Discipline Auggestions for 5 Yr Old W/major Attitude!

I have a 5 year old son that likes to try that too. If it's with others when we are out an immediate time out is in order and an apology after that or we leave. Right away. If she fusses about the time out it will only take once to follow through on going home right then for her to know you mean business. It may be inconvenient for you, but she has to know you mean it. When it's at home I also use the "Excuse me? I'm sorry I can't understand you. Please try again." I used to have to look him in the eye and say this repeatedly each and every time he screamed, but he soon got the message. Now I only have to say "Excuse me?" with a raised eyebrow and he gets the message. He is far from perfect and we have definitely had to leave a few situations, but this does work to tame things. Good luck!

Hi S.! I think this is an age thing and a school thing. My daughter did this as well. We just told her over and over that she was not allowed to be rude to people and demand things or boss people around. She also was told that her friends would treat her like that if she treated them the same way, and she really didn't like that idea. It took a while, but she is starting to come out of it. Just don't let her get away with it. Ignore her if she talks rudely, make her repeat herself in a more respectable tone/manner, if she is rude to her friends - she goes inside - no second chances. It's tough, but it worked pretty quickly with my daughter last year! Good luck! (Also, maybe try to tell your son that she is following in his footsteps as far as being bossy and try to get him to change the way he talks to her as well...)

This is very normal. I have an 8yr old and a 3yr old. The way we handle attitude from our kids is that we don't accept it. If they yell, scream, boss, slam doors, etc. you know ... 'I SAID I WANTED CHOC MILK!'. We stop what we are doing. look them straight in their eyes, and say 'Excuse me? Try that again.'. If they apologize or reask nicely, then we get what was asked for. If they don't want to ask nicely or apologize, then we do the time out/turn off the tv approach.
One night my son got mad stormed up stairs and SLAMMED his door. My husband went to the stairs and said 'Exuse me? You have 10 seconds to try that again'. Within seconds we heard the door open. 'sorry', and the door slowly close. He stayed in his room until he calmed down, but the point was made.
M.

I can't write much but I love the show Supernanny and how she deals with discipline. You can netflix it or program your TV to record it. Good luck!

the simplest and most effective way to show her that a snotty attitude won't get her very far is to make sure that her snotty attitude really does not get her anywhere. if she is nasty to her friends, playdate is over. bam. no discussion. physical violence is not to be tolerated, and results in removal from situation AND time out as soon as you get her home. calm, cool, inexorable. if she is demanding and rude to you and your husband, decline to comply. remain courteous in your interactions with her and do not cooperate with her as long as she is being ugly to you. but do remember to express approval when she is polite. do the same with the brother.
khairete
S.

You have to take away privileges that really hit her where it hurts - if going to her room or timeout isn't affecting her, then it's not really punishment. My DSD was the same way - she would cut her nose off to spite her face and nothing we did seemed to phase her....but eventually you will learn what she really cares about and then you can use that as punishment so she will really try harder next time to have a good attitude. Everyone has a different 'currency' - i.e. - my DSS LOVES video games - so if we took away his game time he was devastated (so dramatic!).....but my DSD could care less about the games...but don't take away her play dates!! So, now the kids still have a lot of room to grow and improve, but they at least understand the consequences for their actions. A 5 year old may have a favorite book or toy that you can take away for a period of time...or play dates, TV, games, etc. If she continues down the same path, take away all privileges until further notice and she will eventually get the picture that she cannot get away with her bad attitude. Girls always tend to be the 'snottier' ones....boys act out in different ways, but it's best that you're starting out now trying to curb her behavior....

I have a five year old too and am familiar with my sweet kind little girl trying about some big girl attitude. I think they pick it up from other kids at school. Obviously, unkind behavior means she does not get her way.

However, don't underestimate the power of reinforcing good behavior. When she is kind, speaks nicely, or shows consideration - give her lots of attention for it, tell her she is a nice girl, and ask her if she is proud of herself for acting so maturely,

Also, point out to her how you and other grown-ups don't talk that way to each other or her. Talking unkindly is not how grown-ups act. OF course, you have to make sure that is true,paying attention to how you speak to your husband, your kids, etc.

It'll be interesting to read more from parents of several siblings on this one. The advice to look at how you discipline your older son and whether that's working is great advice.

Addressing just consequences -- find her "currency." Obviously she doesn't mind being sent to her room or having time outs; but what WOULD she mind losing? TV time? A scheduled play date? A toy she adores? At a time when she's being calm and not confrontational, sit her down and have a very calm talk about behaviors and your new set of, as someone rightly said, "natural consequences." She does X, she loses Y. Instantly, no fuss, no pleading, no negotiation, no yelling from you, it's gone. You can perhaps give her one warning if you see the undesired behaviors on the horizon, but don't let her get too far into the behaviors before you give her consequences.

Losing a few much-anticipated play dates or having a new game or toy instantly taken away (for a substantial time, not a hour or so), may show her you will follow through. She may say, "Oh, I don't care, it doesn't bother me," but be consistent and if needed find new currency that she will care about. It's important that the consequence follow immediately after the behavior, with a very clear statement from you that "You did X. You made the choice to do this. Now the consequence of your choice is Y."

As for behavior while actually on a play date -- I'd have her instantly apologize when she says "you're not my friend" and remove her if she does it a second time. And if she touches anyone with shoves etc. -- the play date's over, she's in the car in 10 seconds flat. Like another poster said, a few five-minute play dates or park trips and she'll realize you really will pull her away from her fun without hesitation.

Natural consequences are always the most effective. For example, if you expect requests to be made reasonably and politely, don't respond to any that are not. I develop selective deafness when my son barks out, "I want chocolate milk!" After he repeats the order a couple more times, I'll say, "I don't think I heard you. How do you ask for something nicely." If he wants his milk, he'll learn how to ask nicely or be ignored.

As far as physical agressiveness goes, when it became a persistant problem with my son, I had to resort to playtime over. If we went to the park, I would remind him that the first time he used his hands, feet, body in an unfriendly way, we would go home. Same thing with play dates. It only took two or three five minute park trips for that behavior to stop.

Keep reminding her that if she is not pleasant to be around, people will no longer want to be around her.

if you allow your son to bully your daughter and nothing
is done to stop it, you can only blame yourself when your
daughter repeats the behavior, fully expecting to get away
with it, just like her brother does.if you are not going to stop him from bullying the girl then you cant expect the girl to to stop bullying other children.. simple.
and the fact that you mentioned the boys bullying in passing but went into great detail about the girls bullying tells me that you are much more concerned about the girls rather the boys behavior. how to handle things.. well for starters punish the boy every time he bullies his sister, dont turn a blind eye to it, tell him in no
uncertain terms that he is older and should be more mature
give him amn hour of yardwork everytime he bullies the child, in a few weeks your yard will look perfect and he
will stop picking on his sister. then, turn to your daughter and tell her that that she continues bullying
other children, she will be joining her brother in yardwork
K. h.

Hi S.! I don't really have any advice but this post could have been mine a couple of years ago! I just wanted to let you know that my now 8 year old daughter was the same way. We didn't do anything magical to make it stop (just did the usual, especially saying over and over that we didn't like her attitude and tone of voice) All of a sudden she has really "grown up." Hopefully it is just a phase for your daughter as well. Have patience. I know it is seriously aggravating!!

My six year old son, who is an only child, is starting the same thing to some extent. There are things he says or does that that he clearly is repeating from what someone else said or did. You mention that your older son is bossy and picks on her. How do you discipline him? Does it work? If so, do with her what you do with him. If you can't get him to stop, she sees that and will think she can do it too. I see the bad behavior roll downhill with my friends who have two or more children, the older ones pick on the younger so the younger ones do the same, or are mean/bossy to their friends. My son is sometimes the recipient of this, and being an only child doesn't have the practice with a sibling to know how to deal with this. It is hard to just walk away from your only companions, and can be impossible to walk away from your sibling who is being mean. What are her most favorite toys/things to do? Take those away as soon as she messes up, and make sure she understands that her behavior determines when she will get them back. Focus on the positive, ignore what you can tolerate, and be consistent with whatever you choose to do. Good luck!!