Disciplining 3 Year Old Daughter

The Terrible 2s have nothing on the 3s. At this point, she is old enough to understand good behavior, but may still have trouble with self-control in the moment. I think you need to go into these situations armed with tactics. Which means she needs to know beforehand how she is expected to behave, give her lots of options of how to handle things, and if she can't follow the rules then you have to leave. So practice what she should do if someone is playing with something she wants ("can I have a turn with that when you are done?" "Would you like to trade toys?"), what she should do with their answer (wait patiently, find something else to use), and finding other ways to express frustration besides screaming (come find you for soothing and deep breaths). These are challenging lessons for little ones (I have heard that "taking turns" is easier to learn than "sharing") but given enough practice and tools, she'll get it and your ears will get a rest. Hang in there!

I am in total agreement with Kate B on spelling out exactly how she should behave before she's even in a situation that will result in a scream fest. "We're going to the grocery store. I am not buying you any toys or special presents. I expect you to behave." or "We're going to the mall to look around. I will not buy you any toys or special presents. If you're good, we'll stop at the playground."

Ixnay on the spray bottle!

My oldest daughter was like this.

I remember one time we were in a store, and she wanted a toy (we were shopping for another kids birthday present so we were in the toy aisle for this reason). It was a saturday and the store was busy. She sat there screaming at the top of her lungs. I hate to say this but I actually laughed at her... I said look at all the people staring at you... you are acting like a brat and everybody is looking at you. You're not getting the toy, and that's final so cry if you have to, but it won't change my mind.

She stopped and looked around and sure enough people were looking at her and she felt embarrassed. I really think it's important to teach kids humility to keep them humble - that's my personal opinion... it's worked well for me. My kids are pretty well adjusted and for the most part learned these tantrums didn't get them anything they wanted.

Deep down, you know you need to be more firm with her... let people stare, let them glare... she needs to learn... and you need to teach her... or you'll be calling her 'my little Diva' before long. :)

your daughter won't love you any less (though it won't stop her from saying it), and this won't damage her self esteem... it's simply teaching her that she can't have everything she wants... and especially not if she acts like that.

Good luck mom... don't be soft... your not doing her any favors that way.

Hi - might not be what you want to hear....
but I would carry a small spray bottle of lemon juice to squirt a spray in her mouth when she screams like that...... provided she doesn't like the taste, that should stop the screaming....

J.

With my second child on the way I started practicing sharing and taking turns with my 2 1/2 year old boy. I would give him something he wanted, food per say, and then I would tell him to share with M. and take a bite. If he didn't share with me, no one got it. He learned to share with me and his father. So at play dates if he wants something another child has I try and distract him with another toy and tell him he has to share. As soon as the other child is done with it, it's his turn. I worked for me, most of the time :) Every parent has different views on discipline. I think a little whack on the butt does hurt anybody but get there attention.

I like what Jennifer had to say about the spray bottle.
Another choice is just to leave her with a sitter when you go out. I know this can be an extra expense but when she can't come along because of her acting up she might change her mind about how she is acting.

Good Luck