Father Only Takes Our 2 Children 4 Days a Month

OK, you are learning a couple of things FOR SURE in this trial period, which is fortunate.

1) He doesn't do anything he doesn't HAVE to do.
Therefore, sit with your lawyer and think of things you really need him to do with the kids if there are any, like certain birthdays or holidays or something and have it legally stated that he has to do them in the divorce. Keep it to a realistic minimum since he's obviously not interested and kids can sense that. Specify he must PICK UP the kids by 5pm Fridays or whatever since he's taking them as late as possible and letting you do all the work. Have it in writing somehow even if it isn't really enforceable. You don't want to leave it to him to think of doing the right thing. You don't want to ask him to follow your requests. He's already proven he won't do either. Make the court force what you need.

2) Only you can be the judge of whether it is good for your KIDS to spend a few days a month with him. Once he is away from YOU, is is good to the kids? Does he love them? Do they have fun? Is he a good role model and a good influence? Ideally, they need to know their dad loves them and wants to spend time with them and be in their lives, so the most time you can get the better. But if in reality, he doesn't love them and they don't have fun, it's better to move on and forward.

If it were me, I would go for FULL custody, and then let him see the kids when he really tried, but at least I would have as much control as possible. And I would make sure to understand he may not try, and to not bring the kids down about it. You have to keep your head in the present and your eyes on the future.

Ask your ex how many days he wants them and if he really wants them. Tell him you're willing to let him off the hook completely if he doesn't want them. Don't be antagonistic or make him feel trapped. This relationship is over, take the high road and be cool headed. If he sees he is not being forced by you, won't have to deal with you and fight anymore, and may never see his kids, he may think harder about how much and how often he really wants to see them.

Full custody can only hurt you if you don't want full custody. Fight for what you want with your lawyer.

He should be doing all the thoughtful things you mentioned, checking in with them, caring, etc. but many people don't. He isn't. You can't make him be a thoughtful person. That's what divorce court is for, to set the rules. Accept it, and know that a brighter future is ahead for you all.

I'm so sorry this is happening, blessings to you and your beautiful kids.

I have never been through this, so take my advice however you like, but what do your children feel about it? Do they want to see their Dad? If he doesn't want to pick them up earlier on Friday, why do you drop them off? I would change that routine very quickly, 9pm is too late for dropoff, the kids need some time with Dad before bedtime, and everyone needs a routine for Sunday. You have received some great responses, my piece of advice is to document EVERYTHING!
What time you drop off and pick up (and why he doesn't do this himself), when he calls the kids, what activities they do on the weekends, his contact (or lack of) with the kids, your phone calls to update dad on the kids etc etc.

www.ForMyKidsSake.com

Sorry you are going thru a divorce. Why do you expect him to call you and see if you need his help when he is off? Calling the kids I understand getting mad about but helping you. the 2 of you are no longer a couple and he is no longer responsible to help you other then child support. And maybe he doesnt call or come around because you both always end up getting into it. You even said "We do not speak, he can not hold an adult conversation with me without getting pissy so i no longer talk to him unless i ABSOLUTELY need to!" could he feel the same way?

I don't think that taking the kids away from there dad is a good idea. UNLESS he is hurting them which with the info you gave he doesn't sound like he is.

T.,T. , T.,
to date ; i have never ever met a man who said,' i really want to be a d-a-d-d-y-' it kinda just evolves in a mans world. Sorry mommy's. It the truth .
Your ex is pretending he is in high school /college again ...the p-a-r-t-y is on girls, buddies, weekend fun , messy house, pizza daily and so on .
He went stark rave'n mad w/ freedom , fun , no worries ...!!! He is love'n it too.
***'what kids?' they know became your 'kids' ......
This may last only 2 years , hence, may go on forever .
So T. ;
the courts will be your ' best friend'
get a paper and pen ... Get yourself organized .'
working emt is demanding and crazy hours ... 'you 'write down when 'you 'need a break to sleep . If you work 3 days on 4 days off ... Arrange 'visitation ' on those days to help you ! Put it in writting that 'he' picks up and drops off [ now if it is a long drive ; courts allow transfer of kids at a mall, police stations etc. 1/2 way points] any thing 'you' want honey .he will need to buy 2 car seats [ it is the law]
because of the 'courts visitation ' ex will be a **better daddy ... He will get his act together by the time the order is in effect .
Use the court to 'your' advantage . Ex must help , must parent , must pay $. You are overwhelmed w/ 3 kids on your apron strings ...
Write it all down , you have the right to ask for certain days, you have the write to have him take son to all sporting sessions , use your 'power' !!!!!!!!!!
Once the court order is in action , ex must take care of the children the way it is stated ...even buying diapers and potty training !!!!!!your teen may be angry or socially busy to go w/ daddy ... That is ok . She had 15 years of a dad .
Ask the court to help you ... Do not make it easy for him .....................you have the power .
Be prepared .confident, organized, have all holidays and sports sign ups arranged on your legal tablet ......oh, mention 2 car seats for your childrens saftey , and diapers and clothing .and /or school drop off and pick up .
Good luck
yes, children need a daddy [ unless a danger to children]
he will be a better daddy because of the courts .....
Daddy will grow up .
Do not forget grammy and grandpop or aunties or cousins
invite them to every b-day party , holiday etc ... Children need family .
' it takes a village to raise a child'
a grammy

Why would seeing them 0 days a month be better than seeing him 4 days a month? I'm not following your logic. Have you tried talking to your kids about how they feel and what they want? All I've heard you talk about is how you feel which doesn't really matter one bit when it comes to your children's relationship with their father.

I agree you shouldn't expect anything from him. No expectations, no disappointments! : ) I know it isn't a surprise to you that men don't think like we do, most aren't very considerate, giving or thoughtful. You just worry about you. But one word of caution - don't bad mouth him to your kids. You just be the best mom you can and realize your kids don't want to hear bad things about their dad. Your 2 older kids will see the truth about him on their own. Should they come to you with their concerns about him, then they're probably old enough for the truth - with age appropriateness and compassion for their feelings, of course. Your youngest will see the truth in time as well. I know you're hurt and angry and just want to blast him but it's best to resist that for your kids sake. You're having adult issues that they shouldn't have to be a part of. Truth is your kids have 2 parents and they want it to stay that way. You and he need to find a way to work together where they're concerned. Believe me, you'll come out smelling like a rose in the long run!

Hi T.,

What caused you to move out with your three children?

I would suggest that you try to get a Family group Decision Making conference with him.

It seems that communication lines are down between the pair of you.

I am not at home in PA to give you the telephone number but I strongly suggest that some way be made to communicate the hurt and pain.

All the best. D.

I have been going through this for the last 7 years. It does not change nor does it get better. My daughter goes to her dads 2 nights per month. He does not call during the week or when he is off. He is suppose to have her 2 weeks in the summer. He only takes her for a week because he wants the other week to party and hang out with friends. When she does go there all they do is go to a movie or play video games. Sadly my daughter is getting to the age where she no longer wants to go. I won't make her go nor will he but she is torn. She does not want to hurt his feelings. As far as the court goes I amnot sure what you meant when you said about it being harder for you in the long run. It is difficult no matter what. You are not going to get full custody unless he willingly gives it to you. I wanted it but the court did 50/50 and she resides with me. I look at it this way as much as it is a pian sometimes to have to do everything on my/your own, I wouldn't want my child going somewhere she is not wanted. This is going to be difficult for you and the kids. I promise you that. But just give your kids extra love and as long as they now they have you everything will be fine in the long run. You are a great mom. Be a great dad too. Hope this helps. Oh and get a lawayer for everything.