Any "Thirty-Something" Sahm's Out There That Can Relate?

Updated on January 26, 2009
D.M. asks from Miamisburg, OH
62 answers

Hi! I'm hoping there's someone out there who can relate to "my story" and perhaps give some advice. I'm 38 and just had my second child...a daughter that's 5 mos. I also have a 9 yr old daughter from a previous marriage. I've worked outside of the home since I was 16 yrs old and am now a SAHM. I worked full time w/my first daughter so this is a huge adjustment. Of course I'm not complaining; I feel blessed to be able to stay home w/my baby (even though it's not easy from a financial stand point). Anyway, that's a whole other story. My "dilemma" if you will, is that I don't know any other SAHM's that I can socialize with. No kidding; all my friends work during the day. So, I know this sounds weird but I'm "lonely." I would love to have friends to hang out with and our kids can play...(oh, yeah, that's another thing...none of my "thirty something" friends have babies so that puts a real "cramp" on the social thing too). I've been to different social gatherings like "Momtopia" at the Dayton Mall and I've tried signing up for the South Dayton Mom's Group but they weren't taking applications. And think about it --- how in the world do you try to make new friends w/o seeming "creepy" anyway? I mean, I can't walk up to someone and say "Hi - will you be my friend?" or "can I have your number?" ;) Seriously...I'm an educated, professional, nice and fun person (if I do say so myself) but I feel like a complete LOSER. :) Any advice out there?

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So What Happened?

Just wanted to say "Thanks" to everyone out there who responded to my "plight." I read each and every response and there was so much great advice. I bookmarked the sites that were given to me and will check them out. I'm also looking into MOPS and have already joined the Y which is starting to open up some doors. This is now my favorite "mom" website b/c everyone seems so considerate and supportive. Thanks again for everything...hope to "talk" to many of you soon. Take Care - :)D.

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J.R.

answers from Cincinnati on

If you don't mind me asking what kind of internet business did you start? I have three girls 7, 5, and 3mos. I would love to stay home. I'm 39 looking for a way to be a sahm:).

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M.M.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Hello D.,
Well I am 38 as well BUT I have a 4 yo and a 17 mo and I am a SAHM and funny to say you feel bored at times lol... I just try to keep busy with 4 yo Daughter with activities and my son well he does not like it SO I try to do his nap around the time I do her things. I just did get a lil girl to sit for who is 4 as well. For the adult time I AM SO THERE IF we did not live 2 1/2 hrs away we could let lil ones play and visit. My 4yo LOVES lil kids and she is an AWESOME big sis but does tend to annoy her bro. lol I feel for you I really do. Try to get in with some of the neighbors around you. I did that with a girl 2 drs down NOW she is pregnant lol and she will come and stay for like 3 hrs till her hubby gets home. It is nice and I do not want her to leave lo... Do a movie night with the kids I try that at night. I get their bath around 6-7 and put in movie then STRAIGHT to bed. THEN it is ME TIME. I either go to bed or watch shows I have taped from that day. Sry probably not much help just hang in there dear it will get REAL fun when summer gets here and you can get out..

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L.W.

answers from Cincinnati on

I had the exact same problem that you do, and it was about 2 years before I really felt like I had friends. I found that I really did have to be proactive and force myself to call people, even when I felt strange asking for phone numbers or giving mine.

I don't know how you feel about this, but just take it for what it's worth. The best place I've found to make friends is church. Find a sizeable one with a good kids' program, and there will be plenty of other parents and moms. The key is to ask someone to do something with you outside of whatever event you're at. Just going to the library or to church won't ensure that you're actually going to make a friend.

Another thing that I have found that helps is joining a MOPS group (Mothers of Preschoolers). At the one that I attend (at LifeSpring Christian Church--I think that the website is Lifespring.org), there are stay-at-home moms and working moms, and no one is critical of either side. Plus there are plenty of outside activities with that group. We have playdates and moms nights out, and even though it meets at the church it's not a "religious" group. There are lots of moms there who don't go to church there or anywhere.

I hope you find some good friends. It's really hard and lonely, and being a mom is pretty isolating. The type and tenor of all friendships change when there are little kids hanging on you the whole time you're together!

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D.G.

answers from Columbus on

Have you tried meeting new people at maybe your older childs school ? I volunteer as a reading tutor once a week and have met lots of new people. I have also met other Mom's at the Grocery store and laundromat. One lady was sitting there looking all sad and lonely I started talking to her and now we are like best friends.She needed a friend as bad as I did.I have also met lots of nice ladies at our local family restraunt as well as thier family's.
My problem is I don't like people in my house as it is so small and cramped being only a one bedroom so we usually meet for lunch or just coffee and talk and some times we both need to go shopping at the same distant store so one drives and the other buys brunch.

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L.

answers from Cleveland on

hi, I don't have any suggestions , but I can relate. We adopted our kids and I was 42 when I finally got to have a baby to raise. All my friends were grandparents already!

I went back to work after 2 months, so didn't have much free time.

You might be able to make some connections through your daughter's school. I actually ended up having several friends who are LOTS younger than me and really , the only things we have in common are our children's ages, but that's all right. Church is a good place to make connections too.

Enjoy your time with those sweet kids...you know how fast they grow up!

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K.I.

answers from Cincinnati on

D.,

I know exactly what you mean about not just walking up to someone and saying, "Will you be my friend?" I had our first son at 35, the second at 37. None of our friends have wee ones. The older is now 7 and little brother turns 5 in February. After the first, I stopped working full-time (although I do work 1 or 2 days a week now). I joined a group, but they were for exclusively stay-at-home and let me know that even working minimally was not acceptable and I didn't really belong. I have met a couple really nice moms at the storytime at the library. Anyway, as an educated, professional, nice and fun person, (although now OVER 30-something--I'm 43), I volunteer to e-mail with you privately, meet you in a public place sometime soon weather permitting, and see if we can create a friendship. Without seeming "creepy." How's that?

Best wishes,
K.

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J.A.

answers from Cincinnati on

D. - I see that you got a lot of advice(I have not sifted through it). However, I did want to pass along some advice on your situation. I would say, keep joining these Mom groups. Good friendships are not going to happen overnight. I would socialize with all the other moms in these clubs; find one or two that you can really relate to, then start to form a friendship with them.

I wish you the best of luck in your venture! Hope my advice helps!

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M.F.

answers from Dayton on

I was in a similar situation. I lost my job due to budget cuts shortly after my oldest child's first birthday. After lengthy discussions, we decided it best for me to stay home. The first year was the toughest - I'm not from this area originally, so all my social friends were from the workplace. A friend from home suggested I try the mommy and me story time at the local library...I was able to meet many moms, and had the educational/socialization benefit for our son. Three years later, I am still close with several moms.

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J.S.

answers from Toledo on

Hi, I'm a 35 SAHM. Last year I moved from Troy up to the Toledo area. I don't have any family around and I didn't know anybody so I got lonely too. A friend of mine told me to try meetup.com to find a playgroup in my area. Well, I did and now my children and I are involed with a playgroup. We get together and the kids play and the moms even have "moms night out" nights every month. My advice for you is go on meetup.com and maybe you can find a group in your area to become a part of. If I still lived in Troy I would see if you wanted to get together by unfortunately I live in Perrysburg now. I do still get down to Troy just about every weekend though. I hope this helps.

J.

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M.K.

answers from Columbus on

D.:

You sound exactly like me several years ago. The only thing that really was different was that I was plopped into a new town because of my husband's job and didn't have anyone!! Have you tried Barnes & Noble for their toddler storytime (if they still do it)? or your local Library? I met some wonderful and friendly moms that way who were in the same situation. And of course at my church I met some wonderful people. Good Luck!!!

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J.C.

answers from Columbus on

D.,

I know what you're talking about! I am an introvert by nature. Total homebody! When we moved from a somewhat busy community to a much smaller town, I was going batty! Not because it's a rinky dink town, but because I knew NO ONE. I had no access to any resources for kids' stuff to do. No way to find out how to get out and about.

You almost have to force yourself to be outgoing when you have kids. It's almost as if you've put yourself back on the dating scene! Truly weird!

I know this sounds a bit preditory, but put your name and email on some cards and take them with you wherever you go with your children. If you can force yourself to approach another mom and begin a conversation, do it! Just ask questions about their children - everybody likes to talk about their kids. If you feel like you have a connection, give her one of your cards. Along with a "I know this is kind of dorky, but if you ever want to get together for a playdate ..." Chances are, she's feeling as dorky as you are.

I ended up joining up with a local Moms group and HOSTED a weekly playdate at my house. I met some wonderful ladies that way - and it kind of forced me to keep my house clean every week!

Good luck to you!
J.

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K.S.

answers from Indianapolis on

There use to be a web site called matching moms. com and you put in your zipcode and could find moms in your area in similar situations to talk to. I have met some really great ladies that way. Also if you go to Moms.org or Mops.org you can meet up with a local group and check it out to find out if its right for you. Some groups can be cliquish and competitive when it comes to the kids but some can be really good places to meet people!! MAybe check your local churches moms groups and see if there is anyone that has a moms group there as they tend to be less kaddy!!
I know how you feel though - I am the same age about to have baby #4 and still debating on staying home or continuing to work part time!! Mostly for the adult interaction :) Good luck

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S.M.

answers from Cincinnati on

I can totally relate! I had posted on here awhile ago about this same situation. I just asked if there was anyone out there that just wanted to get together, you know, without having to "join" a group or whatever. I didn't get much response. I guess maybe I sounded too creepy just asking!! Ha Ha.
I am not a church go-er so that was out for me and I didn't really want to join a mom's group or gymboree or whatever. I just wanted something causal and not "obligating" if you know what I mean.
I am 33 and I have two children. I have a daughter who is four and a son who is 18 months. I have another one on the way due in April. Needless to say, I am still in the same situation that I was then. We will have lived here in Lebanon, Ohio for 5 years this February and all of our neighbors are great but they all work!! We have no family down here either. They all live in Toledo so that makes it hard and lonely for me too. My mother is planning on moving down here this year hopefully so that will make it a little easier. It is still lonely not really having any close "friends" though. I can say this though, mamasource is a nice place to talk to other moms out there!

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D.A.

answers from Cleveland on

Hello, I can relate. I was a SAHM with 3 for 7 years. I felt like you for a few years. What will work is joining an organization that your 9 yr. old is in, ie. if she is in soccer then join the soccer board or volunteer for soccer. Maybe there is a Rec. Dept. sport or activity she would want to get involved in. Summer swimming lessons are also a way to go. Last summer I met up & talked to the swimming lessons Moms every morning while my kids took their lessons.
Youth bowling leagues work too. You get to know parents that you see each week while your kids bowl. That has worked out well for me. I even met a friend that babysits my daughter now that I returned to work. I met a lot of great parents. You may meet 30 somethings with kids. I am sure you would.

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M.C.

answers from Youngstown on

OMG -- I was just telling my sister that I am lonley and have no one to hang out with now that I am a SAHM! I have worked full time since I turned 16 - I even worked full time while in college. I have a 6 month old little girl, my first baby. All my friends were through work, or they all live over an hour away. Same with family, they are all over an hour away. So now that I stay home I feel like a loser with no friends! I would love to hang out with you! Except I don't know how far you are from me. I live in Columbiana.

As 30 somethings there really are no opportunities to meet new people. Think about it....how did we meet people before? There were new friends through school, people I met while I was going out (bars etc), and people through work. We are no longer in school, out of the work force, and I have not stepped foot in a bar in years. So how are we supposed to make friends? You're so right....I can't walk up to someone and say "do you want to be my friend?" They will think I am nuts! I am in the same boat right along side you! Send me a personal message and if we don't live too far apart maybe we can get together, or at least exchange e-mail addresses and talk that way! Hope to hear from you!

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J.P.

answers from Cleveland on

I feel ya!!! I am 31, a SAHM with 2 children, one boy 7, and one girl 4. Be thankful that you have some friends....we just moved to a new city, Mentor, and I know no one! We are 250 miles from friends and family. I feel the same about just walking up to someone. It was so much easier when I was working because you always met people at work. Now I feel like I cant meet anyone. I have talked with a few moms at my sons school but that hasnt turned into anything. Its so hard to make friends, I feel like Im back in school! haha

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E.S.

answers from Toledo on

I can totally relate! I am in my 30s and was so loney after having my kids because none of my friends had kids and I was just stuck at home all day. If there is a nice park near your house, go to it as much as you can when the weather permits! I met a few moms from our neighborhood at the park. One mom helped me join a meetup group. If you go to Meetup.com and look for a parents or mothers meetup group in your area that's a great resource. There are discussion boards and a calendar full of events. We have one up here in Toledo and it's great. I get to find out about community events I didn't know about before and we have mom's night outs which are great too. Perhaps there is something similar in your area. If not, you could always start one! The whole point of meetup is to use the internet to get OUT of the house instead of sitting in front of your computer every day. I hope this helps and I know it can be so lonely and isolating when you are in this situation. Good luck! And if it makes you feel any better, you sound like a lovely person, not a loser at all!

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J.H.

answers from Columbus on

I have 4 children (with #5 on the way). We moved to Ohio about 2 years now, with three children. We are not originally from here, nor do we have family or friends here. So I stepped into the "having to make friends role". It was the third time that I have done it (first with my oldest when I became a SAHM, then we moved to WV, and now to OH) so I think that I have kind of figured out how to make friends :) Your kids are a great resource. Start with things you do with them, or want to do with them. We went to the library, the park, the zoo, etc. If you are not an introvert it is easy to strike a conversation with a stranger. I also always join a local MOMS Club. I agree with someone that posted earlier, that they are not the most welcoming groups. But I have managed to find a person or two that I liked and maintained friendships with. Honestly, I typically drop out of the group and just stay friends with those people. Your older daughter's school is a good resource also. If you get involved with school, you will often meet the families of her friends and other Moms that are SAHMs. They are often your age also. Lately, I joined a book club locally that is not necessarily SAHMs but just other women. It keeps my interests in mind too. So, good luck. It can seem like a long road but when you check out the resources in your area and let people know that you are new to this, they are typically willing to help you and befriend you!

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C.W.

answers from Cincinnati on

Have you tried putting the word out through church. The Y might have something. Are their any hobbies you have? Or check with the library. The one here in my village has a toddler hour and they read books play games. Great place to meet people. Don't feel funny about walking up to strangers my husband has said I will (and do) talk for hours to total strangers. As soon as the word gets out that I am a seamstress and have done show houses that win awards I am everyone's new best friend. I can talke sewing for hours. I don't do much anymore since my health has gotten bad. I can barely (took 40 minutes I timed it) thread a sewing needle with a needle threader and a magnifing glass. I had to close my business when we lost the house and I am going blind and have no desire anymore to sew. It makes me depressed.
What about through the school? Sounds like you could have some friends through the PTA. I still belong and am very active even though the boys are grown and gone. I am sure threr are others who use to work outside the home and miss adult conversation. My sister and I use use to really on one another forthat out let. We use to go out once a couple of weeks and she would call and say just talk to me. I am tired of goo goo.

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D.N.

answers from Columbus on

Hey D., join cafemom, it's really fun, you can talk to other Mothers like yourself, I'm not in my 30s, but I have been, LOL. I'm 52, a mother of 2, and a grandmother of 6. You can talk to other Moms about anything and everything... it's something for you to look into. good luck...

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R.B.

answers from Indianapolis on

Dear D.--
I just want to thank you for mentioning that trying to make new friends from this vantage point is hard without seeming creepy! I feel like it's weird to try to go about that too. All I know is that I've seen many SAHM's come right out and say in essence, "wanna be friends/hang out?" I think you just have to kind of do that if you want to make the connection, just like with other kinds of relationships. Now I'm not giving advice here, because I have NO faith in my ability to do so (i.e., I am CERTAIN I'm a loser!), but if I had the gumption to actually get out there and make stuff happen, I'd take a chance on seeming creepy because I'm CERTAIN that I'm not that! Hope this makes sense, best of everything to you and your fam!
Signed, R.

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E.W.

answers from Cleveland on

There are usually mom groups where you can meet other moms like you. Ask your community or recreation department of your city. Also the library usually has children's programs where you can meet more mothers.

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D.H.

answers from Toledo on

well my daughter found a playgroup on the web, i'm guessing and made alot of friends from all over the area. I will send you the link and hopefully you can hook up with some really nice people. They have play dates and the dues are really cheap about 10.00 a year. They have rules, but everyone chooses what they want to do and shows up. I have enjoyed their company at times myself. Good luck and have fun. http://www.meetup.com/topics

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B.T.

answers from Canton on

Dee-Dee,
I completely understand! When my oldest son, who is now 13, was three I decided it best for me to stay home. I remember being so bored...we'd sit on the porch and just wait for my husband to come home!Through our church at the time,I met a few SAHM's that introduced me to a free play group. It was open 4 days a week from 9:30-11:30.The kids had time to play with others, I got to meet several moms(one of who I'm still good friends with),and it helped break up the week. Look for these opportunities in your area.Also, what about the library? They offer story times and different activities where you could meet up with others. Even if you are not a part of a local church, don't be afraid to call them to see if they offer any mom's groups or know of any.I understand your situation and hope you find what you need.
B.

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L.J.

answers from Elkhart on

Do you go to church? Many offer groups such as MOPS and have different other mommy activities through the week.

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T.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

D. - Actually you can walk up to people and say exactly that...well not exactly that. But you can just being a simple conversation, start with asking the age of their child/ren and let the conversation go from there, maybe ask a question about food or finding playmates or activities. People are so open, but only once you are open first, and honesty is always respected. Tell them of your feelings of isolation and loneliness. My step-daughter is in a new town with an young child and she now has a circle of friends, who she met at the mall, etc., she just started by wanting to set up play dates, and your son is of an age where he will enjoy learning to play with other children. on the other hand if you want to solve your isolation and financial crunch, I have always worked from home and made a great income,and was very bored or alone...I could help you solve both. [email protected]____.com

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S.S.

answers from Cleveland on

Hello,

I am a younger mom - but I do think SAHMs can all relate to this feeling if they do not already have a group of peers that are experiencing the same. I reccomend looking for a local MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group. They focus on moms with children under the age of 5. I went to my first meeting when my daughter was 5 months old, she is now 2 1/2 and we have met many friends and enjoy going every month to the meeting, playdates and other events.

Go to www.mops.org if you click on groups and then go to find a local group you can search for a group near you.

The meetings are ususally held in a church but everyone is accepting of moms with any religious or non-religious background.

Good luck!

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J.C.

answers from Fort Wayne on

A few years ago, my husband found out he had been promoted and had to leave 4 days later to Denver. We lived in Fort Wayne, Indiana. I won't even go into those next 30 days, trying to sell the house, find one in Denver, take care of a 1 and 2 year old, plus pack the house all by myself.....once I got out there I was totally alone. My husband worked 12 hour days everyday, and even had to go in for awhile on Saturdays. Well, I felt the same way as you. I was afraid of coming across stalkerish if I went up to moms at parks and stuff and just started talking to them and ask them if they'd like to hang out. So, I made a decision to join a play group. You can look online, in newspapers, or on craigslist. There are tons out there. The first time you go, try to go to a meeting that takes place at a park or somewhere neutral. I went to a playdate out there at a park, and ended up making great friends within the group and even after moving back to IN, I still keep in touch with one of the girls today. Now, once I got back to IN, I was still in the same boat because I had only been a SAHM for a year before we left, and so my circle of friends was totally gone. I had worked as head bartender at a huge club before I became a mom, so all those people who were my "friends"??? Well, turned out they were just "partying buddies" because once I couldn't party with them, my phone stopped ringing. I called about a playgroup, which ended up meeting at a woman's house. I will be honest, I did NOT like this. It made it very hard to fit in. They had all been in the group for awhile, and since it was in a personal setting, they kinda all had their place in the group, and let's face it, women are not exactly inviting to new group members. I mean, the head of the group was very nice, but even at our ages, there are women out there that still look at other women with jealousy and judgment, and so I ran into a lot of the women not being very talkative to me. I tried to start up conversations, but could feel that they weren't going to open up. So, I gave it I think 3 times, and then stopped going. I am very social and love having lots of friends, and I could tell that group wasn't going to meet my needs. So, that's what I would suggest, check some groups out. Also, join a local gym. I loved Lady Fitness in Denver. It was just women, and I was able to meet some cool girls there also. It's a great way to get a little break from the kids, get in shape, and meet people. Give yourself some time, you'll soon see that there are WAY more SAHM's out there than you think. I know I was totally surprised. I never really had any friends who were moms, but I knew hundreds of people in Fort Wayne, so I just assumed that I had met most of the people my age. Well, I was SO wrong! Now, I look back on those days and think "wow, that world seems like such a small bubble compared to the life I'm living now", whereas before, the REST of the city of Fort Wayne seemed like the small bubble to me.

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K.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

Hello D.! I know exactly how you feel. I'm a teacher and when I had my kids, of course I was home with them for 5 months. Therefore, all my friends were still teaching or working. It got VERY lonely during the day. I couldn't wait to head back to work. I'm not sure if you are involved with a church or are religious at all. But, finding a good church can lead you to new friends. I know my church has scheduled "playdates" during the summer. There are mom to mom groups. Just search around. It may take some time, however, there are groups out there. And, don't feel as if you're complaining...It's great to be able to stay at home, but I know you'd like to have some adult conversation. As I tell everyone...I'm a better mother when I'm working. Good luck in your search!

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A.K.

answers from Cincinnati on

Hi,

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to post this! First of all, you are not a loser. Being a stay at home mom can be a very lonely job and very isolating. I'm in my late thirties (for the next 6 months anyway) and have 2 little ones 4 yrs. and 19 months. As much as I know that I'm lucky to have this time with them, I cannot help often times pining for a more adult career again!
I wanted to tell you about this great group in Dayton that my cousin belongs to called The Family Network, you can check it out at www.daytonfamilynetwork.com. I went to one of their functions with my cousin and everyone was so nice. It was a delightfully diverse group of parents and kids. Everyone was very welcoming. I would love to have joined myself but we ended up moving to Cincinnati. Please check it out - I'm sure you'll meet lots of fun parents there.
I wanted to laugh when you wrote about meeting someone and saying 'hi-will you be my friend'. I know EXACTLY how you feel. In fact that's one of the reasons we moved back to Ohio to be closer to family b/c I was so desperately alone all day with this little baby and no support. Anyway, you know what? Don't worry about how you look - if you meet someone you'd like to get to know better - go for it. The worse that can happen is that you never hear from them again. You win some you lose some. I've been lucky that our new town here has a newcomers club, which I forced myself to join. It was hard at first, but I tried to put myself out there, and it's been worth it. Not only have I met some great people, I've kept my sanity, and my kids have made friends too.
Good luck. I can completely relate to your story. Feel free to email me if you need to vent. I'm rooting for you!

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K.Z.

answers from Cleveland on

Hi D.,

I too was a 30-something SAHM (had my second just before turning 38), but the thing that made it hard to make friends was that we kept MOVING!! AAaaaaargh!!!!

I haven't read all 49 posts so please excuse duplication.

If you are nursing your baby, go to a La Leche League meeting. You'll immediately have something in common with those moms. If you are not nursing, maybe call the leader anyway, and tell her your situation. She may know someone who might be interested in getting to know you.

Go to places where other moms will be with their kids, like the park, library story time, nursery at your church, etc.

Yes, it may seem creepy to approach people. I found that people were more comfortable if I gave them my number without asking for theirs. You could say something like,"Our kids seem to be getting along, if you are ever up for a play date, please give me a call".

Yes, there will be crushing rejections. you will be a better person for having gone through it (but it will still hurt like [email protected]!!).

If there is a Newcomers Club in town, go to the meetings as someone who wants to help welcome the "newbies". They are in the same position as you are--they need/want friends! When we lived in Holland, Michigan, the Newcomers Club was a Godsend. I am still in touch with a friend I made there even though neither of us live in Michigan anymore. If there is no club like that, could you start one?

Don't think you HAVE to have a 30-something friend with a baby. Yeah, it would be really nice......But don't close your mind to other possibilities. That may sound harsh but it is not meant to. You may end up with a 20-something friend with a baby, and a 30-something friend with older kids (or no kids), and who knows what else, if you are open to it.

Join the PTA (or equivalent group) at your older daughter's school. Volunteer if you can (tough with a little one, but may be possible).

Can your husband watch the kids one night every so often for you to go to a club meeting of something that interests you? could be anything--garden club, book discussion group, church choir, community theatre, quilting club, bowling....maybe you'll meet another mom in a similar situation.

I remember being very, very tired of always being the one who made the first move (in trying to start a friendship), and the second move, and the third move. I got to where I was grateful for even the friendly exchanges at the post office, grocery, coffee shop, etc.

Know this much--you will be so much more empathetic to other people who are lonely because you are going through this now!!

Good luck, and let us know how things go!

K. Z.

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J.R.

answers from Columbus on

A few suggestions. If you belong to a church start there however, many churches also have functions that you can enjoy even if you are not a member so look in the paper at the church happenings and see if there is anything that you and your child could go to. Become involved at your older childs school you will meet other moms and dads that you have lots in common with - And check out your local YMCA. They have things you can go to and most offer babysitting if it isn't a mommy and me class. Now - the Y's offer Mommy and Me swimming so that would be an awesome place and your baby would begin swim lessons - swimming is a natural thing for babies.

Good luck.

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S.H.

answers from Cincinnati on

I know what you mean. It's hard to make new mom friends w/o feeling like you're "dating." I used to joke with my DH about trying to pick up other moms somewhere and ask them for their number. ;-)

There were several places where I found some good connections and friendships for my family. I started going to library story hour when my oldest was just over a year old, and we met a couple other moms there that we hung out with occasionally. I know your little one is only 5 months old, but some libraries have infant story hours starting at 6 months old.

I also decided to attend a moms' group at my church. They only meet twice a month for little playgroups, so it was very low key, and I got to meet other SAHMs with young kids. I made a couple great friends that way, and so did my kids. We're still involved in the moms' group and meeting new friends regularly.

I know you're a little ways away from this, but I felt like I made the best connections once my oldest started preschool at age three. She made friends, I made friends, and it's been really great.

Another thing you could try once the weather is a little warmer is to head to a local park to take walks with your daughter and let her play on the playground (once she's mobile). If you happen to see another mom walking a baby, you could strike up a conversation and maybe find a time when you could walk together. I know it sounds cheesy, but sometimes it works. Oh, and what about a Strollerfit or other exercise class where the baby can come along? I took one sample class several years ago, and it was fun, but I got busy with other things and never went back. It seemed like a great way to meet other local moms, though.

Good luck to you, and hang in there! I bet once the weather is warmer, you'll have more luck finding other moms, too.

S.,
SAHM to a 5-year-old girl, a 4-year-old girl, and a 17-month-old boy

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L.T.

answers from Columbus on

I can totally relate. I am 32 years old with a 7 year old son and a 5 month old daughter. I worked full-time with my son mainly because I had to financially. I made more than my husband. I always felt like I missed out on so much with my son and desparately wanted to be a SAHM when we decided to have another child. So we worked to get our debt paid down so that I could leave my job. Unfortunately with the economy it has made it difficult for me to not work. So I recently became a certified I/O waiver provider to provide care for our neighbors daughter who has CP, seizures and a number of other medical issues. It's helped us some financially and I am able to still stay home with my daughter. But my time out away from home to socialize is limited. Our friends with kids don't have infants, but older kids. I have thought about joining a mommy group too. I am a little rusty at just striking up conversations with complete strangers at gatherings. So I would have to say if you were closer to Columbus we could totally start our own mommy group for 30 something SAHM with infants. Hang in there. This site is very helpful and I am sure you'll connect with someone or get more great advice.

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A.T.

answers from Cleveland on

I can totally relate.. I was active army in the military police corps. I quit my profession to raise my own kids.. Going from a deployable field M.P. to a housewife and mommy is a TERRIBLE adjustment.. But I'm lucky.. I'm head of the FRG here in Cleveland.. I'm 35 and hubby is still active duty, but station commander for recruiters here.. You're from Cleveland, I gather, so why not come to one of our meetings.. You don't have to be active duty or an army wife to jon.. These girls here are fantastic and we DONT take applications.. We all have kids so yours will have plenty of friends. email me off group if this interests you.. It's a way to make some great friends here..

[email protected]____.com

A.

N.V.

answers from Columbus on

Hey D.,
You don't sound weird or creepy at all, and I can understand what you're going through. While I've been able to find my place pretty easy, I was 21, married, and had my bachelor's degree when we had our first child; most of my friends weren't even out of college! I found myself relating better with women who were older than me, and many of my friends are. Age means nothing once 'real life' kicks in! I'm now a SAHM, though I also work from home with an amazing company.
I also live in the Powell area, and I have something that you'll probably be interested in: It's a networking group called "Like Minded Moms" and we offer childcare while you get to promote your business, network with other business-minded moms, and enjoy meeting others that can become some of your closest friends! We meet every 2nd & 4th Tuesdays from 9:30am-11:30am in "The Wellness Community" building located at 10330 Sawmill Parkway, Suite 600 (Powell). You can check out specific happenings at www.likemindedmoms.net

Hope this helps you in more ways than one (as it has me!) and I hope to see you there this Tuesday 27th -- feel free to message me for a personal RSVP email.
Blessings.

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M.B.

answers from Cincinnati on

Hi D.....It is hard in the winter to get out and about, but in the Spring you could meet other ladies with children at a community park. A church would be a good place to meet and make friends. I would start there. Good luck....M. B.

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K.

answers from Dayton on

I'll be in your shoes soon (I'm turning in my 3 week notice tomorrow) but my children are different ages from yours (4 and 7). I'm just a year older than you though, so will holler at you when I'm home and maybe we can start our own group on www.meetup.com if you like.

Check out www.meetup.com and type SAHM in the subject and your zip. It should pull up some local groups. I was planning on joining the preschooler group for my just four year old.

Also check out the library for reading times for your little one (ladies will be there with similar aged babies and interests). The Centerville library has tons of events if it's not a big drive for you.

I've made some friends through helping out at pto events at school. One of the ladies goes to my church and said there are a lot of events during the day. She seems really nice but like you said I didn't want to scare her by saying "will you PLEASE be my friend?" :D

That's not good that the South Dayton Moms group is closed! I'm really looking forward to staying home but I am a little nervous too. I've been working since I was 17 and am used to having (too) many people around all the time.

But like I said, if you want I'll holler at you in a few weeks and maybe we can make a group that meets every other Wednesday or Thursday after lunch for playdates for the little ones and conversation for the mommies.

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K.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

I don't know exactly in South Dayton where you live, but I belong to a moms group called Mothers & More. Most of our events take place in Mason, West Chester, Maineville area. You can visit our website at http://www.geocities.com/mothersandmorecinti/

Mothers & More is different than other mom/child groups as we focus on the mother. We do several Moms only events during the month along with playgroups and other family events. Our group is a good mix of working moms and SAHM. It's a national organization, so if you ever moved, you could most likely transfer your membership to a chapter near your new home.

If Warren County is farther than you care to drive and you would be interested in starting a chapter in your area, let me know!

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D.T.

answers from Indianapolis on

I think it's alot easier making new friends with kids! There are tons of moms in their 30s with babies.... when we lived out in CA I didn't know anyone who was married or had kids before they turned 30 or even 35. Many of my friends here who are in their 30s have babies, too. There are tons of moms groups around... MOPS, MOMS and Mothers and More are all national groups with local chapters. Go to their websites to find a local chapter to check out. Also check out yahoo groups. Some of the larger, best run mothers groups in the Indy area are through yahoo groups to manage playgroups, moms nights outs, field trips, holiday parties, etc.

As for making friends on your own... it's harder in the winter. But when the weather is nice and you're at the park, just walk up to another mom and strike up a conversation. Talk about the kids, ask if they have a babysitter they can recommend, ask if they know of a playgroup in the area, etc etc. If you hit it off, mention you'll be at the park tomorrow or same day next week or whatever and set a date to meet up again. It's not creepy. I'm asked that stuff all the time when I take my kids to the park/zoo/chldren's museum or whereever moms hang out. I've met the best people/friends/babysitters that way.

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C.H.

answers from Dayton on

D.. i have no advice to offer, but did see you got alot of responses, so i hope they were helpful!

i do want to say, though, is oh SO how i relate!! though i am 47 now, i had my 5th(#5 was with a second marriage) when i was 38. you are so right! no one at that age has babies! LOL so now i am 47 with a 9 yr old..and to beat all..single. let me tell you, to find a NICE guy out there that still has one or 2 kids somewhat still young, at this age i am at, is basically impossible!! well at least in this state! LOL most have grown kids, and though they might say they wouldn't mind having a young one around again, eventually it always turns out they'd probably really wouldn't. there "kid" days are over! LOL

i had always been a stay at home mom doing child care for 28 yrs(my oldest is almost 29, and i also have 3 grandbabies with another on the way!) so i didn't have much "outside" contact. i was always so busy with my own kids and everyone else's.

i do wish you all the luck! take good care.

C.

hey if ya ever want to write, you can email me at [email protected]____.com

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R.H.

answers from Cleveland on

There are web sites that you can look into. Go to yahoo groups and look up stay at home moms looking or just put in dayton and see what comes up. then there is myspace where you can find just about anything. I have found many friends that I lost touch with from school that I have reconnected with. Classmates.com too. Just some ideas. Good luck to you. you have the world at your finger tips. do some research!!!

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D.J.

answers from Terre Haute on

Hi D.,

Hello! I'm a thirty-something mom myself and I have a two year old son named Matthew. I didn't get a chance to read other responses, but I wanted to suggest attending a MOPS meeting. (Mothers of Preschoolers) I joined myself here in Terre Haute, IN and I LOVE it! I guarantee you will meet other thirty something mothers to have play dates with. I would be your friend if I lived closer to Dayton! I am sure there are MOPS meetings in the Dayton area. :) Good luck! D.

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R.B.

answers from Toledo on

You are not a loser!!! I was fortunate to have several friends having babies around the same time I did, but I still felt lonely and isolated at home sometimes. I actually would go to the park or COSI or the library and strike up conversations with other moms and get their phone numbers. No one ever thought I was creepy (I don't think!). Story time at the library is a great thing to do for both you and your baby. Yes, moms bring infants to story time. I also joined a breastfeeding support group, and several of us started a play group together that met weekly at each of our homes. I now belong to MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers). There is probably one in your area. We meet the 2nd Monday of each month, and at my group, child care is even provided. Don't be afraid to reach out to someone. They will probably be grateful you did! Good luck!!

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J.S.

answers from Terre Haute on

Oh D.,
I can relate all the way. The hardest thing for me is, is that I don't drive...so it makes it ten times harder for me to interact. Other than being here on the internet. My 3year old is so hard up on having friends...so sad. That any time she sees a kid either her age or older is her friend...she wants kids to play with and we don't have any kids her age in our neighborhood, so she's only got her older sisters (who won't let her play with anything)...and their friends. They're ages 11 and 12 1/2years.I'm always in tears because she wants friends so badly. She had a best friend (her cousin)...named Joshua and they were bestest best friends...and they moved back home..(MT)...we live in IN. So I really am depressed because I miss everyone back home.(MT). We moved to IN because my fiance was offered a job, home and closer to his family (whom he missed a whole lot)..plus they all wanted to meet the girls and I. The closest I have as a friend near me is our neighbor. She's pretty cool..and I believe LONELY as well...but no kids. So I do/can relate. Well..I gotta run for now..family time, plus I gotta catch up on some school work. ~HUGS~

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C.B.

answers from Columbus on

Hi D.~

I'm a SAHM of 4, also work from home ~ with a wellness company ~ that I'd love to share with you if you're interested. We are simply trying to educate people on the harmful ingredients found in many household products and offer a safer, more economical place to shop. My website is: www.KidsNeedMomHome.com if you are interested. As far as meeting people, have you checked with any local churches? I know some churches I've attended in the past have had "mom groups" that sometimes even offer child care so the kids can make friends in a kid friendly environment while the moms get some social time together. Just a thought. Best of luck! ~ C.

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H.B.

answers from Cincinnati on

Hello,
I can completely relate to your issue. I have a 7 year old daughter, 4 month old son, and a 17 month old step son. I worked full time until I had my son and am now a sahm. It is a very hard adjustment to go from socializing every day all day to nothing at all it seems. I also currently just moved 45 minutes away from my family. (doesnt seem like alot until you have a newborn. I actually started to babysit. It has brought me a couple of new people to socialize with. I also started to have as you would call it "parties" to invite all the girlfriends that I could to get together at least once a month to stay in contact. This month I had a jewelry party. Next month with my sister-in-law we are going a purse party. Because I dont really know her group of friends very much I am hoping it will give me some more sahm to socialize with. I can relate to as you stated it feeling like a complete loser. It seems so hard when you go from working to life at home. Although very rewarding it is the biggest adjustment I have had. One other thing you may want to look into is with your local library should have some type of listings to home schoolers associations. Even if you dont homeschool, they do have things that other mothers and their children are invited to do. ( such as zoo trips or play dates!) Good luck and hang in there!!!

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R.P.

answers from Elkhart on

I had my daughter enrolled in story time at the Public Liabrary. There are many mothers who bring their before school age children. I would check into any other activities that involve Mother's and young children. Good Luck.

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K.R.

answers from Dayton on

I joined a great mom's group from our church. I didn't know anyone since we had just moved and my kids were going to the nursery so I asked the childhood director there if there were any playgroups. she hooked me up with a couple and I stayed with the one for 4 years until we moved.

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T.F.

answers from Dayton on

When my daughters were little, I went to a moms group that was called MOPS. It was great! When you arrive you take your little one into a class room where there are other little ones their age. Caregivers were wonderful and experience with small children. The moms all gather in another room and have snacks and talk and get to know one another. It's free and there are no sign ups. Your children have to be newborn to preschool age. This group is known all over the US. They are normally held in churches. It was a great way for me to meet new people and helped me get over feeling lonely. I know there is a group in Piqua, Ohio. Check your area, there may be one near you.
Good Luck, T.

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S.C.

answers from Elkhart on

I am guessing by now that others have already suggested these, but just in case they haven't...
Try lapsit time at the library, moms of all ages come with their little ones. Also try Mops.org and try to find a group in your area. That is another group where I have found sahm mom friends of all ages.
Good Luck!!!

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T.

answers from Cincinnati on

For me I will be 38 at end of week. My friends are a few years to at least 10 years younger than me. They all work though. So what I did was put my oldest 3 yr old girl in gymastics one day and dance another just so that I can get out. I talk to the moms a little but I still fill out of place sometimes but at least I am out with my kids my other little girl will be 2 in April. They are 18 months apart and not only am I a SAHM but my husband travels for a living as well so I am usually a single mom during the week so I had to find something to do. I did join a moms group but they live at least 45 minutes away and I do feel out of place at times there as well but at least my kids are getting out and playing with other children. Good Luck.

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J.N.

answers from Cincinnati on

Hi D.,
I don't know where you live, but there are some great Moms groups out there. Look at the Moms Club international site- www.momsclub.org They can tell you what one to join. The group has playgroups of 5 or 6 moms with similar age kids that meet weekly. They also have a few meetups a week for parks, mall play areas, lunches moms night outs and such. I think it is based on zip code or street address, so everyone in the group lives in your town. It has been a lifesaver for me!!! Also, a bunch of churches have MOPS groups (moms of preschoolers). You don't need to be a member of the church, or even practice that/any religion. I would do a google search for MOPS groups in your area. Good luck, and truly, I think this is such a common issue when you are new to the SAHM world- I know it was for me!
J.

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J.T.

answers from Indianapolis on

Hi D.,
I'm sorrry you are having a hard time making friends but you are NOT a loser! I lost my job in April 08, the company downsized and I was the lucky candidate to have to go. My kids are grown, my youngest is a senior in H.S. and he goes to school and works, so he's never home. My husband travels for his job so he's not even home in the evenings during the week.
I decided to look for a home business so I could at least have confersations with adults. As it has turned out, not only have I met some amazing moms who turned out to be friends, i'm also making money.
The company I chose is a Christian technology company. We help people who suffer from asthma, allergies, COPD, sleep apnea and other breathing problems by treating the air they breathe. I also help people who want to make extra money whether it's an extra $500 or an extra %5,000 per month. It's very rewarding knowing I am helping people.
Good luck to you, you have got alot of really good ideas from the other moms.
If you are interested in making money working from home, let me know and I will share more info with you.
jae

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P.R.

answers from Indianapolis on

Try your church if you have one. Women's circles are great places to make friends with woman who are in similiar situations.
Story hour at the local library will give you another opportunity.
Active parents in the PTO organizations provide another source for woman in similiar home life situations.
Just a few opportunities for you to check out.

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A.S.

answers from Cleveland on

So here is a thought for you....I teach Kindermusik in the Cleveland area; Kindermusik is a mommy-and-me class that uses the power of music to enhance your child's learning and growth. Kindermusik teachers often offer free demonstrations, just go and enjoy, no charge or obligation, and if you went, you would surely meet at least one other mom if the educator herself is not a mom. Go to www.kindermusik.com, click on the "classes" tab and zip code search your zip code to find an educator near you, and email her and see if she is offering a free demonstration or preview in the near future. that way, even if you choose not to sign up for the class or can't afford it, you can go to the free demo, and have fun and find other moms having fun with your children, and meet some people. I hope this helps. --A

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M.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

I know exactly how you feel. It is really hard to make new friends, isn't it?
Take walks with your baby, talk to any neighbors that are out in their yards, introduce yourself, point out where you live, complement their yard. Keep at it and pretty soon you will have things to talk about that have happened in your neighborhood and town.
Also, if your husband has co-workers with wives and kids at home, maybe you could invite them over for a Fri or Sat evening snacks and games.
Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you can't socialize with your old friends that don't have babies. Find a good babysitter or ask those friends to your house. Babies are only little a short while and pretty soon you'll be able to get out like you used to.

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J.R.

answers from Dayton on

I totally understand where you're coming from on this one! I'm 24 y/o mom with a 2 year old little boy. I'm also an RN that works part time every Sat/Sun night; so I'm not entirely a SAHM, but have also found that even my friends with children work during the day and aren't able to have things like play dates, lunches...etc. It does give you a sense of isolation at times when youre' "stuck" at home with a baby all day all the time. I too tried looking for other moms to connect with, but there just aren't many resources in this area that I was able to find. If you get any good suggestions from others, please let me know!! And if you don't, maybe we could look into starting something new and different!

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E.M.

answers from Indianapolis on

Just think of what you might do to meet new people if you moved to a new town. Join a church. Attend infant/toddler story time at your local library or bookstore. Take an infant swim class at the local YMCA. Call your local hospitals (even if you didn't deliver there) to see if they have a mom's support group you could attend. Check into whether your subdivision homeowner's association has any social gatherings, and go to them. Take your kiddo to the park (or the mall if the weather is bad) and strike up friendly conversations with other moms. You'll have to step out of your comfort zone a bit, but all it takes is 1 or 2 new friends to make you feel less lonely and more like your old self again. Good luck!

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C.T.

answers from Cleveland on

I didn't read all the posts - there were so many - but from what I did read, there was a lot of good advice.
I am about to turn 40 in May, and I'm 7 mos pregnant with our 8th child. I also found out that once I became a SAHM, all my friends worked and I was very much alone, and feeling lonely. Years passed, and I finally joined MOMS Club international and found a chapter in my city. I have really enjoyed it, and I could kick myself for not joining sooner. The grp I belong to now has about 45 moms in it, and I very thankful for it. I'm not sure where you are in Ohio, but I'm in Medina county, having just moved from Cuyahoga county. I complete understand what you're saying, it sounds like me to the letter!, so please don't feel like you're alone. I'd love to hear if you find a group in your area :) Don't give up!

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S.K.

answers from South Bend on

I don't know if they have this in your area or not, they probably do...

Mops is an awesome mommy group for any woman who has a child in the preschool years. My group meets 2 times a month and I have made some really great friends from it! You should look into it. I think the web site is mops.com or mops.org and you can look for one in your area. At mine they have a speaker,we have a group that we sit with every week and we do a craft, all while my little one is being loved by caregivers. What is really nice about it is that all the moms have that young child in common, so there is something that connects them all.

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M.H.

answers from Cincinnati on

What you are doing SHOULD be what most MOST moms do, but instead it is counter-cultural. What society tells us is: we need to be beautiful, thin, professional, working full time and juggling children after work, to be Super-Mom. But God has entrusted us with these children, and if we are so blessed to be able to be home with them, we need to start there. God tells us that we are the 1st and primary teachers of our children. To me (mom of 4 -- 8,6,4,and1), that doesn't mean running all over town to provide different friends and stimulation and learning opportunities. It means sitting down on the floor to "talk" or read or do a puzzle or letting them explore a drawer or closet, etc, etc. I have found that I have many more teaching moments at home than I do if I'm out and about with my children.
Regarding feeling "lonely". I think we all have those moments, but don't find your identity in friends and jobs and money. You have made the choice to stay at home and raise your children and be there for them -- to be "mom"!! That is AWESOME, and one of the hardest AND most rewarding thing you could ever do. You've chosen to be wife and mother; find JOY in the little things of your everyday life, and during those "moments", turn to God in prayer and allow him to fill you as only HE can. And remember, "I can do all things, through HIM who strengthens me".

God Bless you and your family!

M.

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