How Teach Granddaughter to Share

I use to teach mine to "Trade" for a toy. If my 3 year old wanted something that the 1 year old had I make him trade one toy for another. If the 1 year old did not want it I would tell him that he would have to wait or find something else to trade. This helped me with my 3 year old not trying to rip things out of my 1 year old hands and also now they are willing to wait until someone is done with a toy or find something else they might want to play with or trade.

Hope this helps.

When my son was about a year and a half I did this with him:
I sat him down on the floor if front of me face-to-face. I got a pile of his favorite toys (cars) and put them in front of him. Then I would ask him "can I please have a car?" then I would take one and say "thank you". I would ask him again "can I please have a car?", "thank you", and take another one. I did this until his pile was empty. Every time he got upset, I would reasure him that it was okay and just kept on doing the same thing over and over. When I had all the cars, I would ask him "would you like a car? Say "please"" and he would rub his tummy (baby sign for please) and he would get a car. I would also ask him to say "thank you" with his hand too. Then I would ask him again if he wanted a car. Before MY stack was empty, he was saying "please" and "thank you" on his own because he realized he was getting his toys back!! We would do this every day a couple times throughout the day and in less than a week he totally had the concept down. After that, if anyone came up and asked him for something and said "please" he would give it to them because he had learned he was going to get it back eventually.
This also worked for my daughter at the same age and now they both share all the time. BEWARE though, all kids, no matter how well trained they are, do have their moments and sometimes will just loose it at the thought of sharing (usually in front of company or right after you have bragged about how well behaved they are!!!!!!! LOL )
Good luck, hope it helps.

Hi J..

I, too have a 3yo (your granddaughter’s cognitive age) and 18 month old twins. My 3yo also wants what they have. This is normal for their age and actually part of their development. It is hard sometimes to watch but they have to find their places in the "pecking order". A toy can sit in the floor next to the 3yo and one of the twins comes in and picks up the toy. My 3yo grabs the toy and says "mine!" I try not to intervene unless a fight breaks out and even then I let them attempt to work it out on their own (they sometimes do). I've always stepped in and told my 3yo that she must ask for what she wants instead of just grabbing it. I tell her to ask "may I have it, please?" The twins are good about handing over the toy and I then say to the twin, "Grant, it was nice of you to share". The 3yo usually catches on and hands the toy back to who she grabbed it from. It's really a reverse psychology thing and it works. I know it is difficult for you to reason with a 6yo with a 3yo mentality. I also have a developmentally delayed 71/2yo. It is challenging but with special children, consistency is even more critical in their day-to-day lives. Hang in there. It truly will get better with time…or so I’m told ;)

J.

My son is an only so learning to share would have been a difficult skill to master. However, we would sit in a circle with all his stuffed animals and all the animals would have a turn with a favorite toy and every once in a while I'd say "now its Bear's turn" and have him hand the car over to Bear, Turtle, The Puppy, etc. It worked - he is the most sharing boy I know!

My favorite trick is to put the toy in "time out". Tell them if they can't share then the toy goes to time out- and then it's the next person's turn when the toy comes back out to play. Most kids this age get the concept of time out if it has been used at all for their discipline- but they think it is kinda funny that the toy goes to time out. I lightens the moment and they realize pretty quickly that it is easier to share than give the toy up completely. It's also just an easy way to redirect- which is sometimes the best that you can hope for w/ these age groups....

Are they siblings? How are the parents dealing with this at home? Developmentally disabled kids have to learn the same way others do, that they must share. You have to firmly but kindly return the toys to the babies and tell her that she will have a turn later. Remove her from the area if that doesn't work. You'll probably have to stay on this for more time than normal to reinforce the importance of sharing.
Good luck!

My sister uses several methods, it depends on the understanding of the child. I've got 2 neices, 6 & 3. She starts out with all toys (actually everything in the house) belongs to mommy and she's sharing with you. If you can't share back, then mommy takes it (that's the final resort... no one gets it).
Method 2: If 1 child is playing with it, then until they put it down, the other child cannot have it. I've seen where one will wait and wait for that particular toy and the moment it goes down for a split moment and poof, the other will get it. Someone will probably cry but you explain the consequences of letting go of your toy. If the child takes or grabs, it's given back to the first child. Crying will be heard here too.
Method 3: I've seen where the older one will try to entice or trade for the toy with the younger one (sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't).
Method 4: Finally, if they cannot share, mommy claims it and puts it in timeout. No one wins and there's crying all around.
Method 5: Sometimes asking to share the toy works with both children. One will ask if they will share for a while (or you can ask for them). And for this, you may want to be referee and put a time limit so each child has a turn.

Hope any of these methods help for you.

S.

I just wanted to say God Bless you, what a wonderful grandmother you are!!

Start with treating her as a two year old. Give her time out and make her stay there and tell her why. This may be how to start. Good luck and God love you and your family.

Have you spoken with an expert in this type of child development? Even "normal" children have trouble in the field of sharing. Maybe your only hope is in just repetition, repetition, repetition.

Sharing is one of those things that needs practice. You may want to start by you sharing things with your granddaughter. Like a cookie. "I would like to share this cookie with you." While your GD enjoys the cookie, you could say "Gosh it feels good to share with you" Then ask her "will you share your cookie with me?" Then compliment her. "I like when you share." Use the please and thank you words with each transaction.

Have her parents share with each other. Have them share with you. Verbalize the transactions each time. Even compliment each other, even though you are all adults, respond with thank you. It may feel strange, but your GD will see and hear the way to share.

When she "takes" from the twins, ask her to make sure She asks for the toy first. Make sure she has a toy to share back with them. Of course they are so young, they may not understand right now, but this way your granddaughter is learning to use her words with them. And the twins will grow up in a sharing home.

Also we taught our daughter and the neighborhood kids to share for 2 minutes. Meaning if someone is really playing with a toy and someone else decides they want to play with that toy. The child would ask, Can I please share your toy in 2 minutes?" They either checked back in a little while or forgot about the toy. Many times, the other child would say, "you can play with the toy now"..

When she takes, gently remind her "that is not sharing". "show me how you share". Remember even 3 year old's use time out chairs, so she may need to be put in time out for not following these rules. Hang in there, you are a peach to care for your grandchildren. They are all very fortunate.