Husband Wants Me to Get an Abortion

For me the answer would be simple... If you want to leave then see you later... cause there is no way I would have an abortion.. jmo... goodluck

For the sake of your precious son and unborn child, get help from family and friends and get out of this abusive relationship!!!! It won't get better and you and your children will be much better off in the long run. I am praying for you!

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"Your Rights In A Relationship"
Adapted from the Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans

You have the right to have your work and interests discussed with respect.

You have the right to have your own viewpoint even if your mate has another viewpoint.

You have the right to be respectfully asked to do something and not be ordered to do it.

You have the right to live free from fear of your partner. This includes fear of threats, angry outbursts and violence.

You have the right to live free from accusation and blame.

You have the right to live free from critiism and blame.

You have the right to expect encouragement and emotional support.

You have the right to privacy--on the telephone, with your thoughts, with your family and friends, your belongings and in your own space.

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http://www.snbw.org/

http://www.gbla.org/ez.php?Page=3236

Hi J....

There seems to be one honest answer..then tell him to Leave! I wont get into wether abortion is right or wrong, cause well everyone has their own opinion and religious belief. I dont believe it should be used as a form of birth control and that seems to be what your husband thinks it should be. Honestly if you want your child and you love yourself enough to trust that yopu could do it, like millions of other single moms in the wrold do..then you have that baby. If your husband TRUELY loved you he would NEVER put you in such a horrendous situation. If having a baby wasnt in the plans in his eyes than he should have used a condom or not have had sex period..time for him to grow up... you do it, you take the responsibility. Good luck to you and may YOU make the right decision for you.

I am so bummed, I just wrote you a long message and for some reason got an error...ok, I will try to recap.

So, in response...NO ONE can ever force you to have an abortion. For someone to threaten you and say that it is all your fault, is an indication of what type of person that is. Last time I checked, it takes 2 to tango, and the fact that your husband is doing this to you, is an indication of what type of person he is.

I will tell you I was in a similar situation...however, I was not married. I decided to have the baby despite the pressure I received to have an abortion...but I knew I could not live with that decision. I now have a 13 month little boy that I could not imagine my life without...the thought that I could have possibly not had him makes me cry. And now, his father loves him SO much and can't imagine his life without him as well. I thank GOD every day that I decided to have him...I was scared and thought I would be a single parent, but I knew I had to do the right thing...and had a lot of support from family and friends.

Remember, Abortion is a HUGE, final decision. Once you do it, there is no turning back. If you want to have this baby, then you should NOT be forced into an abortion. Stay strong and stick to what you feel is right...it is your body and YOU are the one who has to live with the decision.

I will be praying for you and your family. Send me a message if you need any advice, etc. This is such a hard decision...I know how you feel. Right now you should be feeling JOY celebrating the fact you have a human life growing in your tummy...your husband should be loving you and supporting you. This is what he vowed to do when he married you :)

XOXOXOXO

Dear J.,

You are heart broken and sick at heart, yes this is a test. Be honest with yourself and be strong for your children. Your husband can take care of himself for a while.

Then you don't argue, cry, quarrel, or scream, or fuss at him. He cannot be cajoled into being different than he is right now. If you would give in, then lots more trouble is down the road.

Just quietly tell him that you two better do some talking and planing to separate. He needs to leave, or allow you to leave and help you get into a home for you and the two children. The more you rant and rave the worse it will be on you and the children. Be strong, do not let him bully you into an abortion, it is a living person that he wants killed. Yes, pretty harsh thing to say, and true.

Start looking quietly for help and see what the community or your family has to suggest for you. Be strong, do not give in. He will hold this grudge against you and make you and the children miserable.

Go for counseling? Not unless he decides to do it himself. He just won't cooperate. Sorry about being so mean and straightforward. Nothing is going to change him, but himself. So don't even touch that. Keep yourself at peace and plan, plan, plan.

This time your can say no with a peaceful conscience, knowing that you are doing the right thing as a thinking human being.

Be strong - when the wisdom in the Bible is repeated over and over in the same teaching, then it is serious - and it is important for you to see that I have said, be strong, a lot of times, I didn't make that up, it came to me.

Sincerely, C. N.

Please, do not get an abortion. Put your baby up for adoption. I will take your baby if you cannot find anyone. Abortion would be horrible for you and the baby. I am sorry to hear your husband is like that - very sad and disgusting.

Please let me know what you decide, because I would rather take your baby than you get an abortion.

Sincerely,
B.

I was in your exact position 13 years ago when I was 21. I felt so lost and I did not see any alternative but to go ahead and get the abortion. There is not a day that goes by when I do not regret what I did. We stayed together, but it was not a good relationship and we recently just separated. That is a decision only you can make, and it is a hard one, but an ultimatum like that given by someone that is supposed to be your life partner, should make you question your path. Do NOT get the abortion for your husband, if YOU decide that is what is best, then so be it. Good luck to you and your family.

I read this and couldn't help but feel for you. I have never been where you are so the only place that I can come from is the deep love that I have for my 13 month old son. I can't imagine my life with out him. You shouldn't have the abortion and frankly I would tell you husband where he can shove it. Just look at your 3 year old and remember what it was like to have him inside you. Talk with you family and friends and make sure they know what it going on. But the other mothers are right, only you will have to live with your choice for the rest of your life, and from the sounds of things he may never think twice about it. If it were me, I would do what ever I had to to save my child. You will find someone far better that loves you and your 2 children!

Best of luck,
K.

You have a right to have your child. I also believe he should have a right to chose as well. If he choses not to have this child, you will need to accept that and let him leave. Before he leaves, have him sign away his rights to this child. Don't let him leave and come back in a couple of years to fight you for custody because he suddenly decided to be a daddy. People who give their children up for adoption can't do it, so neither should he.

I've seen where women have the child and she drives herself crazy to keep her marriage and family together. In the end she is divorced and missed out on most of the joy of having the child. Don't let this be you.

Hi,
I'm sorry about your situation,but baby is a gift of God do not listen to your husband idea of abortion both of you made this happened you cannot do it by yourself,tell him that but if he don't want the baby keep it anyway even it means he will leave you he is liable to support the baby anyway. He will realize that abortion is wrong later you are married to each other he should support you financially,physically and spiritually it's a sin. I will be praying for you and your husband.If he Love you he will love the baby too.
Mc

My first thinking is that he is just is in shock, maybe he just needs some time to think about it. That is a big decision, one that WILL affect you for the rest of your life. Maybe not his, but you're the one who has to experience it and not him. I am afraid that if he forces you into an abortion, your marriage will crumble because of the hostility that you may have towards him because he MADE you terminate the pregnancy.
It is not your fault. It takes two to tango, and I know people who have gotten there tubes tied and still gotten pregnant. Birth control is affective, but many women a year get pregnant on birth control. For example I have three friends who adamantly took birth control on time everyday and still got pregnant. It is possible! Maybe he just has strong swimmers!!!
If you have tried to tell him and he wont listen, what I would do is write him a letter, not to long, but get your point accross, because he cant argue with paper.
Hope this helps.

when i was a teenager my mom talked to me about sex and waiting until you're married. In this conversation she told me that she had an abortion. I was stunned to say the least. She was dating a guy who didn't want the baby, and he made her get one, and back in those days her mom didn't want the neighbors knowing and sided with her boyfriend. She didn't get to decide for herself. When she told me she cried. You could see the regret in her eyes, and the shame she felt. I don't think you should get one. It sounds like you just need to get out of the relationship. Luckily my mom got out of hers not too long after the abortion. So don't think that having the abortion will save the relationship. Your husband has the choice to stay, but your unborn baby doesn't have that choice, but i think if he did he would choose to live. Wouldn't everyone.

Let him leave!! And, help him pack!

If you want this baby, you have to go through with the pregnany! If you abort your child, you will spend the rest of your life thinking about this baby and what might have been. I believe that ultimately, it will ruin your marriage anyway because you will inevitably resent your husband for making you terminate your pregnancy. Please protect this innocent life!!!

I'm so sorry you are going through this, I don't have any advice just to say that I'll have you in my prayers and that you pray as well!

That last response from LT said it all. He needs to respect your rights as a wife, a mother and a woman. And he obviously doesn't in any aspect. Don't let him leave, make him leave. Easier said than done, for sure, but look at what you will potentially be putting your children and yourself through in the future.
His type will not change. Even if there is a moment of remorse on his part, this will innevitably come back to haunt you.
Respect yourself and protect your children.

Evaluate your relationship with your husband & your son. Really take a look at things. Remember this is your body & your morals. Try to have a sit down with him & be as strait up as you can. He should be supportive of you & your feelings. If he's not,& you choose to keep the baby; then you'll probably have to do it alone. Find out what you really want & whats important to you. Don't do anything that you don't feel comfortable doing. Don't let ANYONE force you into something you don't want to do. It helps when you have people to back you up; but if that support that you need isn't there; it's best to do it on your own; nomatter how hard it may seem. Hope all gets better on your end. I'll pray for you & hope you make the best decision for yourself & family.

(about me; 27yrs old, mother of 3,married,& also have a blended family.

Oh my gosh, that is so sad. I feel so sorry for you. My advise to you it to NOT get an abortion. If you do, you will regret it for the rest of your life. If your husband truly loves you, he will eventually understand. An abortion will not affect him as it will you. You will feel like something is missing the rest of your life.
Good luck with your decision. I will pray for you!

Tell him that you don't want to do that. If he doesnt want it then give it up for adoption. I know people that want to adopt. Maybe by then he won't want to give it up. Or if you really want to keep it then tell him goodbye. It's really not his decision, it's yours because whatever decision you make you will have to live with. Thats me though.

I feel for you. I am sorrty that your husband has put you in this position it is not an easy place to be. I have been there. The main problem for us was that our first was only 6 months when I found out that I was pregnate again. My husband asked me, begged me and stopped talking to me for a while ( a week or so) and said he would leave because I told him that I wouldn't have an abortion. I didn't really think about it to be hosnest with you. I couldn't do that to my body or a baby. Yes my husband said that it was all my falt and that I needed to take care of my mistake. I COULDN"T do it. My now ex husband didn't help much with the pregnacy and not to much with the baby eather. Now he loves him and is glad that I didn't do what he wanted me to do.
for a while every time we fought the fact that he didn't want his son came up and I resented him in many ways because of what he asked me to do. After our second son was born I let him talk me in to getting my tubes tied and I really didn't want to do that and now that we are no longer together I really regret it. To make a long story short do what you feel is right for you if you want that baby keep it and if he leaves so be it I am sure that you love him but could you live with your self if you aborted this baby and if he is willing to leave beause you are having his baby ( that he did help make) who is to say that he wont find another reason to leave and then you will have to deal with the facted you aborted a baby that you wanted to keep him and he still ends up leaving you or you never know he may end up being closer to this second child in the long run and love you more for standing up for what you want and if he don't you will have two little miricals and in your heart know you did what you wanted to.
I hope this helps at least a little good luck

Just remember it's your decision, your body. Not his decision.
Maybe he's just shocked? I don't understand why he would react this way?
Is your 3 year old son his? Did he act that way then too?

I know all about surprise babies. I just found out I am 7 weeks pregnat. I was a little scarred to tell my husband because money is so tite right now Im not sure if we can aford another child. We already have a 3 year old little girl. When I told him he looked a little scared but was very suportive and would never ask me to have an abortion.He said whatever happens we will be fine! I hate to say this but I think you husaband is a d*** too! He sounds like a mean person! I would really consider leaving him!Maybe you can rase this baby on your own, even if the basterd chooses to leave he still has to pay child suport!! Good luck to you sweetie, and don't do anything you are going to regret the rest of you life!

I have never been in your shoes... but I just wanted to extend some support and compassion to you. It must be so hard....and such a difficult time for you. Based on your previous requests, about your husbands "aggressive" behavior and in front of your son... I would really seek counseling immediately. Also seek to protect yourself, in case your husband gets aggressive toward you... have you told your friends or family of your situation? I would. You need to get help. This does not seem like a very safe or healthy situation for your or your son. Take precautions for your self and child. I hope your husband does not retaliate toward you. You need outside help...right away. No one can force you to have an abortion...if you don't do what your husband wants... will he endanger you???? Really use your head and think this through...be wise and smart about it. Look at the facts and your husbands history of behavior. My heart goes out to you... big hug! You need to take care and watch out for yourself. I would tell your family or close friends... just for help, and so that other people will know about your situation in case you need help from them.
Take care and good luck...
~Susan
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