Hello Moms,
My 33 month old daughter has always been a FANTASTIC eater from day one. The type that the only thing she won't eat is Brussell Sprouts. My husband and I have been so fortunate. However, the last few months, my daughter has made every exscuse possible to not eat her meals. Everything from, "I need to go potty", to "There's a spec of something on my chicken". Both my husband's and my patience have worn very thin. Now she takes about an hour to eat her meals. We sit with her even after we've finished our meal to encourage her to eat. But, we feel that might be a bad thing. We're tired of bribing her with, "If you don't finish your <insert meal here>, you won't get story time, or play time". The hardest part of it all, she's barely 3, and there's only so much discipline we can administer.
I've avoided posting something on this site b/c I thought that it might be a phase, and thought we could handle it. It's just gotten worse and worse. In fact, this morning, she dumped a bottle of baby powder into her yogurt b/c she was bored and didn't want to eat it anymore. I know it's "just baby powder", but again, my patience is wearing thinner and thinner. She's shows an interest in eating, and we (my husband and I) let her choose what she wants for breakfast. The rule in our house is, if you choose it, you have to eat it, and you have to finish one item before you can start to eat another. So, my questions are: (1) What sort of discipline should we administer? (2) Is sitting with her at the table only encouraging this behavior? (3) Is this a phase? Could she be bored?
Thanks for the suggestions!
I completely agree with Catherine C.
You may also find this book helpful:
http://www.amazon.com/Food-Fights-Nutritional-Challenges-...
Food Fights: Winning the Nutritional Challenges of Parenthood Armed with Insight, Humor, and a Bottle of Ketchup
Hi J.,
In answer to your question, my opinion (and that's all this is), is that, yes, this is a phase. I don't believe discipline is the way to go. I don't think sitting at the table for an hour with her is the way to go.
If she has been a good eater in the past then, again just my opinion, it's probably one of two things. Either it is her flexing her almost three year old muscles or it is her metabolism changing and she just isn't as hungry right now as she used to be. Sometimes they go through this and just eat less. Either way, it becomes a big deal only if you make it one.
Serve her the meal as you normally would. When she starts to play with it or stops eating, tell her that if she is finished eating right now she may leave the table and you will save her food for her just in case she gets hungry later. If she says she isn't done, tell her she has 15 minutes to finish up, then meal time is over. If it is control then she will learn quickly to flex her muscles elsewhere and I promise she won't starve. If she is just not as hungry as she used to be, she will leave the table and seek attention in more appropriate ways.
Hope this helps,
L.
I have found that the best way to deal with this issue is to completely ignore it. My younger daughter (now almost 5) is sooooo picky with her food, and so my husband and I are pretty careful not to encourage her super-picky tendencies. She gets two choices max when it comes to breakfast (as in, "Would you like Cheerios or toast?" - and not, "What do you want for breakfast?" because that can lead to some really off-the-wall requests that she will then decide not to eat). So, if she chooses Cheerios, let's say, then I put the bowl of Cheerios in front of her and then if she eats the whole thing, fantastic! If not, I don't say a word. Not...One...Word. I don't beg, I don't cajole, I don't threaten, I don't even comment. Lots of practice biting my tongue here, believe me! The attitude I take is, I put the food you chose in front of you, and what you choose to do beyond that is none of my concern, picky little child! (BTW, by now she knows she's not getting anything else until snack time, either.) Some days she eats ravenously. Other days she hardly touches her food. But overall she is growing and she is very healthy and energetic, so clearly she knows how much she needs to eat!
In my experience so far, the less you say about how much your kids eat, the less stressful meal time is for everyone. I try to focus on talking about other things (how was school today, what was your favorite thing you did today, etc.) and of course if my kids' manners need correcting, I will do so, but I don't mention how much they're eating, or what order they're eating it in, because then it becomes a power struggle, and short of force feeding them, it's a power struggle I'm going to lose every time. Not a battle that's worth fighting, in my opinion.
Just my two cents! Hope you find a solution that works for you! =)
I also encourage you to re-examine the basis for your rules. These days not many nutritional experts believe that the "clean plate club" is a good thing - so the idea of finishing one thing before trying another is perhaps flawed as it's akin to cleaning your plate (if only of that particular item). Remember toddler tummies are tiny - so maybe a bit of pasta is fine and leaves her room for some veggies. I would encourage you to dole out SMALL portions so if she "wastes' them it doesn't concern you so much, and as Catherine suggests, start to ignore the behavoir. Getting worked up, punishing for eating habits preferences -these are great ways to establish eating disorders and bad feelings about ones self. She will eat when she's hungry ad you just keep offering her lots of healthy foods and you'll get through it. I really think the having to finish something is not the best approach.
I have a 31 month old so I understand the issue. I feed her lots of healthy foods and sometimes she eats and sometimes she doesn't. I usually choose her breakfast for her and if I make waffles she says I want pancakes so I just say ok start on your waffle while I get them and as soon as she starts eating she forgets.
Good luck!
She sounds a lot like my 3 year old daughter, who used to eat all of her fruits, veggies, oatmeal, etc. when she was an infant. Now she hates oatmeal and certain veggies. She has become more of a 'snacker'. That sounds like what your child is going through. Don't force her to eat all of her meal. Start giving her smaller portions, or let her 'snack' more than eat a full meal. It's actually better to feed them 5 small snacks/meals a day than 3 larger portions and a snack. Also their tastebuds are ever-changing. Things she liked before she may hate now. Later on she will love some things she used to hate. And the 'baby powder in her yogurt' thing was acting out to see how much she can get away with. I recommend putting her in time out when she does things like that. I hope this has helped some. Good luck with it, and try not to stress too much!
Hi! This reminds me of something that was written on a handout from the pediatrician's office (I was just there yesterday w/my 2 y.o.), and I quote, "It's your job as a parent to provide your child with healthy foods. It's your child's job to eat it and decide when he/she is done." When I read that it made me think about the times I pushed my daughter to finish the food on her plate, and about the times I let her dictate what we had for dinner. I can't speak from experience on this particular problem that you're having but just thought I'd share that thought. Is she snacking in the late afternoon or drinking a lot of fluids?
I think I would just leave the table w/my husband and start doing the dishes or something, and don't even mention the food. She will either finish eating by herself or decide she doens't want to eat. If she continuously decides not to eat you might want to take her to see the pedi.
I'd say your daughter is testing her ability to control her world (and a teeny bit of yours). I'd forget all about it. She has a great track record of making sure she eats what she needs. If I were you I wouldn't pick this battle. She'll eat when she's hungry. I would let her control this, eat what she wants, when she wants (within reason - you shouldn't be fixing meals at midnight or ice cream three meals a day). I'd guess that the sooner you back off, the sooner she will revert to the eater you've always had.
We all sit down & start dinner together... hubby is usually the first to finish & he cleans up his spot, then goes & have a cig. When I fisish, I get up and start cleaning up everything. If the kids want to continue eating they can, but we do sometimes have phases where the kids will fight eating.
We don't make them finish their meals, but do require them to try everything on their plate to get seconds of something else. If they do finish everything on their plate, they get some kind of desert (cookie, ice cream, cake, pie, whatever I have). I do have one that doesn't like green beans, so we let the green beans slide for him as to finishing everything (but he still has to eat at least one). You never know - his taste might change & he may like them someday.
My 2 1/2 yr old has been giving up troubles eating lately as well... he has been playing w/ his food more & not eating like he use to. I figured I'd never have issues with him, but oh well... they must all go through it.
We do make the kids sit at the table till they get their meds even if it's just a vit... which I get ready after I'm done. Most of the time they are still eating when I get it ready, so it's not much of an issue.
When you & your hubby are done - I'd get up, clean-up the stuff & just peek in on your daughter now & then. If she finishes she does, if she says she is done - let her be, but let her know "this is dinner - no snackes before bed cause you didn't finish your dinner." And don't let her have anything else to eat before bed. She will not starve by missing a meal or snack for a few days.
something else you might want to try is to mix up dinners a little more... try a few new things & see if she will eat them. Sometimes when the eat the same things to often - they loose intrest in them.
Good luck!!
I think if you feel that sitting with her through this is probably not helping than you are probably right. I think that she is doing this on purpose to test both of you. Sitting alone would be more of a motivator than with you two staring at her. Also, have you tried time out? She's almost three and kids are smater than we sometimes give them credit for. Maybe you could take her choices away until she starts eating better too. Good luck.
Don't let your daughter control you with her eating misbehavior - this is just the beginning... If you cater to her now, this will only get worse. Assuming she is relatively healthy, of course, just let her have access to food at meal times that are set by you - she will eventually eat because she is hungry and the shenanigans will stop. Had forgotten the importance of very small portions for little eaters - there is rarely a meal in my house where there are "leftovers" anymore!
I just answered this for another mom.. Even with a 2 1/2 year old it is the same..
The forcing a child to eat food he does not like can really lead to some bad food and eating disorders in the future. You are setting him up for failure, because he DOES NOT like the taste of certain foods.
Please also keep in mind that children's senses are very acute. His sense of taste is very strong. Things like cabbage can be 3 to 5 times stronger than what you smell. Coffee is a perfect example to adults. To some people it is a pleasent coffee smell while other adults, smell a cat urine odor.
Taste is the same way. To some people the taste of sauerkraut is delicious and others say it has the odor of a decaying body and cannot even imagine trying it. Black pepper to some people is a pleasant spice, to some children it is as spicy as a jalapeno.. Imagine garlic or onions!
My father used to believe in making us eat everything that was served to us. Liver was pretty spectacular memory, with the vomiting at the table, when he refused to allow me to go to the restroom to be ill.
Please consider instead of battles with food, make it a pleasant adventure. Make sure there are things he does enjoy available for each meal (all of his lunch should be things he likes, he needs the fuel to stay alert) and then introduce a very tiny portion of foods he has not cared for in the past or new food. Ask him what he would like to eat for breakfast. A sandwich counts as breakfast, a cheese quesadilla with some fresh fruit or juice on the side. Ask him what he would like in his lunch.
Ask him to be a "brave taster". For every bite of a new food or a food he has not cared for in the past he gets a sticker. No ugly faces, no ugly comments. When he accumulates enough stickers (you decide) he can win and event, or get to pick a place he wants to eat out at. Only put a small spoonful of each item on his plate as he finishes that portion you can add another portion with HIS permission. "Would you like some more carrot sticks? May I serve you some more soup?"
At our house if the dinner is not what a person wants, they are allowed to serve themselves a bowl of non sugar cereal. No big deal.
I am sending you clarity and patience.
I'd let it go. I know they can be very frustrating and I hate when DD asks for something but then won't eat it, but I don't let myself get worked up about it. It is a phase and you can make it become a much longer one if you push it. Food is one of the few things they have control over. If you make it a battle you will not win. Punishing over food eating/non-eating is a big mistake. How many people have life long issues because their parents forced them to eat?
It's my job to offer healthy food and hers to choose what and how much to eat. I'd change the rules a bit. Sometimes I choose something and then change my mind, actually, so I don't know about that rule. Finish one thing before eating another? Why? I mean, I don't go for take a bite of this and then ask for some new meal, but DD doesn't need to eat all her broccoli before she can have some more bread or cheese or whatever.
I think if you handle these delays or whatever in a non-chalant way it can work pretty well. With the speck on the chicken, offer to remove it, but don't make a big deal. She has to go potty, ok, go potty then come back to dinner (again don't make it a big deal). Why did she have access to baby powder at the table? There was no reason to go there. You don't want your yogurt? Ok, fine. But making a rule that if you don't eat the meal, then you cannot ask for food every 15 minutes the rest of the day is reasonable. Have available healthy snacks that she can get herself or that you can get for her easily, if that will work for you. But if you end up with a constant snacker then you may want to have set meals and snacks and nothing in between. Different things work for different families, but I think it is important to let them guide the food consumption. Part of the obesity problem is kids have no idea when they are hungry. If you make them eat a certain amount or at arbitrary times only, they are not learning to trust their bodies' messages.
