Getting Dressed Debacle for 2 Year Old

My husband started naming her clothes. She has "ni,ni clothes", "play clothes", etc. So in the morning he tells her that she need to get her change into her play clothes. She usually doesn't fight and at night we say it's time for ni-ni clothes. She is picking out her own play clothes. Most of them go together relatively well, but you could put them in matching sets of shirts and pants if you want and have him choose from that. We still fight at times, but by labling the clothes and keeping them in their designation, things have gone MUCH smoother. You are not alone! Take care.

H.

I think it is fine to insist he get dressed in the morning (rather then wearing jammies all day) but let him pick out which things he wants to wear (no matter how horrid) and let him dress himself! My son hated being diapered dressed fed-anything like that. He wanted to do it. If he has trouble he can ask for help. Try to provide stuff that is easy to get on. But we won't be going and doing any fun stuff until we are dressed for the day. And remember this won't last long.
Now if I could just get my husband to not wear his robe all day on his days off.....

D., Sounds like you are resourceful. You are probably a warm and loving mother and this is his way of getting some time with you. It is a game for him and it has a big payoff, your attention. Don't spend one second thinking about what others will think of how he is dressed, those who are nice understand, and those who are critical cannot be pleased. i see no reason why he can't wear his pajamas for a few months as he goes through this, or his clothes with tags out, or outfits that are outrageous. You can promise him time together when he gets dressed, like reading a book or sitting on your lap watching TV. I'm thinking this is part of a morning sshedule with you getting ready for school and taking care of everything else. Wake him up first for this time together and you get up 5 min earlier. Seriously, we are not talking about a long time here, just 5 min of just you would do it. Maybe you can cuddle with him before he gets dressed.

LOL...screaming octopus. Yeah, I got one of those too. Choices have not worked well for me either. Some days it works and some it doesn't but every day is a fight. Every once in awhile he goes with it and that is a "good day". I don't know if you have to go to work every day, not fun to start a hectic morning with a screaming octopus is it?

One thing I have done which I don't know if is possibly for you is split the dressing with my husband. I got real sick of starting my day like that 5 days out of the week.

Yes, it would be nice to not deal with it and let him wear what ever he wants but it just doesn't work for me everyday. One thing I have tried is putting him to bed in close to what he will wear the next day, makes the morning a bit easier.

I really think this is a power struggle and all we can do is offer a choice and tell him that if he does not choose then mommy will. Fight the screaming octopus if you have to, change his clothes and move on. I also think (hope) this is phase.

Your not alone!

Happy Holidays!!

Sounds like the issue isn't choosing what he's wearing, it's just now a habit to make it a power struggle. He probably can't even remember why he's fighting you in the first place.

I would tell him unemotionally but firmly "it's time to put on your shirt." Then I would unemotionally put the shirt on him. I would ignore all struggles and not respond with words, either kind, comforting or angry. I may repeat several times "it's time to put on your shirt." If he responds "NO!" I would ignore the response and say "it's time to put on your shirt." If he flailed around I would ignore that too. Once he finds that his struggle has no effect, he'll stop.

When my stepdaughter was six she never wanted to change her underwear. Her mom never made her, her attitude was "fine, walk around in stinky underwear." I tried all sorts of different tactics, letting her choose (she'd take 10 minutes if she could to waste time), offering a "reward", "if you get your underwear on we can go eat breakfast or play a game" and punishments "you're going to sit here until you change your underwear." None of that worked. I even tried showing her dirty underwear and talking about how GROSS it was. No effect.

Then I realized I was the adult (!), and by me offering rewards and punishments I was letting her control the situation in a way...cause an effect on me. And boy, was it an effect! We'd both be angry by the time it was done.

So I tried the no-effect method and ignored everything she did or said and only repeated in a calm voice what she needed to do "take your underwear off" until she did it. She tried to make a BIGGER EFFECT, it got worse (expect that the first few times) where she'd hide, cry or push me away. I ignored EVERYTHING. And you know what, it worked! In about two days she was going in her drawer and changing her own underwear all by herself.

The no-effect method works most of the time, I use it on everything and it has helped so much. She loves being a drama queen. Good luck!

Let him wear whatever he wants. As long as he is covered and is comfy, what else matters?

I agree. Just go with it. So far 2 of my boys have STRONG opinions on what they are wearing. I find myself saying "He is VERY independent"..."He dresses himself"...etc. :) My 4 year old likes to wear things backwards...even his jeans!!! So there are days he has his jeans and shirt on backwards and his shoes on the wrong feet. People actually point this out to me in the grocery store...like I hadn't noticed!!
Good Luck!
J.

My son was the same way and giving choices didn't solve anything. It was worse in the spring/summer when we switched to short sleeves. He would try to pull the sleeves to make them longer (at least that what I figured he was trying to do). And my kids would be happy wearing their pjs all day long now as well. Just keep trying to encourage getting dressed, and do it as quickly as possible. Maybe you could make a speed game out of it.

You don't need to give a 2 year old choice. That's a little young for his brain. Besides, his choice is p.js. so the choice thing doesn't work. Fold his pants and tees by the outfit. Struggle with the octopus but don't let it win. Don't hollar. Speak softly to him and let him know everyone gets dressed. It easier if he takes a morning bath that way the nakedness wants to get dressed quickly to stay warm. Merry Xmas

Yes, my daughter since the age of 1 wanted to pick out her clothes. Nothing worked, until she turned two, I took two of her bottom drawers of her chest and put in appropriate clothing that she could wear. She and I have not argued about clothing since (she is now 6 and wants to still pick out what she wears) as she went and just picked out what she wanted to wear. They have the control of picking what they want without the battle and then you have the control of putting things/items there that should go there.Good luck!

I go thru the same thing with my 5 year old and have for years (and with the older children). Don't fight with him. Let him wear what he wants. Take the totally unacceptable stuff out of his drawers and hide it or throw it away. Everything in the drawers should be OK for him to wear. I had to let go of a lot of MY desires for how the kids should dress. I had to let go of a lot of MY preconceived gender based opinions too. Its just not worth it....every time you can let your son have control and autonomy w/o endangering himself or others the better off you are in the long run!

Good luck.

Stop fighting with him. As long as the clothes are weather appropriate or layered in a manner that is weather appropriate don't fight. Sure this may mean he will wear his jammy tops, looks like a bum or just plain goofy. But he'll fight you more and more for control on this because he sees how much it matters to you.

I had the same problem with my son until I stopped fighting him. He had a set amount of time to get dressed and the only thing he wasn't allowed was to wear something that would be too hot or not warm enough. He looked horrible many times but after a while he got happier about being able to do this task by himself and started to dress nicer.

If someone asked me about it, I would always say proudly that I thought it was great/cool that he dressed himself. I would also take a bunch of pictures so later on when your son asks how you could let him go outside in that you could say that HE insisted on wearing it. Most people will get that your child dressed themselves and that is why they look so oddly. If not, who cares? It isn't like the kid is being neglected or anything when they dress themselves in odd but weather appropriate clothing.

This is not an unusual phase of trying to assert independence. As well as you can, you need to ignore the behavior. Be the mom, without squelching his spirit, give him two choices and that's it. I have to do this with my daughter sometimes. Part of what I have learned is that I need to keep control and learned that trying to reason is not something they can do. Sometimes I say, okay let's do this and then we are going to pick your shirt for the day, then we can have more fun and do some other things today. The other thing to consider, for us anyway it worked, on days when we really didn't have to be dressed, have jammie day, a day where he doesn't have to be dressed. Always refreshing!

I have no advice---just simply to tell you... you are not alone! You seem to be doing all the right "tricks." I guess under the "pick your battles" argument, sometimes I do let my 2 year old son where his pj top!

I have a 2-1/2 year old son and a few months ago he became very picky about what he wears too. I let him choose from a couple things but usually he has something in mind, as in a certain color or stripes, etc., based on his favorite TV show. I let him choose what he wants to wear but sometimes I try to influence it by saying (very excitedly), "Ooh, how about this one, it's striped like Steve's on Blue's Clues!" and usually the enthusiasm from me convinces him to wear that particular item. The main thing he wanted was control to put the shirt on himself. If I interfered in any way trying to put it on he would have a fit and whip it off. So I learned to just let him do it himself (no matter how long it took) and if it was backwards I encouraged him to turn it around and then would tell him what a great job he did. It's all about them realizing that they have some independence from us at this age and they want to have some control. There were a few times he wore his shirt backwards or inside out but most of the time he's done great. Now it's not such an issue, he even lets me help him, since it's not a power struggle anymore.

Good luck, hope some of these suggestions work for you!

Sounds like you have done a lot with choice and options. My kids are really picky about what they wear and I have hung a shower curtain rod at their level. I put only the close they can choose from there and they pick out their clothes almost every day. If they don't, I explain that we have to get dressed and mommy will pick. Also, if my kids want to wear their pjs all day (and we are not going out) I let them! Why not...I love a day in my pjs every once in awhile. Also, I have let them wear pj top under something else (not a choice if you have a sweaty sleeper, but if not, why not?) I also let my kids pick out their cloths and we practice matching thing. I buy things and then bring them home. If they don't like them or say they won't wear them then I take them back. (My kids are 3 1/2 and 2 and some people think that this is too young and I am crazy...but we don't have tears or fights over clothes and I do have control because I pick the options.) Also when it comes time for them to put on something special for me (chuch, picture day, etc)...I can use the fact that they pick everyday and this is a special day for mommy and I get to pick. Good Luck!!

He does it because he can.

My girls will still give me a hard time about getting dressed in the morning. One is six and the other is four. They would stay in their jammies all day given the chance.

I think it is just something he has chosen to battle about. You have to somehow convince him that you are the boss and he has no choice in the matter. He will put on a shirt and if it bothers him in some way then he has to tell you what is hurting him. If he can't then explain that he has to get dressed everyday and that is that.

For me I just tell the girls that they have to get dressed period. They use to fight me, but I would stop what I was doing and stop fighting them. I would tell them that they were going to get dressed and they would stop fighting me or they would be punished.

I explained that if they fought me then they weren't obeying me and that meant they would get a spanking. Out right defiance always gets a spanking if warned and it doesn't stop.

A handful of spankings in their life and I can assure you that my girls typically only need to be calmly warned that they need to listen.

Now I always listen to their complaints and explain why we are doing what we are doing. But in the end I'm the boss and they will do what I tell them to do.

A child that doesn't have just a tiny bit of fear for their parent typically won't listen to them and has no respect for them. Ever see a mommy in the store begging a child to get off the floor, to stop doing something bad and the child yells no or just keep kicking and screaming???? That is a child that has no respect for their parents and could care less what that parent tells them to do.

Many people today would read this and think "Oh how horrible" She's so mean. I assure you my kids adore me. We have mutual love and respect and they know that mommy loves them more than anything. They know that I want them to be sweet, well-behaved little girls even when mommy isn't around. All children want boundaries, rules, and limits...and yes consequences.

You have to decide for yourself what kind of consequences he will care about and then put that in place when you are dressing him. Explain that he will not be allowed to throw a fit over his shirts anymore. Tell him the consequences and then put those in place the second he starts to rebell. He will test you to see if you mean what you say.

And yes children can understand consequences at two. Mine started understanding right from wrong and what was accepted about the time they started to crawl.