How Do I Handle My 34 Month Old Son? (Did the Math Wrong)

ok i have said this a million times on this website - 123 MAGIC - i stand behind it so much because i have seen it, used it and had ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC results from it. For the most part, i think parents think they know what they are doing when the use the 123 counting - you know, 1,2,3 - now time out...but until i saw this dvd i didn't realize how much i was doing wrong. within 20 minutes of the dvd i could pick apart everything i was doing wrong - my child was throwing fits/temper tantrums - and i mean good ones throwing the child size chairs kind of fits - within 1 week of putting the 123 Magic in force - completely different kid - wonderful - could not ask for a better kid. this program is designed for 2-12 year olds so your son is at a great age to start him - my son is 3 and a half so not too much older than your son - i have the dvds if you ever want to borrow them but otherwise you can order them online. thanks PS this helps with every interaction with your kids, not just discipline - you can get them to do just about anything

Hi C.,

Sounds like your 22 month old really loves you! :) You have way more experience than I do, but I think there is a battle of wills going on. And, when that happens we know who wins - never us! He is testing you, and the trick is to figure out what he is testing you about and how to respond to him. It also has to do with his personality - does he get more out of your reaction or more out of you ignoring him. You know? I think you are at a point where you just have to slow down with him and be with him. He seems to be in the middle of the youngest and the oldest and probably getting the least attention (I have no idea, just throwing out ideas). I think children, especially under 2 and up to 3 years) inherently want to please you so he wants to please you but just does not know how and at the same time trying to find his own independence. Wow - you have a housefull! That is beautiful! Maybe just try and have time with him here and there - I know that seems impossible. Anything - when the 13 month old naps, let the 22 month old stay up a bit longer and be with you, snuggle on the couch, look at a book, or play with an airplane. I have twins, boy/girl, and I use the time my son goes to sleep as one-on-one with my daughter when I can. She gets cranky, clingy, obstinate, and deaf (smile) when it comes to me when she has not had any time with me. They are both 24 months. I would love to hear how it goes, I think your family dynamics are so neat with all your children and your older daughter too. You have really hung in there as a mom. S.

Hey C., well I have been a mother for over 27 years and I can tell you that he is just testing you and you have to be boss and stick to it. DO NOT SAY "IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN" if you tell him something to do or not to do and he doesn't mind then you have to punish him right that second! No matter where you are or what you are doing, you have to stop and tend to him because if you don't then he will learn that you are a push over and also that you don't do what you say! He is the middle child at home and they always seem to act out somewhat more then the others but he just wants you attention and he doesn't care if it is good attention or bad attention as long as he gets some. Good luck but just stick to your guns and he will be fine and so will you!! D.

Ha, I read through this post, started trying to think of suggestions, then looked up and noticed who posted it! Then I was like oooohhhh it's C.! haha

If the previous suggestion doesn't work, you may have to try time out or something. Maybe when he doesn't eat, make him stay in his high chair until he eats a decent amount.

Maybe you could even tell him that you need his help to teach his baby brother things. Ask him to show his brother how to be a good boy and eat his food. Or encourage him to eat so he will grow big and strong like daddy.

Has he paid attention to the Signing Time videos yet? Which one wasn't working?? I still need to replace that for you!

This must be the common thread amongst most boys this age. i have a 3 year old that exhibits the same behaviors. He's in daycare (with his younger 2 year old brother in separate classes) during the day because my husband & i are both in sales. We pick them up and they are so happy and excited to be together. I have found when i get resistance from my 3 year old that using him as an example in a positive way truly seems to help diffuse the situation. For instance, when i ask him to help pick up toys before dinner, we turn it into a contest to see who can pick up the toys the fastest. They love it. Or, we say things like" hey, i love the way you have helped me clean up in the past. You are so good at it. I'd love your help again so we can teach your little brother to help". It is so strange how quickly the tables can turn and it turns into a very positive experience for everybody. The key is to stay calm and and keep your voice excited and positive. He is so in tuned with trying to please but so needy when it comes to attention. My husband is much more strict with both of them and puts them in time out immediately for poor behavior. I am trying to be more consistant so that our methods mirror each other. He is slowly learning that poor behavior results in consequenses. They both hate time out. Anyway, the point is, a combination of enforcement and positive reinforcement have resulted in a much more calm household and less (I don't mean none by the way!)behavior problems. They so want to please at that age. If we remember that the little things that they do right and praise them for a job well-done, the negative attention doesn't feel as good to them. We also have to remember that these little people are trying to find their independance and want to try that out on the people they trust and love the most! We have never spanked our kids, so this has worked well for us. I have also heard that the 123 method is highly successful. My sister bought the book and says that it saved her sanity. I plan to purchas it too and incorporate my current tactics.