"Help with Getting My Young Son to Focus at School"

Hi there. Two ideas pop into my head. First, what about having your child on a behavior checklist so that your son is rewarded for following directions etc. You can break down his activities at school etc. Then when he makes good choices you can have the teacher mark a smiley face, when he did something okay have a neutral face, and when he does not do what is asked of him he gets a frown face. This way everything is very visual for him and for the teacher. The cool thing about this is that you can show him that if he does well that he can earn things.... and do reward him. Then also if you have a checklist it can be sent home at the end of everyday instead of having the teacher write down things everyday. She can mark by smiley faces and then write a quick comment. Much faster for a teacher to do with a busy class... if this really doesn't work after 2 months or so then I would suggest thinking more outside box and asking other school personell for suggestions.

S.,
I'm going through the exact same thing right now. The biggest difference is it is with my daughter and she is in the 2nd grade. She does finish her work and her work is always perfect or nearly perfect, however it takes her FOREVER because she would rather talk or look around the room. And she was like that in first grade as well. In first grade we had her on a behavior chart that was taped to her desk by two hour blocks for the teacher to either put a smiley face in or a sad face if she did not stay on task. It worked GREAT for her because she wanted the smiley faces and she could see it right there on her desk. Her second grade teacher however, is convinced that she has ADD and wants her tested. I personally do not think she has ADD, and that she is just a social child. However long story short we are getting her tested just to be sure. So long story shorter, if you are not wanting to test him yet (and I do think he is too young, he is a boy, and he is still adapting to the school programs) try the hour by hour chart on his desk. All it requires the teacher to do is walk by his desk and put either a smiley or a sad face. And then if you pick him up at the end of the day, you can go see it or if you work and cannot pick him up, then have her send it home at the end of the school week. That way your son knows mom and dad are going to get to see how he acts at school and reward him for a good week, but also punish him for a bad one. Or do it on a daily basis if your able. Good luck with it!
L.

S.-
I just want to give you the view from a teacher/counselor... First off, remember that the teacher has other kids to attend to during the day and more social opporunities present themselves at school then at home. So that could be why he is showing more of these behaviors at school rather then at home.

I do not feel that the teacher is being effective if she is not able to send a progress report home often. There are times when I can see that it is not done daily because there are other kids, activities, and such to attend to daily and sometimes behavior charts or incentives are a hard thing to get to at the end of a busy day. Is his report something as simple as a smiley face, straight face, or sad face? With room to write a message if something good or bad happens that is VERY important for you to know? Something that would take her 10 sec to do? Then you are more likely to get a better response from her.

PLEASE just keep in mind that teachers have other kids to deal with during the day. I know that not every teacher is a great one!! TRUST ME DO I KNOW THAT FIRST HAND!!! But to make it more effective for both you and your son, be open. I understand you not wanting to get him tested, simply say to her "I do not feel we have tried everything at this point to help him before we go the ADHD route. I guess I am also hesitant to get him tested because we are not seeing the same issues in other environments of his life (in order to be ADHD you need to see the same behaviors in 2 out of 3 areas of his life... school, home, community)."

Good luck, and keep in mind, this year is half done!!
R.

Hi S.!

I had the same problem with my 6 year old daughter. I had a spreadsheet posted on the fridge to show good report days and bad report days from her teacher. I made her pick out 3 of her favorite toys and said if I get 10 bad reports, she had to give one away to the nearest pediatric ward. That somewhat worked but we still had problems.

Does he eat school lunches? And what do you feed him? First, you may want to monitor the sugar you give him and the types of food you are giving him. And you would be surprised how it's in everything. I also switched from regular milk to Oberweiss/organic milk. I have been feeding her a lot more fresh veggies and naturals meats, which aren't injected with steroids. More water then juice helps. Also, watch the processed foods because the chemicals in them can cause short attention spans. Ever since I eliminated more of the sugars in her diet, use more natural foods and feed her a lot less processed foods, she is much better. I switched from sugar & equal to stevia and agave nectar for sweetners. She drinks tea now and not soda. She eats fruit instead of drinking fruit juice.

I hope this helps! Good luck!

I see you've already received quite a few responses, but I'll throw in my two sense. :-) Structure and CONSISTENCY is the best thing for you son right now. My daughter has the same problems... she is high-strung, VERY social, and always concerned about what everyone else is doing. Though she does not always have problems at home, she doesn't really enjoy doing homework and she is always more interested in doing something else.

I've heard many say that it is usually the cause of an ineffective teacher, but my daughter's teacher is absolutely wonderful (though I do know there are crappy ones out there). She has a FULL class and if very busy, so I do not ask for a daily report. I do, however, call or e-mail once per week and she gives me a long report on how she is doing. Teachers, most anyway, love for parents to be very involved. I believe that is is very important for teachers and parents to work together and be on the same page.

ADHD is not a diagnosis to be taken lightly. Though I firmly recognize it as a disorder, too many people (parents, teachers and therapists) are misdiagnosing this disorder. More and more kids are even being diagnosed with bipolar disorder when this is not the case. You should educate yourself on such disorders to be prepared and aware of any possible indications of disorders. He may very well be an ACTIVE and OUTGOING child. Each child is different and others need to respect that.

Remember to be consistent. Once, my daughter did absolutely terrbile in school and she had a small musical that evening. She was very excited to participate. We did not let her go because of her behavior. This really surprised her and she began to realize that this was a serious matter. Though it broke my heart to do so, it really worked. You cannot give in sometimes and put your foot down others. This is confusing to kids.

I know this is a controversial subject because we all have our own beliefs... good luck.

E.

Hi. My name is N.. I can't really tell you how to fix it but I can let you know you are not alone. My six yr. old daughter had been having the same problem. In kindagarden she had work to do almost every day because she wasn't doing it a school. This yr has been better but she started becoming less and less focused the last month or so. We have tried taking away tv and video games for a night or two, and most resently we have moved her bed time up a half hour. I figure maybe she is just getting tired, being a school all day for the first time. She also seems to have more trouble in reading then in math, she is very good at math, but struggling to read. I my case I also think she is struggling because she has a summer birthday and is much younger then the other kids. Every yr she seems to ketch up more. Mostly I wanted to tell you that I agree with you about the medacations. ADHD was brought up to me last yr by the teacher, and I told them I will work with my daughter, even if it means doing 4hrs of homework every night, before I will medicate her. I think if you work hard with him, he will hopefully grow out of it. good luck.

get him tested as the teacher suggested, it may help when developing a program for him. if you find out he has adhd he may be able to get more resources and individual attention at school. just because she says to get him tested doesnt mean you have to get him medicated. it is a place to start and do it young so he gets in the habit of enjoying school and being successful.

I am wondering how he did in kindergarten? I could be totally wrong here but maybe he started school a year to soon. Maybe he should have been closer to 6 or so when he went to kindergarten? I'm not trying to be negative or anything just wondering the what if's.. I've heard alot of people putting their boys in kindergarten later close to 6 becuase they are less mature than girls generally. Or maybe he's brillant and genious status and is BORED? Maybe it's adhd? I would just check into all areas and see what's going on. I have a friend who's 4 year old is very very naughty at her montessori school because she's bored and they have to go out of their way to keep her busy at all times. It could possibly be the teacher too. I know I personally dislike my daughters current kindergarten teacher she's very unfriendly and snotty. I am a first time mom to a kid in school and am shocked at the lack of communication from school to home. I have no idea how my daughter is doing or if there is anything else I can do. Progress reports go home for the first time this year tomorrow so maybe I'll have more insight. Good luck I'm sure you'll find something to help your son.

My son was also having issues at school. His teacher does a daily smiley face chart for him. It lists math, reading, writing and spelling down the length of the paper with three circles for each across the paper. The 1st circle is for following directions, 2nd circle is for finishing work and the 3rd circle is for no scribbling. They put a smiley face in the circle if he does good, a straight face if he needs 1 reminder and a frown face if he needs more than one reminder.

Also, if he acts out during the day they can write a note on the bottom so we can discuss alternative solutions at home that evening. If he does good for a week he gets 10 minutes of play time with another friend or another teacher.

He is very excited when he comes home to show me his paper. If he has had a good day I reward him with 2 pieces of candy (ie: tootsie rolls, sweet tarts, etc..) If he has had a bad day we discuss how he can improve. If it is a really bad day we discuss it and he gets TV/Game time taken away.

This teacher also wanted us to get him tested for ADHD. I have an older son with ADHD so I know what to look for and did not agree with the teacher. I made a doctors appointment and she agreed with me. Stick to your guns, not every kid has ADHD although the teachers want them on med's to make their job easier!

I would come up with a plan and request a meeting with the teacher and the principal. She needs to follow through on her end to make this work.

Good Luck,
L.

Hi I wrote my senior thesis on ADD and ADHD and I have 4 bits of advice

1) Ask about the ages of the other kids in his class? Is he being compared to children who are on average a year older than he is? And what percentage of her students have been diagnosed with a disorder after being in her class.

2) Do not get a diagnosis from a pediatrician get one from a neurologist or a psychiatrist/psychologist that specializes in ADD and ADHD. You would want an oncologist to treat your kid if they had cancer so why not see a specialist for ADD.
Expect that a reliable diagnosis will result from at least 3 separate and lengthy appointments and that testing will be done along with possibly an MRI or cat scan.

3) Remember that teachers are not capable of diagnosing mental or behavioral disorders and can not demand medication treatments.

4) Medication should be treated as a last resort after behavioral modifications have been put in place and failed. Ask the teacher about getting an IEP(Individual Education Plan). The trick here is that he has to have a diagnosis to get an IEP in most cases. The result of an IEP can be tutoring or one on one assistance to taking tests or doing homework in seclusion.

Please email me if you have any questions

I have a degree in Social Work but am currently a stay at home mom.

I would like to offer you a suggestion. I too was getting some feedback from the teachers regarding my son and his inability to focus, etc. I too was told to have him tested. I noticed that he brought home a certain attitude from school, it would take me hours to get him back on track. Well after exhaustedly trying to come up with plans with him, the teacher, and myself and nothing changed, I decided to sit with him all day at school. I did this for a few weeks, but after the first hour on the first day, I realized what the problem was. It was not my child, it was the lack of structure in the classroom and the inconsistency in discipline that all the children were testing. The classroom reminded me of recess hour. My son needs structure maybe more then other kids, and in this case he was so distracted and found that he rather use his time socializing, because he could, then using his time working.
So if you have the flexibility in your schedule, I suggest spending an hour, day, or week, with your child at school. It will help you to understand what it is you really need to deal with and work on.
Best of luck.

My son has had similiar issues,(he's almost ten now). The only time it was a huge issue was when he had an ineffective teacher. We had about ten school meetings and a new IEP drawn up (for ways to help him stay calmer) last year, and not one this school year with a new setting. Good luck with your son, and keep on that teacher to stay on his/her end of the gameplan!

I think its wonderful that you are trying to reward him for good behavior and try to keep up with it. My son is 11 yrs old and he was dignosed with ADD in kindergarten, that was the TOUGHEST thing I have had to go thru with him yet, was the intial dignoses. I felt like a failure, I denied he has issues, intill I educated myself and accpeted it, we couldn't move on.
The biggest lesson I learned is Add/Adhd is a Disorder, therefore thier behavior is beyound thier control....just like kids with cancer, or siezers...they can't help it. Its not the parents fault or thier fault. Kids with ADD/ADHD are not trying to be naughty!!!
I hope your child does not have this disorder, it has been a long journey for us...still going.
But I think it is something to educate yourself about and keep a open mind....really watch your child at home, with eyes wide open.
Consult your DR, for more information or look up warning signs online :)
Keep us posted...

Hi Sharon ~ I am a SAHM/WAHM of 2 boys. My oldest is 16 yrs old and is ADHD. So I know what you are going through. I had my son tested. He was about 5 yrs when I had him tested. It was a long road , but we finally have him on the straight road. We were blessed to have wonderful teachers who worked with us. We have IEP's in place to help also. Plus I am also a moderator on and ADHD_Boys yahoo group. It doesn't hurt to get him tested. Plus kids thrive on schedules and routine. Both at school and home. Maybe type up a chart for chores and a chart for when he is in school and when it is time for play nad when it is time for fun stuff. Good Luck !
A. - Ashwaubenon SAHM?WAHM mom 2 boys 16 yrs and 5 yrs.

Hyland's makes some products that help with fevers. It may help to remember that while fevers are uncomfortable, they are beneficial to helping the body elminate the virus. I try not to give anything for a fever as long as it's under 104. I just give plenty of fluids (w/o sugar) and try to keep them comfortable.

I found that if my child was sick and I did give Motrin or Tylenol, they felt better so they started running around--which isn't good when you're sick. You feel sick for a reason--your body is working to fight the infection. If you take something like Tylenol or Motrin, all it does is mask the symtoms--you're still just as sick as you were before.

HTH.

Hi S. :)

There is some great advice from a lot perspectives here and I wanted to offer some education to this thread as I've been studying ADD and ADHD for 25yrs. I am not saying that Logan is or is not ADD just providing some useful information to you and the others here. This is going to be long becuase there's already too much mis-information out there that only delivers part of the story.

1. ADD and ADHD are different but under the same umbrella. The H stands for Hyperactivity. Just because your child is social and has trouble paying attention or following orders does not mean he's hyper - hyper is a non stop tigger (you'd notice- UNLESS that's normal to you and is what many of your family is like)- he could still be ADD though. Many ADD kiddos without the "H" are overlooked. That makes me sad for them.

2. Within ADD - there are near endless combinations of "typical ADD traits" your child will likely be different than another with ADD. One child has no concept of time, One stares into space, one has trouble getting thru a book, another you can't get to put down a book, one is angry, one is funny, one is passive & sweet, one is forgettful, another could list statics for hours, one has learning dissablities, one is nutty professor genius, one DEMANDS order or is upset, one IS clutter, one never stops talking bouncing moving... The list of "typicals" is long - they could have all of them or a few. Each child will present thier own list of symptoms that could show themselves more or less depending on their environment and the coping stragies that they intentionally or not have put in place themselves or by their family or life structure. They also are generally normal human traits that happen to everyone once in awhile, however, it is the amount the frequency, consistency, and/or elevation of these traits that bring us to ADD.

3. Structure, Environment, Diet, Exercise are all ingredients to success or failure in an ADD child. You may have wonderful dependable structure at home with the household focusing on Logan. Logan is not likely to find that much fun love and attention anywhere else beyond perhaps his friendships. Please keep that in mind as you are trying to raise a little one to be healthy, happy, and succeed on their own someday. He needs to learn to thrive in all environments outside your door and they will not hold his hand, provide your exact environment, know him, or be as understanding .

4. ADD in not a bad thing - It is exactly the same as a child who has poor eye site. Would you punish your child for not being able to read the blackboard? Would you make him sit there and strain and struggle without help to be able to gain a smiley sticker? Would you give your child a frowny face sticker and make him feel bad and punish him for something he will never be able to control? Of course not! You'd have him tested the instant a teacher mentioned he was straining or struggling or the second he said he couldn't see and you'd get him treatment/help/glasses so that your happy healthy smarty pants could be all he's capable of being and so that HE won't feel so frustrated throughout his life. Do not tell him to just behave - to just do better - to just try harder... not without being a good parent and getting him some "glasses" first.

5. ADD is all about chemicals in the brain... some have too little in some areas some have too many in other areas. That's why ADD is so broad an umbrella... which ones, how much, and where are they? Just like some people struggle with sugar (too much too little) Just like you may not have enough Iron in your diet ... what do you do? You go to the doctor and he gives you what's missing to bring you to a "normal" level to make your body work at it's best. Do you give your child vitimins? yes Do you give him liquid if he's dehydrated? yes

6. We are lucky that today there is a lot more education and there are many kinds of ways to work with/treat/help it. We are unfortunate that there remains so much miscommunication so many differing view points from those who just don't get it and that's the only reason there's any stigma at all. One type of treatment will not work for everyone (ADULTS and CHILDREN btw). You may need to try several before you find the right one. Do not give up trying. Do not say it doesn't work - this is pointless. Don't stress out about it - keep it a quest to find the solution for your child.

7. As our children grow they will recieve less and less structure, they will be on their own for more and more, ADHD can be spotted early but ADD traits really tend to show up later as their independent selves are put to the test. Homework, coming home on time, remembering chores, adolescence, responsibility for a clean room, decisicion making, test taking, amount of reading material determining their learning, amount of stimuli, amount of attention they recieve. If you know early and start teaching your child the right skills early on - If you can prevent the pitfalls and failures by setting them up for success you can make a world of difference in their future.

8. If there is reason to suspect - get him tested - it doesn't hurt anyone it can only help. It's actually very educational. They will not diagnose him if he doesn't have it. If he does then you know what your working with. After that do your research with more than 1 resource (PLEASE).
Teachers don't want medicated kids - they want healthy, happy kids with the abiltiy to learn and get a great education.. just like you. Teachers are not experts but they do see more children at your childs age than you do. They have a responsibility to your child and the rest of their class.

*I am not a doctor or a professional just very very well informed. I hope this is helpful if not to you than to someone else reading this thread. My heart breaks for every child that feels like a failure or is punished for being ADD when they could've been so much more - but they are a child - we are the adults - it is our responsibility to help them and we have the abilty right now to change their future and make it bright.

Good Luck Everyone!
R.