Friends of My Twins

Next time she comes over I'd tell her that A and B are going to be busy the rest of the week playing with friends they have from school, and perhaps she would want to call a friend from *her* school to play. Pick a day the following week for a short playdate (if you're ok with her coming over every once in a while). You could also tell her that now that she's 11 she's more of a helper and less of a playmate to your kids... and treat her as such. Ask her to help you a bit around the house or with your twins... maybe it won't be as much fun for her!

You may find, though, that there aren't any kids this girl's age nearby and that's why she's always at your house. Or maybe her parents aren't interested in playing with her or driving her to friends houses.

Tell her she is a sweet girl, but way too old to be playing with them. This is the nicest, gentlest way. Plus, do you want to be sending her away multiple times per day when she asks "Is now a good time?" Plus, she needs to make her own friends to get through middle school.

I would just nicely limit the time and days until you get them down to zero. When she comes over you can say "Oh, not today sweetie" or "Playtime visit will just be for an hour today". If she's going in and out during her visit just tell her that you'd rather she not do that for whatever your reasons are. HTH :)

Wow... it sounds like this girl is lonely and really loves you, your house, your twins. Perhaps instead of hinting that she get's lost, you might want to befriend and welcome her? Could it be that she is idiosyncratic, and has trouble making connections with her peers? (My son has tons of friends older and younger...) - maybe this child needs whatever it is you are providing.

Talk with her parents. I wouldn't talk with the little girl. That is a bit of an age difference. However, it's not so horrible. I'd let her come over every now and then because it sounds like she is lonely. There are worse things children can do than wanting to having someone to talk with. Don't be too harsh. 11 is a vulnerable age and rejection is hard. But I do see your point and understand how you feel. Does the little girl act younger than 11? Are there other kids her age in the neighborhood?

You just tell her.
In a diplomatic way.

I totally agree with Shaun L.'s response. If she is a pleasant child and your children like her, I would befriend her and give her your time and attention. You don't state that your children don't like/don't want her around, so I'm assuming the issue is only bothering you. Also, are there any peers her age in the neighborhood? Close to her, that she can walk to their house and not have to have her parents drive her? If not, that probably is another reason she's always with your children; they're neighbors and right there for her to play with. Is she an only child? You leave out a lot of information that makes it hard to really answer your question. My daughter is an only child and there aren't any kids in the neighborhood for her to play with, so she has no one. Be thankful there are kids for your children to play with.

She is obviously looking for something, and if she has issues with making friends with her peers (like my daughter), then she'll love you for giving her the attention and letting her be friends with your children, and you'll have helped her learn how to navigate the tricky and treacherous waters of making and keeping friends.

The coming in/out of your house, though, I would address if it bothers you (and it would me; she shouldn't have that easy of an access). Just be nice but firm and tell her that she needs to call first before she comes over (so you'll know she's on her way and/or can let her know that now's not a good time) or that she needs to knock on the door/ring the doorbell, but she shouldn't just walk in.

When I grew up, we moved when I was 12 to a very, very small rural town, where I had lots and lots of issues with making friends with my peers/age group (I'd never had problems before, so it was hard for me). I barely had any friends my age, but lots and lots of friends who were older and younger than me; even a lot of adult friends. Kids can be friends with people of all ages; they don't just have to be friends with peers their age/in their age group. I found myself blessed with learning lots and lots of friendship/relationship skills because I had such a varied (age) group of friends.