I would schedule a girl's weekend for 3 or 4 weekends in a row right after hunting season. See what happens when the shoe is on the other foot. Don't cancel and move mountains to go.
Okay ladies, to those of you who have husbands that hunt, how do you handle it? Don't get me wrong, I am for him doing something that he enjoys but he gets obsessive about it. If anything interferes with his plans he throws a fit. And starts complaining that he never gets to go. Uh, he goes almost every weekend since bow season started at the beginning of October and plans to all the way to the end. Doesn't realize what kind of pressure it puts on me. We have a seven year old dtr and a 14 month old son. I am at home with them every day. I work fulltime during the week on the computer but I am here with them constantly. I can't come and go like he does so easily. I don't mind him hunting but every weekend and sometimes in the evenings? What if the shoe was on the other foot? I've tried to talk to him about it but we always end up in fights over it. Now don't get me wrong, I love my husband with all that I have. He is a good man, provides for us and is very attentive. It's just that as soon as hunting season begins, it's like a switch is turned on and he becomes a one track minded individual. Nothing interferes with his hunting. For example, I've been telling him for the past year about the neighborhood garage sale that they are having here this coming weekend. i've been putting things aside for it. I've told him that I would need his help since it would be extremely difficult to have it while taking care of the kids at the same time. Well here it is the week of, and he is totally refusing to take some time out of his hunting schedule to help me with it. I'm asking for one Saturday and probably just half of the day!!! He keeps saying we'll get everything together prior to Saturday and get it set up Friday night. So he can still go. He doesn't get it! How am I going to have the sale and care for the kids too??? He keeps getting on to me about needing to get rid of some stuff and so that's what I'm trying to do and make a bit of extra money but he isn't willing to help when needed b/c it will interfere with his hunting??? Come on!
In order to try to give myself some peace, I've decided to try to get out of the house one night during the week even if it's just to go to the store and wander the aisles just so I can get out away from the kids and be by myself. I do plan to go off for a weekend once hunting season is over to meet up with a girlfriend of mine. Now during the week when he's home he does help with the kids. He'll pretty much care for them so I can go to bed early to read or whatever so that's nice.
My problem is that it's gets rather old and hard on me for him to be gone every weekend. I can't say anything about it because he turns it around and gets completely unreasonable. I guess this is more of a vent but I was wondering if any of you were experiencing anything like this and if so, what ya'll do to stay sane. Hunting season has turned my usually wonderful loving husband into an obsessive one tracked mind idiot - LOL. (by the way this is not here to start a debate on whether you are for hunting or not)
I would schedule a girl's weekend for 3 or 4 weekends in a row right after hunting season. See what happens when the shoe is on the other foot. Don't cancel and move mountains to go.
Why don't you and the kids go with him for a weekend?? See what it is really about - it's not like he's hunting at night you could still have time at dinner and in the evenings w/ him.
Maybe he might like that you're taking an interest in his hobby OR maybe he might not like it and will agree to cut back on his weekends in order to have them exclusively to himself!! A bit passive aggressive but I think it would work!!
I MISS being a hunting widow. (My hubby doesn't hunt). I used to SO look forward to those "girls weeks" & "girls weekends". We all get together at one person's house, the kids would be playing, & we'd
- marathon girly movies... from Gilmore Girls to badass Lara Croft
- do "spa" days (lol ... often including the little ones who wanted "green monster faces" or be teaching the pubescent girls about shaving/waxing/bleaching/etc.)
- Eat brownies and wear elastic pants
- Bleach our mustaches
- Giant potluck in jammies brunches
- Midnight Margaritas
Hunting season was just such a BLESSING. It was our girly time, our precious "I am god" time with the kids (wait... NO ONE contradicting what I say? How cool is that?), our time to bond with the kids and each other, our time to have serious conversations with teens, our time to catch up on TV and Movies that had been missed out on all year, our time, our time, our time, our time. And it was flippin' sacred.
As a certified tom boy I'd also periodically go out for a weekend myself, which is a different kind of sacred... but it's a hard choice. Which way to have fun and bond? Which way?
My husband plays softball, and it ends up being year round. They don't stop until October and start INDOOR tournaments in January. Dumb. I finally got to the point that I said he was missing out on things with the kids, not me. The kids and I do what we want when we want. It gets hard sometimes, but they are getting older (7, 5, 3) and it is so easy now for us to go to the Zoo or the Aquarium or museums etc. I dont NEED him around to do things. And I tihnk that has helped change him some. I dont know how to tell you to fix it because there is no fixing. Just be glad that you dont have my MIL telling him that he is totally within his rights to do what he wants when he wants. IMO, that ends when you get married and have kids.
I don't understand men who can't find a balance with their hobbies. My father was and is an avid hunter, but he never went at it like a maniac -abandoning his family all weekend every weekend during hunting season. I know far too many men who do this. He needs to understand that all of our hobbies have to take a backseat when we marry and have children. That means he gets to go hunting one day a weekend. If, for some reason, there are some weekends he needs to be gone the entire weekend, then he certainly doesn't go in the evenings during the week. He can do what my dad did -look forward to his kids growing up and leaving home and he can hunt around the clock. My dad still didn't do that -although now he does since my mom died. I guarantee you he had rather have her back than unfettered access to hunting though!
You have to sit down and discuss this with him and tell him it just doesn't work for him to be gone this much. He's a grown up -he can deal. If he truly can't understand -spell it out for him. Remind him it's the equivalent of you going out a few evenings per week PLUS EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND over a period of time that equals your areas hunting season. Get a calendar down and show him. See how he feels about that possibility -being with the kids around the clock while you were off doing a hobby. If he still refuses to stop, make him see a counselor with you, because he's being completely unreasonable.
My BF fishes all the time... too bad we don't live closer, we could get the kids together and hang out as 'hunting/fishing widows' ;) Nothing to say except keep your chin up! You're not alone, and no, it's not fair.
I'm a hunting widow too, lol. Only mine is worse because he has a lease and can hunt for pigs year round, so he's been hunting at least two weekends and several weeknights a month all summer! Oh, and the person who suggested you go along must not be married to a hunter - I know mine hunts at night, during the day, whenever he can - it would not be a fun trip for me.
We finally had a heart to heart a couple weeks ago. He's taking a couple bigger trips now that deer/pheasant/duck season has started, but is limiting the pig hunting day trips. One thing that helped us was that we started an allowance system - we each get so much spending money a month, and his hunting trips have to come out of his spending money. It helped cut down on them a bit because he couldn't afford it anymore since he had to save for the bigger trips. Since you mentioned money is tight an allowance system might help you too. I also make a point of getting out by myself a couple times a month, even if it's just to go window-shopping, to make sure I get a break too.
Good luck - and every time you get ticked off remember the freezer full of meat!
Edited to Add: Why not have him take your daughter one weekend? As long as it's not public land it should be safe. My husband takes my 8 year old son bow hunting (he has a bow), and will take my 7 year old daughter duck hunting (she doesn't hunt). I encourage it whole-heartedly - because I know in a few years all these hunting trips will be mommy-weekends for me!
My husband is the same way. Fortunatly, last year he got his limit in two days!!! Yea! Meat in the freezer and no OHD (obsesive hunting disorder).
This year he has a new job and a icky schedule and hasn't even mentioned hunting.
Of course those of you that are familiar with my recent vent about him know what he's going through :)
Could you tell how much you miss spending time together as a family and ask if you can set aside a certain day or weekend to spend time together? Maybe the second weekend of each month? If you set aside one weekend of the month, be sure you plans something FUN that will get him out of the house and hopefully his mind off of the fact he is miss out on hunting. You wouldn't even have to set aside the whole weekend. Maybe just Saturday or Sunday of that weekend so he wasn't missing the whole weekend for hunting. He might be more willing to take one day out of the weekend instead of the whole weekend. My husband gets very obsessive too and sounds like your husband. :-( He is wonderful but it gets us into some pretty big fights at times. Especially because I also have two children and never get a break from taking care of them.
Rather than telling him not to go hunting every weekend (damn that would drive me crazy!!), let him know how much you miss him. Don't mention why he is gone, just that you miss spending time with him and as a family. Ask if you can have a family weekend soon? If that doesn't work, get out of the house!! You are getting cabin fever. Playdates, parks, anything to get out and about.
I, too, am a hunting widow.
But.......in the grand sceme of things it is a small price to pay. My husband thoroughly enjoys hunting. He prepares for hunting season all year long. I knew this when I married him and it's one of the things I love about him. He has an amazing passion for it and is teaching this to our boys. Hunting makes him happy. I know when the season comes around he won't be around. I don't plan major events that I expect him to be at during hunting season. I plan around it. If there is something I need to do or want to do as a family I take my boys (if they are not hunting with Dad) and do it. Ask family or friends to help with the kids on the weekend of your yard sale.
It sounds like he is a good man and father and just needs his hunting season like we need our nights or weekends away. The way I "prepare" for it is that I know it happens every year and I just accept that he will be hunting every chance he gets. At least its hunting he's obsessed with :)
Good luck...and hang in there and try to be supportive! Maybe if he gets to hunt hard the early bow season he'll get his deer and be around during the late season. Its not easy, but just remember he loves to hunt. Its not that he doesn't want to be with you and the kids but he just loves to hunt.
My hubby fishes (i'm a shopper) he did this non stop before I met him till now after 3 kids I had a fit everytime he left me with the baby i'm a sahm I want to get out as well i can't just walk out the door like a man can with nothing in tow...Anyway after the arguments & him getting tired of being mad at him for days on end he quit fishing he hasn't taken his boat out on the waters in a long time YA I knew this before I meet the man & he also knew that i'm a shopper also whats the difference in me going out spending $$ on things needed & wants & him going to spend $$ on his items for fishing we have our live styles before we met he gets upset that I spend $$ well somethings just have to come to a change I had to quit my splurges so does he in fishing all the time..But now that he picked up another hobby I find myself still stuck at home with 3 kids waiting till he came home so for I can at least get a break BTW he is a FT worker he works all hrs of the day by the time he gets home there is no time to go fishing or do anything else than eat shower spend some time with the kids & sleep but on the weekends he is gone boom out the door he ask's what I have planned if I say nothing he says where he is going & out the freakin door he goes (this only happens during his hobby season other than that he does take care of the kiddos & takes them out) ERRRR men just don't get it that us woman don't always like to be at home all the time we don't always need to take our kids every where we go I don't care if it's just the grocery store we need a break as well & they wonder why they don't get enough lovin at home were always mad at them...
I would plan some weekends when he doesn't go hunting & get up early & out the door you go:)Let him handle the kids feeding nap times playtimes what ever it is it'll get done by him in his own way..He may not like it but hey you need some time out yourself
I understand your delema, i HAD a step dad that was the EXACT same way, mom even (god i hated it) made my brother and me go with him, which i thought was insane and purposly made him not was us there again what 8 and 9 year old can be quiet ALL DAY like that yeah i rebeled by being loud when he was trying to hunt to scare off his game, i HATED it!! remember my mom and him fighting ALL THE TIME about that...know what she did?? one day she packed our bags and her's and was gone on our own little 1 week vacation (went to michigan) when he got home ...his laundry wasn't done, dinner wasn't made, she didn't go grocery shopping, etc...well that didn't go down very well...hint my vocabulary, a step dad i HAD....couldn't stand him
maybe tell him if he doesn't stop one day you and the kids wont be here when he returns, then go on your own vacation for a while MAKE him have no choice but to contribute to the house
You really could insert any hobby/interest here: golf, fishing, hunting, etc.
My hubby was out of state golfing when my water broke!
At least hunting season is limited.....golf can be year-round!
No solution to offer except to share what have done--use the calendar to CLAIM some time for your activities! The you can say "Oh--I had that on the calendar--sorry...you'll have to watch the kids."
I feel the exact same way as you. I have a 4 1/2 and 20 month old and feel worn out every weekend. He is gone now setting up his tree stands and will most likely be gone at least one day every weekend until mid-January.
Over the summer he has been around and interacts with the kids, but come hunting season his obsession takes over and we are basically last one his list of priorities. I just don't know how to get through to him that he needs to be with his kids more. I get tried of my 4 yr old always asking where he is. This shouldn't be happening and it really hurts me.
I have recently started taking the kids to different parks to get out of the house but come winter we won't be able to do that. I take the kids grocery shopping and to department stores but that usually leads to a stressful situation and I get frustrated that I don't have help.
I hope you don't mind me basically venting too. It feels good to get it out, but I know that things are not going to change year after year.
Hang in there!
I definitely understand the one tracked mind part of it. My husband is the same for the most part - to the extent that we have a "prenuptual agreement" that as long as we set aside one night during the 3 weeks around our anniversary, we are set. What has helped us is to sit down BEFORE the season starts and set up or look at he calendar for dates that are important for him to be around to help. This is usually a little better than in the heat of the moment so to speak. We also find time then during the week before Daylight savings time for him to go after work. Not the best solution, but that way he feels that give and take.
I'd say your lucky that your husband helps with the kids and is attentive. Mine doesnt have any hobbies, but works 12-14 hours a day, does not help with the kids and when he is home he is on the computer or phone for work. Or he is so tired, he falls asleep 10 minutes after he is home. He is a very loving and caringhusband/father, but he is rarely here to see us. Its really LAME. So i guess i'd put up with a few months of hunting if i had him around the rest of the year, helping out and being part of the family. As agrrevating as hunting season is, it could be worse!!!
Ever heard the term "golf widow"? You've got the same problem, only you're a "hunting widow"! Unfortunately I don't have any magical solution for you. It does sound like he's a pretty great guy other than the hunting issue. So vent away - all husbands do stuff that make their wives INSANE!
My husband is a hunting freak......we have an 8 month old daughter and I'm home with her all the time by myself. He will go onto work at 10:00 at night and will get home at the break of daylight. As soon as he gets home he gets his camp on and out the door he goes. Then he will come home and sleep until he has to go to work. He makes no time for me at all. He never complements me. I feel so sad sometimes.... :(
my dad was that way with fishing and hunting. he got divorced cause of it. that is when he realized he had to slow down in order to keep a girlfriend let alone wife. there is more than one way of looking at this and I cant tell you how you should feel about it all women deal diffrently. if he is hunting he isnt screwing around. :) he is bringing home food for the family. he will be less stressed if allowed to hunt. he will be more loving when he gets home.
you either accept it or go on. choice is yours. there is nothing saying the next man wont be the same way. my dad finally realized he had to restrict himself by choice to 2 days a week or he would always be single. I understand its hard on you that is why my mom left my dad. :) she always said his girlfriend was his bass boat. you have to decide if this battle is worth it or if you want to leave to get the point through his head or just deal with it. hard decision I know but some men this is the only way they realize how thier decisions are effecting other people. it took my dad getting divorced and being single for 10 yrs before he realiized he had to change or stay single forever. it is a decision only he can make. you have to do what you have to do. you cant make him realize how he is affecting you without promoting war. good luck you have a lot of hard decisions to make and sooner or later and probably later he will decide he needs to change cause of how it is affecting other people. think carefully and a long time before you decide. some men the only way they learn is divorce.
I google this search becaue I am in the same boat. Ifit is not fishing in the summer, it's hunting in the winter. I feel they have no feelings for us what so ever when it comes to this. My fiance actually picked up his one and a half year old daughter from Georgia because her mother couldn't handle her anymore. Want to know when? Around hunting season and when I just had a child which was 4 months old. So I had to take care of my 4 month old as well try to get to know a knew child in my life while he was hunting. In his world he found it to be no big deal and I feel he will never understand the difficulty it brings. You can't just bring a new 2 new children into the mix and expect it ok for you to go hunting whenever you desire but that what I had to do. I agree, he is a great father for to our kids and a great father to pick his daughter up 9 hours away the next day when the mother said she couldn't take care of her child but nobody really asked how I felt. Anyway yes I am going through hunting drama right now. He took the whole week off to hunt and I would think through some of that time he could have spent woth his family. It makes you feel worthless and unappreciated by him. It is crazy. I don't understand how you could neglect your famliy for so many hours or days just to spend 10 -12 hours staring at nature. Its so hard to find a woman to find an activity that doesn't cost money but in the end I realize he wastes 500-3,000 dollars on hunting a year. I say screw them, take their check book and go shopping for the week. If they go in dept, it's their own damn fault. Nice guys otherwise or not!