Have 1 Yr Old and Will Have a New Baby in 2 Weeks, How Do I Get Him to Adjust?

My daughter was 14 months to the day when my middle child was born....It helped her to have some special mommy time with me when he was sleeping for the adjustment...

My son was 17 mo old when his sister was born. The best thing we did was let him have some access to his sister. When he was kept away from her he got a little aggressive -- he just wanted to see and touch and kiss her. So we started giving him limited access to touch her and look at her. He got much more gentle very quickly. The good thing is that new babies can just be put in a bouncy seat or a bassinette when they don't need to be fed or changed so the adjustment is gradual.

Go to the library and she you can find the video Lizzie and the baby this is a great video for kids. Even though since he is 1 who know how much he will watch. Also there are great books. Just make sure to give him time to and he will be fine. If you are breastfeeding you can but in a special movie he loves when you feed the baby or read him a book while you are breastfeeding. Have him bring you stuff to help. Hope this helps. There is also classes offered for siblings.

S.,

I see some people adviced getting the baby involved in changing diapers etc. I would suggest, no way, do not go that route.
Let me tell you my opinion.
My daughter was 11 months when her brother was born.
The best advice the Dr gave me was, tend to the older one if they both cry to avoid resentments from the older one who is more aware, the baby at first will be a "distraction" to mommy and will be jelouse.

I did not let my daughter help with anything because when you turn away for ONE SECOND, there is a great risk of accidents. My dd saw me whipe the baby's face, and when I'd set a towel down, she'd go whipe him and cover his whole face.
So what I did, is I allowed her to touch him ANYWHERE but the face, she still pets his head (she's 18 months now and he's 7) she hugs and kissed him all the time, no face.
No helping with bottles, as she would try to feed him all the time, once I left a bottle on the couch and I barely caught her trying to feed him the night before's bottle with the left over milk!!!
So, I am mommy, I care for baby, she watched and can help with hugs, she can bring him books, all the toys, she can not do any of the "helping" things except watch as she plays along side us - like when I bathe him she gets to sit by us and play with her stuff.

I think it has worked great for us.
She understands now that he's here to stay. For a while, everytime I held the baby she'd cry, whine and demand that I pick her up, so I started sitting them both on my lap and often times put the baby right next to me so I could hold her and now she has no problem for she's not threatened.
Always leave him out of reach from the other baby.

Last, I truly look forward to them playing together more, they're already laughing and interacting a lot. Get your son used to background music in his room so he's not awakened so easily by baby brother. He will want to get into the babie's crib, chair, carseat....
I let her do it and decided it was a mistake. I decided to teach her space and that some things are hers, some are his. That way, she also learns respect. She was grabbing everything from him, including a paci and now she won't do it. She had to understand she's not his boss, she has to respect baby brother, and does!!!
They are soooo smart!!!

let me know how it's going.
It will be busy busy but also amazing....
The hardest part for me is keeping her challenged staying home so much with a newborn, she was used to daily parks etc... So I try to have playdates and have a lot of activities, I even bought a small playground and put it in the living room so she can swing and slide...

What a ride ;)!!

When my son was born, a couple people suggested I get my girls (then about 7 yrs old) a babydoll, so they could have a baby too. We would then do things together with 'our babies'. Even though your son is only 15 months old, this might be a thought.

S.,

Your little boy knows there is a baby coming, right? Make sure to try to include him and let him know he is special. Good book for wee ones is called "You're a big brother now" or something like that. Try to get out to a play group every so often, and don't worry.

Best wishes,
K.

One othe best things we did with our first-born was to include him in every step of the process. Have him help you make decisions (what should baby wear today, can you pick out a diaper, do you want to help feed the baby?" etc etc... I've also heard that bringing a gift home for your first-born when you come home from the hospital is a good idea, too.

S.,

My son was 3 years old when I was having my second child. We did a few things so that he wouldn't feel like he was being pushed aside.

1. I talked to him so that he would understand that his new sister wouldn't be able to play with him right away. I used to joke with him and say all she'll be able to do is eat, sleep, and poo. You can find several books that will rely this message too.

2. We bought something for him to be from his new sister to be given to him while I was in the hospital - we hid it in the house and told him that his sister left him something for him. It worked great by time he came to visit me and his new sister in the hospital (my parents came up to stay with him while I was in the hospital) he told me that he loved his sister because she gave him gifts.

3. Since he was 3 we started him in pre-school before his sister was born so that he felt that it was special and not because of his sister. I know your son is not old enough for pre-school but you could see about classes at the local community center or even a KinderMusic class. If you are from the Columbus/Powell area, you can check out my friends studio http://www.thejoyfulnoisestudio.com. And there is always that play areas at the local malls.

Well, that's all I have - good luck and God bless,
Mel

Make sure to have some little presents wrapped and ready .When people bring baby gifts give him a big brother gift. Try to have people pay special attention to him first when they come in. Just try to relax if you are stressed he will know

Your son needs a baby doll. This can be used to help him understand how to be gentle. It can also give him something to do while you are caring for your newborn...he can care for his doll. It worked great for us. We used this technique with each of our children. Now ages 5.5 , 4 , 22mo. 2.5 mo.
Hope this helps.

My boys are 15 months apart. My oldest wasn't to upset about his brother, it was me. I felt like I was horrible and I couldn't spend enough time with both of them. My husband was GREAT and helped out SO much. Now that I look back on it and now look at them play I realize my oldest didn't really care. For yourself, try and spend some time during the day with your oldest. It'll be hard for the first few weeks, but afterwards, you'll be glad you didn't wait longer for the oldest to really get an idea of what's going on.

My son was a year older than yours when I had my daughter so I am sure it is a bit diffrent. I would make him as much a part of everything as you can. Tell him the new baby is his baby also and that you need his help to take care of the new baby. Also, make sure that you give him as much attention as possible. You may also get him a special gift from the baby that you can give him at the hosptital and let him pick out something to give the baby.

good luck and congrats,
Sabirna

My son turned 1 when our surprise baby was born. (she was actually born on his first birthday)
Having the first one that young when the second is born is very very different than if your children are spaced even a little farther apart. I know, my 2nd and 3rd are almost 4 years, and 3rd and 4th are almost 2 years apart, and they were both very different transitions than it was with my 1st two. The various age gaps make a huge difference on how things are handled.
My son was so young that he really had no interest in his little sister for several monthes. He gravitated to Daddy a lot which made me a little sad at the time, but looking back I think it really was a good thing.
I tried to include him as much as I could but the fact was, he just wasn't interested and that really is alright.
Those two, now 8 and 7, are very best friends and they have been since my son turned about 2. He never remembers a time without her and those first months are forgotten. In many ways, it is probably similar to having twins.
You don't have to worry about how they will adjust to each other, it just happens and they seem to know what to do.
Just love him and let him see you loving the baby, he will too.
There is some other advice that I had been given that I like even though some do not. That is get him a baby doll of his own. Some consider this too girly but boys usually become Daddys just like girls become Mommys. There is nothing wrong with teaching a boy to love a baby. My son stopped playing with his before he was even 2 but I think that it helped to teach him about being soft and gentle with his sister.
I hope this helps. Having my babies that close was very hard for the first little while, but I love to see them together now. They don't seem to have so much of the sibling rivalry and fights that my younger two daughters already have. They are friends, playmates and confidants (even though they have very different interests.)
Also, having Dad involved helped a great deal. He and my son have a good bond.
R.

beleive me, he will adjust better then you think. i have four kids two sets 12 mo apart.just try to keep him invovlved and have him help with baby as much as you can allow. he will bond and think he is helping the baby too. my 7 and 8yr old are always together and the 3 and 4 yr olds stick togther. you will be happy you did it this way, you gave him a buddy for life!!!!!!!!!!

My son was 17 months old when my now 7 month old son was born. I love to watch them interact. They aleady seem to be really enjoying each other. My son seemed to adjust really well to having the baby around and being home with mom and baby all day. I think that it is easier for them when they are younger. I did have some issues, however because my older son had a hard time understanding that his little brother could not play with him and do the things that he could do. My pediatrician, even today at his two year check-up recommended that I involve him in helping to care for his brother. Obviously there are limitations in this area, but I would definitely recommend it. Teaching your older child about caring for and helping his little brother will help him to understand what he can expect from his sibling and help develop the bond between them. Feel free to contact me anytime if you want to chat with someone in a similar situation. Best of luck!

I don't think that your son will feel slighted at all by being able to be at home with his Mommy and new baby brother. There are sooo many SAHM in the area to get together with that your son can have MORE playmates than he had at daycare! There are groups on-line that you can hook up with gals locally, mom's groups at different churches that meet different days of the week, other moms in your (or other) direct sales companies that are home during the day as well! With a little effort on your part, you and your boys can have so many new and wonderful friends that he won't miss daycare in the slightest! Let me know if you'd like some more info or if you'd like to get together. I have a 3 and 2 year old at home (both boys) and am involved in several different playgroups.

Most children around 1 year old play on their own "along side" other children. They don't really play together and pretend-play until they are 2 or so. Perhaps plan play dates during the week with other kids. Visit girlfriends with kids. I even visited the daycare with my little ones.

I was too alone with just baby and me in the house all day. I needed adult conversation and the kids could play in a new environment with other children.)

There are also church groups and church daycare.

S., my 3rd son was 15 1/2 months old when our daughter was born. He didn't like the idea that there was a little baby now taking mommies lap. In the hospital he didn't want to see the baby if mommy was holding her. But when he saw me without the baby he would come running for my lap. Understand that when you are feeding the baby...if you are breastfeeding...that you have to hold the baby, but they don't need to be held the whole time. I would get my cuddle time in with the baby when my son was napping or sleeping. But something that I did was that when I was done feeding her I would put her on the floor beside us and then let him sit on my lap and have some mommy time while his sister laid on the floor next to us. When she would take a nap, I would have special time with him. My 3rd son is now 25 1/2 months and my daughter will be 10 months this week...they are great friends now. He will get on the floor and play with her. He loves to make her laugh and he wants to try and hold her and gives her lots of hugs and kisses. I love to watch them together. Your son may need a little time to adjust to the idea that he isn't going to day care but you can make the most of your time with him at home with you and his new sibling. He will probably love all of that extra time with you and having your attention. He is still young enough to adjust quickly. Good luck with your new arrival.

One of my friends in the same situation kept her son in daycare, but only part time. For a couple of weeks, then she had a very set routine while he was at home. She never varied the routine, unless of course, there was issues with the baby. While baby was sleeping she and her son spent time together, he would help with bottles. (handing her the bottles, rims and nipples) then they would read a story together. They are just fine.

Our daughter was 15 months old when our son was born last summer. The best advice I got was that there is little you can do to prepare your older one. Your son is not old enough to grasp the concept of a younger sibling and you will exhaust yourself trying with little effect. We spent a lot of time on "gentle" and then blocking and tackling when she wanted to touch too much. She simply did not have the fine motor skills to be left alone around him. Despite our efforts and plenty of attention from Dad, grandparents, nanny,etc., the jealously also started early. It is only an opinion, but just focus on loving them both as much as you can and the rest will work itself out. I also try to do a couple of things alone with her every week...more for myself than for her : )

My advise to you is that you should share the new baby with your son.When it changing time for the baby have your one yr old get the baby diaper let him help you and he want feel slided b/c he will feel part of you and the new baby life.Show him that you love him also by sharing that new baby even with the smallest chores like getting the baby bottles,getting the baby power,whatever you can think of that he you us him for to help.And don't ask him all the time b/c he might get tried of doing thinking that all you want him to do is help with the baby.And remember to always fine some time for him when the baby is resting fine a movie time to share with him and let him pick what he would like to watch.When you go to the store let feel like a big boy by helping out pick his favorite food.What am trying to make realize is don't forget that he is there b/c of the new baby.I hope that help you.

When our second came along, I'd look for opportunities to tell the baby "you'll just have to wait a few minutes Meg; Mommy needs to do (fill-in-the-blank) for your big brother". There will be many times when the older child's needs are second to the baby's, so when I'm able to make the baby wait I make a point of verbalizing it so the older child understands that they're not always second in line. I'd also always have reading time with the older child that was one-on-one at the end of the day. It was (and is) special and consistent time together.