8 Weeks Pregnant and Afraid and Don't Know What to Do...

Hey,

I went through the same thing that you did with my boyfriend. He did not tell me that he was still married until we had been together a while and we were in California. I got pregnant and he did not want me to have the baby. I did have the baby and he has still not been there for me. He left in January and moved back to Calif. No child support, no nothing.

You can do this. Get the support of you're family and friends. You are already a single mother of 2, the other 2 will love the baby

If you decide you can not handle the new baby please put him up for adoption! I know of a number of people who are unable to have children you have been blessed by angels who gave them children. What a wonderful gift you can give to someone else and to that child.

I have worked in the counseling field for about five years now and have worked for an adoption agency as well. The main thing I can tell you is that God does not make mistakes. He is bringing this child into the world for a reason and no one is above what God can do. Obviously, you have two other children, so you know without a doubt what you would be doing by having an abortion. This baby will be a blessing no matter who raises it. I can certainly understand the thought of adoption. There are SO many families who cannot have their own children and want to adopt. Working with mothers who have placed their children for adoption, I saw women who were selfless in giving something so precious to someone who wanted to be a mother or father so badly. Never once did one of the mothers say they felt they made a mistake, but it isn't necessarily for everyone. My first thought is that you need to find a support group or someone for counseling to really discuss your options and feelings. I don't know where you are, but there are many adoption agencies who will counsel with you even if you don't want to place your child for adoption. They can help you with your decisions and what is best for you and your baby. A couple of agencies I know of are Buckner and Dillon. You can check out the ones in your area by pulling them up on the internet. Good luck to you and I will be praying for what God has in store for you and your baby.

Please, please, please do not get an abortion. There are tons of families out there that would love to adopt a child. If you are not keeping the baby, then please go the adoption route. Do some research and locate a reputable attorney that deals in adoptions and I am sure there are organizations as well that have a list of families that are loving, and very capable of caring for a newborn that can give them a wonderful life. I will say a prayer for you.

I feel so bad for you. It is so hard to deal with being deceived by someone that close.

Someone close to me has had several abortions and didn't bat an eyelash. I don't think it would be a choice I could make because I think I would wake up every morning and regret not having that baby to hold and love. It is absolulty a choice you can decide to make or not. Whatever you decide please know God will still love you and your family will too.

I wonder how many other times this man has done this. If you decide to have the baby and keep the baby then you file for paternity testing and child support. If you get any type of State aid like medical cards or food stamps they will require you to. He will have to submit for it and then the child support will be held out of his paycheck. His wife may never even see the check stub and know. My sister has never seen her husbands, it's automatic deposit and he doesn't ask for the stub.

So sorry for this difficult position you are in. Please do some research in to adoption. Most adoptions now are open at some level. You get to help select the family that will adopt your child. Often you get to know them during your preg (if you both agree). You will see the joy you are bringing to their lives and their gratitude. You can decide together what level of contact you are comfortable with after the birth. Some bio moms get pictures once a year, some visit a couple times a year! You always know your child is safe, loved, and getting the benefits of a family. Your medical and legal expenses will be paid.

The hardest part will be dealing with family and "friends" that are shocked that you would "give your baby away". They are just uneducated about the process (and they are not the ones that have to live with this decision for 18+ yrs). Anyone that has been around the adoption process understands what a loving choice it is.

Call a couple adoption AGENCIES in your area and discuss your situation with them and ask how their agency works. Unless you have a personal referal to an attorney, I would starting with an attorney - some are great, some are awful - agencies have a staff of social workers, etc... to assist you with the entire process, not just the legal issues.

Good luck.

You are in a tough spot right now, and sometimes it can seem hopeless and over whelming. I am so glad you are considering adoption over abortion. Keep in mind that it doesn't matter the circumstances in which a child comes into this world, they are innocent. God can take what you look at as a mistake and turn it into something more beautiful than you can imagine! Lean on Him, He will never leave you or forsake you. This baby has the opportunity to bless someone's life more than words can describe. Whether it be your life of someone who has had aching arms for a baby of their own. Please give God the chance to make this right. I am more than happy to talk to you as you go through this. I will be praying for you! -S.

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Look into a private adoption. There are several good Christian agencies out there who will get you in touch with a great family if that is what you are wanting to do. Do you have any family to turn to for help with this decision? You should talk to someone you know and trust about this before making any decision. Please do not have a abortion. This baby can have a great life and be loved by you or someone you choose. Good luck with whatever you decide.
J.

please do not have an abortion, and please do not give your precious seed to strangers. Your life has taken a turn and you must decide to TRUST God. He is a very present help in your time of need. He has not cast you away, He loves you unconditionally and will be an absolute treasure for your children if you decide to take your journey with Him.
There is a lot of information inbetween what's being said right now. But from experience as a single mother, there is nothing impossible WITH God.
Please take time to seek him!
he knows the exact answer you need!

If you live on the MS gulf coast there is a woman's crisis clinic on Lorraine rd in Gulfport. They offer free counseling and help to make your difficult decision. It is called the Women's Resource Center. The address is 9155 Lorraine Rd. Gulfport, MS and the phone number is ###-###-#### They have professionally trained counselors to help you. If you don't live in this area, I am sure they can help you find one in your area.

I am so sorry you are going through this difficult time. Please call today and talk to someone. L.

I think you stumbled along the best answer... adoption. Your baby would have loving parents that would care for him or her.
As you have two children already, you know the time and resources it takes to raise them, and you seem to be questioning whether you have the time and resources to add a third.
If he does leave his marriage, it will hurt his other children, and they are adolescents and it will be tough for them. Also, I wonder if he did leave if you would have a nagging voice that said if he left her, would he leave me? And that wouldn't be good for anyone.

I'm not going to try and tell you what to do just give advice. If you go to an adoption agency, they will give you all the info you need to make the decision to keep your child or to give it up for adoption. Please make sure you check online and find one that is good with the better business bureau. Ask for references and do your research, you want to make sure you find one that will give you options to make the choice best for you and not the choice that's best for them. I wish you all the luck, I have two wonderful children through adoption and they are the biggest blessings anyone could have. I was single when I first adopted and trust me you can do it and God will provide for you and your family if you choose that route. I now have a wonderful man in my life and he loves my kids as if they were his. If you want someone to talk to email me and I'll be glad to talk to you. Just make the right decision for you and not anyone one else.

Wow!!!!!! I have had an unplanned pregnancy and I chose to keep my baby, and she is now almost 8. Her biological dad, has not been in the picture since she was eighteen months old. I will admit it was hard raising her alone for a while, but I have a wonderful husband that adopted her and loves her with all his heart. I personally don't think abortion is ever the answer, but if you don't feel you can raise this baby on your own than you should bless a family who can't have one. I look at my daughter every day and couldn't imagine life without her, I'm sure you feel that way about the two you already have. I hope I have helped in some way.

We all make mistakes. Sorry he did not come clean with you from the beginning. However as you are aware there is much involved her. As a catholic I can tell you that there is help for you. Suggest you go on line and insert Father Frank Pavone.

Even if you do not want to give this child up for adoption I feel they will help you. If you give the child up for adoption they will help you.

Look at the children you have, once this child is born, when you see it your love will be there. Also look at the children you have and your heart will tell you this child deserves a chance.

My prayers are with you, God Bless

Hi B.. I know I sent you a message already, but I just wanted to say too that sometimes all we see is the picture right here in front of us. We can't see the outcome a few years down the road. You may find a wonderful man who loves you and your three kids. You may find a man who loves you and your two kids, and knows about the 3rd you gave to a loving family. I think it's wonderful you don't believe in abortion, but don't just choose adoption ONLY because you can't see how you will make ends meet - consider all the options and talk with a counselor to make the best decision for you.

A verse in the Bible says "I (God) know the plans I have for you" says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future!" Even though we don't know what even later in this same day will bring, God does, and He loves you and has wonderful plans for you and this new baby!

This is a tough situation, and I wish there were something we could say to make it all better. Making the decision to choose adoption is very hard, and is very brave. Pray, pray, pray.

You have awhile before the baby will be due. Things have a way of working out even when it seems like the end of the world to us. Whether you choose adoption or to raise the baby yourself, it will all work out -- just pray for wisdom to know, and to be surrounded with the support you will need for the way you choose. It's a difficult time, but be calm, and know that this will all be ok.

I would not stay with this man. He doesn't seem to have direction in his life, and you don't need more "drama". Things are scary for you right now, and I feel for you. Just know that, when you enter into a scary situation, it's so easy to see all the bad things that could happen. When it's all said and done, you look back and see that it wasn't as bad as you thought, and the right people show up at the right times and help you through it.

(((hugs)))

PLEASE don't have an abortion...PRAY...I think you have more strength in you, than you give yourself...Send me a message...I wanted to say more, but not for the public to see...but it won't let me send a private message?
I wish you the very best and will pray for you...

Hi B. B,

I'm sorry you are in this situation, but be encouraged. We don't always understand why things happen the way they do. This has happened for a reason. First, I would say that you should be very careful about believing anything that he says. He has obviously done some major deceiving and put you in an awkward place with the baby and with allowing you to develop deep feelings for him. However; the Lord has allowed this child to be conceived for a reason. Abortion is not the answer! I had one many years ago and still regret and feel the pains of it. Adoption may be the solution. There are many people out there who cannot have children and this child could be the answer to their prayers. I find myself in this situation now as well. Be blessed and I hope you will find the right solution for you.

Please do not think about abortion. If you cannot raise this child, ADOPTION is the best option that you can choose for yourself, the child and an adoptive couple. I understand how difficult this must be for you and I know you are looking to do the right thing b/c you posted on this site. Please find it in your heart to carry this child to term and raise him/her yourself or make an adoption plan for your child. Adoption is the most loving, unselfish thing a woman can do for a child. We were blessed over 4 yrs ago with a child through adoption and it is the best thing that could have ever happened to us.

JMV

So sorry to hear about the situation you are in. It sounds like he wants YOU to make his tough decisions instead of facing up to what he has done with his life. You only have to decide for you, not him too. You are so brave to be considering all the options, including adoption. I think you are much more mature than he is, despite him being older. I agree with the others who think adoption would be such a beautiful act on your part. One place you can turn, if you like, is Catholic Charities or Catholic Social Services, I forget the current name. You can call any catholic church and find out the nearest office. They often handle adoptions and can help with counseling too. I'm pretty sure you don't have to be catholic to seek their help. They have been around a long time and it's someplace you should be able to trust. It's one free option you can consider. Whatever you choose, I will keep you in my prayes and wish you all the best! Stay strong!!!

My husband and I are looking into adoption for our next child. We have a two year old and want him to have a sibiling. I may not be able to get pregnant again so we are preparing to look at adoption. No matter what you choose (adoption or keeping the baby) your baby will have a wonderful life. It is evident that you already care a great deal for the child because you are giving this a lot of thought. If you are considering giving your child up for adoption just remener that there are loving families out here looking for another child to complete their families. What an amazing gift that would be.

Hello, my dear. You have received a lot of advice from all different vantage points. However, you are the only person who can make this difficult decision. Many people think the term "pro-choice" means having an abortion. It doesn't. It means having to make one of the toughest choices of your life - raising the baby, putting it up for adoption or having an abortion. That is a decision only you can make.

By all means, if you decide to raise the baby yourself, file for child support. He helped make the baby and he should help pay for the things the baby needs. Don't worry about what he will tell his wife. That's not your problem.

If you decide to go for adoption, look into different options with that. You or a family member may have a friend who has been struggling with infertility. You may want to go with an open or a closed adoption. How much contact do you want with the adoptive family? My son is adopted. He is now 23. A family member of his birth mother knew I desperately wanted a child and couldn't have one. We also had an open adoption. His birth mother was always able to call me to check on him or get an updated picture. She and I both know our places in his life and we sincerely appreciate each other to this day. He now has a relationship with his birth siblings. In fact, their children call me Grandma.

Should you take the even harder road of abortion or even consider it, be sure you get counseling from someone who does not judge you for what is an extremely hard personal decision. There are a lot of places that do judge you and, rather than let you work through your options, will try to get you to do what they want you to do.

If you want to talk to me, I'd be happy to talk to you without judgment. I'm not sure if there is a way to click on here to get to me but my email is ____@____.com.

Please consider adoption and not an abortion. I have a wonderful 2 year old son that I would not have if his birth mother decided to have an abortion. There are many families looking for a child to love and raise that are unable to have one due to medical reasons that are not found or cannot be resolved. I think of my sons birth mother every day and pray for her to be kept safe. My son has brought more people together and has helped a neighbor heal from the death of his son when no one was able to reach though his grief. You can give the gift of life and bless another family that otherwise may never know the joy of being a parent.

The guy that got you this way and then told you after to many drinks the truth is not worthy of your consideration. My belief is that when someone tells you something like this after too many drinks this is what they don't have enough nerve to tell you when they are sober. You don't say if you are married or divorced to your other childrens father. How is he going to take the news and will he treat a child differently that is not his. I will pray for you and your family.

J.

It's easy to sit back and tell someone else what to do, but it all comes back to prayer. Just talk with the Lord and lay your problems there, he will let you know. Don't get an abortion that will just compound your problems. I know you will do the right thing. Please let me know what you decide, I will be praying for you too! C.