My oldest is now 15 and he still shares with me (a little) because I always let him know that he could trust me and never minimized his feelings. Feelings are feelings, and they are very real, even when you are 6. It is hard to start to think of our little men as having an interest in girls, but I assure you there is nothing creepy about it. Good Luck...

Hi -

I just wanted to put in here that I had a HUGE crush on a boy when I was 6 years old. HUGE. My Mom was the only one I told, but everything was always about him. He was the only boy I invited to my 7th birthday party, until my Mom convinced me it might be weird and had me invite another boy from my class.

We never did anything inappropriate for our young age, just hung out and talked all the time during recesses/breaks.

18 years later, I met that "boy" again, and we are now happily married with a son of our own. So as weird as it might've seemed - I knew what I wanted when I was 6. :)

My son is 5 years old and in kindergarten. He has had a crush on another kinder girl since pre-K. I thought it might go away over the summer. It did not. He wanted to buy her a present not too long ago because, "he loves her". I think it is perfectly normal to have that "special friend". It is all very innocent. He gives her a hug to greet her and to say goodbye, but he has told me he knows he can't give her a kiss....that is for mommy and daddy and grandma (that was a relief!). In a few years, boys won't want anything to do with girls, and the girls will stay away from the boys because the have "cooties". He doesn't lose sleep or get distracted from his work, but he does talk about her. Don't make a big deal of it. Redirect him to the tasks at hand when needed and "daydreaming" is secondary. It will all works itself out. Enjoy the "innocent love" while you can. Before you know it, they will be dating for real! Good luck!

Hi M. If this is the only problem with him try not to worry about it too much. After all he is human. You may want to talk to a child counseling and get their opinion. But I can remember being in grade school at his age and boys and girls had crushes on each other.

Our daughters had crushes and "boyfriends" in kindergarten....apparently that meant they played together at recess. They would mention their boyfriend's name and giggle, sometimes make hearts with their name. By 2nd grade they couldn't give a rip about boys in their class. That to me seemed pretty normal and harmless. More than that would probably freak me out too. If your son is losing sleep, giving his crush inappropriate gifts, then I agree with your gut to tell him he's being a little over the line. That being said, if his actions are only at home ignoring them might be the best idea. If you have a good relationship with his teacher, you should probably find out what's going on at school. Is he all puppy dogged at school? If so, it's time to tell him to tone it down right now at school. Let him know he can still talk at home etc. but he needs to cool it at school. Heaven forbid he decides to give his crush a hug and ends up in the pricipal's office. Our school doesn't allow the physical contact aspect at all...if I was the mom of the girl's getting backrubs I'd be seriously po'ed if the school didn't put an end to that. A lot of young girls don't have the guts yet to tell someone "hands off" even if they are uncomfortable. I digress---anyway Mom, I'd find out the school situation first and then go from there. Good luck.

I also have a six yr old and definitely have noticed an increase in 'crush' behavior after she watches certain television shows or movies - there is kissing (or suggestions of it) and romance in nearly every Disney movie and on just about every one of the pre-teen shows on Nick and Disney channels that she loves to watch.

I'll be interested to read what any other mamas advise here.

I don't think we should force our kids off the t.v., but I think we should offer them other alternatives for their entertainment - sports, dance, self-defense, church, collecting, girl/boy scouts, yardwork, housework, even non-suggestive video games just to name a few things that can take their minds off of such things.

Also, our daughter has older sibs (in their 20s) who are openly affectionate with their boyfriend/girlfriend in front of everyone :-P and every time she's around them this triggers that behavior as well.

I have told her that it's okay to have a crush on someone, but at six yrs old, she can only have 'friends' - and when she is older she will have a boyfriend and later a husband etc ... when she starts talking about 'I'm in love with so&so, or going to marry this one or that someone is a hottie'... I just remind her that this person is a friend, and that we treat friends with respect.

I have talked with her very specifically about how friends act together (they don't touch) except for a high-five, and they don't hug or kiss because you could get the flu - which is the truth. Does this stop the hugging? no - but at least I can correct her if I observe or learn about it because we've already established that it's not right.

I was talking with my 6yo's teacher recently and she commented that her class this year (1st graders) were quite 'touchy-feely', more-so than usual.... go figure.

It IS a phase - your little guy is a romantic, it's just part of his personality (way better than being a bully or painfully shy).

:-)

Hi M.! I know it is a little scary to hear your son talking this way, but I honestly think it is pretty normal. I can remember being in kindergarten and having a HUGE crush on a boy. So much so that I stole my mother's lipgloss, put it on in class and tried to kiss him! Of course, the teacher put the kabash on that asap, LOL! But I can remember vividly thinking this boy was just the love of my life...at age 5!

Kids see all kinds of images about love from a very early age. My daughter is 3 1/2 and is majorly into Disney princesses. If you stop and think about it, all those stories are about girls and boys falling in love. She tells me almost everyday that she has to go to the ball so she can fall in love and marry Prince Philip. I think it is just a part of them learning about life and playing. At this point in your son's life, he is still too young to really understand what he is talking about. I'm sure it is mainly just play.

A friend of mine just told me that her 5 year old son is talking about crushes at school. She said she asked him what it means to have a girlfriend and his answer is always something like "you hang out", "you play together", "you talk on the phone". She said as long as he doesn't really know what it means, she knows she's safe!

Best of luck and try not to stress about this too much. When you put it in perspective, there are far worse things! :)

My five year old has been having crushes for months. It used to be on girls his age but his new "wife" is probably 20. It is harmless. He isn't focusing on her like a mini-stalker.

If your son isn't excluding other people or activities from his life I am sure it's nothing to worry about.

Did your husband start puberty at a young age? There might be a couple of things happening. First, I am sure that his friends are probably sharing their crushes or make-believe girlfriends with him. He may just be trying to fit in. On the other hand, you might have him tested for excess testosterone. There are so many hormones in EVERYTHING now, that it is very possible that he may be coming into contact with them and not even know it. Even cologne, beef, makeup, milks, and many vitamins are full of synthetic hormones. Normally, these aren't that big of a deal, but at times, they will cause the body to begin producing other counteractive hormones. Your son may just be incredibly sensitive to these. Good luck!

We had a similar situation when my son was in third grade. I was worried also because in my mind it was way too early. My son's situation was also weird (in my book) because it was recipricated, almost like dating. The way we dealt with it was to tell him it was all normal but in our eyes a bit too young. We told him that all people have these feelings but have to continue our day to day responsibilities regardless. We tried to remind him that the focus was school and that girls were secondary. We just watched a little more carefully and sure enough they both grew out of it. Like you I was worried that if we made a big deal over it we would lose the communication and it would be a taboo topic, making it more appealing. I found the best time to talk to my son was in the car when we could communicate without being eye to eye. I got more info then. Good luck

Your posting makes me believe that this might actually be normal...There are two boys in first grade (my son is also in first grade) who go so far as rubbing their "girlfriend's" backs during lunch - seriously! It still creeps me out thinking about it.

I keep thinking that one of the two come from families where this might be the norm. He has young parents and dating (and all that comes with it) is all he ever sees. To him, finding a girl and putting your hands all over her is probably normal. Yet, on the other hand, the other boy comes from a perfectly normal household.

Several other Moms and I have talked about the situation and have been wondering the same thing - how do you curb it? I suggested a "keep your hands to yourself" talk but that really only applies to our lunchroom situation. I am certain that the parents have no idea this is going on and frankly I think that they probably wouldn't do anything if they found out (just dismiss it as "oh how cute"). Looking forward to any advice other Mamas have!!

Hi M. M,

My 6 YO has been having crushes on girls since preschool. It's mainly googlie eyes and smiles at each other which is harmless. As long as it's not interferring with his normal daily activities, it'll be okay.

We went through a big crush last summer with a new neighbor girl which drove me nuts but we're through it.

I would continue to keep the lines of communication open with him and all you can do is continue to keep him aware of what's appropiate for his age. It's important that he understands crushes normal and that's as far as it goes. (for now)

I think how you're currently dealing with this situation is perfect. Good Job!

I've been a teacher's aide in kindergarten and first grade for 5 years. Boys and girls do tend to have crushes, especially at the beginning of the school year. Somehow, with the help of teachers and parents telling them to be friends with everyone, no "exculsives," the situation usually disappears and then reappears with someone else. It looks like your getting a lot of support in mamasource.

My 6-yr. old son told me about his first crush at age 4, on a preschool classmate - I was definitely not ready for that! Last year in kindergarten, he announced that he had two girlfriends, then later he told me he "broke up" with one of them. Where he is getting this, I don't know! Just this past weekend we went to a storytime event, and he developed a crush on an "older" girl who was about 10 years old. He talked about her as we were leaving the event, in the car on the way home, and the rest of that night. In fact, he still won't stop talking about her, even though he doesn't know her and will probably never see her again! I don't really have any good advice for you on this...except maybe not to worry about it too much. Your idea about not making a big deal about it is exactly what I am going to do. I was teasing ds about it in front of my husband, and ds got really really upset. I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I don't want him to think he can't talk to me about it.