Help with Weaning 19 Month Old

Sounds like a lot of drama and trauma! I's so sorry you're stressed!
I really suggest you contact your local local La Leche League Leader. They are accredited and offer medically accurate information and support completely free of charge. They even have meetings you and your toddler could go to so you could consult with other mothers who have nursed babies into toddlerhood. Their Web site is www.lllusa.org.
You have a lot of gentle options to help with weaning at this age, and as time goes on you'll have more and more. I go with the "don't offer, don't refuse" method and just avoid sitting in our comfy nursing spots. But, if my child clearly needs to nurse, I never deny it. It's just too beneficial in too many ways, and weaning is a process, not an event. Actually, you HAVE been weaning him for months--since he took his first bite of solid food, so you could just say you ARE weaning and continue the pricess gradually in a non-traumatic way.
The best book I have even found on this topic is "How Weaning Happens." Another excellent one is "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler." You could purchase either through LLL directly or borrow them for free from your local group. They are sanity-saving resources that have ideas you won't find in any other parenting book. One of my favorite strategies suggested in "How Weaning Happens" is telling your child "we'll nurse until I could to 10/sing Eensy Weensy Spider." Then, it's up to you if you count or sing quickly or slowly. You don't have to completely cut him off to be working on weaning--even reducing his time spent at the breast little by little is part of the weaning process.
A very wise mother friend of mine told me that the word "wean" comes from the same Latin root as the word "to ripen." She likens the mother to a tree and the baby to a fruit. When the fruit/baby is ripe and ready, it is easy to pluck it from the tree with little effort. If the fruit/baby is not yet ripe or ready, it will take a lot of rough and stressful tugging to pull it off the tree. Sounds like there's a lot of tugging at your house! Any chance you could just back off the weaning for awhile?
It's also important to remember you have to wean TO something. You cannot just eliminate this very important facet of your child's development without offering an equally appealing and conforting replacement. This is where dad needs to step up, in my opinion. Personally, I accidentally weaned my first child to Winnie-the-Pooh videos and pretzels, but I was a bit smarter with my second and he weaned to extra snuggling and playing and reading with dad.
Please know that it is NOT a "weakness" to respond to your child's crying. you are biologically programmed to respond like a mother because you are a mother. Recognizing and meeting your child's need is not "caving in," it is being wise and intuitive. The more completely you meet this very legitimate need, the more quickly and thoroughly it can go away and you can both graduate peacefully to the next stage of your relationship.
I'm not advocating you continue breastfeeding if you are not longer comfortable with it, but you should know that it is developmentally appropriate for a 19-month-old to nurse both for nutrition and comfort. Also, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends mothers continue to breastfeed until their baby is *at least* one year old and "thereafter as long as is mutually desired by mother and baby." UNICEF and the World Health Organization both recommend that mothers breastfeed until their baby is at least two years of age, and the last Surgeon General of the U.S. said "It's the lucky baby who is breastdfed until age 2." Worldwide, the average age of weaning is between two and four. So you're not the only one and you're *not* out of the healthy norm, American culture and expectations are.
It does make sense that as he hits a million different developmental milestones he would cling to the experience that has brought him comfort and reassurance all his life. I think it's terrific he turns to people and not things for comfort--congrats on raising someone who understands that turning to loved ones in times of stress is what will bring peace.
Babies are for loving. As you know, they are not babies forever and these needs do not last forever. Hang in there. I'll be thinking of you. And do consider calling a LLL Leader. She will be so helpful!
Best wishes!

You could try reducing how long he nurses first. For example if he usually nurses for 10 mins, cut it to 5, then 3 and so on. Also, when he wants to nurse during the day you can suggest a fun activity for just the two of you to do for a little while, or snuggles.

I feel like you're writing my story. Our son, who is 21 months, still sleeps in our bed and loves to nurse. I keep thinking that I'm going to cut out the nursing completely, but when it's something that he loves so much and it calms him down when he's having a rough time then I don't have the heart. Even if he isn't getting much milk from me, it's a bonding time and it's still very good for my body. I've started to tell him that soon the nursers are going to go away soon. He doesn't like what I say, but he understands. I'll nurse him before bedtime, but when he wants to nurse to sleep I tell him that he has to be quiet because the nursers are sleeping. I know this sounds silly, but he buys into it and eventually goes to sleep without nursing. I'm trying to wean slowly and make it into something we both want. Good luck and remember that you've done the best thing for him by nursing this long!

I did not wean my daughter until she was 3 years old. She did not want to wean before then. Nor did she want to wean at that time but I had had enough. I did begin weaning her off days just before 2, by the time she was 2 1/2 she was down to one time before bed. I was OK with the extending nursing because of the nutrition. Toddlers are eating but, at least for me, they do not always eat as well as they should (esp. after a visit with granny with lots of junk!). I knew that with breastmilk my daughter still received all the vit., minerals, and antibodies that she needed. Also, when she was 20 mo I went away on a weekend retreat. I too thought at that time that they do not get a lot of milk. At the end of the 48 hrs I was extremely engorged and uncomfortable! I could think about was letting her nurse as soon as I got home.
I do understand about the husband not wanting extending nursing. Our society influences what they think and what they feel others might think. Once I was down to only two nursing, before nap and bed, he was a lot more comfortable with it. Probably because at that point noboby but he, I and baby knew we were still nursing. Sad but true.
I agree with Sally, contact your local LLL. If you are ready to wean, they have a great advice on gentle weaning methods, for example distraction. If you don't want to completely wean they are also a great support for those of us who continued to nurse toddlers.
best of luck, whatever your descision.
Best of luck whatever your descision.

First of all I think it is great that you have breast fed this long!! Extending breastfeeding is not easy! Weening will not be as hard as you think. Not sure how many times a day you are still nursing. I weened at 16 months and was downs to three times a day. Like your son it was just a comfort thing. I explained we were going to stop. She was fussy and would cry but I just had to stick with it! My husband would have to step up and take over when she was throwing fits. This lasted three to four days and then it stopped!
Sounds like you do attachment parenting. You can find great articles for benefits of co-sleeping on www.attachmentparenting.org. Also Kellymoms has a great forum for extended breastfeeding questions and weening. Good luck! One of my favorite sayings is the only way to make sure your child continues throwing fits is to give in to a fit!!

Hi A.,

Sorry you're having a rough time. I weaned my son last month when he turned 15 months. I too, was sure he was only nursing for comfort and was almost positive I had hardly any milk left anyways. When I first decided it was time to start weaning my son was nursing first thing when he woke in the morning, before his morning nap, when he woke from his nap, before he took his afternoon nap and when he woke up from his nap, and then when he went to bed. I also (admittedly) nursed him in the middle of the night when he would wake up to get him back to sleep. So 7-8 times a day. I decided to eliminate the nursings that would bother him the least first and that was when he woke up from his nap. I would offer him something to drink to distract him and give him a chance to wake himself up. He was usually cranky as soon as he woke up so that was one reason he loved to nurse then. He would be a little fussy but no crying or screaming.
The next nursing I gave up was the afternoon nap, it was a little easier because he actually started only napping once a day at this time anyway. Then I cut out the first morning nursing. He really loved this one so again I used distraction. He usually liked to watch Sesame Street at the time, so we would cuddle on the couch together and watch the show. I would get him a little snack, a cereal bar or cereal, and a drink and he would be happy until breakfast.
With each nursing I cut out I probably waited two weeks or more to cut out the next one. I thought this would be best for avoiding engorgement and also for him, so it wasn't too much at one time. I also wasn't completely ready to wean him yet emotionally.
When I finally decided it was really time to get down to business, I knew I had to cut out the middle of the night nursing. This one was really benefical to me because it was an easy way to get him back to sleep, unless that didn't work, which started to become the case. All I did was when he would wake up, I would scoop him up and give him his pacifier and rock with him in his room, sing, or whatever to get him back to sleep. Once I was able to get him to sleep WITHOUT nursing him even one night, I didn't backtrack! I think you have to be consistent and once you cut it out, you can't go back or you're sending mixed messages.
After that was done, I cut out the napping nursing. We would go into his room when he was sleepy, change diaper, brush teeth, read some stories, maybe some quiet playtime, and then I would close the blinds and we would rock in his chair. Some music playing and singing, something soothing.
Two weeks later came the nighttime nursing cut out. And I did the same routine we would do for the nap, although he takes a bath at night. I didn't have any trouble with him crying.
Maybe your son, developmentally is going through a rough time and he is not ready to wean. It shouldn't be a traumatic time for them, so maybe you could try again in a few weeks.
I think the main thing is if you are going to wean you have to stand your ground and not give him. Also, distraction, distraction, distraction! Get outside with him and play at a normal time you would nurse, weather permitting. Or go to the store or something else.
Maybe a few weeks off and then a fresh start to weaning will give you the strength to get past your sons screaming. Also you might want to try getting him out of your bed especially if he is still nursing in the night.

Good luck!

Actually its been proven that breastfeeding until they are 4 or 5 is great for their health- mentally and physically. That being said, it is your decision if you think you need to stop.
I read a study done on puppies (it was one done awhile ago I think). Anyway a guy was nice and loving to half the litter and mean and ignored the other half. This went on for half a year or so and then he started showing the ignored pups kindness and love as well. When they were all grown, the puppies who had the love, nurturing and physical touch were completely independant, while the puppies who were pushed away were completely dependant upon the guy for the rest of their lives.
Moral? You can't hurt your baby by breastfeeding this late and later. It only helps them gain independance later on! :)
And the added immune benefit is AMAZING.
Again, good job for doing it this long. And if you choose to keep going w/ breastfeeding, then more power to ya! :)

Hi A.,
I'm a nana now and it's been too long ago for me to remember what I did. But I did find some sites that might be useful to you. Check them out.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_weaning-tips-from-moms-whove-...

http://www.myoptumhealth.com/portal/Information/item/Wean...

http://www.our365.com/Wisdom/Moms/Weaning%20Tips.aspx

http://www.parents.com/baby/breastfeeding/weaning/weaning...

I hope that one of these sites might be helpful to you. Best of luck.

Nana W.