How Do I Deal with Feelings About Other Moms Who Let Their Babies Cry?

Sorry B., I just got my email. But, after reading these posts, I had to say something. I've been on this site for a couple of years & it seems to be changing directions. If someone touchs on a "contraversial" issue, there is a lot of judging & telling what "has" to be done. Co-sleeping & CIO are only 2 of those issues. These things are not black & white as some people seem to think. Children "do not have to CIO" to learn to sleep on their own. I also read someone say that CIO works because the child learns that crying will not get his/her needs met. That person suggested that she? didn't want her children to learn that lesson. Why not? In some cases, how else are they going to get met? How else are we going to know? I want my kids to know that no matter how old they are, their parents will be there when they cry. Yes, I also want them to learn how to meet those needs on their own, but what is a parent for?
How many people told B. not to judge how others raise? Most of you. Yet, how many people were judging B. by how she decided to raise hers? She shouldn't have felt the need to apologize for her question. Maybe she didn't use the "correct wording", but not all of us can say exactly the right thing so as not to offend anyone. I believe that this site was established for parents to come on & get advice from others parents on a variety of issues. If you don't like what someone has to say, you don't have to reply.
The bottom line is what some were saying. Everyone has different parenting styles & what works for me might not work for another. But, I'll tell you what works & ir you try & it works, GREAT. If not, it wasn't meant to be. Move on.
I know this might sound preachy, but I just couldn't sit back & let another post go.

I totally understand! I like to help those moms who are receptive. Perhaps getting involved in La Leche League? I know there are those who don't get it, but then I spend my time with those who want to learn. Sometimes you just have to let some people go (even though it's hard!)

Hi B.. I think cosleeping is a personal decision and if it works for you that is great. I have a 2 year old, and the only time he sleeps in my bed is at naptime when we can enjoy snuggling. That being said, when Chance is in his crib at night, it doesn't mean we ignore his cries. I rock him until he is almost asleep and put him to bed. When he wakes up and cries, we attend to his needs. There have only been a few occasions where I have let him cry, and he will soothe himself to sleep. I guess what I am trying to say is just because he is not in my bed, it doesn't mean I am ignoring his needs. I believe I am teaching him to be independent by giving him his own space.

I absolutely agree that letting a small infant cry, unattended, is unreasonable and unfair. I realize that some children are inconsolable, or are dealing with conditions that make crying more of a prevalent reality for some mothers, but I don't think that's to what B. is referring.

Correct me if I'm wrong, B., but I assumed you were talking about crying-it-out as a form of disciplining or "training" a child, i.e., the child is left alone to more or less sort out his/her own issues within a time frame conceived by an adult. Unattended crying-it-out is cruel, and you don't need to change your opinion on that. The reason that CIO works is because the child eventually learns that crying will not get his/her needs met. I don't want my children to learn that lesson, so I respond appropriately when my children cry.

I also cosleep, which naturally mitigates any potential nighttime stress for my children, making it much easier for me to meet their needs. I don't believe that CIO has any merit for young babies. Consequently, as a child gets older, any purpose that CIO could serve can be easily achieved with other, more humane, methods.

At any rate, I like your intuition, B. & you and your kids can hang out with us any time :)

ETA: co-sleeping v. crib sleeping is one debate, CIO is another. I wouldn't judge another parent for not co-sleeping, it's not an arrangement that works for everyone & safety is the top priority (although I do think parents are often wrongly advised about this issue.) However, CIO is a fairly black-and-white concept that has no place in intuitive parenting.

Please do NOT feel bad for what you wrote! You do not need to apologise...I was very encouraged as a result that there are so many moms who feel the same way I do about CIO. It is one thing to let a toddler who understands things when they are explained to him/her cry it out but I fear that it could be traumatic to an infant, not knowing why Mommy is not coming to help when this is the only way I have to let her know I need her or just want to be held. What's wrong with enjoying our babies when they are little and not trying to make them grow up too fast? Does an infant NEED to be independent? Why not wait til the child actually understands why he's being allowed to cry? Sounds more like detachment disorder than healthy independence. However, if you're attempting to TRAIN them and they're just fussing a little, NOT screaming their head off, that does'nt sound as bad. Don't let all these defensive responses keep you from speaking what you believe is true! I didn't think you worded it badly. What's wrong with honestly sharing how we're feeling?

I feel exactly the same way as you do! There is NO WAY that I could listen to my baby cry and do nothing about it!
But, everyone's parenting styles are different. You just have to do what feels right for you and your family.

I respect that you cosleep, but those of us who let our babies cry it out are not cruel. We, unlike you, are providing our children with the opportunity to learn how to fall asleep by themselves. I only had to let me children cry it out for a few nights...less than a week....before they learned the skill and now they will play in their cribs until they fall asleep. It broke my heart to hear my baby cry, but I couldn't teach her that skill, I could only provide the opportunity for her to learn it on her own. We aren't ignoring our children, we are letting them learn a lesson on their own that we can't learn for them.

I also think that you are being ignorant by saying that just because you are sweet to them that they will be sweet to others. Never letting them fall asleep by themselves is not my definition of sweet.

I am sorry but you make it sound like other people are horrible and negleting of thier children for not co sleeping or letting their children cry. If your not a peditrician please do judge, and even if you are, I have worked in this field and thier is no known proof that it hurts to let the children cry for a short time. Some babies also have issues that are not consolable, and some people have also so-slept with thier children and inturn had problems later conserning independancy and fear, or just perosnal issue of "not" getting them out of thier bed which then imposes huge relationship issues and stress upon a family. I am not trying to be mean or rude I am just letting you know that this issue is not one sided, adn your feelings are not the only persons you have just made real. There are now probably first time moms who are scared by your comments that they are doing something wrong or cruel. Your issue should be dealt with by you personally; probaly learn to control your emotions. AN opinion is ne thing but making something seem horrible is another. Choose words wisely or just stay out of the matter when it comes up is my advice. Another bit of advice is you might want to get out a little, the world is not as bad as you think, and children cannot be kept from reality or they will have a hard life ahead of them, even adults who who live in a bubble

Sorry for any spelling mistakes ladies!

I applaud you. There are a lot of women who are doing what you are doing. You need to do what is right for your child. I had 3 kids who wanted to sleep with me and one who didn't. Who cares what others think? I don't know why we always want to push our views on other people. You know what is right for you and there is no manual that says one way is right and another is wrong. Anyone who thinks otherwise is ignorant. You need to have confidence in what you are doing but also to respect your friends if they choose to do things differently. This is what loving your neighbor is all about. Stay strong.

I feel the same way you do. I have a 22 month old and have never let her "cry it out". We still sleep together and at times it is difficult, but I believe cribs have only been around for fifty years or so. It is natural for families to sleep together, it is how people have lived throughout most of human history. However, I respect other peoples opinions and I doubt that by letting children cry and sleep alone, that any permanent damage is done as long as they're recieving love and attention throughout the rest of the day. Most of us are doing the best we can in a scary world. As long as you teach your child love, respect and responsibility they will turn out just fine. It is a shame that they will have to face some of the terrible things that they will inevitably face in the future, but all we can do is give them the tools they will need in order to deal with negativity in a positive way and a loving place to return so that they can make the world a better place.

B., don't apologize for your feelings and opinions! You have every right to feel and say what you said. If anyone was offended it is something within them that triggered the offense not your opinions. I think that you are doing what is right for your children. I happen to agree more with your parenting style than the hands off style but there are others who will continue to parent according to how they were parented or based on what they read and feel is better for their kids. I've slept with my now 7 month old since he was born. My mother in law is quick to judge me but you know what, the style of parenting she decided to use with her son ended up emotionally scarring him. [It's almost as if I have two children at times because I have to reparent him as well as try to raise an emotionally well adjusted child.]Most recently she was worried that my boy wasn't going to develop right because he's not in a crib, lo and behold, at his last dr's appt he was absolutely where he should be and the dr commented on how strong he was. He also gets to go to work with me, he is well adjusted, is quick to smile at strangers(who quickly become friends),and is generally very content and happy. He has never been sick, never cries except when he's tired and doesn't want to miss anything and eats well and often. Don't become angry at those who parent differently than you, they are entitled to raise their children as they see fit however you are entitled to raise your children based on your beliefs and how you see fit. There really shouldn't be an argument or any offended feelings. From my personal experience, I think your children are very lucky to have a mom like you. I've learned to share my thoughts and concerns with mothers whose parenting styles I respect. I look at how their children are developing(or developed) and decide from there whose opinions I value.(needless to say, my mother in law is not one of them and she knows it!!Of course I don't hear any complaints from my husband on my parenting!!)Listen to your mommy heart, it knows what is right!Also, great book to read, Wayne Dyer's "What Do You Really Want for Your Children?" It reinforces how you are parenting.

My advice is to relax. Your children are very young and you have much to learn. You will find that as your kids get older, you will have many, many issues and feelings to deal with that make this issue seem like a cake walk and these issues will come from not only other people's habits and kids, but from your own. I have five beautiful, really good kids. And from what I can tell from you, you feel probably much like I did as a young mother in that I consider myself a really good mother. I still do. My world revolves around my family. I always felt like my love and respect for my kids would save me from many of the challenges other parents have with kids. Now, with pre-teens, I can no longer live in that fairy land. My kids are very well behaved and do great in school, but as they get older, they will test you and push you. They need to do that to grow. That's when you must be consistent. Especially girls. Yes, even your little angels will have mood swings and fall, at least a little, under the influence of the pre-teen mouth. Also, you have to learn tolerance. That doesn't mean you have to agree with other parents methods, but there's nothing you can do to change it and you may be surprised at how well some people's kids turn out in the end and that some of these "unlikely" methods really work. Good Luck.

I can relate. It is difficult to be respectful\tolerant of things that we find so opposite of our personal values.

The only way I can reconcile this (and this isn't just in parenting...) is to a) remember that other families make different choices and I don't know all the factors they used to make those choices and b) try to be a good example of why/how I feel my way works. And I bite my tongue a lot. ;)

The only time I would make an overt move to intervene in any way was if I saw something I felt was actually legally abusive. Then I feel a moral conviction to say/do something. Several years ago I had a neighbor who I saw beating her children (I'm not talking about spanking, she was *beating* them) and I called CHild Protective Services. That was an awful feeling, but I felt like I had to do it...

Best of luck!

wow it seems this post came at a conventient time, there was another post that specifically mention CIO just yesterday or today. I'm an AP momma and i get a ton of grief for it but it's my choice, just as every other parenting choice is the choice of the parents. Judging those that don't think as we think really only causes all the problems we are trying to prevent with our parenting style. nad isn't there scripture somewhere about judging others.... I guess my point is that you can only control your small little corner of the world and if your parenting style raises great kids who can then in turn make a differenec in their own little corner then you are doing something right, and isn't that what truely matters? it isn't so much the path we take to get their that matters but the end result, we all want to raise good kids, maybe if we spent more time educating those that want to be educated and less time judging the world could be the place we want it to be, but none of us are faultless, and co-sleeping is great if it works for your family, but there are kids that won't co-sleep or parents that jsut can't do it, there is no right or wrong, it's all subjective and untill someone can come alone and say I'm the PERFECT parent and have the PERFECT children i say to each his own, and then offer my advice to those that listen and want help, and teach my children that while your way may be right for you it might not be right for someone else.

B. I am sorry that you feel this way about my children, but I can tell you that they are very well adjusted to their surroundings. I don't believe in co sleeping, I never did, and I personally think that you are doing more harm to your children by not letting them gain their own independence. I am not attacking you, but every parent has the right to decide what's right for their family. I personally don't care that you sleep with your children...it's not my personal choice to sleep with mine that does not mean that I am raising angry disrespectful people.

Don't change your perspective, you are doing a wonderful thing! You simply need to learn to bite your tongue or come up with a good witty comeback when talking to mothers/parents who allow their children to CIO.

Hi B.,

My husband and I have six children, yes all of them ours, and each one has slept in our bed basically until the next one comes along. They all sleep in their own rooms and beds now except for our two year old who still nurses (I hope I don't get hate mail now). I think it's unfortunate that society is trying to make our children independent at such an early age. None of our children have issues of attachment to me. I'd say cherish every moment with them while they are young because they grown up too fast! Also I'd like to say that I know people who have let their children "cry it out" and have also raised well rounded kids. I don't think they are bad mothers or fathers, I just had to follow my instincts and that meant nurtuting them when they needed it.

All I can say to help you deal with your feelings about how other mom's raise their kids...which I can understand to a certain extent why it bugs you....is this...everyone does the best they can and does what works for them. I'm sure you want your daughters to get along in the world & accept people that have different ideas from them, & I'm sure your strength in conviction that you are instilling in them is a good thing :)

It is refreshing to hear your point of view. I have not posted on this site because of my difference in parenting style from what seems to be the majority. I am also an attachment parent, I have 4 children 6,4,2,6 mo. I am a stay at home mom, I gave birth at home. I trust my children and I trust myself to listen to them and parent the way they lead me to. Unfortunately most mothers are taught to "train" their kids and only listen to the advise of "the authorities". The only advise I can give you is to be the change you wouldlike to see in the world. Parent by example. Show mothers that they can and should follow their heart. It's sad that people let their children cry it out, they would have to be completely detached to do that. We need to encourage moms to connect with their children and really listen to them. Recommend books by Dr. William Sears, he seems to agree with our style of parenting and has been around for alog time.

By the way, do you live in Canfield, Oh? I'm still trlying to meet like minded people here.

M. Marucci ____@____.com

I have had similar feelings like you about this.
The thing is for whatever wacky reason sometimes Americans (because of what we have been taught) have strange notions of what is best for baby. The ideas of personal space, independence etc are taught very early. Unfortunately you also jeopardize the closeness that you can share with your children and family by having them close to you. I breastfed my children until I and they felt comfortable letting go and I also had my babies close by and sometimes slept with them as babies. Trust me when they are ready to sleep on their own, they let you know and that way no one is rejected, no one ends up with anxiety or abandonment issues....etc.
You are on the right track but you cant make others do what is right. Some people have little if any natural maternal feelings and honestly, I think they have kids because society says they should not because it comes naturally to them.

You're bothered by the fact that your children will grow up with other kids that didn't co-sleep with their parents? Are you kidding me? This is your biggest worry about the children in our society?

I did not co-sleep with my daughters, yet I assure you that their needs have always been (and continue to be) met. They are happy, well-adjusted school-agers. They're good students, they choose wonderful friends, and they are continually recognized for positive behavior. They are by no means 'cruel' as your posting suggested.

Be careful not to confuse 'needs' and 'wants'. Every cry is not a crisis, and children need to learn to console themselves. Once they graduate from infancy, they also need to learn that the world doesn't always revolve around them. Any other approach is setting your children up for disappointment and failure.

Co-sleeping isn't for everyone, B.. In fact, it can also be dangerous, so please don't unfairly mis-judge those who choose otherwise. There are plenty of other ways to foster a loving, secure environment for children.

First off it isn't really fair to judge parents who don't co-sleep. I slept with the first of my 3 children and it took away from my husband and I getting to spend quality alone time together. Not to mention do you know the actual dangers of co-sleeping? Just because my other 2 children slept in a crib does NOT mean I love them any less and that they won't be as well adjusted as my oldest. It also doesn't mean that I don't "listen" as you say to my baby because I listened to my baby when no one would believe how sick she was and that includes the doctors! I don't let her cry! Have you heard of a baby monitor? It lets you hear your child when they are not in the room with you so you can attend to them quite quickly actually. I don't usually judge parents who co-sleep bc as I said I did it with my oldest and enjoyed the bonding time. What I didn't enjoy was when she was ready to start kindergarten she was too scared to sleep in her own room bc she had always been with us. Then bedtime became a fight every single night. At what point do you not allow your children to co-sleep? At 2, 5, 10, 18? And when you do actually stop the co-sleeping does that mean that YOU will no longer be listening to your child and that they will no longer be "adjusted" as an adult? You don't need to change your prospective, you need to accept that everyone parents differently and that just because they do doesn't mean they are neglectful or bad parents or that they aren't "listening" to their children or are even letting them cry. Like I said I don't normally attack in these, but instaed try and be helpful, but I feel you have just personally attacked me and my children by saying that children who don't co-sleep have problems into adulthood and that they became "cruel"people. I am just curious...I have to assume this means you and your husband both slept with your parents until a certain age. I actually am the only person I know who slept with their parents and believe me I don't think I am any better off because of it. I hope you find guidance in not being so quick to judge others, but telling you starightforward is the only way I know how to help with your situation.

This is going to sound harsh, but really, you need to just deal with it. I'm very glad that you're able to be a SAHM and have found a parenting style that works for you, but I assure you that there are other means of parenting that can rear beautiful, well-adjusted children. I work full-time, but my children are sweet, respectful and learning to be open to the many different (unique/special/interesting)ways that people are instead of judgemental because they are not just like us.

It is o.k. to do this, but overdoing this is going to cause issues later on because the girls will not want to be separated from you at all. The other moms should not ignore their baby's cries, but you do have to let them cry in order for their lungs to develop. Babies have got to learn to sleep on their own and in order to do that they sometimes have got to cry themselves to sleep. Should you keep doing this, the girls are going to want to sleep with you and your husband in your bed when they get older and that is going to cause romantic issues between you and your husband. It will not cause any problems later in life to have your children cry themselves to sleep. I did this with my children and they are all fine. I would put them down and let them cry for 10-15 min. then if they were still crying I would go in their bedroom and talk to them for a couple of minutes, tuck them back in and go back out. I found they cried for maybe 15-20 minutes then they would fall asleep. Don't worry and start weaning them off of sleeping with you so they can get used to sleeping alone. I am a married mom with 3 boys ages 10,7, and 4. Also, your daughters need to know that their needs will be met, but you can't always do it right away. As they get older they will expect other people to meet their needs right away all of the time and sometimes it is just not possible and it will be a good way to teach them to have patience.

Hi, B.. This is a touchy subject, and quite frankly, how other mothers parent their children is not for you to judge. Every family makes personal decisions that they feel is best for the family. Some parents feel it is better for their children to gain early independence and/or truly wish to establish the bed as a sacred space for mom and dad alone. That being said, the only thing you can do is raise YOUR family in the way that you see fit. FInd a group of moms that also believe in the attachment parenting philosophy and avoid the topic around other mothers that have other opinions. I personally take a middle of the road approach to the family bed. I love having my 11 month old next to me, and my husband enjoys him, too. We put him to sleep in his crib, which is not always easy, but he spends the early mornings cuddling and sleeping with us. The situation is different if people are pressuring you to go against your instincts. Telling you that it is wrong to let your child share your bed is just as judegmental as telling parents who do not share their bed that it is wrong to let him cry. When in doubt, take a deep breath. Defend your beliefs, but do not criticize others. Good luck!

Dear B.,
Babies cry because they aren't able to use words to express themselves. My daughter likes sleeping with me after she's had a nightmare. I usually let her - knowing that at some point she will complain she's too hot or that I am squishing her or she has no covers... I will sleep badly, wake up not rested, and she will want to stay in bed long after it's time to get up. Co-sleeping doesn't work for everyone and not every baby cry is a sign of absolute heart-breaking despair in their little world.

My friend has a one-year old daughter who drops her food on the floor as well as a plate if she's given one. If they take the food away, the baby cries. To me, that's ridiculous. We don't always get cuddled and snuggled and treated kindly. You do what you can, but sometimes kids do have to learn to take care of themselves and deal without, I believe, or they expect the world to be a sweet, respectful, rosy place - and it isn't.

How will you deal with their heartbreak when you find this out? You cannot control others or drive yourself crazy wishing you could. I am very respectful and fair to my daughter and some days she comes home now and cries to me about other children who aren't fair. Did I set up such unrealistic expectations in her that she will feel forever betrayed by everyone else in the world?

Selfishness isn't always a bad thing. Just a thought.

Good luck,
E.

WOW, B...... this was an uproar on the mom against you.... Sorry about that. I just wanted to let you know I agree with Michelle

I have left my daughter to cry before. I'm trying to teach her that I will always be around for her but that she can't always have everything that she wants, but she will always have what she needs. I know when she really needs me and I never just leave her to cry if she really needs me. I'm not being cruel, I'm being selective. Sometimes nothing is wrong, nothing is needed. They are just crying to cry or they didn't get their way and are upset about it. Here's an example.

Today we were out past her nap time with my parents. When we got home I laid her down but she didn't settle right away. This is unusual for her, she's a great sleeper and almost always goes down right away. So I went back in and insisted she lay down. I told her no when she tried to get up and laid her back again. This did not sit well with her. She started to cry. There was nothing wrong she just wanted to do what she wanted and I wouldn't let her. I set her down and left just like always. She cried and fussed but not for long and she fell to sleep. That's what she needed and I had to be firm.

Talk to me more if you like. I'm open minded and would love to help you understand my choices and you can help me understand your.

OK, so I read your correction. I still must post my reaction the same:

What kind of question is this? What are you hoping people will say? What is the real question?

What is the Question B.?

We all have different expectations of ourselves, what mothers duties are, what family means. Our experiences, surroundings, and culture shape our reasoning. It is bold of us to pass judgement on others because we are forcing others to adhere to our level of truth. Everything in life is not black and white, right and wrong. Sometimes we need to respect others for putting their best foot forward, or not, and simply leave it at that.

We cannot change the world unless we change ourselves. People cannot learn a better way unless they are willing to look. When someone asks what you think, then we share our experiences and thoughts. We can infer there's a better way and stand up for our beliefs. However, we must understand others are standing up for theirs as well. My belief system is no better or worse than yours.

Every parent and teacher does things differently. Every person has their own characteristics that makes them unique. We need to applaud those differences, respect them, appreciate we are not all the same.

____@____.com
myspace.com/staceefrane
staceefrane.edcdiamond.com
###-###-####

I'm not sure what the purpose of your post was other than to draw out a strong response from both camps. :)

The way to deal with those feelings is to truly NOT judge. If you are having feelings that need to be dealt with, you're judging whether you admit it or not. Tell yourself that every parent and every child is different, and that's o.k. What works for you doesn't work for me, but I'm not going to post the 1000 reasons I've chosen a different path. Just know that the parents that choose to cry it out do so with love and the well-being of their children in mind, just like you. My path works VERY well for my children who are very happy, well adjusted and well behaved. I know the difference between their cries and don't ignore them when they really are scared or hurt or sick. There are parents who fail their kids every day who don't let them cry it out, and there are parents who fail their kids every day who do. The well-being of our next generation does not live and die on this issue. Work on being the best parent you can for your kids, and pray everyone else does the same.

I let my son sleep in his own bed when he was healthy and happy and co-slept occ. when he needed extra attention. He was happier during the day and both of us more well rested when he slept in his own bed. It was better for us for him to sleep alone because we slept better that way. I did let him cry it out when he got to be around 2 and 3 because I knew he could do it, he just needed to learn he could do it. And he did, and now he is so proud of this and his bedtime routine that I wouldn't change what I have done for the world. He is one of the most caring, loving children I know. He has no anger issues at all, and trust me with all his heart. I feel that co-sleeping is important to some and some children need it, but others don't. It's not that I don't listen to my child at all, I do, every word, every cry. It was best for him to sleep in his own bed for both of us and it showed during the day when he didn't.

B.,
You sure did ignite a firestorm!!!! WOW!!! I share your views, in a limited sort of way. My dd slept with us until she was 4 months old. At this point, she was too big and active to sleep with us. None of us got a good nights sleep. When she was an infant, I swore I would never do CIO. Now, it's a bit of a different story. I don't let her cry for very long, but the night wakings were ridiculous! She would wake up 3 times a night and would not go back to sleep with out a bottle. I finally just let her fuss for a bit. I think it was like 7 minutes! She sleeps like a rock now. However, I think that the CIO method and sleep training are appropriate but only at certain ages. I do not understand mothers/fathers that start sleep training at 1 month, but that's just me. I think that as a member of society, and as a role model for your children, you need to be tolerant and understanding of other people and mothers. If the children you're speaking of are clearly neglected (food, shelter) then you have a right to be concerned. However, if they are just letting their children cry, you really can't judge them. It's their house, their rules and their children. Unfortunately, you just kind of have to step aside. I can sympathize with your feelings, but I think that you have to respect others parenting styles, just as you would want them to respect yours.

You have to realize that you are using one style of parenting that most probably do not use. Most people will do what works and put some time limits on things that can create a bad habit. If you feel strongly about the way you parent that is fine. But, others feel strong about their methods as well. You cannot judge it and worry about your children being "around" those types of friends...it's parenting styles. There are many of them and who is to say if one is right or wrong??

I'm a "halfsie" on this one - I let my kids cry, but only to a certain degree, or amount of time. I believe it allows them to problem solve things on their own and not be so reliant on us to fix everything. My oldest is a 4 1/2 year old boy, and is one that still would allow me to do everything for him if I would allow it. I help and talk him through it, but he needs to learn things on his own and how to handle different situations. I'm more of a mom who thinks a three/four year old with a pacifier is a little ridiculous.

As Mommies our jobs are to do our best for our kids. What works like a charm for one child is the absolute wrong choice for another. This goes even for kids in the same families. If we want to make the world better for our kids, we have to learn to accept each other and each other's methods. There are so many fights mommies have...sahm vs working moms, breastfeeding vs formula, daycares vs home care. Everybody has choices, and no one of us has THE answer for the right things to do. We only know what is right for US, so maybe we can give each other things to try. The let them cry method has merits, so don't automatically discount it. Instead be happy for the mommies who figured out ways to get their little ones to be good sleepers!
God bless ya!

I think you have opened a Pandora's Box with this question. It is a personal decision to cosleep or not. I have two very intellegent, well ajusted children 5 and 8 and I let them cry it out. I think that crying it out teaches them independence and self reliance. I know at night everyone is getting a good nights sleep as a result.