Discipline Suggestions

Oh my gosh M., I have a daughter that will be 2 in June and she has starting kicking me at changing time and laughing. She doesn't do it every time but when she does, it starts as soon as I put her on the table so I take her legs and hold them and say no, do not kick mommy, in a stern voice and if she continues I take her off the table and put her in her crib and leave her for about a min. She cries and cries and I come back and tell her no more kicking mommy and it is working. She did not kick me once yesterday!!! If she could understand a time-out I would try that but mine is clueless about that but the crib works! I wonder if this type of behavior is normal or we have two naughty little girls!;) Good luck!!

Hi M.,

I agree with Carrie H. The Michael Pearl book is wonderful. My girls are 12 and 15 and I have seen the beauty of his book as they have grown through each stage.

Regards,

M.

Hi M.,

Your daughter does not yet think the consequences are serious enough for her to stop her behavior, so that's why she keeps doing it. We can talk ourselves blue in the face about WHY we want them to do things but until you make it clear what will happen if she kicks you, do it the very next time it happens and then every time thereafter, she may have no motivation to stop.

My little girl is 27 months old and went through a hitting stage for a while. I did a few things to change it... hope they help you! First, I gave her one item in her room that was acceptable to hit if she felt she just couldn't control it. It was a big stuffed frog chair and she was allowed to hit that. She used to hit it quite a bit, but now hasn't in ages! We also got the book, The Way I Feel, which talks about different emotions and I taught her about them, including ones that are not in the book, so that she could verbalize the feelings she's having and find another way to express them. I don't know about your little girl, but mine wants to know what everything is called, so naming "frustration" and explaining it to her did help. Then, we came up with ways to express those feelings but in appropriate ways, like stomping our feet like dinosaurs when we are angry, or roaring like a lion when we feel frustrated. But since we began this, hitting (kicking, whatever) was not allowed even one more time without consequences. For me, I put her in time out, calmly and quietly, every single time she hit me or anything else that was not appropriate. Kids will only give up behavior (adults too I think) when the payoff is no longer there. So keeping your cool is key, b/c part of why she's doing it is because she knows it drives you crazy.

I read a lot of John Rosemond... and he's a great resource for discipline advice that does not hinge on spanking, yelling or any other detrimental action. He has a web site and lots of books! He's very old-fashioned, but it works and I love it!

Good luck!
K.

Hi, M.,
I hghly reccomend a book called "To Train Up A Child", by Mike and Debi Pearl. Thsi book is a wonderful tool for parents to understand how to teach our children and train them to obey. The book actually demonstartes why certain parenting techniques do or don't work, and it gives detailed examoles of how and when to actually use the methods outlined.
Here is the wbsite for the book

http://www.gospeltruth.net/children/pearl_tuac.htm

I always reccomend this book to other parents because I have seen the results of following its teachings in my own happy family as well as many of my friend's families. It has been ablessing to me and my husband.
I hope it helps you...
~C.

Change her on the floor. You have better leverage that way. And if she continues to do this, put her in time out. Also check with whoever is watching her to find out if this is happening to them. If so, strongly suggest that you two get on the same page. I sometimes went through the same thing, but mine gave up. Good luck! Jen

as far as i can tell that is just a phase that a lot of children go through. i have 3 boys who each have had habits like that. my oldest used to kick a lot and i just tapped the legs telling him no until he stopped, my second child had a habit of coming up and biting me in the back when i wasn't looking and now i am going through breaking my youngest of the kicking. as long as you are consistent with your discipline with her she will get out of it eventually. it may take a couple more years though. my boys are now 8, 6 and 3 years old. the 3 year old is the only one of course who still has these habits. in the area of potty training i started mine at about 10 months old and it usually takes until they are about 4 years old even starting early.

As a preschool director we run across this alot, and when a child will not lay still and as long as the diape is only wet I just diaper the child standing up. It might be that you child is ready to start potty training. You might want to start trying on the weekend. Karen

I know this isn't much advice, but I think it's a stage all young children go through. My daughter went through the same stage and it lasted roughly six months. My friends who had older children warned me that this would happen. All I can suggest is, try the best you can to get through the diaper change and remember, this to shall pass. Good luck!

Well, I would tell your baby girl that mommy is not changing her diaper anymore until she behaves. That you don't care if she has messy pants. And if she wants her diaper changed, she needs to come to you and be nice. Maybe it's time to start potty training her on her potty chair and rewarding her there. Try to get her to sit on it before she has to go and put her in pullups. At least it's a try. And she can't kick when she's standing up while you're helping her take off her diaper and you won't lose that way.

I don't know how much you watch in the news, but if she's on any allergy medications I'd take her off. They can cause aggression in some kids.
Other than that, I agree with Lori about putting her in her crib.
Jen

M.,

Although my situation is a little different I have a 10 m.o. who does the same thing. I have had to change her on the floor since she started crawling at 6 months. I hold her legs like I would if I were checking her temp. One hand on the two ankles holding her feet to her belly and the other hand to wipe and manuver the diaper. She still gets in a good thrust when I have to let the legs go to attach the diaper. My first born did the same thing at about the same age. I just work fast and figure it is part of parenting for me. The funny thing is I was visiting home and my mother who is a child care provider and has been for 25 years was changing my daughters diaper. I heard her say to my daughter, "oh you can try but I have been doing this for a long time little girl and I know all the tricks." It was the funniest thing to me that my mother made note of it because it is so common place to me. In fact on the rare occasion that she just lays still I am a bit thrown off my game and the diaper get's twisted or something. Since your daughter is 2 is must seem like an irritating behavior that you have to correct however it doesn't have to be that way. Hold thoes little feet, gently but firmly, and try to take it in stride. Sorry I don't have a better solution for you. Good news is you are not alone and many parents have been faced with this fun game. Good luck.

wehad to start putting our son on the floor to change him when he got to be about a year because he was to big and he wiggled a lot too. Sometimes a book will help, also, finding body parts (where is your nose, etc.). Sometimes, though, you just have to hurry up and hold her down and do it! lol. I also tell him thank you when he does hold still for me, I figure eventually he'll get it and it teaches him good manners too. good luck!

It will pass, most kids go through this stage. If not kicking, then putting their feet down and scooting off the diaper, just to laugh. Consider it all part of the joy of them discovering they are a seperate being and have some control over themselves! You can begin power struggling at this age, or just roll with it, empowering her with coments like "we can't do (whatever the next activity is) until you help me get this diaper on", or "can you help mommy get this on you please?".

I also agree with Lori N on this as putting her in the crib until she stops kicking teaches her that yes, she has a choice, but the bad choice leads to unwanted consequences.

I agree with Lori's advice. I've got 4 children. The youngest is just over a year and the next up is 3. They both do or did this and they thought it was so funny. The youngest always thinks it's funny to try and stick his hand down there as soon as I take the diaper off. So he ends up with poopy fingers. If it is possible, do just what Lori suggested. Tell her sternly that the behavior is not ok. If she doesn't stop, put her in the crib for a minute and leave the room. It may take several times doing that, but she will catch on.
Growing up is a continuous power struggle. They will push and try to see where their limits are set the entire time. As long as you're consistant, your children will be happy and much more content.
Good luck!

This is going to sound crazy...but stand her up and change the daiper! We change the diaper this way for all three of my children. She could be ready to potty train. My daughter is now three and she was sitting on the toilet at 15 months old and completely day potty trained at 17 months (we would go to Sea World without a diaper). My son is now 25 months old and he is pretty much potty trained. He does have an accident here and there, but it is usually because he was too lazy to get to the toilet in time.

If you aren't ready to potty train, then keep going with the diaper. Thing is kicking (even play kicking) is an activity that is not acceptable and you are right in not wanting to wait for her to "grow out of it".

Try before you lay her down to change her tell her: "Mommy is going to change your diaper now. We do not kick or hit. If you kick or hit I will put you in the crib (or take you toy away). Do you understand?" Wait for her to say yes, and if she doesn't tell her, "Say yes." If she says no, tell her, "If you kick mommy will take the bear away."

Don't tell her again, just follow through with the consequence immediately. She is old enough to know what she did was wrong and what is going to happen. She only needs one warning (and that is the one you give her before you put her down) in regards to the kicking.

Good luck.

Maybe she is ready to start potty training?
My daughter was wearing big girl underwear (the really thick training kind) by her 2nd birthday. She always followed me into the bathroom and wanted to try it out, so we did and she was almost completely trained by a month or so past her 2nd b.day. She like to go frequently, when we were out in public.. it was a big adventure. If you help her learn to use the potty, maybe laying down for diaper changes will be a thing of the past pretty quick.
Just a thought... hope it helps!

have you tried switching to "pull ups" so you can change her standing up rather than laying down?

Two year olds don't like to sit still! I used pull-ups and changed them standing - quick and easy! It's easy to wet wipe while standing. Time to get a potty seat but relax. It will all come together.