Frustrated with Nursing

I have a 10 month old daughter who is still nursing at all times of the day/night. I've noticed that if I feed her a really good dinner that seems to help with the night wakings. She has had ear infections and seems to get one when I start to wean her night feedings. So I would push more food during the day. I do daycare so I nurse about an hour before lunch and then feed her a really good lunch and the same for dinner.

She too, gets really distracted while she eats. I have to take her into another room where it is quiet to feed her. I think for some kids this is there quiet time. It probably is more relaxing and gives him time to just be with you. It sounds like he may just need to eat more food during the day. You could try feeding him more small meals throughout the day if he is a big snacker. I know nursing can be frustrating especially when they are biting but he will get better. You will know when it is time to quit.

Hhmm, I don't have any great advice on this problem, so I thought I'd respond with encouragement. My son did the biting thing too and it was a HUGE drag. I also would flinch just to have him latch and the whole thing became extremely stressful. I actually started to give him a bottle of pumped milk before he went to bed because I couldn't stand the constant threat of being bitten to bleeding. And when I'd yell from the bite (couldn't help it), it would scare him and screw up the whole process.

Does your son sleep with you? That might be prolonging the frequent night nursing. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, just that it might be adding to the frequent wakings. My son slept with us until he was 6 months and then moved to a crib in another room literally five feet from my bed. That small amount of distance did wonders for his sleeping and I still responded to him whenever he cried. He generally woke up once a night to nurse until he was just over a year, if I recall correctly.

I would not encourage you to wean if you don't want to, but I would encourage you to be somewhat flexible with yourself. If giving him a bottle of pumped milk would be less stressful for everyone, I'd do it. Do what you think will work, for him and for you, and don't be caught up in weaning or not weaning. In the best cases, weaning is a gradual, child-driven process. Follow his cues. Along these lines, you could pump the breast he isn't favoring so you can get that milk and relieve the pressure/prevent plugged ducts. He could have that in a sippy cup at this age and then you wouldn't be stressing about getting him to latch on that side.

Good luck - breastfeeding is a huge challenge but well worth it.

B.
Momma to a toddler who breastfed until he self-weaned at about 14 months.

Congrats on nursing as long as you have and I'll give you my experience so maybe it'll give you some encouragement. My daughter is now 14 months old and I nurse her. She too got into the distraction stage. At around 11 months she was eating am, noon, some when I got home from work, and bed time. At a year I cut out the noon nursing after a few weeks of her not paying attention and having to nurse her in the dark. At home, if she's not calm I've noticed her getting goofy and has bite me. I pushed her little face in my boob until she pulls away and I told her no biting and to be nice and gentle. She's only bit me a few times and I think this method has worked the best for me with both my kids. Each time she starts to get goofy I tell her gentle and to be nice. At 14 months she is only nursing am, nap, bed and it works well. She's not on much and by a year I was not feeling full in my breasts. I spoke to a friend and she said that the milk becomes more watery and the child doesn't have to be on it more than a few minutes and it's a natural way of the child to self wean. By a year the child can decide whether or not to do it. Your child doesn't "need" the milk as he can be on whole milk. I would give more food during the day and only nurse the few times you want to. At night, I've ignored my daughter when she woke up and she eventually went back to sleep. I think nursing becomes a habit and a comfort thing between baby and Mom. I just don't want my nights messed with when I know she eats food during the day. Let me know if you have more questions.

J.,

I had this same problem w/my son about a month or so ago. He would bite so often that I had the bite marks & sores also. Unlike you though I am in the process of weaning him. After a week or so of cutting back he hardly ever bites anymore. I feed him during the night just to get him back to sleep. So, have a bit more patience & he should stop biting. I was told that when he bites yell or make a noise that will startle him & pull him towards you when he is biting instead of away. Also, don't let him nurse until later.
I am glad to hear that I am not the only mom out there waking up several times a night with my son! Again,the biting should be just a phase & he should stop soon! Good luck!

Hi J.,
I'm sure you have tried the "first time out" when he bites you. My kids bit me for a few weeks and then stopped because if they did I would tell them "biting hurts" and take them off the breast.
There is a great book called Bestfeeding, it is absolutely the best and most straightforward source of nursing information. You should be able to find it at the library. It helped me even after I was an experienced nurser!
I can relate to the lack of sleep! That is so frustrating. I slept in their bed when they went through increased nursing periods. It helped me maintain my sanity. For me the nursing bond was more important than a temporary stray from a sleeping arrangement.
Good luck!

J.,
First of all let me say you are a super trooper! You are doing amazing and hard things to give your little guy a great start in life. I'm sorry to hear about all your frustrations. It seems like you are dealing with a lot at once. When I have a myriad of nursing issues, I head right to La Leche League. Everyone there is super nice and you could just go once if that's all you needed. Get some support especially if you don't get enough by putting your question out on the board.
I have questions I guess...is the night waking new or has it been going on for the past 6 months with the biting etc.? I think the ideal would be to get him nursing more during the day (easier said than done right?). If there's any way you can put a new routine in your schedule, go to a secluded space where there is nothing interesting to see. Maybe rock and read a book before and then nurse. Could work. Also, I have had a some issues with biting with my son. I don't think I would let him bite you and then give him the other breast. If he bites, I say, "owie". I explain that it hurts me and we can't nurse if there's biting and I end the session. If you give him the other breast cause he bit you, it worked out for him and encourages him to do it again to get what he wants.
Do you have a breast pump to take care of your poor left breast when he refuses? It might be worth getting a cheap manual pump.
I guess the last resort would be to try to partially night wean him to see if it increases nursing during the day. If it doesn't work, you can always go back to what you are doing.
Also, this behavior is completely normal for busy kids. It's a huge challenge to lose the sleep though. Good luck!!! Feel free to send me a message if you want to discuss more.
S.

Hi J.! It's so great you're still nursing! What a wonderful gift you're giving your son, emotionally and immunologically!

I am still nursing a 26 month old, only on one side! ha ha Right around your son's age we experienced the same thing: distraction making it difficult to focus and nurse. It's my understanding that that difficulty reflects new curiosities and developments in your child, and doesn't mean they're ready to wean. So first off, I want to encourage you to persevere! A couple of things helped us, both of which really fell under the blanket idea of redefining our nursing relationship:

12 months is definitely late enough to refuse to nurse when he bites. Don't yell or jump or grimace if you can avoid it. Stay totally neutral. And remove him from your breast and plunk him down, not rough, but abruptly and with a firm, "NO BITING." You can try nursing again in 10 minutes or so. Just be consistent. It's most likely just an exploration of cause and effect.

Re: night weaning. I hear you. I was still up 6-8 times a night at 12 months. It was AWFUL. We finally night-weaned to a sippy cup 1/2 full of water, the ONLY time he got sippies. I gradually gave him less and less water. I'd rock him with the sippy if I had to, but he wound up not needed me at all to go back down, and it happened fairly quickly. Once he was down to a very small cup, I took away the sippy and let him have a tiny regular cup as part of his nighttime routine. Start by offering water once a night and increase from there. I bet he winds down on the night calories and ups his food calories on the dayside.

Re: distraction. Yeah. That just happens. Nursing a toddler becomes a whole different deal, things are more interesting than our boobs. Which honestly, they should be. Who really wants a toddler to be so boob-focused that they refuse the world's distractions to nurse? It doesn't mean wean, it means, "Wow, the world is really amazing! What's that? Did you hear that?" You know? :)

Make a ritual, that's fine. As PPs have said, it's not really about nutrition anymore. It's about immunity and emotional development. You don't have to be doing it all day. Your body will catch on and the engorgement issues should fade. You can move more towards a "Don't offer, don't refuse" stance. Make it a way to reconnect, to soothe, to transition, to quiet yourselves. When he doesn't need it, it's ok.

Hang in there! You're doing great momma.
~V.

Don't nurse him during the night anymore. At 12 months he doesn't need it. If he wakes up, just comfort him but no nursing. He's not doing it during the day because he's getting plenty at night. If he's eating solids, he doesn't need more than about 4 or 5 nursing sessions a day anyway, possibly as few as 3.

I nursed my son for 17 months, but we stopped the nighttime nursings altogether around 9 months. He stopped waking up at night because I ignored him when he did. Not because I wanted to, but because I was so starved for sleep that I eventually slept right through his nighttime wakings. At your son's age, it won't hurt him to eat only during the day.

When he bites you, lift your breast so that it rests on the top part of his mouth and tell him no biting. Hold it there until you think he got it and then let him continue nursing. If he does it again, keep repeating it and he will eventually understand. If he continues, you must withdraw and tell him that the session is over until he can stop biting you. It did work for my first child who I nursed until he was 2 1/2.

Well, by 12 months a child's prime nutrition should be coming from solids. Milk is primarily for hydration and fats. Honestly, I would focus on getting him to eat his solids and back off on so much breastfeeding. And definitely no breastfeeding at night! A sippy cup of water would be the only thing I give him at night! He needs to transtion to getting his nutrition and fluids during the day.

I would not say wean, but I would not be using breastfeeding as his primary food anymore.