My Son Thinks It's Funny to Kick Me

Updated on March 29, 2008
A.M. asks from Greenwood, IN
15 answers

I have a two year old that just in the past month has started kicking at me while I change his diaper. (By the way, we have started his potty training, but he was born premature, and has been a lil behind on things) I know he's not doing it to hurt me because he giggles while he's doing it. He thinks he is just playing with me, and I try to explain to him that it hurts mommy, but it seems he's having so much fun doing it, that he can't hear me. I've tried putting him in timeout once I'm done changing his diaper, but I think at that point it's a little to late, and he may not understand exactly why he's being put in timeout. He's usually very loving and protective of me, this only happens while changing his diaper. He does NOT do this for his father, it's just a game I guess he likes to play with mommy. Anyone have any suggestions to help with this?

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M.T.

answers from South Bend on

Try him in pullups. He can change his own wet pants and feel more grownup and the diaper fight is over. If this doesn't work try to convince him that kicking is only for babys. Anything to let him believe that kicking is unappropriate.

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J.C.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Basically, you just need to stop letting him do it. If you are consistent and don't let him get away with it, he won't do it. Since telling him it hurts isn't working. Try grabbing his foot and holding onto it and very sternly saying "NO KICKING" If that doesn't working, give him a little swat on his leg or bottom. You have to find what works, and then be consistent, that means every single time, no matter how hard or soft he kicks, he HAS to have the same consequence. Otherwise, he won't learn.

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K.D.

answers from Youngstown on

HI A. - I see someone else mentioned my question as well. It's no fun when they kick. I am going to post a link to my question so you can read the responses I got - very helpful.

I think Nolan is kicking me and daddy out of frustration of not wanting to have to sit still through changes - clothes or diapers. He doesn't like to have to stop and be still.

Your son doesn't know he's hurting you - they will get that in a year or so. But he does enjoy the reponse or heightened response from you. They can get a rise out of us and that fuels their actions but they don't mean it as an adult would. You'll have to decide if you want to go the punishnment route as some recommended to me or try some distraction techniques. Unfortunately we can't give them something for their feet to hold!! But if you can distract his brain strongly enough his feet may quiet down. Nolan's fits begin the minute he knows we want to catch him to change him.....yeah - that's fun.

I feel for you because I find myself avoiding the task as long as possible.....Oi!! Let me know what works for you!!

http://www.mamasource.com/request/3404210699008737281

1 mom found this helpful
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S.P.

answers from Cleveland on

I base most of my parenting choices in reality consequences.
(My daughter will hit my face when I hold her if she is not getting her way too). So I say, "When you hit me (kick me) it hurts me. I don't want to be hurt. If you hit me again I will put you down and walk away". And she may hit, but I lay down the premise of hitting hurts and then I walk away (into the other room) and wait. She always comes and says sorry. I kneel at her level and explain again about hurting people and lesson is over.
So you do a couple of things....
1. You don't get hurt,
2. You show him that his actions effect other people,
3. A person can and should stick up for themselves in order not to get hurt (even if your a mommy),
4. You don't hit back, you can control a situation by walking away which may come in handy at a schoolyard fight...

I hope it helps...it is actually a "teachable moment"

I just read the other responses...please don't hit your child.
If he gets worse (by your example of hitting is okay) how far are you willing to go? You can't un-hit him.
You would never strike another adult person, respect his body. He is just a child learning his way. Be patient, all mom's find this strength when they need it.

I know this is happening during a diaper change so "walking away" may seem difficult but do it anyway so long as the bum is relatively clean. It will give you a chance to give him another chance when you "make up". let him know he needs a diaper, this time with no kicking and see how he does.

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E.H.

answers from Columbus on

A., it's not okay for you to let your son kick you! what kind of message are sending him? tell him to stop the next time he does it! two yr olds know what "NO!" means.

this link is to a couple that has a "ministry" for families.

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=1

read the articles about discipline!

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S.E.

answers from Cleveland on

My son used to think it was funny to hit me. I forget now the age where I felt it was safe, but I would just walk out even if he was on the changing table. Saftey-wise I don't know if that is an option. The time out needs to happen right away. He kicks, he gets no attention at all. I tried everything and that was the best I could do. It still took a very long time to get him to stop.

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C.W.

answers from Cincinnati on

My youngest (also 2) grandson does this and very hard. I told him very firmly that it hurts and grandma is broke. I pulled my top up and showed him my scar (I had quad by pass in Sept 08). He was like ooh, gently touched it, cocked his head and thought about it for a sec, then gave me the biggest hug and kiss. It was like I am so sorry mawmaw. It hasn't happened again.

He did do it before a few times but this time I showed him I was broke. Even for a 2 year old he is very smart.

Hold his legs and very firmly tell him not to hurt mommy. It worked for me.

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S.F.

answers from Indianapolis on

You might try finding some way to ignore him by removing all attention when he does this. After some time of this continuing, he will start to see that he no longer gets attention from the action.

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A.T.

answers from Cleveland on

My 2 1/2 Yr. Old does the same thing...... and I'm 8 months pregnant so it poses a real problem. I'm in the process of potty training but he still needs a diaper at night... and i think it's frustrating for him and he doesn't understand why so he kicks and plays and tries to get away from me when i change it before bed... so i came up with a game. (Time-outs didn't work; he thinks he's just playing) I said "Kyle look! there's animals on the ceiling!" and he stopped and looked and started laughing and naming what kind of animals he sees on the ceiling while i'm changing him. We talk about what kind they are, what color they are, etc. He's very imaginative so this always works for him and it's become a "ritual" at nightime jammy time which was previously always such a struggle. Now when i lay him down to change him he immediately says "What kinda of animals up there?" to play the game. Its a distraction that's working for the moment. :) Give it a try... maybe it'll take him mind off of it and be something that he looks forward to... Good Luck:)

I had to edit my response because i just read the other responses and am very disappointed by most of them.. Samantha P.. good response :) u seem to be a very patient and understanding mommy..... "Swatting" and "Spanking" your child is only confusing to them being that you're telling him to not hurt you by hurting him.. and that's sad.... A little patience, distraction, and understanding that he's not trying to hurt you but doesn't understand himself probably why he's doing it. I'm all for discipline, in a mature and understanding why that is done on their level so that they can understand it. Intimidation, and yelling i think only further complicates the situation and it always bothers me when i read on here that parents still are so old-fashioned in they disciplinary ways.

I hope you find something that works for you..... :)
Take Care.

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M.J.

answers from Cincinnati on

Consistency is key. Every time he does it, you need to get right in his face so that he can read your expression, and tell him "that's not nice, mommy doesn't like that, that hurts mommy, no kicking" whichever works best for you. He needs to understand that it is not acceptable. You have to get right on his level physically so that he can see how upset you are by this behavior. I would even recommend catching his leg and holding it while you are talking to him. He'll eventually get it. I think it sends mixed messages to say no hitting, and then you turn around and pop him on the leg for kicking. I think that should be a last resort. Just my opinion.

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M.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

At two he is old enough to start potty training, but in the meantime, a stern "no" when he kicks and a quick change should let him know you are not playing.

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M.B.

answers from Lima on

Kids need to be taught it's never ok to hurt someone even when playing. The best time to start teaching this is when the behaviour starts. You may have to resort to spanking to stop this. You can start by tapping just hard enough to get his attention & then explain this is what will happen if he continues to kick. Boys especially need to understand not to hurt Mommy. They will be bigger & stronger than you long before they leave home. I raised 5 boys while my husband worked 12-18 hours a day. I had to be in control. Trust me, this is easier with some than others. I still remember my own mom standing up to my brother at 18 {who was 10 inches taller than her} & informing him that he would follow her rules in HER house. He listened because he had been taught to. I can remember similar battles with some of my own. I wish you luck!

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T.K.

answers from Indianapolis on

Sounds like the same problem Karen asked for help with on Tues. I really felt like when my daughter was going through that stage that the thing that worked best for me was growling. It might sound odd, and I'll admit, I was quite reserve about it in the beginning. But because you don't have to be loud, just firm and serious you can be descrete. If you're curious enough to try it you might want to read "Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Harvey Karp, MD. It's a great technique if done correctly.

T.

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L.G.

answers from Cleveland on

I have been very sucessful using facial expression and tones of voice while disciplining.

Next time he tries to play his game, stop the diaper changing process, grab the foot, or feet, before they make contact, hold them tightly for a few seconds, and firmly & loudly say "NO!". Make sure you give him a stearn, angry, or disappointed look while you're doing it. Then, when you release his feet, give him a sad expression and tell him that kicking mommy gives her "boo-boo's".

Since he is loving and protective of you any other time, this should help get your point across. It may take several attempts, but the key is too stay consistent.

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C.J.

answers from Columbus on

Let him know that its not acceptable and you will not tolerate this type of behavior. Its not cute to kick mommy and you need to enforce that. Our children need to know right from wrong early on. Let your yes mean yes and your no mean no.

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