Hi. Has anyone else read the book Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp? Did you find his technique works? It's quite unique, but then again so is the 5 S technique in Happiest Baby on the Block and that worked for my daughter. She is now 14 months and has started to throw tantrums. She's quite a spirited little girl and I need to find a way to get her tantrums under control without breaking her. I've tried ignoring and that doesn't seem to be working. She only settles down when I pick her up, but I don't want her to think she's going to get her way just because she throws a fit. Any and all suggestions are welcome. Thanks, mom's!
I really loved that book, he has the best advice... And the best part is that it works!! It's so cool!!!!
I would totally recommend it!!!!!! Such a loving way to deal with the challenging times that come with having little ones!!! Seems crazy at the time... But really validating them with the right voice is magical!! They really respond to it.
Take care :-)
How about telling her that you will pick her up when she stops fussing ?
One of the things I tried to do with my young ones was to help them find words to express what they were feeling. I think if they can share it in words, it is less apt to come out in a tantrum.
The other thing I did (not with the 2's, however) was to let them know that they could be angry, but were not to take it out on others by making their lives miserable. Thus, an older child who was throwing a fit or acting like a jerk was sent to her bedroom, and was welcomed back when she could act in a more polite fashion.
The important thing is to honor the feelings, allow your child to feel what she's feeling (cuz you can't discipline them away anyway), and let her know she is loved, and also that she has to act in a way that is appropriate. I use the I love you AND thing, not the I love you, BUT. Cuz both apply, not one or the other. :-)
Good luck !!!
We used the techniques in the book and did find them to be very helpful - not just with managing the temper tantrums of our spirited little boy but also to give us some perspective and see things from his view. Recently I've used the "gossiping" technique to praise our son to his brand new baby sister and that has been a home run. Good luck!
You basically have to decide if you want your child having tantrums going forward or if you don't. Validating and understanding aren't discipline or teaching not to do wrong behaviors, they are the ways in which you should treat your child at all times.
The theory that kids who have been taught not to have tantrums and are instead happily playing, acting mature, following directions and getting praised from family, friends and strangers for good behavior are "broken", and kids who get ignored for their tantrums and validated to death and continue having them are "whole" is backwards.
All kids are spirited. Some have good guidance some don't. I didn't read this book because the word, "technique" scares me since it usually somehow means avoiding discipline through tricks that involve weak parenting-but again, I didn't read it, so I could be totally wrong. But my friend loves the book and her son is a nightmare. Unless angry fits in public and hitting his mom (still, at age 6 since age 2) are "not broken". That's not saying it doesn't work for other people. But he lives on a Block of Toddlers I do not want to go to!
My kids, 3 1/2 and 18 months don't have tantrums and they're not broken. My daughter recently started daycare and her teacher commented on what a joyful happy girl she is. She has no tantrums and constant "redirection" for the teacher to do. She goes around telling other kids "It's OK, put a smile on your face, let me hug you." when they're crying because she thinks they're really hurt. We spend almost no time on discipline because her early toddler training was effective.
Let me know if you're interested in old fashioned discipline. or I like to call it "timeless"-you said any and all suggestions :)
As for the picking up thing, you're right! Don't reward her fit. Do not pick her up when she's crying unless she's genuinely sad or hurt. DO be sure to go pick her up and cuddle her when she's being quiet. Carry her around a lot all the time without her "command" so she doesn't feel deprived of attention and feels included. Praise her for being good. She'll learn that the only time she doesn't get positive attention is when she's throwing a fit. This won't be enough for long though. She's not too young to enforce discipline for tantrums if you want the next step.
I read the book and watched the DVD. His priciples are sound and his theories make a lot of sense.... I am trying this now in my home and it does seem to work most of the time....it's just getting past the embarassment of using the "toddler-ese" in front of people that is getting me side-tracked. :-(
We'll just keep plugging away at it until it becomes more natural for us I guess.
Other than that I liked the book and DVD very much.
Good Luck.
I haven't read that one, but a book we liked for that age was Making the Terrible Twos Terrific. The "2's" can start well before and/or continue past the actual age, so you may find it helpful even now. Good luck!
We were HUGE Happiest Baby on the Block fans, but sorta pick and choose with the toddler thing. We don't do the caveman talking, but I do think the concept of "feeding the meter" honoring their feelings, and remembering that the more upset they get the less rational they get is totally worthwhile.
My personal theory (with my sample size of one) is that you can pick them up and comfort them to head off the tantrum, but once they are in the midst of it, you have to walk away. You will just be teaching bad habits, otherwise-- especially if the tantrum is designed to get your attention. The other think we've found to be hugely helpful is that we sign with our son and it totally cuts down on the number of tantrums-- at least the ones where we just can't understand what he wants. If you haven't already, check out the Baby Signing Times DVDs at your library.
The ones that he's mad because I won't let him play with knives...well, that's just tough. Tantrum all day if you like, my dear. :-)
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Hi,
I love The Happiest Toddler on the Block. I wish I had read the Happiest Baby in time to help me with my boys but I made it through! I was lucky enough to attend a lecture by Harvey Karp and watched him calm every baby in the room. Mine was 9 months old and at home....oh well. I really liked his second book as well. My oldest is cautious and the book helped me appreciate that and meet his needs. There is a video too but I would suggest getting it at the library. I think his book will help with your daughter, I remember a section on spirited children. My husband still tells me to be the "ambassador" between our still cave man like 3 year old and our strange adult world. Best of luck. They change so fast! Yes, I did read it and do recommend it. The book only goes to 4 but I think that the series called How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish is a great resource. It also talks about acceptance of feelings and respect for all parents and children alike.
