Finding a Best Friend as an Adult

Updated on April 29, 2011
K.M. asks from Los Gatos, CA
12 answers

Ladies,
I have always loved having many friends, I'm so lucky to have a few close friends and a bunch of not-so close friends. But I haven't really been able to find a best friend. When was younger (high school and beginning of college) I had 3 best friends, 2 of them now live in a different country and the other one lives in a different state. I'm an only child and I do really miss having a girlfriend who understands and knows me well. Someone you can call all the time/ any time and they just know you need someone right by you. By no means I'm ungrateful for the ladies that surround my life but most of them have really close friends or sisters or we don't have that deep connection as I wish. I'm a mom and I work part time, I'm married and I have a wonderful mother who stands by me at all times but I still want to get a really close friend.
Any inspiring words to find one at this adult age (I'm in early 30s)? How can you find a person with so deep connection? I know this sounds like dating LOL Any words of comfort will help!
Thanks for reading my post,
K.

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So What Happened?

Thank you for every single post to answer my question! I received some really great ideas and encouragement :)

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K.B.

answers from Tulsa on

I found one right across the street. It took so many false starts before I found her. Then her anxkjlkjk husband moved them away.
We bonded over what we had in common, a young child nearly the same age and she had trouble finding friends here too. I found my other two favorites at MOPS but it took awhile to get to know them. We also saw each other at sunday school. The key is being friendly consistantly and letting others know we are open to friendship. It is so hard nd frustrating!

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A.H.

answers from San Francisco on

I think finding a best friend IS like dating. She's bound to arrive when you aren't looking.

4 moms found this helpful
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J.L.

answers from Chicago on

Are you a religious person? Try a small group through your church. This would be an opportunity for you to "do life" with these other women.

3 moms found this helpful
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K.P.

answers from New York on

I like the dating analogy b/c it's so true! I met my "grown up best friend" at work... we are nothing alike. She's much older than me (closer to my mother's age) and from a very different background, but I adore her! We have a great time together and talk on the phone/text/email with the "latest and greatest".

Just keep yourself open to new friendships. "Date" a little before you start pouring out your heart (and marital issues) and see who comes along!

3 moms found this helpful
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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

I have moved many times since I married my hubby, he's a retired MArine. So girlfriends have come and gone. It's hard to keep in touch with all the old neighbors when they keep moving, you keep moving or they get out.

I try to make friends everywhere I go. I make a best friend with someone, I put the time into the friendship knowing that in 3 years it may or may not last. In 21 years I have only a very few that I still have their emails or phone numbers.

I keep in contact with a couple girls here and there. When one of our hubbys' retires, gets a promotion or one of the kids does something like gets into college we get an email.

Someone will come along and be the sister you long for. Be open to all the ladies that come your way.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.J.

answers from Milwaukee on

I'm in the same boat. I just go with the flow. When you least expect it you find someon that clicks with you.

Sometimes the oddest pairings come together like me and my friend Lisa. I get dresed up/make-up, color my hair and then there's her. No make-up, never colors her hair and wears stuff from when she weighed 30 pounds more. We're night and day visually but I swear we share the same brain! Not sure if that's good or bad but we work!

1 mom found this helpful
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B.C.

answers from Joplin on

I met my adult best friend when she moved in to the same set of duplex's I was living in. It was like finding my sister! She is an amazing woman and totally my BFF = ) She moved to Texas recently and I was devestated, but we keep in touch and I really feel like our friendship will never falter even with the distance...although I miss her like crazy!!!
I think it is just chance, and clicking with someone. I would totally agree it is like dating...you never know when you are going to find the one!
I just go with the philosophy there is no such thing as too many people who care about you, but sadly in life sometimes we are only blessed with one or two people that turn into best friends.
Join a book club or volunteer at church...get yourself out there...most people are not as lucky as I was to have their best friend end up basically in their own backyard.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.M.

answers from San Francisco on

i met my adult best friend at work. i understand what your looking for, need etc. she's like my sister, will tell it to me straight and has my back no matter what. i think it just happened, wasn't really looking for a BFF but we clicked and the rest is history. :) hope you find a good friend, it really is nice.

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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

I am lucky that I have 3 best friends. 2 of them I have known for over 20 years. My other best friend I have known for the last 10 years but it took a long time before I considered her a "best friend". Best friend relationships I think develop slowly over time. Although going through health issues and serious issues with your children certainly help speed up the process when you are able to be there for one another. Give yourself time and plenty of opportunities to get to know the woman in your life a little better and I bet you one if not more of them will just click with you.

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J.R.

answers from Sacramento on

awe, K., I know how you feel, I will be 53 in May and feel the very same way, all of my friends ARE married, so therefore I don't go any where to meet other "GFS" I really wish I could answer your question, just be happy you have your husband and Mom, I have neither, really wish I could give you some other advise then to be cliche' and say join a gym or get active in the community, those are both really good ideas, but doesn't always work, there is almost nothing better than a really good girlfriend to share with... BTW I grew up in Los Gatos... xx...J

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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

For me it's a function of time and history.

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S.C.

answers from Sacramento on

I would try finding a Bunco group- you can meet a ton of cool girls there and I know a lot of people who train for marathons or do stroller strides always end up meeting friends. If your a mom I would also look for mom's groups etc

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