First thing is first here, you are not being selfish!!! And furthermore, you should never let that thought enter your head again. Your husband is being completely selfish in every way here. Yes he works & earns money, you work out of the kindness of your heart. Everyone needs a break sometimes & I know from experience that staying home with kids is much more work & stress than working outside of the home. Neither is more important than the other.
My husband & I both work full-time, I work farther away & earn a little bit more than him, but it hasn't always been that way. Even when I didn't work, he's always been great about sending me out w/ my sister or mom for a break. We share the cooking & doing laundry, homework & baths, he cleans the house by himself because he's just better at it than I am. We share the duties because we are both adults, we are married, we are a team. Every year since September 11th, he has deployed for a minimum of 3 months (pretty much always over Christmas, blech) & I'm on my own to just do it all. He sees all that I do & he appreciates it. That's what you need, some appreciation & some freakin help once in a while!!!
Now, I'm sure your husband's attitude has got a lot to do with his childhood, but that doesn't mean he can't overcome it (my husband had a completely screwed up childhood, but he's a great daddy & wonderful husband so I know it can be done). Most people want to make sure they don't make the same mistakes with their kids that were made with them, right? Sounds like he really could use some therapy (but doesn't sound like the kind of guy that would ever be willing to go unfortuanately for you.) Have you ever tried talking to anyone in his family, or has anyone in your family (siblings, parents, anyone he's close with) tried to talk to him about it?
He needs to be a man & step it up, he's not being a good father to his kids & certainly not being a good husband to you. I don't have the answer for you, but your story is very frustrating to read. I would keep trying to talk to him & especially see if you can get some outside source, like I said, one of his friends, his siblings, your family, ANYONE to talk to him because it could just be that he doesn't want to hear it from you. Best of luck honey!