How Do I Get My Son to Sleep on His Own?

I have recently started that with my 4yr.old son. What we did was got a calendar and some stickers. I told him for every night he sleeps all by nisself then he can put a stickerm on the calendar and when the it is full for the week then we will go out for a toy. So far he has done very weel with that. Now I am trying the samething to get him to sleep in his room. I got him out of my bed but not out of my room. He sleeps on a 4 inch piece of foam. We are working on it very slowly because I didn't want to shock him all at once. Hope this helps.

If you have a spare room let your older one or younger one sleep there.
YOu did not share what the current sleeping situation is. Does he sleep w/ you or fall asleep w/ you and then transfer? Or do you rock him to sleep???
I would just lay him in his bed, read him a story and pat him to sleep for starters. AFter he adjusts to that, skip the patting. But keep him in his bed. Be firm and consistent. When he gets up in the middle of the night, take him right back and pat him. Over and Over and Over. It might take several days. It might take a couple of weeks. But he will get the idea. GL.

check out the Ferber method.

There are so many options and every kid is different- so be ready to try a bunch of things until you hit the one that works for you and your son.
My son slept with us every night from 16 months until 2 1/2 years and then on and off until age 4. (He still will sneak in every once and a while- he's 7 now! But for the most part, he is on his own.) I tried a new big boy bed, new sheets, new books, night lights, nite-nite routines, behavior charts with stickers and prizes. But what finally did it was really so simple. My son was very motivated my treats. So when he slept in bed by himself all night, I would sneak a treat (M&M's, Kisses, gummy bears, marshmallows etc) into his bowl of dry cereal in the morning. He would go searching to see what he got. To add to it a little more, my husband, pretending he knew nothing about it, would ask my son what was in his bowl. My son loved hiding it from my husband and loved the idea that he was getting treats for breakfast! That was it. After a few weeks the treats slowly disappeared and he was sleeping on his own in his new big boy bed, with his new sheets, new books, new night lights and all that other stuff I tried that didn't make any difference, except in my wallet!!

I have two boys the same ages and currently have them sharing room. I admit the first few nights are a little rough but being consistent makes it so much easier in the long run. I would put the younger one to bed first if that works with thier schedules.If not put them to bed at the same time. Once you know he is sleeping take the older son in and tell him it is bedtime and you need him to be a big boy and go to bed in his big boy bed to help take care of his brother. I would then wait close by thier room as I am sure he will come out and want attention. The first few times remind him it is bedtime and put him back to bed. After you have reminded him of this he now wants attention so just put him in his bed without any talking or eye contact, that is what he wants from you. It is exhausting but he will give up eventually and hopefully after a few nights will just go to bed without getting up. Goodluck. I hope this helps. It worked with my two boys.

Personally, I think it's always important to remember that our children are children, not small adults. Maybe seeking attention isn't his goal for getting out of bed, but since he's never slept on his own, it is genuine fear. New habits aren't instant, so just be patient and help him talk about his fears. I like the idea of telling him his little brother needs a protector.
My older son has only slept on his own for a year and a half, and has an 18month old brother with whom he shares a room. He doesn't even mind that his brother wakes him in the night, he just likes sharing the room with him. It makes him feel safer knowing that there's another living person in the room with him, even though his brother is little!

Good luck! Just use your patience and intuition about your son, and pay close attention to what he's telling you. You'll know what to do when the moment is there.

:)

Does your older son feel scared being alone? If so, he may train much better with the younger son in the same room. That way, he isn't really alone. Also, you could say his little brother needs a "protector". That idea may give him the incentive he needs. Our son loved his own big bed much better than the converted crib. Good luck!

Hi S.,

As you already know, your son has gotten in the habit. Breaking the habit will be a slow process.

When you get the bed, you tell him that this is his bed.

At bedtime, you tuck him in and read him a story to get him settled down for the night. Say his prayers tuck him in. and turn off the light. The first time he get out of bed, you tell him gently that this is his bed and his room and he is to go to sleep.

The second time he gets out of the bed, you repeat the same thing.

The third time he gets out of bed, your repeat the same thing.

The fourth time he gets out of bed, you put him in the bed without saying anythig.

You keep doing that until he finally falls asleep.

A bad habit is hard to break, but break it will with consistency and perseverence.

Good luck. Hope this helps. D.

Wow~This could have been me writing this a few months ago. I have a 3 1/2 year old and a one year old as well. My older boy has had much more trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep than my little one, but my husband found the answer. I'm sure it's in one of the sleep answer books out there, too, but here's what worked for us:

It got to the point that we (one of us, not both!) had to actually lay down in his bed until he was fully asleep then try not to make any noise getting out of his bed and room, then when he rolled over later and found one of us missing, he'd wake up and call out for us, or run into our room screaming! Clearly this was unhealthy for us all.

My husband and I talked to him first and explained the new plan and why things had to change: everyone needs proper sleep and when we don't get it, we're all cranky. Nobody wants to be cranky, right? Right! So from now on, I'll get farther away until you can go to sleep on your own, ok, big boy? OK.

The first few nights, he sat on the edge of the bed. Then for a few nights, he sat on a chair in the room. Then for a few nights, he moved the chair outside the door with the door wide open. Now, we say goodnight and go do our own thing... go straight to sleep ourselves... watch tv, read, whatever.

I am a huge advocate of a nighttime routine. We have a bath shortly before bed, then read a book or two (or three or four, depending on the time) then we get into bed and say prayers, and my older boy has always liked music, so we have a really nice cd with lullabys and the backround beat of a heart. We put the music on and say goodnight. That's that. Now, sometimes he still gets up or calls out, but for the most part, he's in bed all night and everyone's a little less cranky in the morning.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

What I have done with my kids is to read them a story in their bed and then either sit beside the bed or lay down with them and sing them to sleep. They will usually wake a in the middle of the night and then come into our bed which is fine with us. Eventually they stay the whole night in their bed. I also do not try and ask for any other big behavior change at the same time.

Try the book "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" by Dr. Mark Weisblutth-- lifesaver!!!!

S. you might want to register for this speaker that is coming to Laurel on Thursday evening. Kim West, “The Sleep Lady”
Thursday, April 10, 2008 at 7:00 p.m.
Our Savior Lutheran Church
13611 Laurel Bowie Rd. (Rte 197)
Laurel, Maryland 20708

KIM WEST is a mother of two and a Licensed Certified Social Worker-Clinical (LCSW-C) who has been a practicing child and family social worker for more than thirteen years. Known as The Sleep Lady® by her clients, over the past ten years she has helped more than a thousand tired parents learn to listen to their intuition, recognize their child’s important cues and behaviors, and gently create changes that promote and preserve his or her healthy sleep habits.

West has appeared on the Dr. Phil, Today Show, NBC Nightly News, Good Morning America, TLC’s Bringing Home Baby and CNN, and has been written about in a number of publications including The Wall Street Journal, Associated Press, Child, Baby Talk, Parenting, The Baltimore Sun, USA Today and the Washington Post. West hosts the sleep section of The Newborn Channel, played in maternity wards in hospitals across the country.

ADVANCED REGISTRATION $10, $15 AT THE DOOR. You can still register!!!
FOR INFO CALL : ###-###-#### OR ###-###-####
Email: ____@____.com

You might try making a book about your son, showing him as a baby,and then doing more things the older he got. Then talk about his future, like sleeping in his own bed. Elizabeth Pantley describes this in more detail in The no-cry sleep solution for toddlers and preschoolers and I'm going to try it when my two year old stops teething. She has a lot of other good ideas too, like making his bed a special place, etc. Good luck! D.

Hi S.!
Just a thought --- Since he's the big brother, tell him that the little man would feel so much more secure if his big "Bro" was sleeping in the same room. Make it seem like it's his responsibility to make the little guy feel secure. I think sometimes the older kids get insecure when another child comes along, they want to feel special too.
Good luck!